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John Austin · (09-01-2013)

What do ladders, tables, barbwire and chairs have in common? No not things you can find at your local Home Depot but things you can find under-neath a wrestling ring. I have watched the brutality in CZW, seen the hardcore violence of the past with Terry Funk and Mick Foley. Now it's time for this crazy bastard to earn his scars. It is time to spill the blood of my opponents...It is time for a NIGHT OF SACRIFICE!!!!!!

Well you lucky motherfuckers, due to the ever popular demand of Straight Outta Compton, I have been asked to bring it back. So all I have to say to you is WAKEEEEE UPPPP!!!!!!!!! TIME TO FUCKINGGGG DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After having our ear drums and speakers blown out YET! again, we are now treated to a musical intro. Looks like John is starting to splurge a little and spruce up this podcast. Wooooo! we continue

Ladies and gentlemen, on September ninth, I will be apart of the very exclusive Night of Sacrifice, death match tournament. See only a handful of XWF's best was personally asked to be apart of this night and I am one of those who was hand selected. In this night is a three round tournament, winner of your match, goes on to the second round and then winner of that is in the finals; Pretty simple bitches. Now in the first round, yours truly will be taking on D. Shadows in a incense match. Now I know you all must be thinking, what the fuck is a incense match? ...Well let me explain it to you.....

Basically incense will be lit around the ring, a hookah will be in play and Bob Marley's greatest hits will be playing over the sound system. Not the most violent match in the world but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. So D. Shadows, should I expect you to light up a joint during the match? ...You going to put some of those little Christmas trees inside the hookah and light up? Give me a fucking break, at least management could give me stiffer competition than a fucking Tommy Chong wannabe.

I have nothing against pot smokers and find Tommy Chong to be awesome but you sir are no Tommy Chong and you sir are definitely not awesome. I know you are a newbie and this is your first or second match but consider your loss on Saturday a blessing in disguise. It will be a blessing for you just for the simple fact you got to learn wrestling one o one from the greatest PURE wrestler in the world today. Do you see flies around my face D. Shadows? no you don't cause you know why, I am not full of shit. Everything I say, I speak the truth. I may steer you in the wrong direction but damn it, I always speak the truth.

Believe it or not motherfuckers, I actually did some research on D. Shadows. Yes I know, me do research, the world must be ending. Do you know what I found out about you other than your expensive smoking habit and the fact you are a lifetime member to the Zig Zag company? I found out that you are just like the general public. You are what some would consider the blue collar working class. Work your nine to five job and then come home and not do a damn thing.

Now, I love my fans and they are without a doubt some of the best blue collar working class you will ever meet but damn, I wouldn't want to sit on my ass all day and not do shit. I know you D, once you loose graciously to me in the first round, what are you going to do? ...you are going to get in your car, drive back to your place, get in and sit your lazy ass down on the couch.

Hell if I loose in the first round am I going to be doing that, fuck no. All you listeners out there know where I will be and who I will be doing *laughs perverted like* ...Yes, the joys of being a main-stay on Shove It. I can do whatever I want, say whatever I want and not have to worry about saying the wrong thing and having the head honcho knocking on my door.

Well D, hope you keep your mind clear for the first round cause when you step in the ring with Mr. Two Two Six Two Four, you will need to have a clear mind or I will run over you like a freight-train. Now this has been Straight Outta Compton, stay tuned in a couple days for the next episode as I speak more of this man known as D. Shadows and the possibility of who I will be facing in round duo.

Remember bitches, stay safe out there and when you see me out there, stop and give me a hug. Why cause hugs are awesome, that's why. This is your modern day Frankenstein saying fuck off

We are cut to commercial as Part 1 is in the books. Stay tuned XWF nation for another edition of Straight Outta Compton

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