Entry#0000000001
Dear Diary,

2013. That’s a bad year to be stuck in. I’ve have sported the latest fashion and practiced old English, so, I guess it’s time to make my great descent into the world outside of my time pod.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute “The Future Warrior”


Entry#0000000002
Dear Diary,

This place is a sty, so, I went to find a suicide booth but I guess they haven’t been invented yet. How primitive, oh, and I went to buy a soda and they wouldn’t take my money. That’s fucking bullshit. Future dollars are accepted everywhere back home!

The sun moved to a place where I can no longer view its powerful rays. It has now grown dark and bleak in my surroundings. The night sky has revealed itself and the stars are glimmering. So ugly, the future is so much better. I will find shelter soon in order to shield myself from this disgusting sight.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute “The Future Warrior”


Entry#0000000003
Dear Diary,

I am such an idiot. I completely forgot about my future credit card. It was in my wallet the whole time! It can covert future dollars to old school U.S dollars at the going exchange rate. I wouldn’t have been thirsty as long as I was if I just used that in the store.

I saw this building called a “Motel Six”; I immediately recognized the name from one of my textbooks, and soon deduced that this was the site of Revenford Melvinoff’s infamous Tidal Wave Experiment that failed and killed thirty people in the process back in 2017.

I decided to pop in and see what else there was to see at that historic landmark. When I stepped inside a door that said “Lobby” I was immediately greeted. After I asked a few questions about the establishment, walls, and why the desk was shaped that way, I gathered that this was a “Hotel” or “Motel” and that I could book a room and rest my head in this particular place.

So I did just that. After successfully booking the room I bid farewell to the receptionist and headed to my room.

That’s all I remember. I’ve just awakened in a room with a toilet and some other device that causes water to fall from it. I think I’ll have a look around and get back to you.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute “The Future Warrior”


Entry#0000000004
Dear Diary,

This was an awful morning. Really awful. I’m starting to think going back in time just because I was mad about something was a bad idea.

2013 sucks. There is no seal meat! Well here anyway, and I just can’t go searching for it. A man of my stature should be handed delicacies like that on a gronjagorium platter. Yes I definitely shouldn’t have left my slaves, cronies, and multiple wives for this bollocks.

I may need to take a wander back to the pod. But I can’t, there is no escape from this toilet room. I have to wait around to find out who or what is keeping me here.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute “The Future Warrior”


Entry#0000000005
Dear Diary,

After what felt like a day or so, a man entered the stainless-steel door. He looked so Epsilon. He should have been wearing slave robes and serving me, but this mouth breather was keeping me captive.

That’s when I activated my trap card.

I quickly curled my fingers around his neck; before he could say a word to me, I carried him with one arm to the vat that holds water from this machine. He attempted to call for help, but I slammed him into said vat and held him underneath the surface.

As the liquid of death filled his lungs I kept my hold firm. Soon the bubbles stopped forming and I was satisfied.

I unlaced my platform shoes and set them three inches to my left. I removed my sweatband from my forehead and stuffed it into one of my shoes. I unzipped my wholly suit pants and pushed them down my legs.

2013 is a fashion disaster. It’s time to get the fuck out of here.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute “The Future Warrior”


Entry#0000000006
Dear Diary,

With the door left wide open I expected my escape to come easily.

I scoured the Epsilon’s pockets for something pointed or sharp. I came across a handgun and checked to make sure it was loaded. It was.

With my handgun in my right hand and my clothes and diary in my left I exited through the stainless-steel doorway and took a look at what was on the other side.

It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. Two long rectangular prisms stood parallel held together, I believe, by smaller rectangular prisms. It stretched up the entire wall. This thing.

I reached out and held one of the sides. It was cold and metallic. I tried to pull it, but it remained still. It was bolted against the wall. I took a step onto the small rectangular prism at the bottom. I was secure. I held both edges and took one step after the next. It was so surreal, so dirty, so primitive, so ugly, so animalistic, but it felt so right.

Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute “The Future Warrior”

"Pink is my signature color!" - Elle Woods