I am The Schlong and I like to Dance…


Dance with your Man Just as soon as I get the chance…


I’ll dance with your woman, If you don’t beware…


Because heck boy this Schlong needs some tender loving care………


BIATCH!!!



The Rock puts down his guitar and turns towards the camera with a smile on his face.


”So…. What ya think to my new party banger of a tune?”


”Shitz Dawg, that jam was tight.”


” I knew you would like it my little cotton-bud.”


The camera pans around and Vin Diesel comes into shot.


”Yeah Dwayne-o, that shizz is gonna be huge like a mother-fucking McDonalds Happy Meal….. The Peter Gilmour Edition. “


”YoYoYo Dawg stop your verbally beating on “Mr Capital D” Peter Gilmour. Rocky ain’t facing that biatch no more. This week Rocky is gonna get a nice gold strap to wrap round this Schlong-de-long-long-long. Yeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhhh Boooooiiiiiiiiii”


”Yeeeeeeeeehhhaaaaawwwwwww Golden cock-ring biatch.”


” Yeeeee dawg, when I have finished with dem to wannabe schlongsters Tony Santos and Stevie Tyler I am gonna party it up like its nineteen nintey-motherrfuckin- nine! Woooooooooop woooop!


”Prince?

”WHAT! No way biacth, I’m gonna be king of the mother fucking X-Treme, the king of the motherfucking anal bleed, the one and only schlongtastic champion of the world. Dwayne “Slapping This Schlong All Over Your Face” Johnson.


BIATCH!!!!!!!!!


“Anyway Vin Dover get the shitz out of here I have guest coming over.”


Vin Diesel wipes his ass and pulls up his pants. He doesn’t flush the toilet as it has been blocked since the famous Schlong Dong Fancy Bomb incident of 2012. He exists Rocks trailer leaving Rocky stumming one out… ”On his guitar, Don’t be filthy minded.”


Suddenly the door burst open…



Holy crap look who it is,

Look who it is,

Look who it is,

Holy crap look who it is,

It’s Daniel Radcliffe’s biatchhhh Ron Weasley!


“Hot diggidy dddddooooooosssssshhhhh Ron how the fu#k are ya, you ginger mother biatch.”



”Uh Im good, I just have some questions to ask you.”


”Fire away, ginger mother biatch.”


”Ok, well you know how you are here to save the failing Harry Potter franchise,”


”Of course, I mean what was the old doris who wrote the books thinking, not writing anymore I mean please, she should have known the film company would wasn’t to keep bleeding this motherfucker dry.”


” Hermine told me she was to busy getting high using fifty dollar bills as smoking paper.”


”Hmm, Nice… You don’t happen to have her number do ya. Rocky wants a new smoking partner.”


”No I don’t sorry.”


Rocky looks somewhat disinterested in what Ron has to say after that bit of news but Ron proceeds on anyway.

”Anyway as you know we are all extremely grateful that you have decided to help us save this franchise and our failing careers. Oh and by the way deciding to bring in Michael Bay to direct was a stoke of genius.”

The Rock smiles.


”It was wasn’t it. He is amazing just like The Rock.


”I know, I lover the way he has introduced the special forces into the story. It going to be epic seeing them parachute into Hogwarts when Kim Jong Voldemort decides to send a missile in during the quiddich match. EPIC! Whos playing Kim again?”


”Well The Rock managed to pull some strings and luckily The Rocks good buddy from Get Smart Steve Carrell has agreed to take up that iconic role.

”No way dude that is epic….EPIC!


” I know…… I am EPIC!.


”Oh man, is there anything else you can tell me about the movie.”


”Sure thing my ginger ninja. Well first as you know I am taking on the role of Special Forces agent Hagrid the identical twin brother of the late Rubeus Hagrid. I will be leading up the challenge against Kim Jong Voldemort’s army. Obviously you wil be reprising your role of Ron Weasley seeing as your name is Ron it makes sence.


”But my name is Rupert.”


”Yeah whatever Ron. Yeah so anyway its gonna be massive man. Were gonna turn Harry gay. There was not enough gay in this movie so the big dawg is going to gay it up so damn much. That’s why I persuaded Vin to come in on it, he is Harry’s new love interest, Jimmy Granger, Hermaphrodite’s or whatever he name is, its her long lost brother. What else can I tell you without spoiling it…… Hmmm. Oh yeah there is one scene where Harry is going to magic his broom stick into a giant talking robot, unfortunately Hermaphrodite will be using it as a giant schlong replacing dildo, going to be good.


”Oh no way. Robot Action….EPIC!”


” Yes it will be but for now Ginge get out of my face I have some wrestling shit to take care off, I have a title match coming up, you know.”


” I know. Ok peace out playa.”


“Pease out Ginge.”


Dwayne and Ro…..Rupert perform there secret gangsta handshake and Rupert leaves The Rocks trailer, leaving The Rock to undress seductively for his date, Susan Boyle who has been sat there the entire time.

”Sing me a song while a strip biatch”

1 x X-Treme Champion (For about 40 seconds)