The form is finally open on his computer screen; the time to get this rudimentary task out of the way is now. Evertrust knows this must be done before his in ring debut Monday night. He continues looking over the items on the screen before him as he holds his mini tape recorder in his hand and pushes record.
I'm left wondering if other new roster members have had as challenging of a time filling out their roster pages. I glanced over all of the required information and I can see there are going to be some snags. I'm going to do my best to play my role as a normal, derisory human who is basically clueless to most of reality's secrets as I fill this out, so I fit right in with the others on the roster.
This first one shouldn't be too difficult.
In-Ring Name:
I think that one is already obvious, actually. It's Evertrust. We won't get into the details of my other names. The next thing it's asking for is my real name which I've already mentioned once before, but I think I'm going to leave it blank here because that will mean less people butcher the name when they address me.
Real Name:
We move on to the next few entries and they're all things I feel like skipping, but instead I have some fun with it. It they're going to take my word on these stats then I will get very creative with them.
Date of Birth:
Well that's an easy one. If we're picking our own date of birth then I will go with the true 1/1/1. What better day to be born than on the first day of existence? Next they would like me to make up my own body.
Height:
Weight:
Well if I'm going to be a wrestler then my height and weight better be pretty significant. I believe it would be wise to state my height as 7'2 and my weight as 440 pounds. Most of these people haven't seen me in person yet anyway so they're going to have a hard time arguing that I'm a giant of this nature. After those very important details are taken care of, I look to the next question and it really perplexes me.
Entrance Theme Music:
Do you mean to tell me that I can just name any song off the top of my head and it will become my entrance theme music? Or do I need to actually go into a studio of some kind and help compose something?
I just name whatever song I want?
That's fantastic. I believe the appropriate selection here would be "The Fault of the Flesh" by the band Nevermore. It's exactly what I know I'd like to hear as I march toward battle. Give it a listen... What do you guys think of it?
I think it's quite beautiful and poetic; the perfect song to guide me down that aisle into the pits of anguish and horror. I'm glad this form asked me for a song or I would have never thought of choosing one. I wonder if the next question will be just as thought provoking?
Hometown:
I'm beginning to lose certainty in whether I am supposed to continue on with making up answers or if I should go with reality. I end up putting down Earth. That should be a sufficient answer. Now we move on to some questions that I don't even need to address so I'm skipping past them. Moving down the list we make our way to the section that talks about my in ring maneuvers. It starts out by asking something incredibly mind numbing.
Top 15-20 Commonly Used, Standard Moves:
Is that a real question? There are 15 to 20 moves that I am to consider my commonly used moves? This is a lot trickier than I had anticipated. I guess I'll just start listing off anything to get this done with as fast as possible. Let's see here... most commonly used moves...
Punch
Kick
throat punch
throat chop
throat kick
palm strike
backhand chop
Plus many variations of all wrestling moves - That ought to do it. Even I don't know which wrestling move I will do next during a match because anytime I am in a ring, cage, pit, or any type of fighting environment I run on autopilot and let my muscles and tendons do the work. If anything I am just as much a spectator as the person sitting in the front row. I hope that covers my move list. Oh, wait, it doesn't.
Trademark Move(s):
I don't believe I would want a trademark move because it would be like putting a spotlight on that move and telling my upcoming opponents that it's something I'm very known for. This question works against me even more than the top 15-20 question before it... Incredible. Well that leaves us with one last question about my moves and that would be...
Primary Finisher:
Secondary Finisher if applicable:
Do I really want to answer this? Shouldn't I look at this the same as I did the trademark move? Ehh but then again, I am trying my hardest to fit in and be one of these people. I remember seeing that just about everyone had at least one finisher listed when I was going through all of their files. I'd might as well come up with something - How about the Macho Man elbow off the top rope? Maybe I can get the majority of the humanoids to shout "Ooooooh Yeah" when I climb the rope to do it. In the small amount I do know about wrestling history, I understand that the Macho Man was quite a major player in the business so I can't go wrong with the Macho Elbow Smash as my primary finisher.
Now what about my secondary? Will I really need one? It says "if applicable" so I can probably skip this one... unless. Unless I should really make a statement by putting my already sleeping opponents to sleep. They walk through their everyday lives with their eyes closed and their minds in dream mode; I might as well finish them off with a Sleeper Hold. I can't imagine very many of the XWF's humanoids would be able to fight their way out of a basic sleeper. We'll go with that... and we're finished with the form. Oh, no? It seems there's a bonus question. What else could this be?
Favorite Weapon if any:
Oh, XWF... What your minds see as weapons, I see as instrumental props to masterpiece performances. Whatever object I am using at the time I am damaging an opponent is my favorite weapon - no matter if it's the edge of a razor or the jagged edge of a ripped apart soda can.
Additional notes:
You don't know.
Evertrust presses stop on the voice recorder and sets it down next to the keyboard. He gets up and walks over to a metal suitcase that's sitting on a chair.
He picks up the suitcase and holds it in his hands, thinking about the contents of that suitcase and how he's going to put them to use this Monday when he grants Andrew Aldway's wish in front of the entire world. He also thinks about the potential for other people falling into his path come Monday night and the endless list of possibilities makes that devious smile stretch across his face while his beady blue eyes narrow.
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