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Stevie Tyler · (07-23-2013)

Tickle It, Guys

Stevie Tyler rocked nervously in his seat. He'd heard these guys over the radio for years, but even after being around all of the stars of the XWF, he felt starstruck. Here, in his hometown of Greenville, South Carolina, Stevie was in the studio to promote Wednesday Warfare on 93.3 The Planet with The Rise Guys.

"Welcome back to the show. It's 9:25, the weather today is sunny with a high of 93 and scattered thunderstorms tonight in Liberty. As always, I'm Mattman here with Fatboy, Paige, and Nine. We are the Rise Guys, tickle it, guys! And we've got a very special guest for you IN THE STUDIO right now. Nine, would you like to introduce him? I know you've been dying to," says the primary host of the show, Mattman.

"Thank you, Matt. Ladies and gentlemen, we have, sitting literally 2 feet from me, the former XWF Xtreme Champion who is aiming to reclaim that title this Wednesday...XWF Superstarrrrrrrrr STEVIE TYLER!" That introduction was a lie. Stevie was actually about 3 feet from the portly Nine, he absolutely was not aiming to reclaim a championship, and he'd never be so brazen as to call himself a superstar. The other radio personalities cheer for him anyway.

Stevie gives a slight smile.

"So Stevie, you gotta' big match this week. Rematch for the title? Tell us about that," Matt says. It's the last thing Stevie wants to talk about, but it's the reason he's here. Under the XWF contract that Gary forced him to sign, he's obligated to make a few public appearances here and there to promote the product. Usually it's autograph signings and the like. They always make him feel weird.

"Well...umm...They want me to fight Tony Santos again, and they're acting like they're giving me a gift or something," Stevie says after just a few seconds of dead-air.

"Wait, so you're telling me you don't want to wrestle this guy? Why are you even a wrestler?" says Fatboy, who clearly doesn't know who Stevie is.

Stevie takes a swig of Mountain Dew and Nine answers in his place to avoid more dead-air. These guys are professionals. "Stevie's whole gimmick is that he doesn't want to be a wrestler, but he's got this thing inside him...," Nine can't finish the sentence before Fatboy cuts in with, "I bet he does." Stevie's face sags. His feelings have been hurt.

Nine continues. "Well, he thinks it's a demon and it's forcing him to be a wrestler." Stevie stares at the floor, fully aware of how crazy it sounds.

"Yeah, man. I saw you on, was it your last show? You wrestled that guy, Kronus, and it was the craziest thing. I don't know how they pulled that off on live TV. I mean, it made sense at first. You ran under the ring and he chased you. The guy gets tossed out, and instead of you, it's this big guy that's supposed to be the demon. I got that, because they had to have had someone else under the ring. That was a great bit they did, but the part that threw me was when they had him change back into you on camera. How did they pull that one off?" Matt asks, not believing that there was no TV-magic. Only demonic magic.

Stevie begins to answer, but gets overwrought with self-pity instead. As is his nature. "Dude, no. What you saw really happened. It happens all the time. He comes out during matches, he came out on my mom's birthday..." "Matt did the same thing," Fatboy says. "He's been there on dates, and it's ruining my life."

"That sounds terrible," Paige says to finally join the conversation. "I've heard stories of people becoming possessed and doing some really awful things." "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've heard a lot of stuff happening," Matt, who is easily convinced of the supernatural and/or conspiracy theories on a regular basis. "When Nine goes down the hall it sounds like he's possessed," Fatboy adds, referencing the radio station's bathroom. The rest of the crew, including Nine, agrees.

"Well, it sounds like it's actually doing you some good, though, right? I mean, you're a wrestling star now...Former champion...And you've actually had some dates. I mean, no offense, but it doesn't seem like you'd have any of that going on for you otherwise. You're just a nerdy-looking guy." Matt says because sometimes he's a dick. Paige scolds him.

"That's the thing, though," Stevie says before spilling some Mountain Dew on his three-wolf/moon shirt. "I don't want any of those things." "Not even the dates?" asks Fatboy. "He made me puke on her on the first one!" Stevie says. It was true. Read some old posts, if you don't believe me.

"That sucks," Nine says. "I've had some rough dates, but I don't think I've ever puked on anybody." Fatboy claims he has and it's hot. He's into some weird stuff. Matt announces it's time for some calls from Rise Guys listeners.

"Hey! Big fan! That time you and Agent Orange fell off that ladder was SICK!" "Thanks."

"Are you guys gonna' come to Greenville?" "Probably not."

"What's Sebastian Duke like in person?" "Scary and he won't talk to me."

"Have you considered teaming with 'THE' Table?" "He's scary and he won't talk to me."

"How do you plan on beating Tony Santos?" "I don't."

After several more calls, a mysterious, man with a thick, southern accent that sounds like Colonel Sanders calls and begins preaching at him. It's not Eli James IV, I don't think.

"Boy, you done let the wicked one control you. It's a sad thing to have a'happen and that's why this country, specifically the youth of our once great nation voted for a MUSLUM. Now, I don't mean to call in and juuuuuuuudge you, but I s'pect you been dealin' with some unsavory activities in your home. Heavy metal, vidja games, lyin' and maybe even hookerin'. Alls I'm tryin' to get at is I know the answer, amen."

The whole radio crew rolls their eyes. Stevie's face lights up.

"I can help you get rid of this thang, if you want tuh get rid of it."

Stevie starts to ask how, but finds himself immediately standing at the edge of a cliff. He looks over the edge and sees purple rocks jutting from a river of, what appears to be, blood. Whales leap from the water in the distance, spitting fire from their blowholes.

"I can't believe you, bro. I thought we were cool. I thought we were tight." The voice comes from behind him, and Stevie knows instantly who it is. He knew who it as soon as the scenery changed. Even though he hates public appearances, he was enjoying the free soda and the nice, comfy chair they let him sit in at the radio show.

"I'm tryin' to make this really easy for you, Stevie. I really am. Most guys I know wouldn't be so kind. Here I am, though, just tryin' to live out my dream. In the process, I'm making you rich. I'm giving you fame. I got you a hot date..."

"You made me throw-up on my date. I'd wanted to date her for years. You made me throw-up on my mom!" Stevie complains. This, I'd say is a legitimate gripe.

"I hear you, and I accept that, bro," Gary says, beginning to sound like he'd read Verbal Judo once. "I guess that's just hard for me to get used to. I mean, first, I don't fully understand your anatomy. Secondly, where I'm from, that's like if you'd given her roses. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry, bro."

Stevie continues to look out over the Hellsea. "It's going to keep happening, dude. You're interfering with my life and I didn't ask for any of it. You're making everything terrible, and I believe that you don't mean to. But, I can't keep living like this. Please, dude. Just leave me alone." Stevie says. If a demon could cry, this would be the moment for Baal'Nezz Golgari.

"Fuh...fuh...FINE THEN! BE THAT WAY, BRO!" Stevie hears Gary say before finding himself right back in his seat, covered in vomit along with all of The Rise Guys and their equipment.

He was ushered out of the station without his shirt, and escorted to his car. They told him never to return. Stevie felt a weight lifted from him, and much to his frustration, he felt bad about it.

Was Gary gone for good?

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