http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=4701&pid=15735#pid15735 I know it's not great, but I think it's better than some of my other promos.

Biggest thing I feel the need to comment on, is the grammar. In terms of quality beside that, you're definitely improving and I don't want to fuck up that progress by giving advice that could be detrimental. So, just look out for the grammar issues and take your time in writing it. That alone should fix a lot of the issues.

Hopefully this is helpful.

I think that's my main problem is the grammar, like you said, as well as maybe making it too short, and short. Thanks for the advice.