Hello everybody my name is Roger and i have been having a bit of a tough go of it in my blood quest to destroy that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt's evil army of henchpeople and bring back my darling rabbit Elmer from the realm of the dead because i may have underestimated the power level of some of his evil followers as after narrowly being defeated by the alphabet man in a match that will live on in my memory for about eight more weeks i then had a wrestle of his new friend the latina submarine machine and boy i tell you having a wrestle of a submarine is much harder than i thought and not at all like having a wrestle of fourteen and a half people at the columbia road flower market and definitely not like having a wrestle of any other water-based vehicles that i had engaged in combat with previously such as the bodyboard that attacked me when i was a wee Roger or the vicious games of battleshits that i would play with my precious mother or even the time a seal stole my apple while a seagull was having a ride of it.

What has made my mission even more difficult is that the latina submarine machine was very sneaky after we had our wrestle and she wanted to have another wrestle and then she made me say uncle inside my brain which wasn't very nice because my uncle Dave had a heart attack the night before so he was fresh on my mind and that explains why i was saying uncle not because the latina submarine machine was causing me an extreme amount of pain and definitely not because i needed to change my pants just the heart attack thing and now i have it as confirmed as i possibly can without that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt openly admitting it that the alphabet man and the latina submarine machine and their other new friends from work must be the henchmen i am after because why else would i have said uncle?

Thankfully i have all of my fantastic fans to help cheer me up and motivate me to continue on my path to give Elmer the kiss of life so that we can finish watching the television show Lost together and i gave all of my fans my email address before last Anarchy and it was rogerscoolemailaddress@gmail.com and through that i received a lovely letter from a fan of mine who is a Nigerien prince and he said to me please help me Roger i am in exile and need to wire you 600,069 American dollars which is almost 500,000 quid and if you don't give me your bank account details now the money will be stolen by the forces of evil and given to people who blow up schools and kill zebras and like brussel sprouts so pretty please give me your bank account details and then the schools won't get blown up and the zebras won't die and the brussel sprouts won't be eaten and so of course i gave him my bank account details because it is what Elmer would have wanted and soon enough i had almost 500,000 quid in my bank account and now my new friend Prince Ibrahim is sleeping on my couch and i offered him my bed because he is royalty and he said no thank you it would be against my people's beliefs and so then we got to talking about the current political crisis unfolding in Niger and my dearest father who was over for a sunday roast said 'whoa I thought you said you were from Nigeria' and Prince Ibrahim just laughed and said 'no you silly goose i said i was Nigerien what else do you think you would call someone from Niger?' and we all agreed that was a very good point.

One of the many good things about my new best friend Prince Ibrahim is that he has been trained to murder people since he was but a young lad and now that he is hairy man from Niger who smells of hard work and talc he is very good at the murdering and he has been teaching me new skills that will serve me well here in the wrestling federation that is very xtreme with an x not an e and one of the things he taught me was how to protect my mind from being mastered by the all-powerful mindmaster and that is no easy feat because his name is mindmaster not mindrookie or mindtrainee which means clearly he must already be a master of minds rather than a rookie or trainee so Prince Ibrahim is teaching me how to confuse my foes so that they never know what i'm about to do and so i will have lots of riddles lined up to stop my mind from getting mastered like what can you hold in your right hand but never in your left hand and the answer is of course your left hand but maybe riddles like that will stump the mindmaster and maybe Molly the Barnes too and if not i have been learning lots of new moves and getting better at the new tricks i used on the latina submarine machine like the bomb of power and so i will unleash these maneuvers on the mindmaster and maybe Molly the Barnes but she seems nice so hopefully she will help protect my mind instead of making me say uncle in my bead and then i will be one step closer to killing that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt and saving Elmer and the world from his necromancy.

Thank you for listening to my tale.