Three of A Kind
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"Memories are both helpful and hurtful and we decide which to keep alive."
-Steve Goodier
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~The Fourth of July festivities being observed at the Golden Rumor Bar were still in full swing, but Jay Omega found himself slipping away from the party. Granted, Alex Richards and his wife, Mariah Carey(no relation), were the only American citizens present, so really, this Independence Day celebration was all for them, but Jay would take even the smallest excuse to throw a shindig. Omega just wasn’t feeling the patriotic vibe at the moment - being a Canadian expat and all - so he walked over to the smaller, secondary patio to smoke a blunt to himself, having already shared quite generously with the few who partook. Taking a seat at the patio’s edge, The Omega Man surveyed the sunset horizon, and took note of the dark mass of storm clouds approaching from the southwest; it was monsoon season in the Maldives, and it looked like they were in for one Hell of a storm.

  While rummaging in his pocket for a lighter, Jay paused, and withdrew a small plastic-like disc; a holorecording of his ill-fated “competition” in a Galactic Combat League event on Hab-Station Six in the Litonis System. The three day, three tier tournament had been violently interrupted by an attack from the militant Xyklosian Hegemony, and while the bulk of the invading fleet had been crippled by a virus distributed from their capital ship, the Hab-Station had been destroyed, with millions of lives lost. Though a painful memory, Omega kept the token as a reminder that victory always came at a cost, and even though that cost might seem too much to bear, paying it was better than the alternative. That train of thought led him to reflect on his XWF career thus far, and he began to ask himself just how high a cost was he willing to pay for victory here? There were dark places within Jay’s soul he typically kept hidden; he dared not tread those awful places and unleash the violent tendencies within. Though his mind was no longer host to the entity once called the Hardcore Maniac, its vile influences were still slithering in the depths of Omega’s anger.

  No. Jay pushed that thought out of his mind completely; while he enjoyed the thrill of combat, he was an entertainer at heart, not a ruthless thug. And on that front, his performance had been lacking recently. Omega took few things seriously when given the choice, preferring to do what he could to enjoy the high octane life he led, but it appeared as though this had a direct correlation to his recent string of losses. Perhaps his mission statement of duking it out with the best wrestlers on Earth for shits and giggles needed some revision. And what better place to start, than with his upcoming match against both Bobby Bourbon and Isaiah King, vying for a coveted spot in the Leap of Faith match at the eponymous Pay Per View event? Not overly concerned with the accolades of winning such a match, Jay was more interested in gaining an opportunity to step in the ring with Corey Smith again, with both of them fresh this time.

  An attainable goal, for sure, but one with several steps, and it was best to focus on the task ahead of him; there would be no Leap of Faith match for him if he didn't win this one first. Omega slipped the holodisc into a receiver slot on his Wearable Espionage and Information Retrieval Device and queued up the recording; he would watch it in a moment, but he had some work to do first. The Omega Man reached into the inner pocket of his omnicoat - in its lightweight vest configuration - and withdrew a Compact Aerial Recon Drone, about the size and shape of a business card, which self-activated as he tossed it into the air and synced with his W.E.I.R.D. Jay took another moment to fish his gold Zippo and black blunt case out of the pockets of his shorts, and hit “Record”.~

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"There's a kinship among men who have sat by a dying fire and measured the worth of their life by it."
-William Golding
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JAY OMEGA(voiceover): Now this is more like it.

*Welcome back, True Believers! The whole production crew here at Epic Jay Omega Promos dot-com-dot-org-dot-gov-dot-net-dot-onion-dot-exe have been in a bit of a slump lately, but we are reaffirming our commitment to bringing you top-quality promos on an inconsistent basis! So kill the lights(figuratively speaking; shotgun not advised), grab yourself a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding and a gallon of strawberry Kwik(don't be lazy and use the same straw, trust me), and kiss the next forty-two minutes and seventeen seconds of your life goodbye!*

*How do you keep getting back in here?!?*

*The door was unlocked.*

*What door? This is a metaphysical space, disconnected from the realm of true reality; there is no door!*

*Then how do I keep getting back in here, Mr. Smartypants, hmm? Now, if you don’t mind, there’s a promo that needs a-cuttin’, so you just sit back and let me work my magic, a’ight? Don’t make me do the foopy thing to you; I can come up with something way less enjoyable than Shatner.*

*HA! I’d like to see you try!*

*FOOP!*

*You all heard him; he literally asked for it. While he spends the next ten hours hogtied naked in a patch of poison ivy while Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher do a song and dance duet setlist(also naked), we are going to be enjoying the following Epic Jay Omega Promo(trademark pending)! And without further ado; our feature presentation! We fade in to find everyone’s favorite potent pot partaker and purveyor of pugilism, Jay Omega, sitting on the edge of an empty patio, his legs kicking freely a good eight feet or so above the waves sloshing against the support pilings. The orange tint to the golden hue illuminating him indicates it’s about sunset, and the sounds of a party nearby drift in from off screen, mingling with the sloshy waves and screechy gulls. Jay pulls a blunt from the black case in his left hand, lights it with the gold Zippo in his right, then sets the case and lighter on the patio behind him as he takes a hit.*

JAY OMEGA:Bobby Bourbon and Isaiah King? Fuck yeah! This right here is the kind of shit I’m all about; three world renowned and highly regarded scrappers clashing over a big opportunity. And I could not have asked for two better opponents in this case, because it gives me an extra bit of motivation I might have otherwise needed. Winning a spot in the Leap of Faith match is big, and it’s something I want, so coming out of this bout with the dubya would the cake. But proving my victory over Bobby back before March Madness wasn’t a fluke? Gaining some personal redemption by defeating Isaiah? Those would be the icing, and the cherry, respectively.

*Los Hombre Omeguloso hits the blunt like it owes him money, and exhales a thick cloud of rosy red smoke, which is quickly snatched away by the ocean breeze.*

JAY OMEGA: Mmm, tasty; Tripleberry Tropicannabis grown in soil from Hojhmi, under simulated Darrikaan sunlight. All righty, I imagine Isaiah at the very least is likely to bring up what happened at War Games, so I’ll leave that until next week. Suffice it to say, things didn’t work out the way I wanted, so let’s just gloss over that for now and move on. Same deal with that failed tag title bout against the Just-Us League; we'll talk about that later.

*Jay pantomimes sliding something off to his left, and continues.*

JAY OMEGA: Let’s start with Bobby Bourbon, the man who has what has to be the shortest Universal title reign in XWF history. Which, yes, is still more than I’ve managed to accomplish so far, but so what? Who hasn’t hit a few stumbling blocks in their first year or so with a company? You mark my words; Jay Omega is championship material, and I’m gonna prove myself a higher caliber champion than someone who loses a title in their first defense, moments after winning said title. I’ve bested Bobby Bourbon once, and by the Cosmic Goat’s three hairy balls, I’ll do it again; this time with the added bonus of picking up a win over Isaiah King as well. But I ain’t so arrogant as to claim it’ll be a walk in the park; I know damn well Bobby can hit harder than people expect when he wants to. Some have said that Bourbon was just in a slump when I bumped him out of the King of the XWF tournament, and that I have yet to face Bobby when he’s really invested in the competition.

*Omegas takes another draw from the blunt, exhaling another rosy cloud that’s blown away in the steadily increasing wind; the slight darkening of the sky behind Jay having little to do with the time of day, and more to do with a storm approaching from a direction we can’t see.*

JAY OMEGA: I would imagine Bob-O is invested in this match; opportunities like the briefcase up for grabs at Leap of Faith don’t come around every week, after all. Well, I guess they do for Bobby; how many Universal title shots has he had this year? Maybe he won’t be invested after all; why care about a potential title shot when all he has to do is wait a week or three for the next one? But King on the other hand…

*Omega’s gaze flicks past the camera, studying the horizon outside our field of view for a moment, before returning his attention to us.*

JAY OMEGA: Isaiah King recently beat former Uni Champ Raion Kido; an impressive feat, to say the least. I fully expect to see Isaiah King’s name on the main event marquee by year’s end, and I’m sure he’s looking to get a jump start on that by getting into the Leap of Faith match. He’s already pinned me twice, why should this time be any different? They say the third time’s the charm; will Isaiah take that into account, or will he just make some more uninspired Star Wars references, like so many others? I keep tellin’ y'all I’m more of a Battlestar Galactica guy, but shit, I’d settle for some John Carter shout outs at this point, just to shake things up a bit.

Jay takes another hit from the blunt, then glances in the direction the party sounds are coming from.*

JAY OMEGA: I should probably get back before I’m missed. Don’t worry, I’ll be back on the airwaves, or the Internet, or whatever, some time next week for more shit talk; see ya then.

*Omega makes the “cut” motion, and the scene fades to black.*