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~~Sweet Cheapshots~~ · (07-17-2013)

{Episode 0012}"The one in which our hero tries not to get blown (over) in the windy city."

The location: Chicago Police Station Time: 9:32am CT

The station is crowded. Foot traffic moving in both directions. A hive of activity. We're pushing through. Past officers booking criminals, to others emptying out the drunk tank.

We move into the main lobby. It's there we see sitting before us, our narrator. Harland. He's reading a newspaper as he sits quietly on a wooden bench. He folds the paper down, smiles at us.

Harland: "Good morning. Hope the day finds you doing well. As you probably already know our friend Sweet Cheapshots has gotten himself into some trouble with the law. What's that? Nah, nothing serious. Just a little dust up. Though I'd be remised not to point out that sometimes you need these little set backs to remind you to keep your eye on the prize. Nothing is handed to you. You've got to put in a good, honest day's work if you know what I'm driving at. That's okay if you don't. You will someday."

Harland gives us that smirk of his and gestures upwards as we see Natalie Foxx walking into the lobby and taking a seat on a bench nearby Harland.

Harland: "Looks like we're about to get started. The story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. And as always, we join... already... in... progress..."

The doors to the anteroom open and out walks Sweet Cheapshots. He looks a bit disheveled. A little stubble on his chin. Eyes bloodshot from a uncomfortable night of sleep. He clocks Natalie, and saunters over.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Thanks for bailing me out, babe. I appreciate it."

Natalie Foxx: "Don't thank me. Thank your employer."

Sweet Cheapshots: "For real?"

Natalie Foxx: "God's honest. And I bet they were more than happy to."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Why you say that?"

Natalie Foxx: "The whole Joe Rogan debacle was all over the news. However, it's gotten tons of press for the XWF. My phone has been ringing off the hook for people looking to interview you."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Word."

Natalie Foxx: "That's all you can say? 'word?' I just gave you good news."

Sweet Cheapshots: "I'm sorry, babe. I'm just beat and feel like I smell like Christine Nash's snatch."

Natalie's jaw drops open.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Errr... not that I know what it smells like. Totally not my type. Looks like Karen Carpenter's stunt double."

Natalie Foxx: "Let's just get back to the hotel and get you a shower."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Now you're talking, babe. Let's leave this cesspool in the rearview."

Sweet Cheapshots Fun Fact #54 brought to you by Sebastian Duke:
Sweet Cheapshots once won a staring contest with his own reflection.

[Image: Embassy-Suites-Chicago---Lombard---Oak-B...1306868264]

The location: Embassy Suites Hotel - Chicago Time: 10:12am CT

Natalie and Sweets roll into the hotel lobby mid conversation. Sweets pauses when he spots someone near the elevators.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Oh great."

Natalie Foxx: "What?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "It's Steve Sayors. The last guy I want deal with right now."

Natalie Foxx: "Maybe he hasn't seen us yet."

Almost on cue Sayors turns and spots them and does his goofy run in their direction.

Sweet Cheapshots: "I think I felt my blood pressure spike."

Natalie Foxx: "Maybe it won't be so bad this time."

Steve Sayors: "Hey, SWEETS! Buddy. Pal. It's your friend Steve Sayors."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Yeah. I know, Steve. You tell me that every time I see you. By the way I hope you're still not upset about the milk thing."

Steve Sayors: "Uh... no. I recovered nicely after I had my stomach pumped."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Wow, I wish I had known you were lactose intolerant."

Steve Sayors: "Heh, well I was kind of screaming it..."

Sweet Cheapshots: "It's in the past now, Steve. Anyway I need to get going. Good to see you again."

Steve Sayors: "I was kinda hoping for a quick interview."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Tell what, Steve. Since I feel bad about the milk thing I'll let you take the elevator up to my floor so you'll have to make this quick."

Steve Sayors: "Awesome!"

Sayors falls in line like a lost puppy as Sweets and Natalie climb aboard the elevator.

Steve Sayors: "How you feeling about your opponent Mystica?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Not worried in the least bit. He's about as useful as Sebastian Duke's knees when it rains. What I'm really worried about is his fascination with carving people up into lampshades. Maybe someone should tell Bilbo to get a psyche evaluation and quick before we walk in on him raping Gilmour senseless while listening to the Beatles white album in reverse."

Steve Sayors: "Uh... I don't think I can print any of that."

Sweet Cheapshots: "That's a shame. This is my floor, Stevie. You take care now."

Sayors goes to rebuttal but the elevator pings and the doors open as Natalie and Sweets step off. Sweets turns back to Sayors, smirks, and the doors close.

Natalie Foxx: "You ever consider just once being well-behaved and maybe making my job easier?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "What? I was speaking from gut. I was giving him real and gritty."

Natalie Foxx: "Yeah, it sounded it. Anyways, I set us up a few interviews for later. So please go shower, rest and relax or do whatever it is you do and I'll touch base later."

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQagY173nlZR52gbEHjVsG...IkiM0Ihw2o]

::Today's episode is brought to you by the color orange::
::The color for registered level 3 sex offenders on familywatchdog.org::

Stay thirsty, my friends.

The location: The hotel of a one Sweet Cheapshots Time: 3:22pm CT

We find Natalie outside of Sweets' hotel room. She's agitated as she's been knocking on the door and no one is answering. She stares down at the "Do Not Disturb" sign and yanks it off the door in frustration.

She knocks harder and after a moment Billy sheepishly opens the door to her. She ignores him and pushes through. We track behind as she makes her way down the short hallway. We can hear giggling coming from one of the bedrooms.

Suddenly, Sweets steps out of the bedroom wearing a catcher's mask and holding a cricket bat. He's also only in his underwear.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Hey, Billy do we have any lube? Like at this point even olive oil would do..."

He spots Natalie and Billy.

Sweet Cheapshots: "...help me get that door unstuck."

Natalie Foxx: "I'm working on being more composed. You make that very difficult. So I'm going to ask as nicely as I can otherwise I might strangle you. Please tell me that that is not Christine Nash in that bedroom."

Sweets peeks into the bedroom.

Sweet Cheapshots: "...uh nope! I can't see her ribcage through her back. We're good. Why are you here anyway?"

Natalie Foxx: "We have an incident downstairs. The hotel is about to call security."

Sweet Cheapshots: "I'm a little tied up right now, Nat."

Natalie Foxx: "I think this takes priority. Billy you come to we might need your help."

Sweets drops the cricket bat and takes off the catcher's mask as he slips into a white bathrobe. He follows Billy and Natalie out into the hallway as they head toward the elevators.

Natalie Foxx: "Were you at least productive in your downtime? I sent you promos of the competitors in the Warfare Eight challenge."

Sweet Cheapshots: "I think you sent me the wrong DVD. One was a really shitty version of Deliverance and no banjo music either and some redneck hick who was nowhere near as cool as Burt Reynolds."

Billy Williams: "I think that was Eli James, sir."

The elevator lets them off into the lobby where there is a commotion going on. We see hotel security trying to clear the area.

Sweet Cheapshots: "What's up with all those chicks in his posse anyway? Think those are his sisters and he's banging them? It's what they do in the south right? Big Sunday inbred gangbang or something?"

Natalie Foxx: "Will you for once stop talking?!"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Relax, Nick Furious. Sheesh. What's going on around here anyway?"

Sweets looks left and spots --

DIKEMBE!

Who at moment is standing and taking a leak into the hotel lobby's water fountain. A security guard comes running and finally tackles Dikembe into the fountain and water splashes everywhere.

Sweet Cheapshots: "We're about to be kicked out of another hotel aren't we?"

Off Natalie's and Billy's look we --

Fade out...

To be continued, folks!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode EP012: "The one in which our hero tries not to get blown (over) in the windy city."
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