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~~Sweet Cheapshots~~ · (07-17-2013)

{Episode 011}The one in which our hero meets the fans ... sort of..."

"Ah, the Windy City. Chicago, Illinois. Nothing quite like it if you ask me. The Midwest is America's Heartland after all. A place with a good diner that you can stop into at two in the morning and still the get best slice of Apple pie with a warm center and a sugary sweet scoop of vanilla ice cream to go on top. You'll have to excuse me. I just had a long flight and I get a bit hungry after I fly. But you didn't come here for that, did you? Yeah, didn't think so. When last we left our hero, Sweet Cheapshots, he had just returned from a pilgrimage into the California desert. What he found out there is for him to tell you. Not I. This week we find Sweets and his pals up to their old hijinks again. Let's hope they finally learn a lesson in all this, what do you think? Yeah, I wouldn't bet on that either. Let's join our story... already... in... progress... "

Sweet Cheapshots Fun Fact #231:
Sweet Cheapshots is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

The location: Embassy Suites Hotel - Chicago Time: 2:32pm CT

We find ourselves in the hotel of Sweet Cheapshots. At this very moment Sweets is seen enjoying the relaxing atmosphere of an oversized jacuzzi that sits in front of the industrial style windows that look out onto downtown Chicago. He's got his arms out to the side, head titled back, in pure bliss.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Oh wow... wow..."

Suddenly, someone surfaces from under the water of the jacuzzi. It's a young looking brunette wearing a snorkel mask.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Oh man, that was awesome. Not many women could bring me to orgasm while Billy looks on creepily, hurt and confused... at least I don't think."

We pan over to see Billy watching from the bathroom doorway. Faraway look in his eye. Scuba girl gives a nod of thanks. There's a knock at the door and Sweets panics and shoves scuba girl back down under the water.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Uh... Billy go see who it is."

Billy scurries out of the bathroom doorway and down the short hall to the door. After a moment he returns with Natalie in tow. She clocks Sweets in the hot tub and a look of annoyance crosses her face.

Natalie Foxx: "What the hell are you doing?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Enjoying the relaxing properties of this hot tub, Nat. Duh."

Natalie Foxx: "That's exactly my point. We're supposed to be at that meet and greet in ten minutes. I came up to get you."

Sweet Cheapshots: "What meet and greet? It's my day off. I'm not meeting a few chubby fanboys looking to flip XWF merchandise on ebay."

Natalie Foxx: "That's all fine and good, but see this is one of those things we talked about that management is REQUIRING you to do to make up for that little two month hiatus you went on."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Aw man. You gotta be kidding me."

Natalie Foxx: "I told you that you were gonna have to live with the consequences. I'll see you in the lobby in..."

Natalie trails off as she notices the air bubbles rapidly formulating near the area of Sweets crotch.

Natalie Foxx: "TELL ME that you have NOT been getting oral sex the entire time I've been talking to you?!?!"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Uh, what answer is likely to make you the least upset?"

Natalie Foxx: "Grrrr...."

Natalie storms off and slams the hotel door behind her.

10 UNCOMFORTABLE MINUTES LATER!

We find Sweets, dressed in his usual attire of blazer, baby blue v-neck and chucks, standing in the small convention hall of the hotel. A modest gathering of XWF fans have populated the room looking to meet their favorite XWF superstar.

Sweets, Natalie and Billy are led to a long table with a "Sweet Cheapshots" poster hanging in the background. A respectable line has formed and a few fans actually clap and yell when they see Sweets approaching.

Sweet Cheapshots: "What's up marks?"

He gives the line a smirk and takes a seat behind the table. Natalie and Billy stand off to the side.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Alright, let's get this over with so I can get back to my life."

Before the first fan can put down her Sweet Cheapshots t-shirt to get signed, a gray fog like mist starts to drift and circulate near Sweets' corner of the convention hall.

Sweet Cheapshots: "What the hell is this? Can someone go tell Count Chocula to turn off his fog machine? Halloween is still a ways off there, Duke."

Billy leans over and puts a hand on Sweets' shoulder.

Billy Williams: "Not so sure that belongs to Sebastian... look..."

He gestures as a cloaked KID no older than fifteen approaches near the table.

Mystica Fanboy: ::Hissing:: "Beware... the prophet..." ::Hisses:: "Of... THE MYST!"

The kid quickly darts off disappearing into the crowd.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Well, good thing that wasn't weird."

Sweets resumes signing the t-shirt for the fan. He turns to Billy.

Sweet Cheapshots: "You sure he wasn't one of Duke's sheep? He had the "I drank the spiked kool-aide" look in his eyes."

Billy Williams: "Hard to say, but I think he has something to do with that guy Mystica you're fighting on Warfare this week."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Mystica...? The rapper?"

::Mystical the rapper. Often confused with Mystica. Photo used for reference purposes only. Sweet Cheapshots does not wish to offend the real Mystical. He liked some of his music before he realized most of it sounded the same. Nothing personal. Tastes mature overtime. Now back to our regular scheduled programming::

Billy Williams: "I'm afraid sir that I'm positively too white to get that reference."

Sweet Cheapshots: "What's this guy look like? Another one of Wally's meatheads?"

Billy pulls his phone out and after a moment shows Sweets a photo of Mystica from the XWF webpage.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Wow, isn't that the dude who played Bilbo in The Hobbit?"

Billy Williams: "Oh I don't know, sir. I haven't seen a movie in theaters in awhile."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Jeeze, Billy. You're not still taping bum fights are you?"

Billy Williams: "No, I'm into something... darker."

Sweet Cheapshots: "And on that note..."

Sweets turns his attention to a striking, young female that has approached the table. She sets down an 8X10 glossy for Sweets to sign.

Sweet Cheapshots: "And you are?"

Young girl (Jessica) "Jessica. I had a small request if that's ok?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Lay it on me."

Jessica: "Could you sign my breasts?"

Sweets loses the sharpie and drives a line across the glossy print.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Wow, you're forward huh?"

Natalie, having heard the exchange, steps over to interject.

Natalie Foxx: "Look, missy. Let's try to keep it PG around here please? How old are you?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Nat, it's not a big deal I don't --"

Jessica: "Sixteen."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Gaaaah... WOW. How about you introduce me to your mom? I'll sign her --"

Natalie Foxx: "Nobody is signing any body part. You got your picture signed, missy. Now move it!"

Jessica, looking scared of Natalie, quickly leaves the table. Sweets and Natalie get into a little whisper spat that he doesn't notice the next person approaching the table. Sweets turns to see a guy wearing a black blazer, pink v-neck, and he's got blonde...

Sweet KNOCKoff: "What's up there, yah mark? I'm uh, all Sweet Cheapshots up in this bitch."

Sweet Cheapshots: "No, no, no. You're the mark first of all. And you can't call yourself Sweet Cheapshots because I am the one, the only, Sweet Cheapshots."

Sweet KNOCKoff: "Yeah? Maybe I'll hit you with the Sugar Shock -- blam! -- right through this table."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Okay, you know how I know you're a tool? I would never threaten to use my finisher on someone to put them through a table. Also, that's a really bad dye job."

Sweet KNOCKoff: "Whatever you say, mark. Cheapshots out."

Sweets turns to Natalie who has been trying to stifle a laugh.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Can you believe the freaks at this place?"

Sweets turns to see the impostor has meandered back in front of the table.

Sweet KNOCKoff: "But seriously, dude. Can you sign this box of collector cups for me?"

Cue Sweets with the facepalm.

10 EXCRUCIATING MINUTES LATER!

Sweets is on auto-pilot as he is signing at random, some items he's not even paying attention to, as he's reached the point of just scribbling his name on whatever is placed in front of him.

The next person tosses down a DVD set. Sweets is about to sign it absently when he glances at it and frowns. It's a copy of Fear Factor. A look of horror suddenly washes over his face and he looks up to see a grinning Joe Rogan.

::Hey there, Shot-Heads. To see where Joe Rogan and Sweet Cheapshots first encountered each other. Swing on over to EP:007 ~ Stan Lee::

Joe Rogan: "What's up, Pussy Boy?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "You know, Joe. You calling me that implies I get a lot of pussy."

Joe Rogan: "How about this? I climb over this table and punch your lights out?!"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Yeah? How about I give you a Sugar Shock and put you through this table?!"

...THAT'S A CALLBACK FOR THOSE PLAYING AT HOME...

Sweets kicks his chair away as the crowd nearby has started to realize what's happening.

They're chanting -- "Fight, fight, fight!"

Sweets suddenly grabs Rogan by the head and smashes him face first onto the table as the crowd cheers.

Someone across the room yells and all hell breaks loose as Sweets jumps onto Joe and starts trying to pummel him.

Let's cue the music.

Joe shoves Sweets off and pushes him back as he comes running. Sweets ducks as he back body drops Joe onto the folding table and it collapses under his weight.

Security floods into the room and grab Sweets by the arms as he's still trying to kick at Joe who has stumbled back to his feet and looks hell bent on knocking Sweets' lights out.

Over the shouting, screams and chaos we fade out...

To be continued...

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