"VIP" CHRIS MOSH & THE PRIVILEGED ELITE
- vs -
DICK POWERS & DA BING BONG TWINZZ
HOMER 'THE HUMANOID' SAPIEN
- vs -
OLIVER TAYLOR
- vs -
EDWARD
- vs -
JACKI O'LANTERN
- vs -
THRAX
- vs -
JAMAICAN JIMMY
- vs -
MICHEAL GRAVES
- vs -
OSIRA THEMIS
The Safari Slugfest!
In the plains of Western Africa, the competitors will be forced to battle among the beasts of the wild! We're talking lions. Rhinos. Hippos. Wildebeests. Sharks? Maybe! Elephants? You bet your ass! T-Rex? We'll see what we can do!
And will the area be booby trapped? OF COURSE IT WILL!
CHEYENNE FIER
- vs -
DARCY GRAVES
JOSSLYN SPENCER w/ Jason Cashe
- vs -
MYRA RIVERS
REGINALD DAMPSHAW III
- vs -
LI'L JUICY
HOLDEN ROSS
- vs -
LEXI GOLD
2 BROKE CHICKS
- vs -
BGTL
- vs -
THE X-TREME ALLIANCE
- vs -
MOLLY BARNES & SIERRA SILVER To Determine the #1 Contenders for the Gemini Championships!
Themis Palaestra will be at ringside for guest commentary.
Hello everybody, it’s your hottest source for all things XWF and Madness, Marv ‘The Mouth’ Smegma! We have got a lot of interesting tidbits regarding none other than XWF Universal Champion Mark Flynn and his recent obsession with Madness competitors Jess Anderson and Darren Dangerous… AND, we have some RED HOT information on the future of Warfare and Savage! Don’t forget to check with me, Marv Smegma, for all your backstage news and gossip… call me NOW! $2.99 for the first minute, 99 cents each additional minute!!!
[mad] PRE-SHOW DARK MATCHES:
Mini Morbid defeats Li’l Caesar in a non-title match Via Mounted Punches (Match Time: 1:15) - Mini Morbid then insists he is the true Minis Champion and that he never lost the gold.
Kevin Mears defeated The Aroostook Strangler Via Insides Out
(Match Time 3:47)
Kieran King def. Joey Oddjobs Via King Maker (Match Time 5:19)
Pre-Show Main Event:
Mad Rhymes def. The Disintigrators Via Surf n’ Turf (Match Time 7:33)
[/mad]
Bath! Welcome to another hard-hitting episode of XWF MADNESS! We are on another leg of our Prime Meridien Tour, here in the wonderful land of Ghana, on the Western coast of Africa! Can you believe the beautiful landscapes and the wonderful people here in Accra?
This is a great place to visit, Jacuinde, but I gotta admit I would KILL for some KFC or a two liter of Pepsi right now!
There’s a KFC in the airport, Bath, stop acting like we’re in a third world country! It’s demeaning to the amazing people of this country! Now, what’s NOT demeaning is the action packed slate of competition we have here tonight… we have a top contenders tag team fourway match later on tonight pitting BGTL, 2 Broke Chicks, The X-Treme Alliance, and even Molly Barnes and Sierra Silver up against each other! We’ve got four incredible one on one contests, and of course the main event featuring IDL Champion Elijah Copeland defending the gold against Hide Yamazaki!
That’s all well and good, Jacuinde, but what about this opener? The Delta Division keeps on rolling as Chris Mosh and the Privileged Elite take on Da Bing Bong Twinzz and their latest hired hand… the former XWF Television Champion Dick Powers! This one is gonna be good, Jacuinde, and it’s ready to go RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW!
Hold your horses Bath, we’ve got a pre-recorded segment to play first…
XWF fans immediately recognize none other than Summer Page, but the man standing next to her is certainly a new one for them. Decked out in a leather jacket with red heart-shaped sunglasses and a twirling cane in his hand, that would be Kevin Mears
Summer: I have been sitting back looking at the XWF landscape. I have been thinking that ever since Elijah and I parted ways that I need more people around me that I trust. Obviously there is my minion, Jessica, as well as Mosh but with teams like KTFO running roughshod and those inbred junkie twins I knew I needed some more backup.
Summer looks back at Kevin.
Summer:So more backup is what I went and got. Isn’t that right, Kevin?
Kevin: Oh no, XWF! There went the neighborhood. For those of you who don’t know me by now, shame on you. For those that do, you’re welcome! My name is Kevin Mears. And for several weeks now, the epitome of Hot Girl Summer in the flesh has been asking me to come to XWF because she’s been surrounded by incompetence. And after she tried to take my soul the other night, I finally agreed. I let XWF know that for the right price, they could have the only Ace in a deck full of jokers. They backed the money truck up, mortgaged a few properties and cashed some stocks and here I am!
Summer: Between Mosh, Kevin, and I being here on Madness we will truly add some class to Madness that the rest of the inferiors aren’t capable of. Which is why the three of us will be the class of the Delta Division. There is no doubt in my mind there is no other team that could even touch us. Especially now since my man has arrived.
Kevin: When Summer’s right, Summer’s right. She made it pretty clear on Twitter that she wanted us to become the new tag champions. Well guess what? What Summer wants, Summer gets. Consider yourselves on notice. We already move together in ways you can only fantasize about, and now we’ll show you why we do it just as well in the ring too. And who better to team with her than the only Ace in a deck full of jokers?!
Summer:Got that jokers? Whatever I want I get anytime I want them. So all of you other Trios teams who had their eyes on the Delta Championships…I don’t hate to break it to you at all but with a VIP and the Ace of all Aces besides me we won’t be able to be stopped. Because the rest of you are truly pathetic while we are pure perfection.
Summer blows a kiss at the camera as she wraps her arms around Kevin.
VS.
We go to the ring where Da Bing Bong Twinzz have already been trying to hype the crowd up with some freestyle bars. Their partner for the evening, former XWF Television Champion Dick Powers, is leaning into a corner and hiding his face while the crowd boos the Twinzz mercilessly. They don’t seem to hear it, though.
Chris Mosh comes out from the back but then he waits by the entrance as the music changes…
“Spoiled” Summer Page and “The” Jessica Anderson walk out on either side of Mosh. The Privileged Elite smirk as they walk down to the ring with the former IDL Champion, and all three of them get up into the squared circle and stand posing as a trio.
The three then go into their corner and wait, laughing at their opponents.
[mad]DING!
The match starts off sloppy with Dick Powers being forced out as Da Bing Bong Twinzz talk "strategy" in the corner. Dick faces off against Chris Mosh and the two seem evenly matched at first until team synergy wins in the end, with Dick trying to go for a tag that is blatantly ignored by Lil Ca$h-App and Mosh takes advantage with a spectacular German Suplex and sends Dick into his partner's corner.
The Privileged Elite gets their chance to shine as Mosh tags in "THE" Jessica Anderson and Summer Page joins in with her, hitting the ropes and double-teaming Powers with a double clothesline. An early pin attempt sees Dick's shoulders down but he manages to get it up in time as usual when a beautiful woman is on top of him.
Dick tries to go for the tag again but Da Bing Bong Twinz scoff and retort "dis wat we paid you for homie!?" And Powers turns back around at Anderson getting the crowd on his side briefly as he turns the tide with a Dickus Clothesline and throws Anderson in the corner looking to finish things! But Page gets to the outside and gets Anderson out of the way before the damage is done and Powers lands junk first into the steel turnbuckle! Lil Ca$h App sprints to the outside and throws Page to the ground but Mosh intervenes and drops Ca$h App on his dome before Mosh and Page return to the corner; Dick slowly manages to get to his feet as Page is tagged in who assaults Powers with a flurry of blows before hitting the ropes and nailing Powers with her Ass Kisser!
A second pin attempt is broken up by MC C-Munqqquee who pulls Dick to the corner and Lil Ca$h App tags in! Getting to the top rope and leaping off into the boot of Summer Page!
Page tags in Anderson again and Summer locks in her Perfect 10! The figure 8 leaves MC tapping but doesn't count as Summer isn't legal and while in the hold Anderson gets to the top turnbuckle! Ca$h-App runs in but Mosh blocks the interference and superkicks the soul out of Ca$h-App's body!
Anderson leaps on the top rope and nails the SHOWSTEALER before transitioning into the pin for a 1-2-3!
WINNERS - CHRIS MOSH & THE PRIVILEGED ELITE
Match Time: 7:12[/mad]
Bing Bong Twinz just can't seem to catch a break! Each person they've hired has let them more down than the last.
I think this is more of Da Bing Bong Twinz fault, as well as Mosh, Anderson and Page just having better team cohesion and chemistry, they work together unlike their opponents.
I can't buy that! Dick Powers has always been a let down in a team fight, the Twinz are twins! They ooze chemistry! Dick Powers and Lil Juicy have no idea what it's like to fight as a unit!
I disagree! Dick Powers is a former TV champion and just fought for the Universal title, he CAN compete it's just an issue of when. And we know Lil Juicy is a staple of Madness and one of the most charismatic men in wrestling! Both are great, neither of them could elevate Da Bing Bong Twinz!
Let's agree to disagree. The main focus should be Chris Mosh and The Privileged Elite! If you're looking for the best Trio team in Madness, nay, the XWF as a whole then you've found them in these three!
That at least I can agree on. A dominant force to be reckoned with and who were in control 99% of the match. An excellent showing.
VS.
The lights go out and soon, a blinding white light showers the audience. Two hooded figures come out. They both stand side by side, a large snake coiled over their shoulder. The lights go out once more before the dark, technical music kicks in.
"And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountains green
And was the holy lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen"
Dampshaw slowly comes out, standing between the two hooded figures, the snake now resting on all three shoulders. Reginald begins laughing and then commands the two figures to return to the back. Dampshaw then shoots his eyes back to the ring and begins walking down the ramp. He notices the camera and stares directly into it as he is walking.
Announcer: From Ryde, Isle of Wight, England, weighing in at 225 lbs, he is He is "The Time Lizard".....REEEEEGGGGINNNNNALLLD DAAAAMMMMMPPPSSSHAAAWWW III!
"Bring me my Bow of burning gold
Bring me my arrows of desire
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold
Bring me my Chariot of fire"
Reginald slowly enters the ring and walks over to a turnbuckle. He climbs onto it and closes his eyes with his arms outstretched. He looks back at the camera, laughs and yells:
Reginald Dampshaw III: Behold! The Time Lizard!
Li’l Juicy bops out from behind the curtain and makes his way to the ring to loud cheers. Right before getting into the ring he produces a tee shirt cannon from somewhere and blasts a short up into the stands. The kid it hammers in the face falls out of frame, but he’s probably fine.
Juicy tosses the cannon aside and then slides into the ring, raising his arms over his head as his music keeps bumping.
[mad]DING!
Almost as soon as the bell sounds, Dampshaw takes Juicy down and starts bending him like a Haribo gummy bear in all sorts of different holds. Indian deathlocks, stretch mufflers, surfboards, spinning toe holds, you name it.
Dampshaw pummels Juicy with a hard diving forearm shot, then flips him onto his face and plants him with his boot into a wicked stepbrother! Dampshaw rolls Juicy onto his back again, shooting the half, and hooks a leg… but Juicy kicks out at two!
Dampshaw has Juicy by the ears when Juicy slams his skull right into Dampshaw’s face, knocking him silly. Juicy then drops Dampshaw with ESSKEETIT! Dampshaw with a shoulder up at two, and Juicy right away scoops him up onto his shoulders… IUNNO!!!
Dampshaw is flat on his back, and Li’l Juicy heads to the top rope… SPLASH LIKE PIPPEN!!!
Li’l Juicy crawls onto Dampshaw, but all of a sudden here come DA BING BONG TWINZZ!
MC C-Munqqquee and Li’l Ca$h-App slide into the ring and assault Li’l Juicy, and they keep going as the bell rings over and over from the official calling for a DQ!
WINNER - LI’L JUICY
(Match Time: 8:22)
[/mad]
Li’l Juicy is going to come away with a win here, but it’s not the way he wanted… Bath I think he had the match won before Da Twinzz had to come make a mess of everything! Those punks are jealous!
Those punks are punks, for sure, but they made a statement just now… Li’l Juicy has been running his trap on social media and Da Twinzz decided to take it to the streets… or the ring at least!!
Well either way, Juicy gets a W added to his record, and The Time Lizard finds himself with another setback… what a turn of events here in Ghana! And the hits are just gonna keep on coming as up next we have Darcy Graves and Cheyenne Fier locking horns!
This is going to be a fist fight, Jacuinde! I can’t wait!
Backstage, Lexi Gold is seen walking down the hallways as she gets set for her match against Holden Ross later on. She is already in her ring gear as she smiles, hoping victory will be on her side again after suffering a tough loss to Elijah Copeland on the last Madness show. As she continues to walk, she greets some staff members who were on the side watching on with a nod.
She rounds a corner and muffled bass from Ghostemane's "A.I." reaches through the door she's approaching. She gives the camera a confused shrug and as she is about to pass it, the door opens and the music is instantly louder.
Smoke creeps out from the room as Holden fills the doorway. He is sporting an X.W.F. hoodie and a cut-off pair of black Dickies as well as a blunt tucked behind his left ear. He smirks at her while behind him, several men and women, all clad in hoodies and ski masks, appear.
She eyes him up and down with a serious look on her face, showing no signs of intimitation despite his size difference compared to her. She clears her throat and begins speaking.
Lexi Gold: Just the man I was looking for. It seems like we are meeting in the ring for the first time. Don't mistake this as me showing my kindness. I know what you are capable of. It was displayed when you faced my friend Elijah, and because of that I'm truly disgusted.
Holden grins. "Disgusted? That was nothing… I'm only just beginning." He looks over his shoulder at those gathered behind him and they laugh. "I am goin to leave a trail of wreckage behind me. Your boy, Elijah, was just the beginning. You sure you wanna end up next to him on the shelf? It would be a shame to disfigure such a pretty face…" he says with a smirk.
She shakes her head, not fearing his threats towards her. She dealt with plenty of people like him throughout her career, after all, as she crossed her arms and kept eye contact with him.
Lexi Gold: Your words don't threaten me, and I doubt your actions out there will either. You may be a big guy, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse to back down, but instead I will fight with everything I got, so save your threats for someone. I'm not buying it.
His smirk spreads into a grin. "I could care less if you are scared. You know why management brought me into the company, don't you? They know I bring my own brand of UltraViolence and the fans love it. Personally, I could give a shit about the fans but management likes their money. And, unlike you, I don't need their adulation, or a belt, to feel successful. I fight for blood, Lexi, and yours is just as good as Elijah's or anyone else's on the roster."
Lexi Gold: Don't get your hopes up. There is a possibility I could make you bleed first. Good luck out there. You are going to need it.
She smirks and turns on her heel and walks in the opposite direction.
Holden and Lexi have both left the locker room, so after a couple of seconds to allow the usual transition to the next segment, the camera operator is headed for the door too… but it’s opening again?!
Everything stops like time has stood still, except the door continues opening to reveal… what is ELIJAH MARTIN DOING AT MADNESS?! He continues to wear his new black protective mask, along with a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans. Martin slowly walks into the locker room so he doesn’t make too much noise and attract unwanted attention, before coming to a stop in front of the doll Lexi Gold had found recently and is bringing with her everywhere!
Elijah slowly takes a seat in a metal folding chair and picks up the doll. He looks around quick to make sure nobody is coming, before he seemingly checks something on the back of the doll. Martin then faces the doll towards him and looks directly into its eyes…
EM: You are doing AMAZING work, beautiful… continue to be my eyes and ears everywhere she goes. The world will understand your purpose very… very… soon.
He places the doll back where it originally was located and adjusts every detail on it to make it appear that it’s been untouched since Lexi walked out of the room. Elijah then gets up, blows a kiss to the doll and walks out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
VS.
The lights go out in the arena. The screen starts to slowly flicker, as a music box is heard throughout the arena. The lightning then cracks across the screen, the music box is seen on the screen cracked in half. Artemis begins playing, as Green and Yellow spotlights are shone on the middle of the stage. A man in a long trench coat comes out first, stepping through the spotlight. He moves over to the left, as Darcy is seen stepping out into the light, looking out at the fans smiling a bit. She then poses as her father claps. The lights come on, and Darcy begins her walk down the ramp. She grips the chain around her neck, then looks out at the fans scoffing at them, as she passes them up. The music starts to pick up, as Darcy makes it to the bottom.
Darcy then looks into the ring, before she moves over to the stairs she slaps the mat, then turns towards the stairs with her father still in tow. She climbs up onto the apron looking out, then her father holds the ropes open for her, she climbs through them. She then flexes for the fans once more as her father looks over at the ring announcer.
Ring Announcer: accompanied by Ciaran Page, from Dublin, Ireland, weighing in at 126 lbs. She is Darcy Graves!
Darcy then turns around smiling at the person. She backs into a corner sitting down as her father moves to that corner to stand with her. She then passes him the chain, then stands up, lifting herself on the ropes, watching for her opponent.
The lights go down and then a pair of flaming pyres illuminate the entranceway.
Cheyenne Fier appears, wearing an elegant cloak and looking at her feet as she walks slowly to the ring… and then she throws the hood off of her head and pulls her head back in an otherworldly scream that echoes through the arena!
Cheyenne Fier slithers into the ring and crouches in her corner across from Jimmy, staring at him with unblinking eyes.
[mad]DING!
Darcy Graves asserts her will right from the opening bell, wearing Fier down with body shot after body shot, and even drilling Cheyenne Fier headfirst into the mat with a particularly stiff looking piledriver that quite honestly would be pretty concerning to most fans.
Cheyenne Fier has a bit of a comeback, catching Graves with a hard knee strike after Graves leaps from the top rope looking for a double ax handle. However, when Fier tries to send her to the ropes she gets reversed. Graves then smacks Fier with WAKING THE DEAD and gets a razor thin nearfall after the move.
Graves then picks up where she left off, ragdolling Fier around the ring and treating her like last year’s toys. Fier continues to get up, and refuses to stay down for a three count each and every time, however.
Graves thinks she has things won when she locks in the GRAVE VICE CROSS, but somehow, someway, Fier is able to reach the ropes. Graves does not want to let go of the hold but the referee forces the issue.
A distracted Darcy Graves has words with the official, and it gives Cheyenne Fier all the time she needs to trip Graves up and lock on the PON DE RIVER! Graves suffers through the hold and manages to fight her way free, but the damage is done as she holds her neck in pain… and Fier catches her with the JOHN CROW for the 1-2-3!
WINNER - CHEYENNE FIER
(Match Time: 5:51)
[/mad]
What a win for Cheyenne! Someone call Alicia Keys, because that girl is on FIER!
Well that was terrible… but I agree, the match was fantastic! And this next one will be as well, as four top teams from Madness will be in the ring together to determine the new number one contenders for the Gemini Titles!
My pick is The X-Treme Alliance… those guys will do ANYTHING to get a win, they’ll cripple anybody… even themselves!!
They have a good chance, Bath, and we’ll see what happens… right after this!!!
Backstage is, as its name betrays, back of the stage. And the scene is, as the show’s name betrays, Madness. So yes, the show and the setting are kinda spoilers, but you should’ve seen that coming if we’re perfectly honest.
But what IS back of the stage, and what IS the madness that’s going on? Well, shut up for a wee second and we’ll tell you.
As Molly Barnes is chuffing down some proper beans and toast off a paper plate, because pre-match fuel is important, innit, we suddenly see a shadow looming large over her, blocking the overhead backstage lights.
Except the shadow isn’t that large, and in the words of Molly, the one blocking them is just a wee c*nt anyway. How’s that for subverting expectations, eh?
“Oi mate, you’re blocking me light, innit?” said Molly, putting her paper plate and plastic spoon to the side, and getting up to her feet. She was almost a head taller than Claire Rogers, the one blocking her vision, but the little b*tch had an attitude taller than Mount Everest.
“Then move me”, said the raging piece of shithousery defiantly AND definitely AND definitively. She was clearly looking for a fight before the multi-tag match had even started. Although there were a lot of people she could’ve picked a fight with, it made sense given their recent history that she wanted to slap Molly around. And the feeling was mutual as far as the Salford Supernova was concerned.
“Look, mate, I’ve washed dishes at Nando’s, innit, and still I’d prefer not to get me hands on your slimy arse. You look like a fookin gremlin ate some rocks.”
“Bitch, you had best unfuck yourself real quick or I’m gonna bury you even deeper in the dirt than I already was gonna.”
“Look, ya wee c*nt, I’ve seen scam artist fortune tellers in Blackpool who told me that me auntie Nora had a mole in the shape of the Mersey was going to drown in the Thames as an ironic twist of fate. Not only does me auntie Nora not have a mole in the shape of the Mersey, it’s shaped like the Tyne, she once nearly drowned at the White Cliffs. And those old hags still sounded more credible than you do, innit.”
“Whatever, you lame-o ass liquid turd. You and Sierra Shitstain Silver ain’t got no shot of getting a result tonight. You may think you’re hot shit, but all you are is the morning after effect of an overconfident redneck chewing on some California Reapers. You’re shit, you’re all over the place, and you’re hard to experience. And your accent sounds evens more idiotic than that of trailer trash down in the deep South.”
“And we’re still gonna roast your crumpets, mate.”
“What the fuck does that even mean??”
At that point, Ximena Asensio stepped into the frame, and sighed. The tall tag team partner of Claire grabbed her small, blonde teammate by the shoulder and started to drag her off.
“Come on, Claire. Time to go.”
“Bitch, lemme go, I ain’t done burying her yet!”
Molly grinned, and waved her goodbyes.
“See ya!”
“Oh, I’ll see ya, ya bish!”
Ximena turned around, for the first time addressing Molly.
“Barnes, better tell Sierra that there’s no escaping this week. Tell the Two Broke Chicks and the X-Treme Alliance the same damn thing while you’re at it. BGTL aren’t here to play games, we’re here to win. And I’m gonna let Claire loose on all of you. Because we’re not content with sitting on the sideline or padding cards. We want to mean something. Claire’s abrasiveness might make it sound like we’re just playing, but oh no… We want the jackpot. That’s been clear from day one. So go and prepare, instead of being an obnoxious Millennial.”
Ximena walked off, dragging Claire behind her, and Molly folded her arms across her chest.
“Hmpf… alrite?”
VS. VS. VS.
Well Bath we were supposed to be joined by the Gemini Champs for commentary, but... well...!
Jacuinde gestures to where Aggy and Des Themis are sitting nearby, both completely absorbed in their phones without even having mics set up for them to talk into.
I don't mind, Jacuinde! Just being in the peasure of two gorgeous champions like them is enough for me!
Micheal Graves comes out from the back and sets up two tables on the ramp. On one, he crushes a bunch of fluorescent light tubes. On the other, he covers it with thumb tacks.
Gravy then pulls out a can of lighter fluid and sprays it onto both tables. He whips out a pack of matches and sets both tables ablaze!!!
Barney Green and Darren Dangerous (already bleeding) then bust out from behind the curtain violently. Darren actually yanks one of the curtains off of its hooks and starts whipping it into the floor, then stomps on it.
Barney and Darren then both take running starts and jump up and crash through the tables!!!
Graves jumps up and down cheering while Barn and Double D stand up and dust themselves off, then they all head to the ring, covered in soot and splinters, and they get into the ring to wait for their opponents.
Ikura ikura ikura ore no kachi wa ikura!
Run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up!
Ikura ikura ikura ore no kachi wa ikura!
Run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up!
ANARCHY's "Run It Up" comes on over the PA system as the arena lights dim down, bringing all attention to the lighting on and around the stage. Everyone’s attention is on the entrance curtain when, all of a sudden, an air horn like the one heard from a fire engine BLASTS through the arena. From the side of the stage, a tricked out RV painted white with neon blue accents rolls up. As the opening refrain with Skits Vicious begins, theside door flies open and out comes the 2 Broke Chicks. In name only, of course! There’s some visible laughs of amusement as Jane then turns towards the stage and tries to look serious as she approaches the ramp. On the opposite side of the mood spectrum, Chiaki Sanada gives their ride an adoring pat before scurrying to catch up with her tag team partner.
As the two make their way down the ramp, Jane’s attempt to stay serious is all but lost once Chiaki moves in front of her, just goofing off and throwing random signs at the camera in sync with their music. As the chorus plays, Chiaki starts singing along. The strength of the duo finally breaks into laughter at the little one’s antics and the pair continue towards the ring. Once they reach ringside, Jane comes in behind Chiaki and lifts the crazy little Joshi up onto her shoulders. She makes a lap around the ring itself while Chiaki’s waving her arms from side to side over her head, trying to get the fans to join in. They do, for the most part. Chiaki hops off of Jane’s shoulders and onto the apron. She’s back to throwing thuggish little hand signals as Jane climbs onto the apron. Jane climbs into the ring and stands behind Chiaki who is still doing her thing as they both throw up their actual, personal team gesture. Chiaki finally gets into the ring and the two of them move to their corner, removing their entrance gear and getting in a bit of last minute extra stretching as they get ready for their match.
Claire and Xim walk out onto the stage without Johnny Hitmaker. Does this mean their time in HYE is over? We don’t know!
All we know is these two strong sexy ladies march to the ring. Caire makes a beeline without even looking at the fans while Ximena at least gives a couple of high fives here and there.
BGTL gets into the ring and stands in their corner, looking at The X-Treme Alliance and 2 Broke Chicks. Claire runs her mouth the entire time, not surprisingly.
Dance Wiv Me blasts out of the speakers, and then Molly Barnes pops out from the back with a grin. She stays on the ramp and her music fades after a moment, replaced by…
(Long live the reckless and the brave
I don't think I wanna be saved
My song has not been sung
So long live us)
As the music kicks in, Sierra bursts through the curtain with all the energy in the world and a huge smile on her face. She and Molly slap hands and then Sierra runs over to the edge of the stage and starts pointing her Minecraft diamond sword prop out into the crowd before returning to the top of the ramp and striking a "supervillain" pose. They pose for a few seconds before taking a running start down the ramp, high fiving everyone they can on the way down, going around the ring and back up the other side of the ramo before stopping at the top, turning, and skipping down and sliding into the ring under the bottom rope.
(Breaking out of a town called Suburbia
I remember everybody always saying
"Little brat must be crazy
Never make it in our vicious little world"
Still I'm leaving)
Molly stands in the middle of the ring and fist bumps to the music as Sierra jumps up onto the turnbuckle and points her sword into the air, repeating the process for each corner before jumping down and running laps around the ring before coming to a stop with a hop in her corner, bouncing on her toes and heels as she awaits the beginning of the match.
[mad]DING!
The bell sounds and the four teams pair off. Claire Rogers sends Molly Barnes flying into a roner where she starts beating her mercilessly while Jane Harper and Barney Green trade haymakers in the middle of the ring.
It doesn’t take long before Rogers has Molly Barnes nearly incapacitated with big impact moves, but whenever she tries to make a sneaky cover it gets broken up by one of the other participants. This ends up sending Claire into a rage and she throws Barnes through the ropes so that she knocks Chi Chi Sanada off the apron, then grabs Darren Dangerous from HIS corner, flipping him over the top rope into the ring where she starts stomping a mean mudhole in him.
This gets Barney’s attention, and after dropping Harper with a stun gun he attacks Rogers. Darren gets to his feet and the two X-Treme partners just double team the crap out of her, crushing her with a double Samoan drop from the first rope.
Darren heads out and Barney tries to make a pin, but at two Molly Barnes breaks it up with a knee drop. This leads to her tagging Sierra into the match and the two of them hitting a running double clothesline that sends Green up and over the top rope to the outside.
Harper tags in Sanada and she and Sierra Silver give a high flying, high speed clinic for a few minutes with neither woman gaining a clear advantage. It finally ends when Silver snatches Sanada into a GREENHEART, but a cover is broken up by Ximena Asensio, who is then quickly blasted out of the ring by a spear from Jane Harper.
Darren Dangerous starts throwing all sorts of random implements of violence into the ring from underneath it. Stop signs, trash cans, kendo sticks, a fire extinguisher, chairs, tables… all the usual stuff that you are supposed to keep under a wrestling ring, you know?
The match devolves into an all-out brawl, with all eight participants falling into a scrum in the ring. Everyone takes violent shots thanks to Darren’s weapons spree, but in the long run it’s Darren himself who ends up getting his head crushed between two home run chair swings from both members of BGTL.
Chi Chi and Harper then dump BGTL out of the ring, and Sierra Silver does the same to Chi Chi. When Molly looks to dump Harper over, Barney Green sprays her in the face with some sort of aerosol can Darren had thrown into the ring.
Barnes screeches and claws at her face while Barney and Silver go at it… and then Barnes charges in blindly with a MUGSHOT… AND SHE HITS HER OWN PARTNER!!!
Silver collapses, as does Molly Barnes, still rubbing at her face. Barney Green pulls a disoriented Barnes to her feet and gets read to apply his GREEN DREAM sleeper, but then Chi Chi leapfrogs him from behind and drops him with a CHI CHI BANG BANG cutter! She gets the 1-2-3!
The chicks have done it! They are officially the top contenders for Themis Palaestra’s Gemini Titles, and here we go already with a staredown!
Outside the ring, Chiaki and Jane are nose to nose with Agrippina and Desdemona, who are both holding their hands up and showing off their gorgeous Gemini rings.
Those two teams are going to tear each other apart and I CAN NOT WAIT!!
Cameras focus on the four women jawing at each other just inches apart before fading backstage…
The camera pans across the Madness locker room floor…
Suddenly, it tracks up a pair of army boots… Up black pants… Across a band t-shirt And winds up focused on the bald, bloody, furious head of Darren Dangerous.
The crowd pops seeing The Lord of Ultra Violence. He’s ripping tape off of his fists, tearing off the bloodstained tee shirt from his just-finished competition…
KNOCK KNOCK
…Darren glances upwards. His linebacker frame steps across the floor with the grace of a bulldozer, before tossing the door open.
Darren peeks both ways… No one’s around.
He glances at the door. A NOTE!
Darren tears it off the door and flips it open.
…Darren gets a sinister grin on his face.
He doesn’t know who decided to piss him off and say he’s not on the card when he JUST got done having a HARDCORE FIGHT along with the Daddy of Violence Barney Green…
He tears up the note. He reaches into his locker and grabs a pair of kendo sticks.
But he’s about to make them regret it!
He strikes one of the kendo sticks… SLAP… against his head. A few bits of glass and thumbtacks fall out of the back of his skull and he starts bleeding even harder.
He grins… And kicks the door open, heading for the ramp.
***
Darren Dangerous stomps out from behind the curtain with intensity.
He immediately begins jaw jacking at the fans in attendance, wielding a pair of kendo sticks in his hands, crossing them in the air over his head. Darren lowers his arm as he continues shouting insults towards the fans on his way down the ramp.
Darren rolls under the bottom rope and into the ring. Darren stomps up to the second turnbuckle and crosses his arms above his head flashing devil horns!
He hops down to the center of the ring, beckoning whoever the Hell dared leave that note on his locker room door to come out! BE A MAN! BE A FUCKIN’ MAN! He yells. He even presses his ass on the middle rope, inviting whatever chicken to make climbing into the ring easier for them…
Who could it be? Old Lord of Violence Division Rival Hide Yamazaki? Jacki O’Lantern? The first man Darren Dangerous ever wrestled in an XWF ring, Scully? Mastermind, in another classic mindgame?
…
And all at once, the roof pops off the arena.
The curtain is slowly pushed open.
And walking out… In a black suit and a pair of sunglasses.
And a red-white-and-blue belt across his shoulder.
It’s XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION MARK FLYNN!
For the first in time since Madness’ reboot, Mark Flynn is in the building.
…Darren, surprised, backs up off the ropes and returns to the center of the ring.
Flynn looks up, awaiting his headset mic…
…
…Then, a look of realization crosses Flynn’s face.
…Followed by a twinge of… anger…
…
Then, all at once, he shakes his head and smiles wide. He makes a call symbol with his hands.
As he does, yellow text appears above and below his face.
Darren warily eyes the Universal Champion, as he steps down the ramp, hops up the steps and bypasses the ropes to enter the ring.
He whistles. The timekeeper underhand tosses him a microphone. The Universal Champion rests his Greatest American Title Belt on the top turnbuckle.
He spins and faces Darren, who’s eager to start throwing hands.
”MONDAY NIGHT MADNESS.”
The crowd pops! Still, gleefully shocked at the novelty of Mark Flynn on their program.
”...I figured you YOKELS might enjoy ONE NIGHT of having an ACTUAL FUCKING SUCCESS STORY on your FAILURE of a PET PROJECT, Lane.”
…The crowd murmurs its disapproval. These people paid good, hard-earned American dollars for these tickets!
”What’s-a-matter? You BUMS couldn’t scratch together the money to get tickets to Savage or Warfare? Coke and Pepsi are too expensive, so you PEASANTS got the RC COLA of XWF programming?”
The crowd, now fully past their original excitement, are now booing the Uni Champ loudly.
”Actually, scratch that. Anarchy is RC Cola. You fucking BUMPKINS are out here getting front-row seats and souvenir cups to watch the GREAT VALUE KNOCK-OFF COLA of XWF programming?”
The boos get twice as loud. This crowd is a die-hard Madness bunch, through-and-through.
”But, see. I came here anyway. Because I’m a FUCKING COMPANY WORKHORSE. Because I BRING VALUE to the BOTTOM LINE. Because if some of you fucking mouth-breathers think I’ll show up on brands like Anarchy and Madness regularly? All of a sudden, the viewership on these shows skyrockets.”
Flynn leans over the top rope, pointing at the front row.
“Be honest with yourselves? Did you think a UNIVERSAL CHAMPION would grace this fucking VACUUM OF TALENT with his presence?”
Flynn, obviously ignoring the fact that Alias, while Uni champ, had made a Madness appearance.
“...Which brings me to why I’m here tonight…”
Flynn turns and points across the ring. “DARREN… DAAAAAAANGEROUS.”
The crowd pops for the Lord of Ultra-Violence. Darren Dangerous looks eager to start swinging those kendo sticks.
”See, Darren… Normally, you wouldn’t be WORTH MY TIME. You’re BENEATH ME. You’re the kind of POND SCUM still trying to develop a second brain cell, compared to the perfect fucking culmination of wrestling evolution that stands before you.”
The crowd boos… And then they kick off a chant of ULTRA VIOLENCE
*CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP*
ULTRA VIOLENCE
*CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP*
”But!” Flynn interjects. ”There’s something unique about you, Dair…” Flynn gets a sinister smile across his face.
”You’re… pals… amigos… stablemates… with one… MICHEAL GRAVES.”
The crowd pops off the roof for recently deposed TV Champion, Micheal Graves! The same man that broke Flynn’s headset mic and sent him running for the hills last Savage.
”And… you see… Micheal is eager to BEGIN the Optimal Path. He thinks he withstood it… But it’s only just begun.”
Flynn chuckles, teeth brimming with spittle, salivating, poised to strike.
”In fact, we’re onto the next phase of the Optimal Path. You see, Dair, you can’t TRULY fall to the bottom… If you still have allies willing to pull you up. THE OPTIMAL PATH IS A JOURNEY TO BE MADE ALONE. SUCCESS IS A ZERO-SUM GAME, Dair. And to stand at the fucking mountaintop, you have to be willing to TOSS AWAY EVERY ALLY DOWN THE MOUNTAINTOP.”
Flynn nods, as if he’s making a cogent point
”So, in order for Micheal Graves to truly begin the Optimal Path… It starts with the… LIQUIDATION of his stablem-”
WHAP! Flynn takes a kendo stick square to the schnozz! He drops the mic and cradles his nose with both hands, turning away! Darren saw where this was going and decided to strike first and skip the rest of Flynn’s bullshit sales pitch.
Flynn backpedals to the turnbuckle, shocked…
Darren climbs to the second rope, mounting the Uni Champ…
He swings with the left kendo! Then the right!
Left! RIght!
The arena counts!
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
6!
7!
8! THE RIGHT ONE BREAKS!
9!
…
Dangerous leaps off the middle rope… AND HIS BIG BALD HEAD CONNECTS WITH THE TOP OF FLYNN’S DOME! Flynn’s head rocks backwards!
Darren turns and lifts a broken kendo stick to the crowd! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Thus far, Darren Dangerous is getting the better of Uni Champ, Mark Flynn! Dangerous tosses the broken kendo stick into the front row! What a souvenir!
Flynn, blood running down his nose… Obviously thrown by the offensive flurry of Darren, turns his back, grabbing the belt off the top turnbuckle…
Darren smacks himself on the head with the remaining kendo stick! He starts grapevining and reeling back, looking for a home run… and Flynn’s head is the ball!
Flynn stumbles forward… belt hiddenbehind his back…
Darren SWINGS FOR THE FENCES!
…
But Flynn ducks… And he spins like a discus-thrower!
Darren rotates in place… AND CATCHES A BIG METAL BELT SQUARE TO THE FACE! The Lord of Ultra-Violence is dropped to the mat!
Flynn tears the collar of his suit… Darren, tougher than your average competitor, is already shaking off cobwebs and looking for more… When Flynn latches onto Darren’s left arm like a cobra! FUJIWARA ARMBAR!
This is not a good spot for Darren Dangerous! The Lord of Ultra-Violence is one of the toughest bastards in XWF History! But a ring technician he is not!
Darren… huffs and puffs… A vein pops in his forehead as he tries to withstand the pain…
Flynn only cranks harder, increasing the torque on the arm!
Darren Dangerous closes his eyes, gritting his teeth! Is he even trying to escape from this? If he was, it’s not very clear how he’d do it! He’s no master of counter-wrestling!
Flynn tugs… HARDER! INCREASING THE ANGLE… WHEN…
…
POP! The crowd gasps with revulsion as Darren’s arm twists unnaturally… straight up! Flynn just dislocated Dangerous’ shoulder!
Darren lays face-first on the mat… Flynn rises up, cackling… Grabbing the microphone off the mat, smearing his bloody nose against his wrist…
“And now, Darren! AWAKEN… RISE AND BE BORN ANEW!”
Flynn’s back is turned… He doesn’t see Darren… With his good remaining arm… Is pushing himself off the mat…
“YOU JUST TOOK YOUR FIRST STEP…”
Flynn turns around.
“ONTO THE OPT-”
WHAM! Dangerous catches him with a headbutt square to the face… His dislocated left arm dangling at his side…
The crowd starts up again as Flynn eyes Dangerous in disbelief. HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! Clearly, when Flynn told him to rise, he didn’t mean right now!
Darren goes for a right hand… But Flynn catches it… Unfortunately, Dangerous is slowed tremendously by dislocated arm.
Flynn twists Darren’s weight forward… Then using his leg, stomps on Darren’s back, dragging him facefirst to the mat again…
Flynn applies the Fujiwara Armbar to Dangerous’ remaining arm! He twists upwards… HE SHOVES THE ARM AGAINST DANGEROUS’ BACK AS FAR AS IT WILL GO…
…
POP! The crowd is sick to their stomach! Flynn just dislocated BOTH of Darren Dangerous’ arms…
…Flynn pops over to the ropes to catch his breath… Clinging to the microphone…
He lifts it to his face… Turning to look at Darren Dangerous
…
…Who, without arms, is currently trying to, using only his head, lift himself off the mat…
…
Flynn is aghast. He drops the mic…
Darren is built like a brick wall… He isn’t quite able to gracefully stand up off the mat without the use of his arms…
But he is slightly lifting his head off the mat…
…
Flynn runs across the ring to the ropes…
He bounces off…
He runs…
AND KERACK! He delivers a SICKENING KNEE to the side of a defenseless Dangerous’ skull.
And amazingly, Darren Dangerous is knocked out!
Flynn looks slightly rattled from just how tough-as-nails Darren Dangerous is…
…
Before grabbing the microphone and leaning over the Lord of Ultra-Violence’s broken, mangled body.
”Gravy. You wanted a sample… of what the Optimal Path can do. At Bad Medicine, you’ll get the TOTAL PACKAGE.”
Flynn drops the mic.
Flynn grabs the title belt and lifts it onto his shoulder. The Uni Champ takes one last look at Darren Dangerous… Shaking his head at what a tough mudder Dangerous is…
Before exiting the ring and heading up the ramp. In a hail of boos.
Bath I don’t know what exactly just happened, but the fan here in Accra just got treated to an impromptu BONUS match… and I think this makes Darren Dangerous the very first competitor to lose twice on the same show!
Forget about Darren, Jacuinde… THAT WAS THE XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION MARK FLYNN! What the hell was he even doing here in Africa? These fans just got a TREAT! We should have charged more for these tickets!
We have certainly already made Madness history here in Ghana, Bath, and we aren’t even close to done! Up next… Myra Rivers and Josslyn Spencer!
"It's recording.."
The viewers see a hand motioning with an index finger towards Josslynn Spencer as she sits backstage at Madness. Awaiting her match against Myra Rivers. The voice behind the camera is heard again and as you may have guessed, it was Jason Cashe.
Jason Cashe: "You gotta say something, we are live!"
Josslynn Spencer: "Why? People don't want to hear us talk. They want to see us compete."
She had a point but it also seemed a bit ironic in the point she was making. As if this entire business was somehow judged based on words. Crazy thoughts.
Jason Cashe: "Words can make an echo that lives in the minds of many."
Josslynn Spencer: "Fortune cookie?"
Jason Cashe: "Lucky numbers a 2 and 68. I was one number away from a pickup line.."
She laughs. It wasn't that she couldn't talk to the cameras. She was on the shy side at times which was funny to Cashe but on fight night, she, like him, would rather let the talking end and the match begin. Difference was.. Cashe never shut up.
Jason Cashe: "People don't hear you enough. They see a few tweets here and there but at these shows, it's always you playing off what I am doing. They want.. No, I want the spotlight to be on you!"
Josslynn Spencer: "Speaking of which.. Can you turn that light off, it's kind of bright!"
The light switches off. Josslynn was ready to go. This was a calm period, those last few moments before it was time to work. This wasn't a random match, it was against Myra Rivers.
Jason Cashe: "How are you feeling heading into this match against Myra?"
Josslynn Spencer: "I feel alright. As you say, I can't complain."
You can hear the sigh in Cashe's voice as he moves around and gets different angles on his girlfriend.
Jason Cashe: "Lemme see your Grrrr Face! Growl for me!"
Josslynn Spencer: "Meow.."
Jason Cashe: "That's a cat not a dog.. Cat's don't growl.. They hiss and whatever weak ass meow you just attempted."
Josslynn Spencer: "I'm ready. I don't need any growls, meows, faces or words of action to be so. Less is more but in the ring, I'll give her plenty. Happy?"
A little snap to her voice, Cashe scoffs and sets down the camera. Not turning it off but she doesn't know that. (Insert evil emoji)
Jason Cashe: "You MUST be hungry.. Let me go get you a Snickers for that tude.."
She grinned as he stormed out of the locker room. Her head was hanging a bit as she adjusted the laces in her right shoe. Alone, unknowing of the camera still recording, Josslynn did have a few things to say but to herself rather than who was watching.
Josslynn Spencer: "I've got this.. I know what I need to do. I know who I am up against and what this match could potentially mean for whoever wins. I plan to be that winner. I am not here to just be Gorgeously Adorable as Jason calls me. I want to have a belt, I want to be a Champion! I can be one.. I will be one.."
Standing up, Josslynn jumps in place as her arms swing about. Stretching some as she is about to head towards the ring.
Josslynn Spencer: "I don't care if it's someone bigger, stronger, more experienced. I will aim to be above them all.. It's time for Joss to be Boss!"
Her eyes fixate on the camera. She knew it was recording as her last words settled into the recording. Her mouth lifts into a smile at the right side of her lips. Turning away from the camera, she heads out through the door. Seconds later, Cashe sneaks back into the room and beelines for the camera. Bringing it up so it is focused on him like a live stream, he has a smile on his face of pure excitement.
Jason Cashe: "Joss the Boss! That's my girlfriend! Oohhh weeee! I might have to marry this one!"
He skips out of the room, chasing after Josslynn as he intends to do his job as her Male Ring Valet.
The show cuts to the back where Myra Rivers is in a great mood for obvious reasons. Her recent trip to Hollywood was certainly something that was fruitful for her to say the least and there’s no doubt that she’s beaming as she begins to express her thoughts.
Myra Rivers: That ladder match… I mean, how many superlatives can you add to that crazy match and that unbelievable moment? I have to admit that when I first won the match and when I had the opportunity to reflect on it all on my own, I laughed. I wasn’t trying to be funny in any way, but whsat it really was… was disbelief. No, it wasn’t a lack of belief in myself by any means. It was disbelief as in… “did I really just do that again?” It was literally fourteen and a half years to the day where I had my big breakthrough moment for my overall wrestling career, winning a ladder match on a flagship show when it seemed like all the odds were against me. I went into that ladder match last month in Los Angeles feeling like I hadn’t yet met my own expectations and that I was a slight fish out of water here in XWF. There was a point where I was wondering if I was just here taking up space.
In hindsight, it might seem ridiculous now. But, I do admit that I had been doing some healing from an old experience I had moved on from five months ago. It was basically the same type of situation last month as it was foureen and a half years ago: the odds seemed stacked against me, I felt like I had so much to prove, I was unsure if I really ‘belonged’ so to speak, and I definitely felt going in like my back was against the wall. And yet… I DID IT… AGAIN!I repeated my own personal history by having that big breakthrough moment that I needed to have and to say that I’m proud of what I accomplished in Los Angeles is truly an understatement. But you know, I’ve celebrated and basked in it long enough. The bottom line is, I’ve got my shot at the IDL Championship and trust me, that’s something I’ve been paying attention to considering the situation going around lately. I mean… what’s going down involving Elijah Copeland and how he can’t seem to shake Holden Ross is something that I have a personal interest in…
Myra stakes a bit of a pause as some anger fills her eyes. It’s obvious that the glow that she had regarding her huge win in that ladder match has basically faded.
Myra Rivers: …I mean, I STILL haven’t had my one on one revenge for him thinking that he could just make a collateral damage example out of me when he went after Sierra Silver. Obviously, I don’t want him anywhere near that damn title. But if worse comes to worse and he ever wins it, especially if, by chance, he happens to win it prior to January, then so be it. I WILL be the one to stop him and take the IDL Championship if that’s what it comes down to. BUT, that’s in the future. That’s just me speculating. I’ve got to focus on the here and the now and that’s Josslyn Spencer. She’s going to be a tough opponent, don’t get me wrong on that. I know it’s Halloween and all and this night is supposed to be about fun… but I’m not here to have fun. I’m here to show that what happened in Los Angeles was only just the beginning and Josslyn, the next step on my ascension here happens to have your name on it.
I don’t give a crap about what Halloween costume you’re going to wear tonight. Hell,, nothing personal, but the only thing I really care about is proving how serious of a contender I am, on this brand and on this show. January of course, is the destination for me considering that’s when I’m getting that IDL title match and everything, but if you think you are going to beat me by catching me off guard or by celebrating something that happened a few weeks ago, you’re sorely mistaken.
I’m not here to play games. I’m not here to fuck around. What I am here to do is be the damn best that I can be and Los Angeles? Well, that was definitely a huge turning point in a big, positive way. I’m not about to waste it by losing to you tonight. I’m a woman on a mission and a woman with a purpose. When that time comes, I WILL be the IDL Champion. Tonight? I’d say it’s a damn good showcase of why that’s going to be the case in the near future.
Myra leaves the room, being quite confident in herself as the scene cuts out.
VS.
Myra Rivers emerges with a smile as the fans blow up. It’s obvious she has people in the crowd familiar with her career, with one person in the front row holding a sign saying AND FINALLY… MYRA IS HERE!
Rivers saunters down to the ring, slapping hands as the crowd continues to cheer for the SCW star. She gets to the ring and looks across at the official, waiting patiently for her opponent.
purple and gold lights start flashing and Josslynn music hits as she walks out on stage with a smile across her face. She walks with confidence down the ramp as she walks up the steps and gets inside the ring. She would go to one side of the ropes and strike a pose.
[mad]DING!
Joss and Myra go at it while the sound of the bell is still fading. Spencer shoves Rivers into a corner and starts bashing her with elbows, only letting up when Rivers ducks and Spencer elbows the turnbuckle instead. Rivers hits a drop kick that sends Spencer into the corner hard, and she lands on her backside… Myra Rivers then picks up a head of steam and leaps onto Joss with a jumping meteora in the corner!
Rivers spends the next several minutes tossing Spencer around with suplexes and throws. She shows impressive strength, at times throwing Josslyn nearly all the way across the ring… and after a series of hip tosses, she gorilla presses Spencer and drops her into a snap powerslam that gets her a two count!
Spencer gets an opportunity when Jason Cashe distracts Myra Rivers from the outside of the ring. Cashe keeps Rivers’ attention long enough for Joss Spencer to bulldog her from behind onto the second rope, sliding her own body out to the ringside area where Cashe catches her and prevents her from hitting the concrete floor.
Spencer keeps the momentum on her side and hits many of her best moves, but none of them keep Myra Rivers down for three. Myra survives a DEAR AGONY and THE FUTURE, and then Joss prepares to finish her off with her springboard flatliner. As a setup, Spencer sets Rivers up next to the ropes… Cashe holds onto Myra from the outside but he gets caught!
The official gesticulates wildly…. CASHE HAS BEEN KICKED OUT OF RINGSIDE!!!
Cashe is frantic and angry, slamming his hands on the apron and screaming, but he does eventually back down the ramp and leaves the scene so that he doesn’t get his lover disqualified.
Unfortunately, the distraction gave Mya Rivers enough time to recover fully, though she plays possum and lets Joss attempt the ZODIAC KILLER!!!
Myra Steps aside, and Joss ends up stuck on the ropes, where Myra Rivers is able to grab her back to back and hit the REBEL BOMB for a 1-2-3!
WINNER - MYRA RIVERS
(Match Time: 11:07)
[/mad]
HUGE win for the MILF of Madness!
Bath, I don’t think she likes that nickname…
Well I like her! I’m going to send her some champagne and flowers to her dressing room… AGAIN! Swipe right, Myra, I LOVE women with experience!
Can we focus? We are about to have our Lord of Violence contest and you’re out here trying to get sued for harassment!
I LOVE YOU MYRA! CALL ME BACK!
Oh god… well, it’s time for the latest installment of the Madness Death Match Division! We’ve got some brand new participants this time out, as Osira Themis, sister of Gemini Champions Desdemona and Agrippina, enters the fray… as does reigning Anarchy Champion EDWARD!
In the plains of Western Africa, the competitors will be forced to battle among the beasts of the wild! We're talking lions. Rhinos. Hippos. Wildebeests. Sharks? Maybe! Elephants? You bet your ass! T-Rex? We'll see what we can do!
And will the area be booby trapped? OF COURSE IT WILL!
Cutting to the plains of West Africa, we find Jacki O’Lantern walking through the brush when she is “attacked” by Homer The HomoSapian who falls from a tree! Homer lands in an awkward and twisted pinning position but only manages a two count! Jacki seems more fired up after the near fall and kips up to deliver a swift kick to Homer’s ribs that sounds as though it may have cracked a few ribs. Jacki stalks Homer as we cut elsewhere to find Thrax fending off Oliver Taylor’s flurry of strikes before finding an opening to throw a quick elbow that staggers Taylor and creates an opening for Thrax to hit a powerful combination of Punch, Kick, DDT, dropkick, and finally a Headlock. Oliver looks dazed as he fights to break free of the headlock!
Elsewhere still!
Jamaican Jimmy leaps out of a tree to attack Osira much like Homer attacked Jacki, only Jimmy misses by a good five feet or so and lands with a sickening thud! Osira takes advantage of the situation by covering the moaning Jimmy for an easy pin!
ELIMINATED - JAMAICAN JIMMY :’(
Osira stands to celebrate her victory, but before she can, scary animal noises coming from the brush gives her reason for pause, but it’s not an animal, it’s Micheal Graves!!!
Wait! That’s not Gravy, it’s an imposter, and one that is quickly dispatched by EDWARD, who swings in with a huge double footed kick to the sternum of Not Gravy! EDWARD may or may not have collided face first with a tree afterward, I don’t know since the camera’s were focused on Osira scoring a second easy pinfall over that dude who is standing in for Gravy!
ELIMINATED - RANDOM HOMELESS GUY DRESSED LIKE GRAVY!
Catching up with Jacki just in time to see her submit Homer with The Darkest Hour!
ELIMINATED - HOMER 'THE HUMANOID' SAPIEN
The celebration doesn’t last for long as a damned tiger leaps into Jacki and mauls her!
Uh…. Elsewhere!
We find that Oliver somehow worked his way out of Thrax’s devastating and previously thought unbreakable headlock and is now delivering some offense of his own. Thrax fights back though and has Oliver on the defense. Thrax takes a running start right into a Chokeslam from out of nowhere! Thrax is still moving, so Oliver assists him to his feet just to spike him into the dirt with the 'English Masked Destroyer', but as he sticks the landing his face meets the rather small boot of Osira Themis and it knocks him out cold! Osira scoops up another easy victory as a result!
ELIMINATED - OLIVER TAYLOR!
Suddenly hellfire burns a circle into the ground and out pops Thrax with a flaming fist Shoryuken uppercut! Osira is rocketed a good ten or so feet into the air completely engulfed in flames! Thankfully, maybe? She lands in a giant pile of collected Elephant poop and it extinguishes the flames as she sinks inside! Ew! Thrax starts digging through the poop in an effort to pull Osira out and pin her, but to his surprise a giant poop monster explodes out of the feces and tackles him to the ground! Thrax and the poop monster wrestle on the ground with neither gaining a clear cut advantage! As the two men wrestle, the poo slowly wipes away to reveal that the poop monster was actually EDWARD, and if there was any doubt, EDWARD begins biting Thrax’s fingers with his poo covered teeth! Thrax yelps in pain, but fires back with a closed fist to EDWARD’s temple, but much like a dog with his teeth sank in, EDWARD ignores the blow and continues chomping down! Thrax keeps throwing them though, because what else can he do? Eventually the repeated shots get to EDWARD and his bite loosens as he slumps over punch drunk. Thrax kicks him off and struggles to his feet, but EDWARD recovers quickly, reminds everyone that he’s the strongest warrior, and charges towards Thrax, but that tiger from earlier strikes again and tackles EDWARD out of frame!
Thrax manages to make it back to his feet and is favoring his hand when he’s suddenly struck by a spinning backfist that staggers him. It’s Jacki O’Lantern; clothes torn to shreds and flesh covered in blood from her earlier run in with the tiger that’s now mauling EDWARD! Jacki pushes in, scoping up Thrax and spiking him with No Fucks Given (Gotch Style Piledriver), but before she can capitalize, Osira explodes to life from within the poop pile and wraps her arms around Jacki from behind! Osira is looking for a snap suplex, but Jacki hooks her leg to block the attempt and fires off a series of back elbows that release her from Osira’s grip! Osira fires in with a wild right, but Jacki ducks it, hooks the arm and pivots behind Osira where she locks in The Darkest Hour (Chicken Wing Facelock)! Osira struggles for a moment, but quickly realizes that she’s in a no win situation and taps out!
ELIMINATED - OSIRA THEMIS!
Jacki jumps to her feet and sets her sights on Thrax, who’s still out from the piledriver! Jacki stomps towards him when a flying tiger crashes into her, knocking her from her feet!
“EDWARD STRONGEST WARRIOR!”
The tiger quickly scurries away as Jacki climbs to her feet and prepares for battle with EDWARD! The two charge at each other, with EDWARD leaping into the air with a Running Missile Dropkick, but Jacki drops to her knees and slides underneath it, leaving EDWARD to crash and burn! Jacki clobbers EDWARD with a Discus Clothesline, but EDWARD doesn’t budge and instead laughs at her! Jacki fires off another to the same result, and then, getting mad now, Jacki foegoes another strike attempt, and instead slithers around EDWARD locking him into an Octopus Stretch! EDWARD just stands there no selling it when a recovered Thrax rushes in with a Big Boot that sends EDWARD tumbling right into a pinning predicament where Jacki secures a three before EDWARD realizes what’s happening!
ELIMINATED - EDWARD!
Jacki releases the hold and rolls away from EDWARD when Thrax flies in from out of nowhere with his Leap of Faith Frogsplash! He makes the cover and picks up the win!
WINNER AND NEW LORD OF VIOLENCE - THRAX!
Every month the Lord of Violence gets a prize for putting their careers on the line for your entertainment, and this month is no different!
Presented to Thrax, his Lord of Violence “trophy”!
Thrax wins the Lord of Violence title for the first time! What a match! Bath, do you think Jacki O’Lantern might have a case to challenge for the Anarchy Title after eliminating EDWARD?
I think that goes without saying, Jacuinde… and I wish you hadn’t said it!!
It’s my job as a broadcast journalist…
Well your job SHOULD be to tell people about the HUGE singles match we have next, but I’ll take care of it for you… FOLKS! Holden Ross and Lexi Gold coming up next… don’t you dare switch the channel now, because Holden Ross has been leaving a trail of death and dismemberment in his wake. Is Lexi going to put a stop to the abominable one or she just another victim???
The first, frenetic strums of Faith No More's "Gentle Art of Making Enemies" rips through the arena as strobes of gold and white cast across the stage and crowd. After several moments, and then a few more for good measure, a vaguely familiar figure steps out onto the stage. The Ghanian audience hums with a vague intrigue. For those that even remember him, this is a return that nobody asked for, in a forum that nobody expected. Nonetheless, smugly mugging for the camera that settles on his face, is former XWF Universal Champion Kieran King!
Decked out in a finely pressed grey suit and black undershirt - the top buttons of which are left open - King runs his hand over the stubble around his shit-eating grin, before setting off in a saunter towards the ring. Foregoing the steps, he glides underneath the bottom rope - practically hovering off the mat. Climbing the furthest turnbuckle, he points out to the crowd and then crouches, throwing his arms up and back as if to backflip off the top... only to pull out at the last minute and land comfortably on his feet on the ring mat. He laughs at the crowd, mocking them as he beckons for a microphone.
KING: And this is the welcome I get…
He shakes his head in disgust.
KING: This company has always been a funny place like that. One can go away and come back as many times as they please but if the scenery changes then you can bring the biggest record of accomplishments with you that you can muster, and people won't even bat an eye. And me oh my, how the scenery has changed! And pray tell… what am I to do with this big ol' pork sword of achievements that I've got tucked in my pants?
He grabs his crotch and thrusts a little towards the nearest side of the ring. Winking at a young lady in the front row, King ignores the steady rise of boos growing around him.
KING: Should we do the thing? Should I play along with this dangerously arrogant collective ignorance that you - each and every one of you–
An accusing finger scans the crowd.
KING: –Not to mention the dipshits in the back!–
That same finger finds its way towards the stage that King had come down from.
KING: –Has been guilty of? Fine. Just this once sweetums, let's do it. Because in case you're stupid enough to think that the past doesn't matter, allow me to RE-introduce myself: My name is Kieran King. And without even wrestling a single match in the past twelve years, I am already the most decorated wrestler on this entire Madness show. Oh yes indeedy! See… I'm not talking about eleventy-three different championships in whatever third-rate promotion run out of a strip club in Buttfuck, Knowhere that so many of the other cumstains on this show claim as their pedigree. I'm talking about here in the good ol' XWF! In my first month in this business, I won the XWF X-Mas X-Treme tournament. Think of that as being akin to having won the King of the XWF tournament these days. And in the process, I won the XWF World Championship. Within the year, I won the Lord of the Ring battle royal in my last ever match becoming the number one contender for the Universal Championship - I shot that I never received mind you!
It's easy to tell on Kieran King's face that there is still a little bit of resentment over that.
KING: History lesson, kiddos: Name the only two wrestlers to have won the X-Mas X-Treme tournament and Lord of the Ring battle royal - the two iconic staples of their time - in the span of just twelve months? One is me, and the other is STEVE FUCKING JASON! Yeah, that's the fucking company I keep. He's a guy who I've beaten! Just like I've beaten Jayzon Williamz - the guy with the most Universal Reigns EVER! Just like I've beaten other Legends - with a capital L - like Trent Gein, K Money, and Big Shank! Hell, you know that Universal title shot THAT I NEVER GOT? It's no biggie…
From the tone of his voice and all of the shouting, clearly it is.
KING: …I HAD ALREADY WON THE DAMN THING! JUST THREE MONTHS IN! And what, people are supposed to be impressed by Mark Flynn taking ONE THIRD OF MY ENTIRE LIFE to do the same? Or we're supposed to slap Raion Kido on the back for doing the thing in what was it, six months? Fuck that, fuck them, and fuck you! You're hearing this right? I will talk about it all goddamn day but when push comes to shove, my record speaks for itself. And yeah, I'm rattling off shit in the past here, because guess what? I don’t need to have done anything more recent! One year of work and I made enough to retire to an island and bang Thai prostitutes all day long. So that's what I've been up to. And then I went and had a run in with a certain shaggy-haired, maybe-immortal, lunatic who kind of triggered an itch in me and lo and behold, I find myself on this shithole brand of Madness, about to start the saga all over again. Now sure, I could go back and get that Universal Title shot that I'm OWED, but that seems like a whole thing trying to convince people to honour some Jon Brown-era promises.
He shrugs. But his eyes definitely give away that he feels slighted by not getting the title shot.
KING: So you know what they say, right? Work harder, not smarter. Why do something I've already done, when I could do something new for a hell of a lot less work? And with the talent here on Madness… yeah, it's going to be a HELL of a lot less work. So here's my promise you all: twelve years removed, I am BACK. And while I'm here, I'm gonna kick Chris Mosh in the dick. I'm gonna kick Holden Ross in the dick too. Lexi Gold doesn't have a dick, but I'll let her and Myra Rivers kick me in mine, if ya feel me? And whomever wins between Elijah Copeland and Hide Yamazaki tonight? I'm gonna kick them in the dick too. Shit, I may as well kick the loser too. Dick kicks all round, peeps! I'm coming for the IDL Championship. And if you're in the way? Two letters, baby: F U.
The microphone falls from Kieran King's hands as "The Gentle Art of Making Enemies" rips too life once again and the former Universal Champion leaves the ring, his intentions made perfectly clear.
VS.
Air raid sirens begin their cries of warning as the arena is plunged into darkness. As they reach their crescendo, and begin their fall, a single spotlight cuts through the dark, illuminating Holden who is standing statuesque, just this side of the threshold of the entrance curtain.
Just like their signal of warning in the real World, in A.W. they are a warning that the “Bastard” is making his way to the ring. When the spotlight first shines on him, he has his head down, chin on his chest and his eyes closed. The sirens begin winding up their pitch for the second round of screaming. He lifts his head and his face is void of emotion, his eyes black pools of nothing, similar to a great white's eyes.
Ring Announcer: Making his way to the ring; standing at six feet, five inches tall and weighing in at just over three hundred pounds! He hails from San Luis Obispo! He is “The Bastard!” Hoooooldennnnnnnn RRRRRRRRRRoosssssssss!
The sirens are relentless as he strolls down to the ring. He takes his time climbing the ring steps and wipes his feet before entering the ring. He brings his hands together in front of his chest, in a praying position. He then removes the ski mask, chain, and jacket and tosses it out to the ring girl. When the referee attempts to check him for contraband, Holden gently pushes him away and leans into his corner, apparently bored.
“5 out of 6” by Dessa plays and Lexi Gold appears from behind the curtain to a chorus of cheers from the crowd. She slowly makes her way down the ramp and gazes out on the jam packed arena before she runs roward to fans at ringside and claps their hands. The Golden Goddess then makes her way up the steps and goes through the bottom rope and taunts a bit before she makes her way toward the center where her eyes remain fixated on the stage as she awaits the bell.
[mad]
DING!
The match begins, and from the onset, it's clear that this is nothing short of David vs. Goliath. Lexi doesn't look like she's about to back down for a *second* even with the mountain of a man known as Holden Ross in front of her, but on the flip side, Ross eyes up Lexi like she's nothing but a piece of meat. The two slowly come to the ring, and the fans try and offer their support with a chorus chant of "DON'T DIE, LEX! DON'T DIE, LEX! DON'T DIE, LEX!"
Lexi starts by trying to use her speed and agility to her advantage, peppering Ross with lightning-fast strikes to keep him guessing. The beast staggers from some of them, but it's not enough to make him fall. Lexi tries using her momentum to go off the ropes and try for a crossbody, but she's caught in midair by Ross! The fans gasp as she's hoisted high into the air for a-! NO! Lexi slips out from behind at the last moment and pushes away to create separation!
The game of cat and mouse continues largely the same, with Lexi doing her best to pester and tire out the big man, Ross catching on through his own surprising reflexes, but Lexi manages to squirm her way out at the last moment. But not once for the next few moments is Lexi able to make Ross fall in the slightest. Lexi's quick run at momentum dies off though, when she goes for a Running Meteora and she's caught in midair by Holden Ross, who turns things around into a BUCKLEBOOOOOOOOOOMB!
Ross then proceeds to start 'playing with his meal,' as it were, as he beats down on Lexi long-and-slow throughout the ring in a way that's almost uncomfortable to watch. He effortlessly ragdolls her around the ring with strong throws and slams more than once. And yet time and again, Lexi keeps managing to *somehow* roll and use the ropes to crawl back to her feet and try again at breaking through Ross' defenses to poor results. She's determined to make him bleed here, but it's just... not enough.
Holden calls for the end as he picks up Lexi by the hair, shrugging off her attempts to fight back and proceeds to hoist her into the air and tries going for the Bastardized (Dominator)! But wait- Lexi's kicking her feet! She manages to squirm out from behind and jumps up in order to hit Ross on the head with an enzuigiri! And now a dropkick! She's laying on the strikes as fast as possible now, and Holden's having trouble finally keeping up with it all! Holden finally drops to one knee, and looks far more vulnerable than he has all match!
Lexi sees her opportunity for a win with the Striking Gold (Step-Up Axe Kick) and goes to run off the ropes, but when she goes on the rebound, she sees a fan wearing a long, gray hood has jumped over the ringside barricade and is seemingly staring at her! The sight of this person freaks her out and gets to her before said fan gets run off by security guards. It's enough though for Holden Ross to come to, and hits Lexi while her attention is elsewhere with the STEAAAAAAAAAAAAAMROLLER POUNCE!
One H-Bomb later, and Holden goes for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEEEE!
WINNER: HOLDEN ROSS!
(Match Time - 12:13)
[/mad]
Ladies and gents, we have seen a ton of action here tonight… new number one contenders for the Gemini Titles, another statement made in the Delta Division by Mosh and the PE, big singles wins, a first timer winning the LoV… and now we come to the main event of the evening! The IDL Championship on the line as Elijah Copeland defends against Hide Yamazaki!
I’ve got a feeling that Copeland is going to humiliate this big lunk Yamazaki tonight! Copeland is just too skilled between the ropes to lose to some big dummy!
Hide Yamazaki is extremely educated, Bath, unlike yourself…!
Hey! I got a GED!
VS.
Hide Yamazaki walks out onto the ramp… alone?
He swings his huge chain over his head like a helicopter blade and then roars to the crowd before walking down to the ramp as the crowd claps and chants “WHERE’S JOHNNY? WHERE’S JOHNNY?”
The audience awaits the entrance of the reigning IDL Champion, Elijah Copeland, but instead when the MadnessTron fires up we get…
Madness General Manager Tula Keali’i comes out from the back in a cerulean blue power suit, complete with some mean shoulderpads right out of a Sigourney Weaver movie from the 80s.
Most surprisingly, though, is the fact that she is carrying the Madness IDL Championship on her shoulder as she walks out!
Tula stands at the top of the ramp with a mic in hand as the music fades and the lights find her. In the ring, a visibly confused Hide Yamazaki looks on with a puzzled expression.
Ladies and gentlemen! I want to thank you, the good people of Ghana, for coming out to see us live and in person… unfortunately, I have some disappointing news to share.
The crowd murmurs, unsure of how to react. Hide leans across the top rope staring at Tula with his brow furrowed.
Due to injuries sustained against Holden Ross on XWF Warfare several weeks ago, Elijah Copeland is medically unable to compete tonight on Madness. In fact, he did not even travel to Africa with the roster and is resting comfortably at home. There will be no title match here tonight.
In the ring, Hide lifts his hands in the air and excitedly stomps around, celebrating… he thinks he’s won the IDL Championship by forfeit!
Mister Yamazaki… I understand the confusion, and I apologize, but you are not going to be awarded the championship here tonight. It would not maintain the integrity of the title to just hand it off to someone who did not win it properly in a Madness ring.
Hide goes red in the face, angril flailing his arms and kicking at the bottom rope.
But… BUT… Hide, you will be in line to win the championship. In the coming months, we will determine the participants in a single elimination tournament to determine the third IDL Champion. YOU, Mister Yamazaki, are the first guaranteed name included in that tournament.
This seems to calm Hide a bit, though he still looks angry.
Now as for tonight… These fans deserve a main event. They paid to see these matches and even though we can’t provide them with the championship match they deserve, we can still close the show with Hide Yamazaki, the top contender to the title, taking on an XWF championship-caliber opponent! And here… SHE… is!
As the opening riff of "Vampire" by Saint Agnes tore through the arena the crowd jumped to their feet! Vita makes her way down to the ring, slapping hands with her fans along the way. Vita then slides into the ring and postures for the crowd as her music dies down.
Vita Valenteen! She was one half of the XWF Tag Team Champions until just a couple of days ago! She’s held almost every title out there, from the XWF X-Treme to the Anarchy Title, she’s even won the Lord of Violence award right here on Madness! What a shocker!
Tula did NOT disappoint… we are getting our main event RIGHT NOW!
[mad]DING!
Hide Yamazaki does not look pleased by the change in scheduling, and he seems prepared to take it all out on Vita.
Hide tosses Vita around the ring like a rag doll for the opening segment of the match. He hurls her from one corner to another, sending her spine into the buckles repeatedly before lifting her high over his head in a gorilla press and just dropping her down onto her face!
Hide continues to abuse Vita up until he makes a mistake and ducks down after whipping her to the ropes. Rather than getting back tossed, Vita hop onto Hide’s back and flips him onto his head with a vicious Canadian Destroyer! Vita looks for a cover but Hide bench presses her off of him at the count of two!
Valenteen keeps her distance with speed and athleticism for a bit, peppering Hide with quick precision strikes to his thick legs. She kicks away at him like a woodpecker on a redwood tree, trying to slow the big man down. Hide’s thighs start to bruise like a ripe granny smith apple, and when he finally staggers Vita is right there to smash him with a running shotgun knee strike that takes him down!
Vita heads out to the apron and waits as Hide starts to get up, then she springboards onto the top rope… EAT DEFEAT!!!
Hide Yamazaki catches her in mid-air!
THE TOWER!!!
Vita falls to the mat grabbing at her shin as Hide nabs her by the boot and flips her into position…
THE HANGED MAN!!!
Vita’s screams echo through the entire arena as she scrambles to free herself from the nasty stretch muffler submission. Hide has it locked on tight but Valenteen is just an inch or two too close to the ropes, and she manages to grab onto the bottom rope! The referee breaks the hold!
Vita is limping badly after the exchange and a cocky Hide Yamazaki sends her to the mat several times simply by sending hard savate kicks into Vita’s leg. He toys with her with various chops and strikes, battering Valenteen across all four corners of the ring.
Finally, Hide grabs Vita Valenteen in a tight bear hug and flips her up and over into THE DEVIL!!!
Vita crashes and burns from the suplex, lying nearly motionless in the center of the ring. Hide Yamazaki sits next to her and wipes his hands together, making a motion that she’s done for.
Hide then ascends the ropes, slapping at his knee to let everyone know what he’s got in store for his opponent next. Hide stands tall and then leaps from the top, driving his knee downward for THE HIEROPHANT!!!
YAMAZAKI MISSES!
Vita Valenteen rolls out of the way in the nick of time, and she limps to the ropes again as Hide clutches his knee in pain.
Vita gets to the apron and as Yamazaki hops on one leg to get to a vertical base, she flies onto the top once again with another EAT DEFEAT - this one connects!
Vita lands on top of Yamazaki and hooks the injured leg for the 1-2-3!
WINNER - VITA VALENTEEN
(Match Time: 13:39)
[/mad]
I can’t believe it! Vita Valenteen has just defeated Hide Yamazaki one on one! Bath, that’s got to set her up to be in this tournament Tula Keali’i informed us about, doesn’t it?!
Well you would certainly think so! Vita Valenteen has one of the best resumes in all of Madness… and now she can add a win over the number one contender to that list of accomplishments!
We will have to see who else gets the nod to participate… we already know Sierra Silver earned an opportunity months ago, and Myra Rivers is supposed to get her chance at the First Anniversary show! But without a champion, we can’t have a challenger!
It’s a mess, Jacuinde, but the best kind of mess! The kind of mess that gives opportunities! I can’t wait to see how this plays out… I’m all set to get the heck out of dodge and hit the road to the next stop on our map! Let’s get going!
And that will be next month, LIVE, when XWF Madness comes to you from Cape Town South Africa! Until then, for Jacuinde Cuahtemoc and Bath Saltzmann, I bid you good night and see you next time on MADNESS!!!
The following 4 users Like "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post:4 users Like "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post Finn Kühn (11-02-2022), King Kieran (11-06-2022), Lexi Gold (11-03-2022), Mark Flynn (11-02-2022)
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