It was a cold and lonely October eve. The dark of the night cast a long shadow over a tiny shack in the middle of a plowed corn field. Large rodents and small mammals skitter across the frozen ground as the camera zooms in on the flotsam shack in the field. The rustling winds batter the shack relentlessly, slipping through the cracks in the walls while shaking the wooden foundation. The camera follows along a strong gust of wind, pushing towards the shack before the camera angle somehow slips through a crack in the wall, as if it were literally riding on the frosty air!



Uhebrubrehbr…uhebrubrehbr…



As the camera slips into the shack we see a hunched over figure in the corner, trying to keep warm with a woolen blanket. In his left hand he holds the only source of light in the room: a burning green candle. We can see that the shivering man is staring intently at something in his right hand, but we can’t see what he is looking at until the camera moves over his shoulder.



I’ve been so cold without you…..









I always felt so strong when you were hanging on my arm…..uhebrubrehbr…



The shivering man brings the candlelight closer to his body as he tries to keep the encroaching frostbite away. He stares at the black and white photograph with longing before reluctantly placing it on the frozen floorboards. The icey-veined madman reached into his blanket and pulled out a pink iphone before turning it on and checking for notifications and messages.



But there weren’t any.



Why won’t you call me again, Connie? I left the Sandlot for you….for this…you told me to come here..you said we’d meet once more and come together as one…but where are you?!?!



The Nickleman sighed and closed his eyes as he wrapped himself up in the blanket even further. As the frozen winds ripped through the fabric of his clothing, the biting memories of his lost love tore through the fabric of his mind. He thought back to that mysterious phone call he received last week, and how the caller ID made his heart flutter instantly. As his mind raced even further into the past, he thought back to the first time he ever heard her name inside an XWF arena. Perhaps he had a photogenic memory or perhaps the hypothermia was finally setting in, but either way, as he held his eyes shut and held that blanket close he felt like he was being brought back to where this all started….

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like a false reign come to pass

Thirteen months have gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again

Becoming who we are

As my memory rests

But never forgets what I lost

A younger and more vibrant Charlie Nickles looked up at the bright lights in the arena with a big  smile on his face, but still with only 1 intact ear. In addition, his skin was still quite wrinkled and he was still quite fat- but you could definitely tell just from the way he walked that his body had more spring in its step. The camera can see Charlie quite clearly in the flashback, but almost everything around him is blurred and foggy- like some sort of impenetrable mist was standing between The Nickleman and full mastery of his memory. For a reason only the observant will understand, a remixed version of ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends’ is playing over the arena’s PA system.



A blurry man stood next to Charlie as the pair stood on the outskirts of a blurry wrestling ring. They were close friends, surely. The man whispered ever so softly into Charlie’s ear, causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand up. The Nickleman couldn’t even hope to hear the faint words, but he could feel them in his very soul. He could feel them crawling across his skin.



They’re bringing out a new girl tonight? Oh I hope she’s a hot little thing, it’s about time they debuted a new broad around here! I think we were all getting tired of seeing that old Hartless bitch be abused and misused. Maybe this new girl can keep Goldi some company until I can win her back! Hot dog, we’re all fixing to have a pretty good time now that they’ve kicked that ugly hag to the curb and brought us a fresh piece of ass to pass around and play with!



The Nickleman cracked a horndog’s grin as he imagined all the vile things he could do to a fresh, unvarnished commodity. 



I’m going to be one of the first men to dominate that new broad- I just know it. I like the way they smell when they’re fresh, practically virgin, when they’re hot off the presses. You only get a couple good years out of any broad- and after that, she gets turned into a fucking dumpster because everyone will have ran through her. I mean, you know I loved that Goldi, but she always did have that hoorish stench on her, no matter how much I washed her mouth out with soap.



Charlie Nickles chuckled to himself as he remembered Goldi’s complete aversion to basic hygiene. Charlie loved being involved with dumpster whores, because they would do whatever he said so long as he had that gold. Yet still, a part of Charlie’s soul yearned for a new journey towards the pristine, towards a temple truly worthy of worship, towards a loving partner and a certified good woman. He sighed softly as he realized how far out of his reach this fantasy was at the time.



I wouldn’t mind having a little, or maybe a really fucking long, run with this new girl- but it might be a while. Those fatcats with the keys to her chastity belt won’t let me near her for a while, not after this atrocious summer they just put me through…...but what did you say her name was?



The blurry man guffawed, seemingly placing one hand on his stomach and one hand on Charlie’s shoulder. Another impenetrable whisper traveled through the mist as Charlie rubbed his chin and licked his lips. From this close-up angle it seemed that Charlie had a few more teeth in his mouth than he does in the present day- but only a few.



Oh that’s a beautiful name…she must be a beautiful girl. You know, that name reminds me of someone….



The Nickleman looked over to his blurry friend with a soft smile as he thought back to the first time he ever heard that name inside of a wrestling arena before- and just like that, The Nickleman was going back down the rabbit hole that he could never escape. As Charlie stood silently amidst the blurring mist he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply- as if he were trying to fill both his lungs and his empty heart at the same time. Longing for more than just air, he thought back to the first time he ever laid eyes on the mother of his two favorite children…

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like my nightmare come to pass

Our marriage was gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again

Becoming who we are

As my memory rests

But never forgets what I lost

A younger and more vibrant Charlie Nickles looks up to the night sky with a cautiously optimistic smile and both of his ears fully intact. The cool autumn winds chilled him to his bones, but he didn’t mind the outdoor venue. The Nickleman’s face looked years younger, and when he smiled you could even tell he had a full mouth of teeth- for the most part!

As Charlie looks around the world, it still appears to be a blur; but you’re pretty sure you see someone wearing a ‘Saved By The Bell’ t-shirt with Screech’s distorted face on it! Nothing has been done to distort Screech’s face, of course- it’s the least blurry thing in the scene. That’s just kind of how Screech looks. As the t-shirt gets closer you can see a fine pair of breasticles behind the fabric of Screech’s eyes, and The Nickleman immediately starts licking his chapped lips.



Daaaaaamn mamacita, don’t you think Screech would look better hanging from a hook in my closet? And shit girl, you might look better that way too! So whaddya’ say….wanna go suck me off in the John? I’m kind of a big deal, you know…



Her open palm flashed across the screen as a blur, but the red mark it left on Charlie’s cheek was anything but hard to see. The woman in the Saved By the Bell t-shirt walked off screen as Charlie was left rubbing his face in pain.



Fucking bitches….they never want to get with a decent guy! She probably wants an asshole who isn’t going to treat OR fuck her right!



As The Nickleman bitches and moans, we see a blurry man slide into the frame. He clasps Charlie’s shoulder with one hand while offering his other out for a shake. The Nickleman smiles at the sight of a friendly face, bringing his hand down from his face to accept the gentlemanly shake. As you look closely, you can tell that this blurry man is the exact same blurry man from the last scene- only decades younger! But how can a blur appear younger?



Well my my my look what the cat dragged in! I didn’t think I’d be seeing you here on this circuit….Canada getting too cold for ya?



The blur and The Nickleman exchange a laugh as the handshake comes to a natural end. The two then glance over towards the foggy wrestling ring just across the barrier. The apparition whispers something to Charlie along the winds, but he doesn’t catch it- he’s too busy staring into the squared circle.



I hope they’re not going to book you against me tonight, because I’m about ready to kill a man in that ring….life’s just not so good for me, you know? Some days I feel like I might as well just throw it all away…on days like today.



The Nickleman turned to the blurry man, offering him a wink and a smile.



On days that end in a ‘y’!



The blurry man seemed to pause, unsure how to take this sudden revelation. The Nickleman stared into the blur with a seldom seen tenderness, a stiff upper lip, and a solemn look in his eye. The blur whispered something back to The Nickleman, and he tried to digest it the best he could- which was not very well at all.



You know, I just….I just….I just don’t want to live anymore sometimes, you know? We’ve all been there, maybe me more than others…I just don’t know what there is to fight for anymore. Why go on with the drudgery, with the monotony? With the cuts and the bruises and the losses….what’s supposed to be at the end of the tunnel for guys like us? For dissentients and bastards? Is there a heaven on earth we can reach before we meet the end, and never dream of heaven again?



I figure if I were to just go to far one night, and just a kill a man in that ring…I could really make a show of it. Take some broken glass across his neck, totally blow open his jugular, and then stab myself through the eye and up to the brain. Then, maybe if I’m lucky, I could fall facefirst to the ground and the glass shard would slide clear through the other side of my skull…but we all have dreams, don’t we? Sometimes mine feel more like nightmares…



A younger and clearly less confident Nickleman begins shaking in place as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small bottle of prescription pills.



My shrink says when I have these feelings, when I get the urges, I need to pop a couple….and sometimes I pop a couple before I drink, just to make the night out more fun.



Do you want a couple?



The blur politely refuses the offer, so a fresh faced Charlie Nickles pops down a whole handful of small white pills. He wipes his mouth and gulps before closing the pill bottle and returning it to his pocket. He looks back to his blurry friend with a red twinge of embarrassment in his cheeks.



We all have our quirks…but the shrink says if I keep taking my pills, I might be able to find a girl and settle down! I’d love to have a family..maybe that would make me feel better about my life.



Charlie chuckles to himself as he brings a hand to the back of his neck in discomfort. Charlie looks back to the blurry man expecting his judgment, but receiving none. Instead, the man behind the blur tries to comfort the young Nickleman, offering him quiet words of wisdom. The words are so close to breaking through, but the impenetrable mist between the two prevents Charlie from fully grasping the words- or even hearing them at all!



Even worse, it appears that Charlie’s attention has been caught by another blur walking past in the background. Like a junkyard dog chasing after every shiny object he finds, it appears Charlie’s gaze is completely fixed on the bad mamma jamma blur walking just behind him and his friend. As the blur tries to console him, Charlie’s state of mind seems to have already changed-up entirely.



Oh my GOD! Who is that firestarter over there…



Nickels elbows the blurry man before pointing to the other blur’s presumed badonkadonk. Charlie leans in closely as his friend tells him the name of the blurred woman.



What a beautiful name…..I think I might have just found my something to live for!



The blurry man visibly facepalms as Charlie starts sauntering over to the blurry woman like a peacock on full display. Before The Nickleman reaches the woman, however, our foggy scene freezes- and your television screen appears to crack! The shattered pieces of their past fall to the bottom of the frame as the screen flashes this distortion.











The Nickleman wakes up in a cold sweat, huddled beneath a woolen blanket, all alone in a barnyard shack. He comes back from his flashback inside of a flashback seated with his back against the wall and his face buried beneath his knees. Charlie’s pretty sure his extremities are out there somewhere as well, but he just can’t manage to feel them. He poked his head out from its cradled position and saw that the flame of his candle had been extinguished by the winds.



Uhebrubrehbr…uhebrubrehbr…



The shivering Nickleman shook his head from side to side but his hair didn’t move at all, because the cold sweat had frozen it in place! He sat there in the shack shaking, curling up against himself for warmth, wishing he could go back in time and relive those memories forever. It’s so much easier to relive old memories than it is to make new ones, especially when you’re on the brink of freezing to death.



So…cold….without you…



Charlie chatters his teeth as he reaches down for his pink iphone. He checks it once more for messages, only to finally realize that he’s not getting any signal way out here.



Fuck!



The Nickleman felt an immediate temptation to chuck the phone against the wall and shatter it to pieces, but he was able to calm down by closing his eyes and imagining the happier times. A few seconds later Nickles opened his eyes and opened up the phone’s photo gallery, scrolling through months and months worth of saved multimedia content.



The glare of the screen was the only true source of light in the shack; the stars on Charlie’s screen lit up the room while the stars in the sky provided the dim light of the wilds. Nickles couldn’t help but chuckle to himself as he finally scrolled all the way back to his saved photos and videos from ‘February 2022’.



Oh, this old little push piece….I bet this would have pushed a whole lot more than a handful of buttons back in the day!



As The Nickleman cackled to himself his frosty breath filled the air inside the shack.



I wonder if someone leaked this to Peter Vaughn before we were set to square off for the Universal Championship…..heh, that would explain why the pussy pulled out of the fight!



The Nickleman grinned from ear-to-ear as he pressed play on the old video inside the shack. Just like Charlie always intended, this old promo from February was finally going to be making the airwaves….






We see a shadowy Nickleman standing in a leather coat in the middle of a strange alley. He takes a puff off a big cigar before exhaling the smoke into the frosty air. He brings the cigar down to his waist before looking up at the camera through the shadows.



Back when I was just a boy growing up in the sticks the town drunkards used to tell us tall tales and local legends. I still remember how we would all rush to the Gaslight Saloon around closing time and wait for Old Man Jones to come out and fill our heads with fanciful fables. His slurred words used to inspire our young minds and convince us we could attain greatness. We would listen to him and we would be told that anything was possible, that magic was real, that the whole world was at our fingertips…



Charlie brings the cigar back up and slowly inhales another hit.



Ohhhh how the tables have turned. Now all you young bucks on the brand, gather round that screen and listen to some words from a wise drunkard. Pass the ganga around and settle in, fellas, cause we’re in for a long one this time…



Charlie takes another puff as he steps towards the camera continuously



Walk with me, brotha-man.



Charlie looks up at the camera and walks past it. The camera quickly does a 180 and follows behind Charlie at his pace as he walks through the alleyways of a nondescript city.



There’s a story of a man, a myth, a legend….a stowaway. He was unwanted, undocumented, and unable to find his place in the world: so he snuck aboard a mighty vessel and went along for the cruise.



But the trip wasn’t quite that smooth.



The crew he had joined was infested, infected, completely overrun with rodents and parasites. The planks were rotting, the food was spoiled, and the entire ship was being captained by sex-crazed rockstar.



While the other passengers jumped off the ship en masse, this man, this myth, this legend stayed the course. He never let his vessel waver, he never buckled to the cries of the passengers. He kept on his path despite the naysayers and the doubters, he kept true to his vision no matter the objection!



And his steadfast resoluteness was rewarded.



His years of starvation and degradation aboard that abandoned ship all paid off when he finally saw the shore. He stepped onto the lands he had always dreamed of and immediately knew that he belonged. He made it, after all this time, he made it to the place he had always wanted to be…..



The Nickleman looked back towards the camera with a twinge of pride in his eye.



He signed a contract with the XWF- and he started carving a name out for himself in this company before the ink on his deal was even dry.



The wins piled up and hey, maybe a loss slipped in here or there, but none could deny that he had a helluva’ run in the months after his XWF debut! He had big wins and big balls, so of course he became a big draw. And you know what big draws do, don’t you? Well, young bucks, let me lay it out for you if you’re still confused: big draws fight in big matches for the big belts and the big bucks.



It takes most wrestlers years to get to that level- but this man, this myth, this legend? It only took him a couple months once he finally got the call up to the big leagues. Couple months in and he was already fighting for the universal championship on the grandest stage of them all.



The Nickleman took one last puff of his cigar before tossing it to the ground and grinning from ear-to-ear.



That kind of shit is damn near unprecedented. I mean really, who can you think of that’s done that? It’s a short list, but think hard and see how many names you can come up with!



Charlie looks at camera with a funny expression, then pauses.



So, young bucks, did you write your lists out? Do you know who this story is about?



Charlie crosses his arms in disappointment.



Seems we have mixed responses in the crowd.



Come on folks, just think a little harder….who do you know in the XWF that came into the company like they were shot out of a cannon, hotter than hell’s bells and winning almost every match to boot. He became a legendary champion after just a few months in these halls…



Do you know who I’m talking about?



The Nickleman smiles and nods before extending his hands out at both sides.



Why of course, I’m talking bout the muhfukkkin’ NICKLEMAN!



Which of you fucking idiots guessed Peter Vaughn?



Charlie sneered in disgust as he looked off to the side; but then, he turned back to the camera with an empathetic look in his eye. .



But then again, the meteoric rises of the Mechanic and The Family Man do share a fundamental similarity……but maybe we can talk more about that later.



The Nickleman looked up at the camera with the grin of a trickster who knew exactly what type of landmines he was planting.



And Peter Vaughn, quick word of advice? Make sure you get with Betsy Granger to compare notes before our match. She has laid down for Daddy Nickles over and over again. She’s lost to me in tag action, she’s lost to me in singles, and no bullshit, I think she’s even starting to lose to me in some of those twitter polls! So go on Petey, and make sure you have the talk with her. If she’s honest she will tell you of the unimaginable hell you are about to endure. She’ll tell you of the horror, the torment, the humiliation. She’ll tell you what it’s like to battle The Nickleman with a title on the line.



Go on, Vaughn: just ask Betsy about the man who put her in exile.



The Nickleman grinned like a deranged fisherman as he set his proverbial hooks in deep.



Exile…..



Charlie snorts and shakes his head.



What does Peter Vaughn know about exile? For him exile is nothing but a cheap marketing ploy. But for me? I know exile all too well. I have actually LIVED the path of exile. I was cast out from my own family’s home, thrown into the street like trash by the first woman I ever loved. All for working too much. I was banished, shut out entirely from the lives of my children all for trying too hard to be a good dad.



I walked the streets of my hometown as an exiled man, a man with no family and no home.



Charlie stares at the ground in sadness as he shakes his head from side to side. His mangy locks of unwashed hair flow in the wind.



I’ve walked thousands of miles in the tattered boots of the exile. I fucking hated it. Ask any exile and they’ll all tell you the same. It’s nothing to brag about, it’s nothing to market. Exile is a shame that cuts the soul, it’s not a god damn badge of honor!



That self-styled moniker tells me all I need to know about this champion.



Charlie looked back towards the camera and stared at it with disgust.



When you know what to look for it’s easy to see through the Mechanic’s suped-up gimmickry. He’s no exile. Neither is Betsy, nor Bam…not even Xavier. They’re nothing more than clever self-starters that struck marketing gold and ran to the bank with it. I suppose it had to happen eventually though, right? I’m sure Jane Doe-Granger started looking for gold everywhere after I took that pretty little belt off her waist.



Peter Vaughn was never ‘exiled’ from the OCW: that motherfucker was probably just a victim of budget cuts! We see this all the time on the independent scene with these small, rinky-dink promotions! A homegrown star starts shining too bright and, believe it or not, drawing too much! That turns into a problem reaaaaal quick for these lil’ ma’ and pa’ promotions! He draws, he draws, he draws, and soon he starts thinking he should be drawing more out of the bank! But what upward mobility is there in the minor leagues? When someone starts dominating the G League they don’t get a big promotion from the Motor City Cruise: they just get signed to the Detroit Pistons! That’s how this shit works!



But there’s no direct pipeline in wrestling because all the promotions are competitors, you know? So OCW just releases a slew of stars expecting big paydays and wala, now their balance sheet is looking pretty good again! Sure, in the long term this approach means all the best talent just winds up in the XWF…but hell, that’s just the way the sausage is made in professional wrestling! You can’t bitch me out just because I’m the messenger giving you the secret recipe!



The Nickleman chuckled to himself as he carried on.



Vaughn got hit with that contract termination and finally came over to the greener pastures. Along the way he whipped up the exile nomenclature and whala, now he’s a mechanic. Oh Petey Vaughn, he’s got to be one of the most creative minds in modern wrestling. First he was a janitor, then he was a janitor in “exile”, and now he’s a mechanic in a copyrighted faction with officially branded merchandise that reads ‘Exiles’. What’s he going to come up with next?  The exiled chiropractor? Eh, I’d reckon he’s probably too spineless for that. Maybe he’ll become the exiled toilet bowl scrubber, because his championship reign is SHIT!



Charlie reached down into his pocket and pulled out another cigar, sparking it and taking a hit before looking back to the camera.



Petey Vee, I’ve got a new role for you: the champion on death’s row. Keep that title belt warm for me and don’t go too far, because you have a date with your executioner coming up.



I have lived too long and sacrificed too much to fall short now.



I have bled too much and worked too hard.



I have taken years off my life in pursuit of this legacy.



All the broken tables, all the shattered glass, all the pain..it's all led to this one moment....



The Nickleman took another puff of his cigar, exhaling a huge cloud of smoke before addressing the audience again.



I came into the wrestling business with big dreams and empty pockets….twenty some-odd years later and here I stand, ready to win the biggest purse of my career and realize my greatest dreams all in the same night.



I don’t hold any regrets in this life, I mean, how could I? Every decision I ever made, they all led me to this moment. Everything I’ve ever lost helped me find this most precious opportunity. Every misstep, every slip, every tumble: they all brought me here. They were all worth it. I would do it all a thousand times over to get back to this precipice.



And now that I’m here…



I’ll butcher Peter Vaughn a thousand times over just to show everyone where I belong.



The Nickleman took one last puff of his cigar as the camera faded to black.