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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Leap of Faith (July 13th) PPV RP Archive
God is a Loophole for SATAN! (Trio Titles)
Author Message
Unknown Soldier Offline
HAIL SATAN!



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#1
07-08-2013, 10:39 PM


The loophole to Hunter Payne's 'God Story' just like every other scripture or story from the bible.


A dark and empty abandoned home locked away in the shadows of a dilapidated neighborhood in the middle of the slums of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The grotesque and vile sight of Unknown Soldier feasting on dead rats and washing them down with a gallon of Sunny D that he stole from the grocery store opens our scene.

Unknown Soldier: "The bitterness of the juice sets the palate in the mood for extreme pleasure when feasting on rodents. But you all weren't directed here through your nightmares or SATAN! television to watch me eat breakfast now did you? Of course not, we came here to watch me tear Hunter Payne a new asshole. Fuck that asshole. Then fuck his vagina."

Unknown Soldier: "Let's see where to start? I know! Let's put up a bunch of random pictures and call them 'shots of my opponent in a fucked up situation.' I noticed the best you could come up with as throwing up some picture of a dog or something stupid. Couldn't make the effort to find an actual picture of a human bum and instead went with the dog as a 'humorous' substitute. HAHA! Come on Hunter don't you think we could do better than that."

Soldier holds up a dead rat that has been mangled to shreds and places it near the camera.

Unknown Soldier: "Like, perhaps this for instance. I want to use this picture as mine, that alright with you amigo? That's as much effort Hunter Payne wants to put in his promos people! "

Unknown Soldier: "Well since Hunter wants to play that dirty, and I wouldn't expect anything less from a Mexican, I've decided to provide some shots of him and his family... Let's have a look shall we..."




Unknown Soldier: "I mean, that's what we've brought ourselves into at this point with all this prejudicial warfare that Hunter Payne wants to engage with me. Are you sure that you and 'Rocky' wouldn't just be a better cast for Ghostbusters 3 and Joy can play that ugly chic with the glasses. Somebody is bound to get more ratings than that Ghost Hunters show on cable television. I mean, here Payne is quoting bible scriptures assuming that I'm some kind of 'ancient evil' that can be overthrown by... What was it again... 'God?" Right... A Mexican with a big catholic heart, talk about a living prejudice right there Hunter... You assume that quoting the bible is the logical way to engage me since I worship SATAN! YOU profiled ME! If it weren't for that I never would have had to call your mother a lifeless worm with half a brain to name her son Hunter, who then got lucky and married some fat turd here in America."

Unknown Soldier: "Just how silly is this really going to get since you've already gone a step far to quote bible scripture like your some kind of god thumpers on your podcast. You sure look silly preaching to me and brining up notions that I'm a 'Klansman'. Now you're just throwing out racial and prejudicial garbage to try and attack my character. Reaching for anything that 'sounds' racist because you think I attacked YOU first when it was in fact the opposite. NEVER did I call you a or black hued human being. I love BBC (Big Black Cock) so why you would group me in that category is ridiculous and absurd. YOU brought this on yourself and taken it beyond the point of necessity by whipping out your bible."

Gnawing off the head of the rat and swallowing it whole he then proceeds to speak again.

Unknown Soldier: "I'm not really sure how Hunter Payne actually feels about all this considering his woman did most of the talking for him, but let's just assume that she obviously wears the pants in that relationship and whatever she says he's sure to do. Sounds worse than my allegiance to SATAN! if you ask me, but maybe her asshole's tight enough and worth it. Who am I to judge, right?"

Unknown Soldier: "Let's also touch briefly about how you noted Mystery hasn't shown up and it's now some kind of Handicap affair.. blah blah... Hey dip shit? In case you haven't noticed or had your head in the sand your partner Dean Moxley hasn't had anything to say yet either? HAHA! Right, sounds like more trash talking that your 'reaching' to try sound legitimate but it's not."

Unknown Soldier: "Let's wrap up your entire spiel really quickly by putting to rest your entire God rearing bible thumping shenanigans."

SATAN! = God

Unknown Soldier: "That's right you lowly maggot."

Soldier pulls a maggot out of the rat carcass.


Unknown Soldier: "Both what I just ate and the man I'm speaking to can fall under that category You can argue all you want by whipping out your Bible and proclaiming verse for verse about how "God defeated satan and so I've chosen the losing side." As much as I love tearing idiots like you apart with your religious fan fare I don't have the time to sort out bible scriptures. I'm not interested in turning this trash talking session into a Sunday School class."

Unknown Soldier: "Let's cut to the chase and fill you in on what you've really done and that is reinforce more of what SATAN! really stands for. In XWF, SATAN! = GOD. He is God and the creator of this world that has drawn your attention through whatever means you are witness to this. So keep getting down on your knees and worshiping our God Hunter. This is my world now and has nothing to do with 'make believe' old written stories in that book you recite from."

Unknown Soldier: "Let's move past gospel lessons for dummies and take a look at some things your whore had to say about me Hunter and weigh through some of this nonsense and mindless blabber."

Quote:Joy: "Unknown Soldier, you want to talk about how cheap those Championships are? Yeah, that is kind of your fault... No wait, that's ALL your fault. The Championship doesn't make the man, The man makes the Championship! So there you go Dante, your entire title reign wrapped up in about 3 sentences... asshole."

Unknown Soldier: "Exactly and when did I once say I wanted to make them famous? It's more fun to watch people like you think their so important, yet still can't achieve them because you'll never be good enough to beat me. I thought that was your 'schtik' to make the belts a 'worthy name' not mine... This only proves the point that your whore is just as stupid as you are Hunter. This reminds me of another time you attacked Peter, but actually defended his statements by not wording things properly. I'm supposed to take that as an insult because I'm a 'bum with an exceptional vocabulary'. Is that supposed to be an attack or a compliment by the way?"

Unknown Soldier: "Anyways, should we expect your whore to 'tip toe' her way around the phrase and turn it into something else like you did totally falling back on your word? Nice try by the way, you know re phrasing my own words that I tore you apart with in the first promo I aired. Like I said, pathetic and amateur. Ten dollar words for a man that isn't worth ten pesos. Rephrase that one you dirty swindler. "

Quote:Joy: "Or hey maybe the lesson here is; if you stick around in the company long enough, no matter how much people hate you, you're bound to get something done around here, eventually... And don't you dare talk to me about how long you've been here or how young you're opponents are when compared to you. Yeah, That's not a good thing! It just proves my point that you have been leeching from this company for far too long you old fuck!"

Unknown Soldier: "Maybe the lesson here is that if you can't find anything to say that's relevant, don't say anything at all? Are we seriously fighting over age here? I don't know if we can for the fact that your date of birth isn't listed. Must be one of those things where we don't really know how old you are. Did you try out for the Little League World series years ago and now we can't tell what year you were born? I know a lot of 'your kind' tend to resort to dirty tricks like that in those type of children games."

Unknown Soldier: "I'd like to end this session of "Smackin' around sanity with Soldier and SATAN!" by ending with a very racial and prejudicial counter reply to Hunter Payne reading the bible. I'm going to read the scripture that only his ancestors and culture feels is hilarious. Nobody else in the world except Mexicans think this guy is funny. In fact, after watching his promos I'm going to guess that only George Lopez finds Hunter Payne's promos even remotely funny and/or interesting."

The Holy Bible of Hunter Payne's trash talk and humor...

[Image: 9780743259958-l.jpg]

Unknown Soldier begins to read the book aloud in front of the screen as if it were some kind of reading session for children about to go under for nap time. The crowd in SATAN!s audience never laughs once through the entire six hours of book reading. Even after they aired both of Hunter Payne's promos when Soldier finished reading the book still their was not even a chuckle. Not until hours later when they aired it again with Spanish subtitles.

[Image: MGncwBi.jpg]

XWF Record
56 - 20 - 1

1 (X) Universal Champion
4 (X) Xtreme Champion
1 (X) Tag Team Champion (w/ Doctor Louis D'ville)
1 (X) Anarchy Champion
2 (X) Superstar of the Month
Hall of Legends member inducted 9/27/20 at Relentless

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