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Wednesday Night Warfare - 06/08/22 - Results
Author Message
SBW-SmokingBobWilliams Offline
XWF Management
Management Lv. 2



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


Post: #1
06-08-2022 08:55 PM





WEDNESDAY - 8 - JUNE - 2022


THIS IS...


WEDNESDAY NIGHT WARFARE!!!!

CRYPTO.COM ARENA (Formerly Staples Center}, LOS ANGELES


[Image: Staples-Center-LA-Lakers-768x513.jpg]

]






MATCH #1:

Adi Gold

- vs -

'The Wolf of Afghanistan' Joshua Schuler

1 RP- Standard Match-







MATCH #2:

NON TITLE MATCH

Calyspo and Peter Vaughan

- vs -

Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal

- 2 RP’s -







MAIN EVENT:



Tommy Wish

- vs -

Charlie Nickles

1 RP- Standard Match.
















WEDNESDAY - 8 - JUNE - 2022


THIS IS...


WEDNESDAY NIGHT WARFARE!!!!

CRYPTO.COM ARENA (Formerly Staples Center}, LOS ANGELES


[Image: Staples-Center-LA-Lakers-768x513.jpg]

]



GOLD by The Beaches hits over the PA System. The arena lights turn yellowish/gold and Adi heads out from behind the curtain. She raises her arms in the air as she heads towards the ring.

HHL: "Adi Gold is coming out here to a red-hot crowd tonight! The landscape has completely changed after Leap of Faith, and everyone wants to know: is Adi Gold the next wrestler set to rise to the top?"

PC: "She just might be able to get there one day, Heather, but tonight she has to get through WarPig!"

HHL: "He's a wolf now, remember."

PC: "Oh, right...."

Adi Gold pauses on the entrance ramp as she sees an incredibly attractive man in the front row wearing a BOB-branded Thunder Knuckles shirt. Adi Gold looks at the man, then down to TK's face. The man in the front row tries to flirt with her, but Adi Gold shushes him and asks if she can have a kiss.

HHL: "Wow, Adi Gold might be finding love at first sight!"

The man closes his eyes and plucks his lips as Adi Gold leans forward...and kisses TK's face on the shirt! She lets out a giggle and wears a big smile as she starts skipping back down the entrance ramp. The man in the TK shirt looks completely stunned, and absolutely disappointed.

PC: "I think she might have a crush on Thunder Knuckles, Heather!"

Adi slides into the ring under the ropes. She jumps on the second turnbuckle trying to get the crowd involved as she bops her head to the song waiting for the match to begin.



“Wolf Totem” blasts over the PA as Joshua makes his way down the entrance way with a swagger like 50 Cent meets a Beach Bum. Wearing a black silk Kimono with white wolves scattered about.

PC: "Schuler looks like a bad man tonight!"

HHL: "Bad wolf, Pip! He's a wolf now, remember!"

Ten feet before the ring he takes off at sprint pace. Sliding in under the bottom rope. Joshua quickly leaps to his feet and walks over to the nearest turnbuckle. Removing his kimono, he tosses it out to a lucky fan. Joshua then climbs the turnbuckle and perches like Raven from WCW with a wicked smirk of violent enjoyment. Awaiting the bell to ring.

PC: "Whatever kind of animal he is, I know I wouldn't want to be trapped in the ring with him!"

HHL: "Adi Gold definitely has her hands full tonight, but she just might have it in her to slay the beast!"




MATCH #1:

Adi Gold

- vs -

'The Wolf of Afghanistan' Joshua Schuler

Standard Match-



DING! DING! DING!


The bell rings and the two wrestlers immediately walk out of their corners towards the center of the ring. The Wolf of Afghanistan has about half a foot of height on Adi, and well over one hundred pounds, yet still she doesn't look like she's backing down. Adi Gold challenges Schuler to a test of strength as she holds out her palms in front of him. The Wolf of Afghanistan just laughs in her face, accidentally spitting a couple of old hotdog chunks onto her. Adi Gold backs up in disgust as she brushes herself clean, and the referee steps between the two to remind Schuler that absolutely no foreign objects are allowed to be used in this match. Schuler shrugs off the referees notice, just in time to see Adi Gold charging right at him with a running missile dropkick! The referee scoots out of the way just in time, watching from mere inches away as Adi's feet slam into Schuler's chin!

HHL: "Joshua Schuler wasn't taking Adi seriously, and it cost him!"

PC: "Everyone in the XWF is here for a reason, Heather! Schuler is going to need to show up with a peak performance if he wants to win this big match tonight!"

Schuler scurries to his feet as Adi does the same. Schuler looks completely caught off guard by the strength of Adi's dropkick, and he's even more surprised by the strength of the swinging neck breaker she hits him with next! Both wrestlers fly to the mat, and Adi decides to capitalize on her hot start by hooking Schuler's leg and going for the pin! The referee drops to the mat and begins the count!



1!






2!!





KICKOUT!


PC: "She almost won this match straight out of the gate!"

HHL: "Schuler needs to get his head into the game here if he wants to win!"

Schuler throws the smaller woman off of him before rolling over and pushing himself up to his feet. Adi Gold quickly comes charging at the Wolf of Afghanistan once again, but this time Schuler sees it coming. Just as Adi leaves her feet for a fame asser, Schuler pops up into the air and grabs a hold of her lower body! Adi looks out in fright as The Wolf of Afghanistan then throws her outside of the ring! Gold slams roughly into the barrier at ringside, and we can see that her body literally dents the damn thing! The front-row fans just behind the barrier look incredibly alarmed as Adi starts clutching her ribs. They're cheering for her to get up, but she still isn't moving. The Wolf of Afghanistan throws his head back in bestial laughter as the referee begins the count out.


1!




2!




3!



PC: "No, Heather! It can't end like this, all because of one mistake!"

HHL: "It can end like this, Pip! It's sad but true! One little mistake can mean anything in this business!"

Adi Gold now starts rubbing her head as she still lay flat against the ringside barrier. One fan reaches over the barrier and starts gently patting Adi, encouraging her to get up.



4!





5!



Adi is finally starting to stir, and the fans in the front row are absolutely elated by the development. Still, she has a long way to go before she is back in the ring.




6!



Adi Gold uses the ringside barrier to push herself up to her feet. Then, she holds her ribs with one hand and her head with the other while she starts meandering towards the ring. Joshua Schuler starts shaking his head vigorously as he heads towards the ropes.


7!

The Wolf of Afghanistan steps between the ropes and hops off the apron, breaking the count-out much to the chagrin of the referee.


HHL: "That might have been Schuler's one little mistake! He could've won by count out!"

PC: "Maybe, Heather, but I think Adi Gold was probably going to get back into the ring before the ref hit 10!"

The referee begrudgingly restarts the count as a cocky Schuler begins approaching Adi.


1!


Adi Gold stops dead in her tracks as she sees the Wolf of Afghanistan walking out of the ring to meet her.



2!


PC: "Now that they are outside the ring, ANYTHING could happen, and it will hurt twice as much as if it happened INSIDE the ring!"

HHL: "I don't know if that math is true, Pip!"

PC: "I don't know either, but it definitely sounds right!"



3!


Schuler reaches out and grabs Adi by the hair- only to be immediately met with a kick to the gut that keels him over!



4!


Adi Gold wraps her arms around Schuler's neck before bringing him down to the mat outside the ring with an IMPLANT DDT!

5!


PC: "ADI GOLD JUST TURNED THE TABLES ON SCHULER!"

HHL: "I told you leaving the ring was a mistake, Pip! It almost always is!"

Adi Gold bends over, unintentionally exciting some of the front-row fans, as she grabs Joshua Schuler and throws him under the bottom rope, back into the ring.


6!


Adi Gold plays to the crowd for literally one second before jumping onto the ringside apron.


7!


Adi Gold runs over to the turnbuckle post before pulling herself up to the top rope.


8!


PC: “What does Adi Gold have planned here?!”

HHL: “Well whatever it is, she needs to do it quickly! She’s about to be counted out!”


9!

Just before the ref can count to ten, Adi Gold leaps off the turnbuckle post and lands on Schuler with a big AD-DOWN (frog splash)! Adi bounces off of Schuler before crawling back over to him to make the cover.


HHL: “So that’s what she had in mind, Pip! She was trying to finish this match!”

PC: “She might have just done it! That was a nasty looking frog splash! Schuler is tough, but I don’t know if he can even kick out of what we just saw!”

Adi uses all her might to lift Schuler’s meaty leg into the air as the ref makes yet another count.

1!






2!!



3-NO-KICKOUT!!!!!


Just a quarter of a millisecond before the ref counts to three, Schuler is able to one of his shoulders half a centimeter off the mat. The referee, being the extremely competent professional that he is, notices immediately and calls off the pin attempt.


PC: “Wait, what’s going on?!?! She has him! She has him!”

HHL: “Not quite, Pip! It looks like Schuler just barely got a shoulder up in time!”


Adi Gold pounds the mat in frustration before briefly arguing with the referee over the count. Schuler still lay on the mat, groaning in pain after being on the receiving end of a devastating Implant DDT-Frog Splash combination. Adi Gold ends her argument with the referee by shooing them away and taking a quick glance around the arena. By now the crowd is going absolutely bonkers for Adi Gold, but her gaze is drawn to fan in particular…the fan in the TK shirt. Adi Gold locks eyes with the man: not the man in the shirt, but the man ON the shirt….then she smirks, while walking over to Schuler’s legs.

PC: “I’ll never understand the method of these Madness athletes.”

HHL: “It’s for them to know and us to find out- and frankly, I have no clue what she’s about to do!”

Adi Gold winks and blows a kiss at the t-shirt before reaching down and grabbing Schuler’s leg. She then delivers a devastating foot DDT that bares a striking resemblance to Thunder Knuckles’ finishing move!

PC: “WAS THAT A THUNDER STRIKE?!?!”

HHL: “I think it was, Pip! I think it was!”

PC: “No one kicks out of those!”

After the foot DDT Adi Gold takes that same leg and hooks it for the pin.


1!




2!!




3!!!



WINNER BY PINFALL - Adi Gold



Adi Goldi immediately hops off of The Wolf of Afghanistan and rushes back to the center of the ring, where the referee is waiting to lift her arm in victory. The crowd is going absolutely nuts, chanting “ADI” over and over again as she showboats inside of the ring.

HHL: “Wow, what a HUGE victory for Adi Gold in this opening match! She took on an experienced veteran, and she pretty much made him look like a rookie!”

PC: “I’m not sure Schuler showed up to this match at the top of his game, I’m sure he’ll be back better than ever after he’s able to look at the tape and see where it all went wrong!”

HHL: “The little mistakes, Pip! Schuler made too many, and Adi Gold capitalized on each and every one of them! She simply wanted this match more!”

PC: “She wanted it more and she got it, Heather! What an incredible upset we all just witnessed!”








The lights in the arena dim as Calypso's music starts. Several spotlights pan over the crowd and all meet at the entrance where Calypso appears wearing a glittering robe. He walks through the mist and slowly makes his way to the ring. Using the ring steps, he climbs to the apron, wipes his feet, and steps through the ropes into the ring. The spotlights follow Calypso to the center of the ring where he stands, looking out into the crowd.



The lights in the arena go out, causing the usual hysteria from the crowd. After a few seconds, Peter Vaughn's face appears on the big tron, darkly smirking down at the fans.

"This Time... It's Different."


After Vaughn finishes speaking, he begins to laugh. His laughter carries on as the Tron video overtakes his image, beginning with "This Time It's Different" by Evans Blue. Sparks begin to erupt around the stage, showering nearby fans who feel like they're a little too close to the action. As the fireworks die down, two figures appear through the smoke and haze. Peter Vaughn walks forward first, followed by Chronic Chris Page stays behind him, smiling at the reaction Vaughn is getting. They stop at the top of the ramp, surveying the hatred from the crowd. From Vaughn's reaction, you'd think they were chanting his name, as he walks down the aisle with a cocky smile, with Page right behind him. The two make their way into the ring, heading into a corner to discuss some last-minute strategy.




Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal make their way to the ring.




MATCH #2:

NON TITLE MATCH

Calyspo and Peter Vaughan

- vs -

Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal



Mark Flynn and Calypso are the first two men for their respective teams. The referee calls for the bell and that match gets underway. The two circle each other in the ring for a few seconds before charging in for a tie up. Mark Flynn gets to the center of the ring first, however, and Calypso suddenly seems to get second thoughts. He slows to a halt as Mark Flynn reaches out and tries to lock up. Calypso ducks away to the side, causing Flynn to grapple through empty air.

PC: “I think Calypso might have changed his mind about going toe-to-toe with Flynn!”

HHL: “Well, it’s Calypso. He’s doing the best he can!”

Mark Flynn charges after Calypso as the man accidentally backs himself into a corner. Quicker than a possum on the run, Calypso scurries out of the corner just as Flynn comes charging in. Flynn ends up slamming his shoulders and chest into nothing but turnbuckle pads as Calypso starts high-tailing it over to Peter Vaughn. Meanwhile, in the other corner, NKWC is calling out to Mark Flynn, giving him second-by-second updates on Calypso’s movements! Flynn turns around and screams at NKWC to shut up and let him focus, giving Calypso all the time he needs to tag Peter Vaughn in- against Vaughn’s will! Calypso just taps his partner on the shoulder before ducking between the ropes and gesturing for Peter Vaughn to go in.

PC: “Now it’s Peter Vaughn’s turn to get in on the action!”

HHL: “Vaughn doesn’t look all that pleased with his tag team partner!”

Vaughn rolls his eyes as Calypso wipes away a furious build-up of sweat from his forehead. The Supercontinental champion ducked between the ropes and walked into the center of the ring, hollering at Mark Flynn, letting him know that The Mechanic is ready to get to work. NKWC is screaming at Peter Vaughn from the corner, telling him all the things Mark Flynn is going to do to destroy him. Then, unbeknownst to NKWC, Mark Flynn taps him on the shoulder and tells him he’s up!

HHL: “Wow, what a kooky start! Neither Flynn nor Calypso landed a punch, and now they’ve both already tagged out!!”

PC: “They’re playing mind games, Heather! This is a classic match between two teams of master psychologists.”

NKWC shouts in joy before ducking under the rope and charging straight towards Peter Vaughn. The Supercontinental champion, however, sees NKWC coming from half-a-ring away. As NKWC lunges towards Peter, Vaugh leaps into the air and wraps his legs around NKWC for a Hurricanrana! NKWC is tossed to the ground, but he quickly pulls himself up to his feet and charges back at Vaughn a second time! This time as NKWC approaches, Vaughn grabs his arm and flips NKWC over with an arm drag! Vaughn lets go off the arm and scrambles up to his feet as NKWC does the same. NKWC pounds his right hand on his head in frustration before charging right at Peter Vaughn for a third and final time. As Vaughn sees NKWC coming his way he, too, starts springing: the other way, towards the ropes behind him.

PC: “Wait, why is Vaughn running away right now?! He has NKWC right where he wants him!”

With NKWC chasing after him, Vaughn jumps onto and then off of the second rope behind him. As Vaughn comes flipping back towards NKWC he extends his feet and nails the tag champion with a missile dropkick! NKWC drops like a sack of potatoes, and Peter Vaughn immediately goes for the cover!

HHL: “Vaughn wasn’t running away, he was running TOWARDS the ropes! And it worked!”

Flynn is screaming from the corner for his tag partner to kick out, while Calypso is trying (and failing) to get the crowd involved in a complicated chant-and-clap combination. Amidst all of this, the referee drops to the mat to count the pin.



1!




2!!




KICKOUT!!!!


NKWC lashes out wildly as he lifts his shoulders off the mat. NKWC pushes Peter Vaughn off of him before he tries to make a mad dash over to Mark Flynn for a hot tag. Already three steps ahead of the tag champion, Peter Vaughn sprints after NKWC before reaching out and grabbing him around the waist. Then, Peter Vaughn throws NKWC over himself with a belly-to-black suplex! NKWC’s body crashlands on the mat before popping up off the ring and landing snugly in a standing position against a turnbuckle.


HHL: “What an incredible show of strength from Peter Vaughn!”

PC: “In the lead-up to this tag match Peter Vaughn said he might not even TRY, because he feels disrespected by the bookers! Well…if this is Peter Vaughn not trying, I’d sure hate to see him at his best!”


As NKWC’s head rolled around on his neck aimlessly, the tag champion’s body was barely able to stay standing in the corner. Vaughn charges straight into the corner with an extended elbow, and he absolutely drills NKWC in the chin! NKWC falls to the mat after the blow, only to immediately be woken up with repeated kicks to the back from Peter Vaughn.

PC: “Mark Flynn needs to get in there! This match has been all Peter Vaughn so far!”

HHL: “I’m not sure Mark Flynn wants any of that! He might be content to let Vaughn tire himself out, and then Flynn can come in later and clean up the leftovers!”

As NKWC starts crawling towards his corner, Mark Flynn is leaning over the ropes and trying his best to get the tag. Unfortunately for the tag team champions, Peter Vaughn is already hopping onto NKWC’s back and applying a Cobra Clutch Bulldog submission! NKWC cries out to Mark Flynn for help as Vaughn cranks back on the hold with as much strength as he physically can.

HHL: “Flynn has that hold locked in tight! This could be over!”

PC: “It could be, but they are right next to the ropes! All the tag champs have to do is grab a hold of the ropes!”

NKWC reaches out wildly as he tries to escape the submission, and luckily, he is able to snag a hold of the ropes! The referee tells Peter Vaughn to release the hold, but Vaughn is keeping it locked in tight, and NKWC is losing his breath!

HHL: “Peter Vaughn needs to release this hold or his team could be DQed!”

PC: “Peter Vaughn might not care about that, he might just be out here to prove a point!”

NKWC is gripping onto the ropes for absolute life as Vaughn holds on tight to the Cobra Clutch. Mark Flynn has a wicked smile on his face, as if he’s hoping that Peter Vaughn does indeed get DQed. Calypso is over in the other corner screaming for Peter Vaughn to release the hold, but Vaughn doesn’t hear him. Vaughn can only hear the screams of NKWC and the admonishments of the referee. The referee begins to count as Vaughn holds onto the submission far longer than he is allowed.


1!

Calypso is screaming his head off, begging for Peter Vaughn to release the hold. So is NKWC.


2!

Mark Flynn is in his corner shaking his head up and down, smiling big like an everyday Jack Nicholson.


3!


PC: “Peter Vaughn is about to get his team disqualified!”

HHL: “Peter Vaughn may have finally snapped!”


4!

The referee looks in Peter Vaughn’s eyes as they prepare for the final count: but just before they can deliver it, Vaughn finally releases the hold. Vaughn laughs as he saunters back over to his corner and tags Calypso in. Calypso looks excited as can be, until he sees NKWC finally make a hot tag over to Mark Flynn across the ring. Flynn steps between the ropes, and Calypso immediately goes to tag Vaughn- but Vaughn hops off the apron and laughs before Calypso can touch him. Calypso turns around, only to see that Mark Flynn is now standing directly next to him!

HHL: “Calypso needs to take care of business for his team here!”

PC: “I think Flynn might be closing that business down!”

Calypso strikes first, smacking Mark Flynn upside the head and forcing the tag champion to take a few steps back. Calypso then tries to press the advantage with a few more jabs, but Flynn is able to duck each and every one of them before he catches Calypso’s arm and Irish whips him into the ropes! Calypso comes barreling back at Mark Flynn, only for Mark Flynn to quickly duck out of the way, causing Calypso to slam into another set of ropes and begin sprinting the opposite direction. Flynn starts running behind Calypso, just to pick him up with a running Atomic Drop that utilizes Calypso’s own momentum against himself!

Calypso howls out in pain as Mark Flynn goes to make the cover! But the referee never drops down to count….because the lights in the Staples Center begin flickering until they go completely out. The darkness confuses the wrestlers and the referee. Over the loudspeakers in the area, you hear “This advertisement has been paid for by BOB.”



The X-tron fires up to see Bobby Bourbon and the Xtreme Champion Thunder Knuckles, Them No Good Bastards.

TK: We figured if you tuned into Warfare to see Tag Team wrestling you might as well look at the most entertaining team to ever laced up their goddamn boots.

BB: Definitely not the colossal waste of time that is Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal.

TK looks over at Bobby.

TK: How many times have they beat you, Bobby?

Bobby shrugs not nonchalantly.

BB: Does it matter?

Both of Them No Good Bastards look back into the camera.

TK: You’re right because they only beat us once. Good job, by the way, boys, you killed off our division and haven’t defended those titles in forty-seven days.

BB: Could you imagine Us No Good Bastards had done that?

TK: Fuck no, I couldn’t, we were real fucking champions, not bullshit paper champs, who use Chris Page's clout to keep them out of harm's way defending those championships week in and week out. Oh, I’m not saying they don't compete. Just look in the ring right now. They’re out there defending absolutely nothing.

BB: Oh, they’re defending the right to be the poster child team for deadbeat dads, meth addicts, and limp dicked wimps worldwide.

Charlie walks into the frame with Marf looking mad as Hell.

CN: Somebody call for a meth addict and a deadbeat dad?

MS: If you’re BOTH the meth addict AND the deadbeat dad, then what the fuck am I supposed to be, Charlie?!


CN: The other one Bobby said!

Marf straight up decks Charlie in the jaw. The Nickleman eats the punch, but deep bruising is immediately setting in. Charlie rubs his face as a sicko’s smile cracks through the pain.

BB: I’m on the fence, dammit Charlie.

Bobby waves his hand in front of his nose.

BB: What did you roll around in outside? Dirty diapers and fish stew?

MS: Ever since Charlie broke up with Goldi he’s been nailing trailer park hoors in Arby’s dumpsters.

CN: It’s where I go to get the fresh fish sandwiches, I have a coupon!

TK: Maybe the Tag Championships are in the dumpster.

BB: I’ve already done that.

TK: Doesn’t matter, rumor has it that Mark Main and North Korean War Archyle don’t want to fight for those, there, Tag Team Championships until after CCPE’s massive dump of super show.

TK rolls his eyes because Page’s super show shouldn't have been called the Cannabis Cup, but rather, “C.P.A.P.: Chris Page Appreciation Party.”

BB: Fucking hell, these boys are playing in a world of make-believe, telling each other they’re the best tag team champions ever but never actually fucking proving it. This bullshit doesn’t pass on Wish, even dirty merchants don’t want to touch or see any value in anything related to y’all. Apathy, you fucks, that’s the name of your team, because as soon as you come into view, as if on cue, nobody cares. The sounds of fast forward buttons on DVRs everywhere zooms past whatever these chucklefucks are doing. Shit, how long? We’re the ones responsible for this, you know that, TK? It isn’t like the brass in the back are getting upset, they know that we sell more bootleg t-shirts for the 3rd world barons out there to make a buck than the supposed killers of APEX who backed into a championship amid the breakdown caused by a Bastard. We will never make y’all look as bad as y’all make y’all look, and fuck if that’s not a tough pill to swallow.

TK pats the big man on the shoulder with a shit-eating grin embroidered on his face.

TK: Don't worry, Bobby, because for one hundred and twenty-seven days these guys have done nothing, they’re words, not mine. Someone better call a fucking mathematician because a third of this-

TK makes air quotes.

CN: Methemetician at your service, Tee-Kay.

Charlie makes a bastard salute at the camera as Marf leans in and corrects his misunderstanding.

MS: He’s talking about math, Charlie.

CN: Oh, carry on then…

The Nickleman places a hand on TK’s shoulder, but the X-treme champion hasn’t been paying any attention to Charlie’s outburst.

TK: -“reign” looks like some cowardice cunt shit. Now, now, you can act like you don’t have any competition but the facts are these, asshats, if the Carnie Bastards don't whip your ass’s from pillar to post Them No Good Bastards will be shortly behind them. I won't be holding my goddamn breath for you to accept though.

TK and Bobby give their prolific no-look fist bump.

TK: I mean, that is if you can find the time to pull your balls out of Page’s purse to accept Charlie and Marf’s challenge.

MS: That’s right, bitches. This whole time I’ve been holding on to that tag-team title shot I earned as the X-treme champion. I’ve tried filling out the paperwork and getting a hold of that lawyer you like so much, but you pussies keep avoiding my calls! It’s like you know I’m coming after you, and you don’t want the smoke! Too bad. I’m sick of waiting!

The intensity in Marf's eyes is hotter than fifty suns.

MS: I earned this tag title shot, so that means I get to call the shots! And I’m calling my shot right here, right now! Flynn, Criminal: I’m calling you out for a tag match on June 22nd! If you have any balls at all you’ll put those belts on the line against The Carnie Bastards!

CN: We’re going to beat the micro-penises right off of those pieces of shit!

Bobby cocks his head and looks over at Charlie.

BB: Wait, Charlie, that doesn’t sound quite right.

TK smirks and gets Bobby’s attention by patting Bobby’s shoulder.

TK: Let him go, Bobby! The Carnie Bastards are feeling it!

Now Bobby is looking at TK the same way he was looking at Charlie.

BB: Well that doesn’t sound right either, given the previous context.

Marf steps forward

MS: Now back to the non-title tag match!

TK gives his truly iconic jerking-off hand gesture, Bobby takes a bite out of a hotdog, and Charlie is picking his nose.





HHL: “The Bastards just need to involve themselves in everything, don’t they?”

PC: “Wow, Heather, I never noticed this before but: you kind of sound like Marf…”

HHL: “Shut the hell up, Pip!”

PC: “Wow, you’re sounding more and more like Marf by the second!”


The X-tron fades out as the power comes back on to show the four men in the ring. Mark Flynn is standing right next to NKWC in their corner, probably talking about the challenge the Bastards just threw down. Meanwhile, Peter Vaughn is facepalming as Calypso continues to howl and scream in pain from the center of the ring. Peter Vaughn screams at Calypso to just tag him in, and suddenly Calypso is able to hop to his feet. Calypso starts running towards his corner, but Flynn and NKWC spot him! NKWC hops over the top rope as he and Flynn begin chasing after Calypso!

Before Calypso can get back to his corner, Flynn and NK double clothesline Calypso out of the ring! Calypso lands on his feet! NK shoots off the opposing ropes, and on the rebound Flynn backdrops NK outside, who sprawls in the sky to deliver a cross body to Calypso! Calypso is knocked back into the guardrail from the impact, and Flynn now shoots off the ropes! Tope suicida from Mark Flynn into Calypso on the outside, crushing him against the barrier surrounding the ring!

HHL: “This is like a twenty-four car pile-up!”

PC: “Here comes car twenty-five!”

Peter Vaughn springs to the top rope facing both of his opponents and his partner! He floats in the air, gracefully doing a forward moving backflip, finishing the shooting star press by landing into a headscissors on North Korean War Criminal, which transitions smoothly into a head whip that sends NK barrelling into Mark Flynn! Vaughn goes and checks on Calypso!

Back inside the ring the referee is going crazy, calling for the legal men to get back into the ring and their partners to return to the corners. Vaughn looks over at Flynn and NKWC, who are rubbing their heads and laying on the ground, before he turns back to Calypso, who gives him a meager thumbs up. Vaughn rolls his eyes before grabbing Calypso by the collar and tossing him back into the ring.

HHL: “Well that’s no way to treat your tag partner after a fall like that!”

PC: “What do you mean, Heather? Vaughn just helped Calypso get back into the ring!”

Peter Vaughn, not content to just walk back to his corner, instead heads over to Flynn and NKWC. As the tag team champions try rising up to their feet, Peter Vaughn is right there to keep them both down. He starts kicking the shit out of both the tag team champions while laughing at them. The referee is telling Peter Vaughn he needs to knock it off immediately. Vaughn just turns around and tells the referee to shut up.

HHL: “Peter Vaughn is doing the work of three men in that ring tonight!”

PC: “And outside of it!”

Peter Vaughn turns back around and punts Flynn in the face as he tries to crawl away. Vaughn takes another step towards Flynn and cocks back for another boot to the back, but Peter forgets about NKWC! Flynn’s tag team partner rises to his feet with the assistance of the barrier as Vaughn chases after Flynn. NKWC wipes some blood from his mouth before he charges at Peter Vaughn, who is turned away from him! NKWC completely blindsides Peter Vaughn with a Valorous Warrior's Attack-Your-Opponent-While-His-Back-Is-Turned maneuver that drops Vaughn to the mat.

HHL: “The numbers game got to Peter Vaughn!”

PC: “There’s not supposed to be a numbers game! Where is Calypso?!”

HHL: “Peter Vaughn threw him into the ring!”

Sure enough, back inside the ring we see Calypso leaning against the ropes and nursing his wounds, completely oblivious to the action occurring outside the ring. Mark Flynn scrambles to his feet just in time for NKWC to throw Peter Vaughn his way for a belly-to-belly suplex that sends Peter Vaughn up and OVER the ringside barrier! The crowd goes crazy as the small Supercontinental champion is literally tossed into the third and fourth row seats!

HHL: “And there goes Peter Vaughn!”

PC: “I hope he landed on some fat dudes in the crowd to help break his fall!”

Flynn and NKWC give each other an enthusiastic high five after dispatching Peter Vaughn. Then, NKWC slides into the ring, as if he were the legal man while Mark Flynn takes a position on the ropes. Calypso notices NKWC sliding into the ring and immediately sets upon him!

Calypso throws a fierce chop which echoes off the chest of NK! NK flexes his chest and in a spat of rage looks at Calypso, returning another loud swacking chop in turn. Calypso looks back at NK and throws another chop of his own! NK with a receipt! Both men look incensed and immediately grab each other by the skull, commencing with some old school hockey brawling! NK kicks Calypso into his corner, but the referee backs NK away! With the referee's back turned, Mark Flynn starts landing blows on Calypso in the corner! The fans are upset with that as Peter Vaughn hops back over the ringside barrier with a steel chair from the crowd while screaming for Flynn’s head.

PC: “Peter Vaughn is back AND HE HAS A STEEL CHAIR!”

HHL: “He’s here to save his tag team partner from these cheaters!”

The referee yells at Vaughn, and proceeds to get into a nearly minute-long argument with Vaughn as he steps onto the ringside apron. Eventually the referee convinces Vaughn to toss out the chair, but this whole time Flynn and NKWC have been double-teaming Calypso in the corner! Peter Vaughn yells at the ref to look at the cheaters, but as soon as the referee turns his head Flynn immediately stops, before looking back at the referee with his hands in the air pretending to look innocent.

HHL: “They just got away with rampant cheating!”

PC: “Well, that’s why they are the tag champs, Heather!”

NK tags Flynn in. Flynn turns and starts delivering vicious standing side kicks to the abdomen of Calypso. Flynn with another lightning fast tag as NK comes in and throws standing side kicks of his own! NK tags Flynn back in, the rapidfire succession of change of the legal man frustrating Vaughn who is calling out to Calypso to try to rally him! Flynn turns and points as Vaughn, then turns back to Calypso, and goes for the big bulldog out of the corner! NO! Calypso pushes off of Flynn, sending him flying, and Calypso collapses to the mat. Calypso slowly makes his way to the center of the ring, reaching towards Peter Vaughn, waiting to make the big tag. Flynn begins his own slow crawl towards NK! The crowd is on their feet, they can't get enough! Flynn finally gets to NK and tags him! Calypso bounds and tries to make the hot tag to Peter Vaughn…..NO! Peter Vaughn spits in Calypso’s face before hopping off the apron and just walking away from the match entirely!


HHL: “Wait, what is Peter Vaughn doing?!?! He’s leaving the ring, but his partner needs him!”

PC: “Peter Vaughn said he had two minds about trying to win this match….I guess he just switched between them after seeing what Calypso was bringing to the table!”

The whole time that Peter Vaughn is walking back up the entrance ramp he is jawing with Mark Flynn, who is pointing at him and insulting him from his respective tag corner. Back in the ring, Calypso is pushing himself up to his feet while desperately calling out to Vaughn for help. NKWC taps Calypso on the shoulder, and the crying man turns around dejectedly. NKWC kicks Calypso in the stomach before lifting him into the air for a Jackhammer a la Goldberg! NKWC strains and strains, but somehow he is able to lift Calypso high into the air and hold him there for an inordinate amount of time as Mark Flynn looks on in awe.

HHL: “Calypso is in a tough spot here, NKWC might be going for the North Korean Nuclear Arms Test!”

PC: “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him pull that off successfully!”

NKWC is sweating profusely as he glances up at the man he is lifting. NKWC is set to bring Calypso slamming down, but instead, he accidentally releases the hold entirely! Calypso falls to the mat, still landing on his head, but he looks more surprised than anything else. Mark Flynn screams at NKWC to make the pin anyways, and the tag team champion just leaps down onto Calypso, mounting him at the waist. NKWC holds Calypso’s arms down to the mat as he screams in his face about how great North Korea is. The referee drops to the mat to make the count.



1!



2!!



3!!!


WINNERS BY PINFALL - NKWC AND MARK FLYNN



PC: “Wow, what a zany tag team match! The champions survived, but it doesn’t hurt that one of their opponents quit in the middle of the match!”

HHL: “Either way, Pip, the champions win again, and now the ball is in their court! They are some of the most dominant tag champions we have ever seen. The only question is: are they going to accept the Bastard’s challenge for their belts?”

NKWC rises to a standing position after the ref makes the count and he starts pumping his arms in the air excitedly. Mark Flynn rushes into the ring, and the referee raises both men’s hands as Calypso just kind of rolls out of the ring. A legion of North Korean cadets storm back down to the ring to bow and celebrate with their commander. The orchestra begins to play again. He falls to his knees and weeps tears of pride, his cadets drape the flag of True Korea over his shoulders, as Calypso sits just outside the ring with a perplexed expression.





We return live from commercial break to the backstage area of Warfare to Bam Miller holding a brick with a smirk on his face.


Bam Miller: It’s been a lot of talking going on these last few days about why I helped Elijah at Leap Of Faith and to that I just say who the fuck are any of you for me to explain myself to?


Bam pauses for a moment as he paces back and forth.


Bam Miller: You are absolutely nothing to me and I could care less if the fans or any jackass in the back feels about me, I did what I did because of business. The money was good and I’m always down to crack a few jaws and skulls.



Bam gives a sinister-like laugh.


Bam Miller: So to Cashe and Ned if you two have a score to settle I welcome you to show up on Anarchy and handle some business, especially you Cashe because one thing about you I respect is that you don’t run from a fight, so I hope you do show up so I can show you how violent and bloody I can really get. You know what, scratch that, I'm gonna do you two one better. How about next Warfare you two, and a partner of your choosing meet me, Elijah and let's say, Supercontinental Champ and CCPE's very own Peter Vaughn in the ring? That is if you two have the balls to pick up the gauntlet I just laid down.


Bam begins to walk off but then stops and turns back to the camera.


Bam Miller: Also to my Cannabis Cup opponent Larry Tact, I know you're watching and I want to offer you the same invite for your punk ass. If you have the balls to show up on XWF Anarchy I will gladly give you a preview of what’s to come at the Cannabis Cup. I don’t run from anyone or hide, I’m out in the open for all my enemies to see and will take you all on with Elijah at my side. We are at war now boys so buckle up because when we cross paths again all your asses are going to Miller Time with a Brick!!!



Bam tosses the brick up in the air and catches it as the segment comes to an end.






It shows Tommy in the shadows in a corridor somewhere on the X-Tron in a hoodie, then it fades back into the arena where the lights flicker and the camera see's him coming down to the ring in his jacket hoodie, where he had his head down, then he pulls the hood down and he taunts to the crowd as he walks down to the ramp, he then gives some high fives to the people on the ramp, and he does a shadow boxing onto the camera and he slides into the ring. Then he simply sits on the corner as his theme fades off.



Charlie Nickles makes his way to the ring.


MAIN EVENT:


Tommy Wish

- vs -

Charlie Nickles

Standard Match.







PIP: "This should be a good match,"

HEATHER: "Let's hope so,"

The bell rings and both Tommy Wish and Charlie Nickles walk towards one another before Nickles stops and drops his head sideways as if he's trying to figure out what to do with Wish. Wish has also stopped but is walking around Nickles in a circular motion, as if also thinking about how to handle Nickles.

Suddenly without warning Nickles lunges at Wish and grabs him, and whips him towards the ropes. Wish hits the ropes and rebounds off of them before coming back towards Nickles and ducking underneath an attempted ELBOW TO THE FACE. He stops, waits for a shocked Nickles to turn around and when he does hits Nickles in the face with a couple of PUNCHES. This forces Nickles to stumble backwards to the ropes himself.

PIP: "Shockingly Charlie misses hitting Tommy from the beginning, and Tommy gets an early surprise on him, who saw that coming?"

HEATHER: "Not me,"

Instead of following up, Tommy just stands in the middle of the ring, smiling at Charlie who is trying to get his eyesight back. Suddenly Tommy Wish runs at Charlie, and tries to hit him with a LARIAT, but Nickles is too good for that, and ducks, and just as Wish gets to him, he uses his speed, to lift Wish up, and Wish goes flying out of the ring to the floor below.

Nickles turns and backs up, laughing down at a confused looking Tommy Wish who is trying to recover on the floor,as the referee starts the 10 count.





1..........






Nickles waves at Wish and starts laughing madly.







2..........





PIP: "If Tommy Wish wants to continue in this match, and not be counted out, I suggest he gets up, and gets back into the ring,"



3..............



Wish slowly gets to his feet, and looks at Nickles who is still waving at him.




4................









5.................







Tommy ushers Charlie to move back so he can get back into the ring.








6.........................





Somehow Charlie decides to allow Tommy back into the ring, as he walks backwards to the ropes.






7..........



Tommy walks to the ropes, and slides back into the rope, and suddenly Charlie uses the ropes on the other side of the ring, to bounce off of and runs towards an unsuspecting Tommy, and hits him with a ELBOW TO THE FACE. Tommy drops to the ground.



HEATHER: "Great work by Charlie by fooling Tommy into thinking he could get back into the ring without any harm whatsover,"


Charlie jumps on top of Tommy and starts wailing away with BODY PUNCHES, HOOKS AND JABS to the face, and even manages to get an UPPERCUT in, before jumping off of a beaten up Tommy, and walking back to the other side of the ring.

Tommy looking batted and bruised looks over at Charlie and wonders why he stopped the attack. Suddenly Charlie comes at him again laughing, and tries to launch at him with a flying HEADBUTT, but Tommy dives to the other side of the ring, as Charlie HEADBUTTS the canvas instead, sending him silly.

Tommy uses the ropes to get to his feet.

PIP: "Surely this is Tommy's chance now, to gain the upper hand now that Charlie has almost knocked himself into the middle of next week,"

Cautiously Tommy walks back over to where Charlie is trying to recover, and grabs him in a Headlock, and pulls him up off of the canvas. He sets Charlie up for a SUPLEX and snaps it. Hitting not one but two SUPLEXES.

He then hits SIDE SUPLEX before following up with a BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX. He then goes for a cover.







1............










PIP: "Oh my god, is Tommy Wish going to win this match?"






2............





Charlie kicks out.

HEATHER: "Nope, it's not going to be that easy, after all he has been a 2 time XWF Television Champion,"

Tommy gets to his feet, and helps Charlie back to his, and he gets set for a BULLDOG, but just as he is about to hit it, Charlie gets out of the hold and pushes Tommy into the right hand corner of the ring and the force of the push Tommy couldn't prevent his own chest from hitting the corner, and it is with such force that the wind goes out of him.

Charlie walks up and Tommy can hear him laughing again. Charlie grabs Tommy by the head and hits his head onto the turnbuckle. He pulls him and around and in a very quick movement snaps a DDT.

PIP: "It looks as if Charlie Nickles has full control now,"

HEATHER: "It certainly does look that way,"

Charlie gets to his feet, and then pulls Tommy back to his, he HEADBUTTS him, connecting this time, then hits an ELBOW TO THE FACE. He sends Tommy across the ring, and he hits the far ropes and rebounds off of the them, and Charlie meets him in the middle with a BIG BOOT to the face.

Tommy hits the canvas hard, writing around in pain. Charlie looks down at him, and smiles. He looks out into the crowd who cheers him on.

Charlie helps Tommy to his feet, and executes a BODY SLAM.

Charlie looks down at Tommy again who is writhing in pain, and moves his head from side to side. He grabs Tommy by the hair, and pulls him to his feet, and then suddenly without warning sends him to the outside of the ring, to the floor below, and he walks to the middle of the ring, and sits down laughing, sitting cross legged, as the referee starts the 10 count.




1...........


PIP: "What is Charlie Nickles doing? he has this match won, certainly he doesn't want to win by a count out?"




2...........






3........









HEATHER: "I am pretty sure Charlie Nickles knows what he is doing, and this is his plan all along?"






4.........







Suddenly Charlie gets back to his feet, and makes his way to where the referee is counting Tommy. He slips under neath the ring to break the 10 count and start it all again.






1........





Tommy tries to get to his feet, but Charlie is standing over him laughing at him.








2...........



Nickles goes to grab Tommy, but Tommy grabs him in NECK WRENCH, and holds onto him for dear life.






3.........



Nickles struggles in the NECK WRENCH.






4...........





Suddenly Nickles pops out of the move, and looks angry as Tommy jumps to his feet, and tries to hit Charlie with an uppercut, but Charlie blocks it.






5......


Charlie grabs Tommy by the head and throws his head onto the ring apron, and Tommy collapses to his knees.







6.........


Charlie smiles and grabs Tommy and rolls him into the ring breaking the 10 count and following him in. Tommy starts rolling away from Charlie.


PIP: "There's nowhere for Tommy to go,"

Charlie runs at Tommy who gets up and tries to avoid another BIG BOOT but can't. It connects very hard, and the vibrations are felt throughout the stadium. Charlie grabs Tommy and sets him up for.......











BIG SIDEWALK SLAM


Charlie has damn near perfected the art of the sidewalk slam and as such SLIDEWALK SLAMS Tommy Wish down hard onto the canvas with incredible force.

The crowd goes wild.





Charlie pulls Tommy back to his feet and sets him up for






DEVIL HOOK DROP


The crowd is going beserk.





HEATHER: "This is it, if Charlie connects with his infamous finisher, it's all over for Tommy Wish. Mind you it's been all over for Tommy Wish for a while now,"

PIP: "That's mean,"

HEATHER: "That's not mean, Pip, it's just the plain simple truth,"




Charlie Nickles looks out into the crowd and then executes.







DEVIL HOOK DROP a,k,a Double Arm DDT.




Charlie then rolls Tommy onto his back and goes for the cover.










1.........











2.............










3




WINNER: CHARLIE NICKLES



Post-match, Charlie Nickles’s hand is raised in victory.


PIP: What a great win by Charlie Nickles to get back on the board!


HHL: Walking away empty-handed at Leap of Faith puts him in a pretty unfamiliar situation. No Universal Championship AND no Television Championship! He hasn’t been without gold all year!


PIP: But he will get one more chance at the big one! He’s a lunatic, a nutcase, a Bastard, but by the time War Games rolls around, we may just be calling him Universal Champion!



Darkness.


The roar of the crowd.


They, like you, know exactly what this is.


HHL: I think someone else might have something to say about that, Pip!


Light.


Fire.


HIM.


Standing, not in the ring in front of Nickles, but right in front of the commentary desk, staring Pip, is the XWF Universal Champion.


ALIAS.


ALIAS: Hi, friend.


PIP: Uh… hi…


ALIAS: “Jenny Myst holds all the cards…”


PIP: Wh… what?


ALIAS: “Jenny Myst holds all the cards.” That’s what you said, Pippy Longstocking, as the sun set on our little trip to Dubai. She stood there on the stage, holding the Television Championship above her head - Charlie’s precious Goldi - and YOU said she “held all the cards”. But riddle me this, Pip, who was it that guided her on her path? Who was that little supernatural critter - user choice, of course - sitting on her shoulder? And… who was it HOLDING THE FUCKING UNIVERSE IN THE PALM OF HIS HANDS?!!!”


He slams the championship, in all its inverted glory, on the table in front of the diminutive announcer.


ALIAS: The same as it ever was, no?


The champion chuckles, looking back over the shoulder to where Charlie Nickles hangs over the edge of the ropes. The Nickleman flips the bird at the champion and mouths some sort of obscenity. ALIAS turns to face him, taking the Universal Championship off the table in the process.


PIP: I just…


ALIAS: Shush now…


He raises a quieting finger behind him.


ALIAS: …I’m done with you.


The champion slowly strides around the ring, like an animal hunting his prey. Charlie, to his credit, doesn’t back down despite just having had a match. Instead, The Nickleman foams at the mouth like a mad dog as he gestures wildly for ALIAS to enter the ring. Reaching the steps, ALIAS bounds up them, and slips between the ropes. His mouth forms a crooked smile as he steps face to face with the man he just went to war with at Leap of Faith.


He looks at the championship in his hands.


ALIAS: The same as it ever was…


Charlie: The same as it will ever be, right? You’re sounding more and more like a Talking Head by the fucking day.


Charlie spits a bloody loogie out between his lips towards ALIAS’s feet.


Charlie: I told you once, I told you twice, I’ll tell you a million fucking times….one of us will have to die before this war can be over. You can fill your ego with the satisfaction of fleeting victories, but you’ll never be able to fill my coffin. You can win battle after battle, yet here I am, still standing tall in the middle of my ring, after headlining yet another one of my main events, still staring you down and still telling you I will destroy everything you hold dear. You haven’t killed me yet, Cheddar boy, and that means this universe can still be mine: all I have to do is nix you out of the fucking picture! But you know this, don’t you? You know this all too well.


Charlie points an accusatory finger at ALIAS before flipping up a middle finger and waving it at him from across the ring.


Charlie: You’re coming out here to piss on my parade because you know the route of my warpath is set to circle right back to your front door. The Minstrel of the Universe couldn’t put me down at Leap of Faith no matter how hard he tried, he could only muster the strength to kick his true harbinger down the road.


We’re still on that road right now, Alias, and I won’t get off it until I get that belt off you!



ALIAS: I’d say ‘prove it’, but.. I know you can’t. I told you, Charlie. I told you to bring the entire company; the entire damn world! Because that’s what it’s going to take. Rest a-fucking-ssured, bud, that is the same as it ever was too. And so is the cold hard fact that although we’re about to run the clock back again at the Cannabis Cup, Charlie Nickles is NEVER going to be able to stop ME.


Charlie: At Leap of Faith I was unlucky. But remember, I only have to get lucky once – you have to be lucky every time.


ALIAS: Sure… technically that’s true. But… there’s a slight issue in your plan there… IT’S STILL ME THAT YOU’RE DEALING WITH. I decide how this ends, Charlie. And I choose the one fucking option that I’ve always chosen.


I WIN. I SURVIVE. I FUCKING THRIVE!


You want to beat someone else in order to “beat me”? Well you’re welcome to fucking try. But “try” is all you’ll do.


I AM ALIAS.


And all that it entails.



Charlie: Soon to be nothing but burnt ends and entrails.


ALIAS: He said, and for the hundredth time was proven to be full of shit. You’ve tried, Charlie, and you’ve failed. EVERYONE fails! So yeah, I get my wish here. I get to fight a bunch of you at once. But look at who they’ve offered up for me. I’ve run through fucking everybody that at this point, they actually need to hand out shots to the very guy who already has a damn briefcase! There just aren’t enough other people left! And if I’ve smoked you a couple of times, and you’ve smoked him a couple of times, how the fuck does everyone think that’s going to go? Shit… let’s get him out here, eh? Has anyone seen a cosmic pussycat lying around here? The fucking master of his universe is calling!


The arena lights turn gold as the intro of “Soldier Dream” by ROOT FIVE hits the PA, and the new holder of the 24/7 briefcase appears on the stage to the crowd’s huge reaction.


HHL: And here comes Raion Kido, the Saint of Athena!


PIP: The hell is even that?


HHL: It’s from an old Japanese T.V. show, that’s the aesthetic he’s portraying!


PIP: Nice of him to stop watching Anime to show up!


HHL: Anime gimmick or not, he’s proven he’s capable of something the Champ himself did before!


At this point, Raion has already climbed in the ring, microphone in hand. He looks at both Nickles and Alias, nothing but coolness on his face.


KIDO: Gentlemen. You’ll forgive my asking, I’m sure, but there are some things I don’t understand here.


The Lion turns first towards the Universal Champion, a smirk on his face.


KIDO: I’m sorry, ALIAS, the master of my universe? As far as I am concerned, the only master of my universe is myself. And I should like to remind you both that, the last time we faced, Mr. Chucky Murder here ran.


Now Raion turns towards the former Television Champion, a mocking grin now showing.


KIDO: Alas, it’s quite the turn of tables we find ourselves in now, eh Nickles? You gave up that love of your life in the Television Title for the big break of your entire time here in the XWF… and now you’re empty-handed. At least I earned myself this title match right after winning the very briefcase our very esteemed Champion held before!


The crowd has begun to show support for the Japanese wrestler, and Kido gives them a look and a smile before turning once more to the two men.


KIDO: And now, suddenly, your previous boasts against me have gone out the window, for not only have I done something ALIAS himself did before me, but I’ve also, in winning the Leap of Faith match, done something Charlie Nickles never did. I’d say that’s not too bad for someone who didn’t exist in the wrestling world before the last two weeks of January, but tell me something, gentlemen. If I did this within just four months… what do you think I could do when this month is over? Maybe there’s just another surprise waiting for the XWF Universe at the Cannabis Cup. Maybe the reckoning that Charlie Nickles is long overdue is coming, and maybe, just maybe, the almighty ALIAS shall find out that this “cosmic pussycat” is the master of his Universe!


At this point, the crowd nearly blows the roof off the arena!


HHL: Bold words from Raion Kido! Like the Lion he styles himself after, he knows no fear!


PIP: Yeah, we’ve seen how well that worked out for him with Nickles, and now he’s dumb enough to do to ALIAS’s face!


HHL: Think about it slowly, Pip. Doesn’t he have a point?


PIP: I’ll believe it once I see it, Heather. Which I probably won’t!


Charlie Nickles lowers his head and begins chuckling to himself. He rests his face in his hand for a few moments before lifting his gaze towards Raion Kido.


Charlie: You’re right, Raion. Absolutely right. The last time we fought I WAS running…back into the ring to win the match, while you played butt-touch with some furry midgets. Wow, Raion, what a zinger.


Let’s get serious, kiddo!


Do you want to know what the real difference is between me and you, Raion? I lost to ALIAS twice in a row, and yet here I am, just one week later, still ready to fucking die on this hill! But you, Raion? You threatened to kill me before we ever fought! Then I beat you twice…and now? Now you’ve magically “moved on” from our blood feud! How convenient for you. I hit you with not just one nuke but two, and you got to waving that white flag real quick! You’re not even coming out here for me, you’re coming out here for him!



Chucky chuckles softly in the middle of the squared circle.


Charlie: Don’t make me put you down for a third time, Raion, because I don’t think you’ll get back up. You’d be better off leaving this ring, and leaving this title match–


Charlie taps on ALIAS’s title belt, drawing an immediate scowl from the uni champ.


Charlie: –to the big boys.


ALIAS: I think we've seen by now that "the big boys" doesn't include you, Char-Char. And I guess if the celestial dreamer here–


He thumbs in Raion's direction.


[color=#DCDCDC}ALIAS: –Couldn't do what I could do, then he doesn't either. Let's face facts, gents'... you're not in this position because you're going to push me to my limits. You're in this position because there's practically nobody left for me to Eat! So what other option is there but to piece together scraps and try to call it a meal? See, it doesn't take much, kids. Not for me. And I'm out here out of the kindness of my soul just to make sure that you guys really, REALLY understand that. I am, after all, a giving 'Space Jesus'.[/color]


ALIAS winks, full well knowing the ridiculousness of what he just said. Charlie looks as if he’s literally trying to wave ALIAS’s very words out of the air with repeatedly dismissive gestures.


Charlie: Al, the only thing you’re giving anyone tonight is a fucking headache. Just shut the fuck up and let the show end, eh? If you want to man the fuck up and put that belt on the line right here, Dolly be damned, then let’s fucking do it. Otherwise? Just move the fuck on like Raion Kido always does.


Kido looks towards Charlie Nickles once more.

KIDO: Move on, you say? Have I just not said your reckoning was long overdue? Maybe our esteemed Champion has beaten you too hard, Nickles, but I never once mentioned I moved on. It is, in fact, one of the very reasons I am here!. I suppose I’m getting tired of anything I say not being even listened to, but I said last time before you ran, Mr. Chucky Murder, that I wasn’t going to let you control this narrative. And one thing I’ve called you since the very first time is a liar - which, as always, you’ve just proven once more. But let’s make something clear.

The Lion smiles once more.

KIDO: You’re ready to die on this hill? That’s great, because this time, it shall not be the hand of ALIAS here that sends you to the other world. This time, that honor goes to one person, and one person alone.

Raion points towards himself, before turning towards Alias.

KIDO: And you, Champ. I think I’ve just said, as well, that this right here…

He displays the 24/7 briefcase, holding it up with both hands as a prosecutor would hold up a piece of evidence.

KIDO: … was held by none other than you before me. And now it stands to reason that, if I could do the same thing you did, I am ALSO capable of finally getting one over on Mr. Chucky Murder here…

And at that point, a mischievous grin creeps up on his lips once more.

[b]KIDO: … and who knows, Alias. You may have faced him before… but you have never faced me!

Charlie: You can send me to the otherworld as many times as you fucking want, Raion Kido, but here? In the real world? I’m still better than you, and I always will be. All that make believe shit you and Alias love so much won’t do a damn thing for you at the Cannabis Cup!

Neither of you stand a chance in stopping me!


ALIAS raises a very bemused eyebrow.

ALIAS: Wait, when did you become me? Neither of us stand a chance in stopping you? Bitch please, neither of you stand a chance in stopping ME–





Ode To Joy.


The arena comes unglued.


Dolly marches on stage, banged up and nursing a limp from her loss at Leap of Faith. Her glare shifts from ALIAS and around to Capn’ Chuck, lol, then to Raion, before settling back on Mister Man of the Hour, Mister Space Jesus himself.


ALIAS: –YOU included.


The Champion shrugs in Dolly's direction.


There’s a flatness forming in the corner of Dolly’s mouth. She motions at her neck for her music to be cut. Marching down the ramp Dolly pulls a microphone up to her lips.


Dolly: Ho’kay! Wow. Great stuff gentlemen.


She bends an applause with her hands around to Raion and Chuck, while walking around the barricade to the side of the ring, and climbs through the ropes.


Dolly: And great stuff especially from you, dude.


She gets right up in ALIAS’ face inside of the ring.


Dolly: For someone who loathes the egomaniacs of this industry so fiercely, you sure have spent an awful amount of time trying to figure out yer’self!


She nags at the Universal Championship in ALIAS’ hand, pulling it up and looking at its face.


Dolly: Says yer’ name right there.


ALIAS looks away from the title belt, and settles a glare down onto Dolly, who’s still sharing a grip on the belt with him.


Dolly: Yeah, you’ve found yer’self alright. Such a drag for the rest of us.


She bumps a short shoulder into his sternum while bouncing toward Raion and Chuck.


Dolly: Ya’ know, it’s awfully curious to me…


She converges on Raion briefly, then over to Chuck.


Dolly: ...how after all of these years in the XWF, all of the injuries, all of the scandals, all of the endured by anyone following my career…


She glares directly at Charlie.


Dolly: …anyone involved with it–


Then darts her eyes on ALIAS who is stepping around the ring stalking Dolly like a predator. She keeps her eyes glued there.


Dolly: –it’s damn curious indeed that THIS is the moment I’m finally called to claim that!


She points at the universal title and walks up to meet ALIAS face to face again. They’re both wide eyed, Dolly starts mouthing off mic but still loud enough for the cameras to catch, her eyes torn into ALIAS’

“I don’t want yer’ precious universe, but i’ve got a good reason to take it away. To wake you up. To end yer’ suffering. To remind you there’s more important things than guts and maiming.”

She finally pulls the mic back up to her mouth.


Dolly: Because recency bias be damned, they’ve booked Dolly goddamn Waters in my first Universal Championship match…


She turns back to Kido and Chuck.


Dolly: …when the odds couldn’t be more in my favour.


That’s right boys.


Cast any aspersions you wish.


Call me a flake.


Tell me that I’m lucky to have backed into this opportunity.


Bake all of those lazy, low hanging ingredients into your psyche and into yer’ arguments.


Rest with those laurels.


Have that frothy, flavourless cake and eat it too for all I care.


It doesn’t negate the fact that I’m in this match now, and that’s a problem for each and every one of you to deal with, because let me make this as perfectly clear to you as possible, especially for those of you who might be questioning my intentions for this match :


I’m showing up to Night 3 of the Cannabis Cup in New York City, and I have no plans other than leaving as the NEW Universal Champion.



The crowd melts down.


You see this isn’t about some deranged obsession, Charlie.


This isn’t about some narcissistic destiny, Raion.


This is about stopping him-



She points at ALIAS,


Dolly: And if stopping YOU means all I’ve got to do is pin, or tap out one of these two clowns? Then I’m more than up to the challenge.


People in my circle think I shouldn’t take this match, my friend.



Speaking directly to ALIAS again,


Dolly: They’re telling me to step back, wait for another opportunity.


Well, unless your name is Charlie Nickles, opportunities don’t just fall out of the sky around here. I debuted in this company in 2016. I won every major singles championship pre-SuperCon, except one.



She slaps the title on his shoulder,


Dolly: The one they never would book me for.

But now I have you… I have IT in front of me, and I ain’t backing down!

I’m going to take THAT universe away from you ALIAS, and leave you to deal with the reality of OUR universe. I’m gonna humble you. I’m gonna show the world that yer’ just capable of being defeated as anyone else. I’m gonna prove it to em’, But most importantly… I’m gonna prove it to YOU.



Charlie: Try cutting a real promo like that, then we can fucking talk. Maybe if you stopped popping pills and sucking Thaddeus’s cock for half-a-second I could take you seriously in this match, Dollz’. You know, I miss the OLD Dolly Waters. The WAR GAMES Dolly Waters. MY Dolly Waters. She was actually someone worth taking seriously. But nowadays? You might as well be Raion fucking Kido. You’re just another warm body added to the match, you’re only here to protect ALIAS’s legacy as I shake his foundations and cause his final fall from grace.

[b]KIDO: I find it quite ironic that the one person that has less reason to be here than Charlie Nickles wants to call me narcissistic. At least I’ve earned my place here, while he beat you at Leap of Faith. Something that he tried, and failed, to do right after I signed up to the XWF!

ALIAS: Children! Children! Children! You’re all here to protect my legacy. Each of you gets to be just another stone in the foundation. If you aren’t already that is… Now, I just came here as a reminder to you all about how easily I can end everything. A reminder of the way things go around here! The order of things. The order that I fought tooth and fucking nail for! I don't need to turn up every damn night for you - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU - to know that when I do, this is my world. This is my way. These are my rules! And yes…


The champ glares at Raion Kido in particular.


ALIAS: …this is MY Universe. Maybe I was being naive though?! Maybe I overestimated the value of words?


And underestimated the value of violence…



BAM!


Simultaneously two shotgun dropkicks blast the Universal Champion into the corner. Having just wrestled a match, Charlie Nickles gets out of dodge and taps on his forehead mouthing the word "smart" into a camera. He calls a small child at ringside a while Raion Kido and Dolly Waters both rise to one knee at the same time, eyes locked on one another.



---BLINK!---



Reality does something weird, and all of a sudden, Dolly and Raion find themselves alone in the ring. Charlie, making his way up the ramp, stops when he sees the Universal Champion already standing on the stage.


HHL: What the… how the hell did ALIAS do that?


PIP: I've honestly stopped trying to keep up with how things work for that weirdo.


A grin forms on ALIAS's face. An echoing laugh ripples around the arena.


Raion Kido and Dolly Waters step forward towards the edge of the ring, clearly not backing down.


Charlie Nickles practically growls in the champ's direction.


The camera fades to black on the sight of ALIAS raising the Universal Championship into the air.


The same as it ever was.



















…Until it wasn’t anymore.


The camera sharply cuts to the entrance directly beneath the big screen of the X-tron. We see MARF SWAYSONS walking out from the back with a steel chair in his hands! The crowd is going crazy, trying to warn ALIAS of who’s behind him, but the universal champion mistakes their worried warnings for awestruck applause! As ALIAS continues to showboat on the stage, Marf winds up and cracks him in the back of the skull with the chair! The champion immediately falls to the ground, dropping his custom title belt onto the stage. Another unprotected chair shot to the skull sends ALIAS scrambling to his feet, still not aware of who exactly is attacking him.


PC: “MARF SWAYSONS?!?! He’s been on a rampage tonight, and he wasn’t even booked! First he challenges the tag team champions to a match, and now he’s ambushing the universal champion?!?! Who is safe from this lunatic?!”


HHL: “I don’t think anyone is! It’s like Marf is everywhere, all of the time!”


ALIAS gets some distance between himself and the assailant before he turns around to identify his attacker. When ALIAS sees that it is Marf, the same as it ever was, he snarls in frustration. ALIAS charges right at Marf, clearly unintimidated, and Marf responds by tossing the dented chair out into the crowd and egging ALIAS on.


HHL: “Marf is trying to ruin ALIAS’s moment, and I don’t think the universal champion is going to stand for it!”


PC: “One of these men won’t be standing for much longer, that’s for damn sure! They’re about to go at it!”


ALIAS’s charge is abruptly brought to a halt when Marf unleashed a mandible claw from his LEFT HAND! ALIAS charges straight ahead right into Marf’s extended hand, and winds up with a mouthful of unwashed knuckles! Alias is caught off guard and struggles while Marf starts screaming into his face.


HHL: “HE’S EATING THE LEFT HAND!”


PC: “But that’s ALIAS’s move!”


HHL: “The disrespect between these two is palpable! These two have been enemies for well over a year!”


PC: “The champion is struggling to breathe! Someone should help him!”


HHL: “I don’t think anyone is going to help him, because he just tried to fight every wrestler left in the building!”


ALIAS drives a knee into Marf’s stomach multiple times and breaks free for a moment. He wavers, his body feeling the effects of the night. Alias tried to lunge at Marf but the much fresher man grabs him again with another mandible claw that is much tighter. ALIAS is forced to his back in the middle of the stage as Marf keeps his mandible claw stuffed inside the champion’s mouth. Marf screams some more inaudible nonsense into the face of the universal champion. The camera fades to black on the image of ALIAS convulsing in disgust on the stage as he is forced to actually eat a left hand.





A big thank you to

Charlie Nickles

For writing the first two matches, and

Bam Miller
Alias
Raion Kido
Dolly Waters
Marf

For their segments. See you all next Warfare.
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