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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Offline
The Guy

XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)

Post: #1
06-08-2022 06:12 PM

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Hello hello! Marv Smegma here… I’ve got your exclusive Madness backstage interviews as well as ALL the rumors surrounding the XWF… which you can hear all about just by dialing our XWF tipline! Don’t miss it! Call today!


bX3 def. Calypso and Jamaican Jimmy Via Roll-Up (Match Time 4:31)

Mini Morbid def. Li'l Elvis Via Gott ist Tott (Match Time 3:54)

The Generic Heel def. a local talent 40 falls to 1 in a 30 Minute Iron Man Match, with the 1 fall against coming after GH refuses to stop beating his opponent after the bell, thereby earning a ceremonial DQ (Match Time 30:00)

Pre-Show Main Event:

"The Time Lizard" Reginald Dampshaw III def. Johnny Miami Via Golden Buster (Match Time 6:42)

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"So.. You wanna go to the Jacuzzi?"

Jason Cashe was seen backstage, holding black bikini bottoms. Josslynn turns to him and snatches the bottoms from his hands. He looked disappointed.

Josslynn Spencer: "I have to get ready for my match!"

Jason Cashe: "Are you going to wear the bikini while you wrestle?"

Josslynn Spencer: "No.."

Jason Cashe: "Could have been a ratings booster.. Missed opportunity.. Management really fucked that up for me!"

Stiff arming him to the chest. Josslynn still laughed at him. Grabbing her boots, she was getting ready to compete.

Jason Cashe: "What's the game plan tonight?"

Josslynn Spencer: "Ummm.. Win? Isn't that what everyone's game plan should be?"

She had a point. Cashe was just antsy. Being on a yacht was not ideal. He hated the idea of being on the Ocean. Dreaded the idea of a boat sinking and ending up IN the ocean. He wasn't sure what to do with his hands.. Josslynn picked up on his fidgeting and cupped his hands with her own.

Josslynn Spencer: "Calm down.. Go look for some trouble to get into. I need to get ready. Ok?"

Not waiting for an answer, she kisses him, grabbing his ears before pulling away. Her eyes went back to getting her boots on. Cashe nods as he steps backwards before turning and heading for the door.

Josslynn Spencer: "Hey.."

He stops. Turns back to her.

Jason Cashe: "Yeah?"

Josslynn Spencer: "Bikini after the match, sound good?"

Jason Cashe: "Awwww yeaaaah! Post match celebration!"

He was almost perky as he skipped out of the room. Josslynn smiles as she finishes her preparations.

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Welcome to Madness… As always, I am your humble host, Jacuinde Cauhtemoc. Joining me once again is the incomparable Ira “Bath” Saltzmann… Bath! Are you excited for the hottest yacht party in the South Pacific???

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When they told me I was going to be on a boat, I immediately purchased a nautical themed Pashmina afghan! It didn’t arrive in time, so I’m just wearing this cool sailor hat instead. Awesome right!? Either way, this is DOPE. We are on a freaking yacht racing across the ocean, and the weather is GREAT. I’m going to tan like crazy, and I’m going to hook up with a mermaid or die trying!

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Welp, rest in peace, I guess! But before we schedule you a wake, we need to get to the ring because Madness is about to get GOING! We are starting things off with Doc Docherty, who told us he could wait one more minute to get mack in a Madness ring… he insisted on opening the show!

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Makes sense! His last outing didn’t go his way, and he wants to wash that feeling away ASAP! He’s got a chance up next against Li’l Juicy… who a little birdie told me might be a tad seasick! Okay it was Marv. He told me. The guy’s got all the answers! Let’s go to the ring now!

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As the fans wait in anticipation, "Victory" hits over the PA and the crowd rise to their feet, awaiting the arrival of Doc. The lights then turn to darkness, a blue glow illuminating the top of the ramp and two white strobe lighting bolts shining across it. They cross over in a huge "X" shape, like the St. Andrews flag of Scotland, and as Doc walks out and stands under the "X", the lights turn back on and Doc remains on the spot for a few seconds, before speeding up his approach to the ring as the song enters its chorus, never once looking out to the crowd, staring straight ahead at his opponent in the ring.

Li’l Juicy bops out from behind the curtain and makes his way to the ring to loud cheers. Right before getting into the ring he produces a tee shirt cannon from somewhere and blasts a short up into the stands. The kid it hammers in the face falls out of frame, but he’s probably fine.
Juicy tosses the cannon aside and then slides into the ring, raising his arms over his head as his music keeps bumping.


Before the bell even finishes echoing, Docherty flattens Li’l Juicy with the DOCHERTY PRIDE! Juicy can do nothing except lay there befuddled as Docherty steps over him and starts driving hard punches into his skull before he drags him up to his feet and shoves him into a corner.

Juicy groggily tries to cover up as Docherty just assaults him with a look of rage on his face. Docherty sends a barrage of forearms and elbows into Juicy’s head, and then he backs up and drills a GENOCIDE KICK into him!

Docherty is red in the face and shouting at the top his lungs for the crowd to watch him, and he then walks over to the fallen Juicy and pulls up one leg, then slaps on the DOC LOCK! Docherty grapevines the leg as he twists Juicy’s ankle, and Juicy only takes a couple seconds to start slapping the mat in submission!


(Match Time 1:12)

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Holy CRAP, Doc Docherty really felt like he had something to prove here tonight!

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He didn’t want that loss to Sierra Silver to be what came to mind when people heard his name, Jacuinde… now what they’ll think of is a dominant performance right here ON A FREAKIN’ BOAT!

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I think you are 100% correct, Bath, what we just saw was a top contender performing at a top level! Docherty just put all of Madness on notice.

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And speaking of Sierra Silver… I hear her and Myra Rivers are up next! Talk about a stacked card, Jacuinde, both of these women have championship histories and could feasibly be next in line for a shot at Elijah Copeland, depending on the outcome here tonight…

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With Silver winning the Pick Your Poison battle royal not long ago, she’s got to be at the top of the list… but a win for Myra Rivers would leapfrog her right into the conversation! Let’s see what happens!

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Madness cuts to the locker room where Myra Rivers is seen. She’s in some high spirits coming off her debut win as well as the interview that she had done on her sister’s podcast the day before. She knows that she’s in for a challenge, but even then, she’s not looking deterred whatsoever as she begins to express her thoughts.

Myra Rivers: Last time on Madness, I made my debut in XWF and I got that victory. Of course, it was thrilling. It was a new chapter as part of a new experience. It was something for me to treasure because in all honesty, I really did need something new. I know that it’s only one match, but getting that debut victory is ALWAYS the best start that you can imagine… aside from winning a championship in your debut, but if you heard my podcast interview with my sister yesterday, you’d know that I’m not being an obsessive title chaser like most people in the business have become nowadays. Anyway, let’s not lose track of why we are here tonight. Match two in XWF for me is against none other than Sierra Silver and she’s definitely not going to be someone that I am going to pretend that I’ve never heard about because I HAVE heard about her…

Myra takes a bit of a pause. Her facial expression now consists of determination and focus.

Myra Rivers: …and how “evil” she is… I know that whole thing is facetious, even though the wrestler herself isn’t, for sure. Last time she was on XWF programming, she put together something that was well… cute. My daughter hasn’t watched XWF programming yet. I’m not sure some of the content is ‘friendly’ for someone her age if you know what I mean. But if she has, I’m almost sure that Sierra might be one of her favorite wrestlers to be honest… with all that silliness and everything.

Mister Fluffykins the Third…

Myra takes another pause, expressing some obvious awkwardness at the promo from Sierra last month that she is referencing. It doesn’t take her long to maintain her composure before she continues to make her point.

Myra Rivers: …I can’t and I WON’T be one to underestimate her especially when you consider who she defeated last time out. Doc is absolutely no joke from what I’ve gathered and if Sierra is able to defeat a man like him, then she’s got to be one talented wrestler in her own right. This is going to be a challenge, but I know it’s a challenge I can handle. Sierra, you might be younger and even faster than me and you may have thrown off opponents in the past with the shtick that you’ve got and everything, but I’m a different level of wrestler than you’ve faced before. I know that the whole ‘evil’ thing is facetious more than anything with you, but hey, I’ll play along for a bit. You know what I’ve made a pretty damn good career out of? Overcoming ‘evil’! So many times in my career, I’ve saved a wrestling company from the most evil bitch on the block that thought he or she was going to rule the roost for eternity. I’ve punished the ‘evildoers’ that have acted like tyrants. I have avenged my own pride against many wrestlers that have taken it from me and have personally done me wrong in the most ‘evil’ way imaginable. Hell, I’ve taken world championships from the most evil of bastards this business has ever seen. Yeah, I know that it’s a different time in different places, Sierra, but the point is?


It doesn’t scare me.

Not only have I built up a reputation of overcoming ‘evil’, I’ve BEEN the villain myself when I wasn’t doing great psychologically. Where you may have the advantage in youth and speed, I’ve got a massive advantage in experience, perspective and knowing how to slow down someone like you and being able to wrestle my kind of match. That’s how I know I’m coming out on top tonight. I’ve got everything it takes to be one of the top performers in the IDL division and that’s precisely what I plan on being. You’re a decorated athlete in your own right for someone your age and I’m not going to deny you that. But tonight? I’m going to show the world that experience matters and that I’m not here to be just another face on the roster. I’m here to make a positive difference in this company. I’m here to inspire so many people that have gone through similar walks of life and through similar tough times in and out of wrestling as I have. I’m here to leave this business in a better state than what I found it in. I’m here to show that I can give back to something I love and that I can continue to perform at a high level.

This chapter of my career is only just beginning, Sierra. There are going to be bumps and obstacles on the road, but I don’t plan on someone like you being a mountain for me. I hope you’re ready for me, Sierra. Because I know that I’m VERY prepared to come out on top tonight…

Myra delivers a confident wink before she makes her exit from the locker room and the scene fades to black.

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Myra Rivers emerges with a smile as the fans blow up. It’s obvious she has people in the crowd familiar with her career, with one person in the front row holding a sign saying AND FINALLY… MYRA IS HERE!

Rivers saunters down to the ring, slapping hands as the crowd continues to cheer for the SCW star. She gets to the ring and looks across at the official, waiting patiently for her opponent.

(Long live the reckless and the brave
I don't think I wanna be saved
My song has not been sung
So long live us)

As the music kicks in, Sierra bursts through the curtain with all the energy in the world and a huge smile on her face. She runs over to the edge of the stage and pointing her Minecraft diamond sword prop out into the crowd before returning to the top of ramp and striking a "supervillain" pose. She poses for a few seconds before taking a running start down the ramp, high fiving everyone she can on the way down, going around the ring and back up the other side of the ramo before stopping herself at the top, turning, and skipping down and sliding into the ring under the bottom rope.

(Breaking out of a town called Suburbia
I remember everybody always saying
"Little brat must be crazy
Never make it in our vicious little world"
Still I'm leaving)

Sierra jumps up onto the turnbuckle and points her sword into the air, repeating the process for each corner before jumping down and running laps around the ring before coming to a stop with a hop in her corner, bouncing on her toes and heels as she awaits the beginning of the match.


The bell sounds and both women start to circle each other. Sierra and Myra both have huge grins on their faces, it’s obvious they have been looking forward to testing one another out. They have a few exchanges, one ending with Sierra gaining the upper hand with a hip toss and a series of drop kicks. Myra has success grounding Silver with takedowns, trying to wear out the ball of energy that the “Supervillain” always is in the ring.

Mrya keeps things going her way,transitioning from the wrestling holds and takedowns and really starting to focus on the lower back of her opponent. She has Sierra in trouble after a nasty double underhook backbreaker, and she uses the opportunity to apply a cloverleaf! Silver has to stretch for the ropes, and the pain to her back is obvious after the rope break as she reaches for her spine and grimaces.

Myra keeps the pressure on, keeping her focus on the back of Sierra Silver. She follows the same playbook again, hitting a hangman’s neckbreaker and then a backstabber before once again locking in a submission intent on twisting Silver’s spine - this time a camel clutch. Silver struggles mightily, unable to reach the ropes with her hands, but she eventually gets a foot on the bottom rope and once more receives the mercy of a rope break.

It’s during the next exchange that Silver catches a break - she’s able to interrupt an attempt from Myra Rivers for an abdominal stretch by arm dragging Rivers over, and then hitting a desperation baseball slide after running the ropes for momentum.

Silver gets a second wind. She ramps up the pace, hitting a series of impact moves that have Rivers dazed and reeling. A sling blade followed by a step-up enzuigiri sends Rivers spiraling over the second rope, leaving her in perfect position for the SI-1-9! She hits it but takes a second to stretch her back out again before making a cover, making it easier for Rivers to kick out.

Silver evades a strike from Rivers and transitions it into a GREENHEART! Rivers kicks out of another cover and Silver tries to whip her to the ropes… Rivers springboards off the ropes with a VIXEN KICK! Rivers nearly gets a three with a quick pin after hitting the big move, but Silver is able to get a shoulder up at the last moment!

Both women are sucking wind now and they get to their feet slowly. They start exchanging rights in the middle of the ring. They tag each other a few times, each one nearly falling over in exhaustion after each shot… then… the lights in the arena go out!

The ring is bathed in darkness, and no one can see a thing. We hear a few hard bangs against the mat, and then silence.

The lights come back on, and now both Sierra Silver and Myra Rivers are lying outside of the ring, face down and unconscious. The referee, confused, looks all around him but doesn’t see anything other than both competitors outside the ring.

The ref begins to count to ten, and Myra and Sierra never even twitch before he gets all the way through the count. He calls for the bell! This one’s over!


(Match Time 7:52)

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What the heck just happened, Bath? We had a great match going on between two top talents, and now they're both KO’d on the floor? Who did that?!

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This is a huge mystery, Jacuinde, someone needs to get to the bottom of this! I’m sure General Manager Tula Keali’i will have a lot to say about it!

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No doubt in my mind on that one! I just hope whoever it was gets their just desserts… because they just made a pair of dangerous enemies!

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You know what though, Jac, sometimes enemies make even better friends! Like what we’ve got up next… the team of P.W.T. has been a thorn in the side of Death Rattle for months… but now they’ve got to coexist! And who knows if the Themis Sisters can work with 2BrokeChicks when they each want that Gemini Titles shot!

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Great point, Bath, and… hey wait, what’s this now…?

As the announcers talk, they are interrupted by cheers from the crowd as Atara and Osira Themis arrive at ringside! They have assistants with them who carry over a table and chairs for them both, along with monitors and headsets… apparently setting up an announce booth!

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Atara waves at Jacuinde and Bath as she takes a seat behind her monitor and puts her mic on with a smile.

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Hey guys! Hope you don’t mind a little competition… me and sissy thought you could use a Greek commentary booth. Bath! Looking good! Ωραία γραβάτα!

Bath turns red and smiles back.

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I love you so much…

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Well… okay Atara, nice to have you… maybe a little suspect that you’re here for THIS match though.

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Oh, well. We are all entitled to our opinions. Η γνώμη μου ότι δεν έχεις πέος, για παράδειγμα.

Jacuinde looks confused but he just looks toward the MadnessTron.

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Before the introductions, the cameras catch Atara and Osira Themis setting up the decorations on their Greek commentary table. Atty and Ossey wave little Greek flags at the camera and wave, blowing kisses. Atara shows off her sick “Atty Hit That” James Raven shirt.

The Themis sisters slowly enter the area as perfumed air is pumped into the stands. They saunter down to the ring and walk around it saying hello to Atara and Osira, giving them hugs before getting into the squared circle.

Ikura ikura ikura ore no kachi wa ikura!
Run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up!
Ikura ikura ikura ore no kachi wa ikura!
Run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up, run it up!

ANARCHY's "Run It Up" comes on over the PA system as the arena lights dim down, bringing all attention to the lighting on and around the stage. Everyone’s attention is on the entrance curtain when, all of a sudden, an air horn like the one heard from a fire engine BLASTS through the arena. From the side of the stage, a tricked out RV painted white with neon blue accents rolls up. As the opening refrain with Skits Vicious begins, theside door flies open and out comes the 2 Broke Chicks. In name only, of course! There’s some visible laughs of amusement as Jane then turns towards the stage and tries to look serious as she approaches the ramp. On the opposite side of the mood spectrum, Chiaki Sanada gives their ride an adoring pat before scurrying to catch up with her tag team partner.

As the two make their way down the ramp, Jane’s attempt to stay serious is all but lost once Chiaki moves in front of her, just goofing off and throwing random signs at the camera in sync with their music. As the chorus plays, Chiaki starts singing along. The strength of the duo finally breaks into laughter at the little one’s antics and the pair continue towards the ring. Once they reach ringside, Jane comes in behind Chiaki and lifts the crazy little Joshi up onto her shoulders. She makes a lap around the ring itself while Chiaki’s waving her arms from side to side over her head, trying to get the fans to join in. They do, for the most part. Chiaki hops off of Jane’s shoulders and onto the apron. She’s back to throwing thuggish little hand signals as Jane climbs onto the apron. Jane climbs into the ring and stands behind Chiaki who is still doing her thing as they both throw up their actual, personal team gesture. Chiaki finally gets into the ring and the two of them move to their corner, removing their entrance gear and getting in a bit of last minute extra stretching as they get ready for their match.

The arena fills with mist as the music plays, and the specters of two women drift from the top of the entrance ramp down to the ring.

The two apparitions move into a corner, and as the mists disperse, we see Jane Doe and the Sound of Death standing there, waiting.

Tanya Terwilliger and her partner Sean “Spider” Spivey, better known as P.W.T., pop out from the back nearly tearing the curtain from its attachments. The duo immediately start insulting the crowd and tossing bits of trash into the stands.

Tanya almost gets into a physical fight with another woman in the front row, but Spider yanks her away and they both spit at the lady before heading to the ring and leaning in their corner, shouting insults at the crowd that are swallowed up by boos.


P.W.T. seem uninterested in starting the match in the ring, and they leave it up to Jane Doe, who meets Desdemona Themis in the middle of the ring. Des is quickly overpowered and ends up getting knocked around a bit before Doe tags in her partner, the Sound of Death. She picks up right where Doe left off, cutting the ring in half and preventing Desdemona from reaching her sister Agrippina.

Things change when Tanya Terwilliger tags herself in when Sound of Death gets close enough to their shared corner. Tanya steps in and rolls Desdemona toward the Themis/Broke Chicks corner, then quickly tags back out to Jane Doe! Doe looks angry and confused as Terwilliger laughs and leaves the ring. Doe tries to stop Desdemona from making a tag but Jane Harper leans way into the ring and makes the tag of Des! She leaps into the ring for some Jane on Jane action! Harper brawls Doe back and lands a nice ripcord knee to Jane Doe, then signals for a finish! But Aggy tags in!

Agrippina tags in and gets into the ring as Jane Doe tags out once more to the Sound of Death. SoD is able to control Aggy for the most part, but Aggy holds the top rope as she falls after a big hit, and it sends SoD tumbling over and out! The official admonishes Agrippina but Aggy pleads her case, insisting the rope pull was a complete accident. Outside the ring, Osira Themis leaves her Greek booth and grabs SoD, tossing her back in the ring under the bottom rope! The ref is distracted by Jane Doe making an attempt to intervene, and it gives Aggy all the time she needs to hit a Judgment of Paris on Sound of Death just as she gets to her feet! SoD gets a shoulder up before the three, and the match continues!

Aggy decides to tag an excited Chi Chi Sanada into the match, and Chiaki spends a good amount of time pinballing around the ring and knocking the Sound of Death around with unorthodox moves from bizarre angles. Chi Chi finally decides to take a break and tags Jane Harper back in, and Harper once again looks ready to go for a finish… and once again Agrippina Themis tags in!

Aggy looks to set up her Pythia’s Pyre, but Sound of Death escapes! SoD leaps toward Jane Doe… and Jane Doe gets yanked off the apron!

By her own partner, Sean “Spider” Spivey!

Doe’s jaw clips the apron as she’s pulled down by her ankles, and Spivey and Terwilliger cackle with laughter as they both leave the ringside area with middle fingers held high, abandoning their partners and the match itself!

Sound of Death catches a knee to her back from Agrippina, sending her crashing into a turnbuckle. Aggy tags Desdemona back in, and Des hooks SoD’s arms… ARTEMIS BOW DRIVER! Desdemona with a bridge, and Jane Doe manages to reach in to break up the count just in time!

Unfortunately for Death Rattler, with it being two on four they barely are able to do much offensively for the remainder of the match. A pivotal moment comes when Agrippina’s attempt at JUDGMENT OF PARIS is missed, leading into a nice exploder suplex from Jane Doe. This leads to a flurry of a comeback from Doe, who finally manages to tag the fresher Sound of Death into the match at long last. SoD goes into a frenzy and drives Aggy into a corner and nearly beheads her with a BANSHEE’S WAIL! Desdemona races in to do cleanup duty, but Jane Doe catches her from behind! CENOTAPH!

Desdemona rolls out to the floor and Jane Doe leaves the ring as Sound of Death goes for a cover on Agrippina… BROKEN UP BY JANE HARPER! Once more Jane Doe charges forward to even the odds, but Harper ducks down and back drops Doe into the stratosphere! Doe rolls onto the floor with a thud and Harper calls to chiaki. Chi Chi scales the ropes as Harper lifts Jane Doe… PAY DAY!

Harper covers Doe, but at two, Atara Themis yanks Harper out of the ring by the ankles, dropping her in a belly flop to the concrete! Chi Chi is positively frothing at the mouth in anger as she charges tara, but Atara holds her hands out, begging, and points at her baby bump. Chi Chi stops in her tracks, not wanting to attack a pregnant woman, and Osira Themis slides into the ring while the referee is distracted… DISCORD DRIVER ONTO JANE DOE!

Osira gets tackled from the ring by Sound of Death, but Agrippina is right there to scoop up the nearly unconscious Jane Doe… PYTHIA’S PYRE! Aggy hooks a leg as the official finally turns back to the ring, and he counts the 1-2-3!


(Match Time 12:28)

Sound of Death tends to her partner and helps her off toward the back as 2 Broke Chicks decide to get some vengeance on Osira Themis. They toss her by the hair into the guard rail and nearly send her over the side of the ship and into the South Pacific! The two are fast and furious with their assault and look nearly unstoppable before Desdemona and Agrippina finally catch enough wind back in their lungs to come to their sister’s rescue.

The three combined Themises fight with Chi Chi and Jane Harper to a pretty impressive 3-on-2 stalemate, and then Atara, baby bump and all, cracks the pole of her Greek flag right over the back of Jane Harper!

Harper collapses and then it’s four to one, with all of Themis Palaestra taking turns beating the starch out of Chi Chi Sanada! They toss the sm0l warrior into a tech area and sparks fly as she crashes into the equipment, and then they grab Jane Harper and send her right in after her! All four Themises stand with their arms in the air as the crowd loses their minds booing!

After the bell, a wary Themis sister's hand is raised and the mixed reaction of the crowd resounds throughout the arena. It's pure chaos, with bodies everywhere and mass confusion at what had just happened. It's whole minutes before competitors begin to clear out after verbally and physically trying to protest the referee’s call but to no avail - it stands. Themis Palaestra were the victors and it was the four girls who now stood alone in the ring.

The most known of them, Atara, physically in better condition despite her... condition, proudly and confidently struts to one side of the ring and calls for a mic before taking center stage and looking to the fans and camera. Microphone at her lips, her honeyed rasp hits the PA once more for the XWF but it wasn't her catchphrase that blared.

"A, oi poniroí ánthropoi den xefévgoun poté apó tin agní Thémida. Nýchta kai méra ta mátia tis eínai stramména páno tous, kai o platýs kósmos mésa apó tis fylés ton anthrópon epipléei ston aéra, kolpáki tou Día, gia timoría tis amartías"

Ominous, her Greek tongue warned and reminded the Madness roster the name Themis wasn't something to scoff, ignore, or make light of in the halls of XWF. Behind her, Themis Palaestra nodded in agreement.

"After last Madness, after an embarrassing defeat at the hands of Ding Dong...Bing Barf...whatever...I watched my sister's..hang their heads low. I watched spirits collapse and seen my name...a name that still echoes with reverence in the XWF be mocked by ignorant dumbfucks in the locker room. I saw the legacy Osira and I built become little more afterthought and in that moment I decided something had to be done.

She paused to pace back and forth formulating her words.

"I decided someone had to be blamed for the injustice my sister's were handed and when I looked hard at everything occuring on Madness I narrowed it down to one man. A small vile vindictive parasite who once benefited from my name like he hoped to benefit from my sister's......"

"...until I fired him."

The crowd ooooohed knowing full well who Atara meant.

"Hitmaker! It's been one loss after the other and its clear to Themis Palaestra that you haven't a care in the world about it. It's clear you put more stock in that food disposal you babysit than anything else. It's clear HYE can't get the job done so I...we ..have made the decision to here and now declare that your services are NO Longer Required. It's clear that that after tonight what Themis Palaestra needed was a better, more experienced, more successful, guiding hand. I have shown them the way and now hand in hand with me they are now being represented by none other than the People's GOAT himself...


The arena goes ballistic when Once For the Hundredth Time hits the PA and the entrance theme of James Raven echoed throughout. All attention went to the entrance ramp and suited father to be appeared, hand up acknowledging crowd before looking down to the girls and the mother of his child specifically as he clapped approvingly. A moment was spared to soak it all in before Atara's voice hit the PA again.

"Forget everything you thought you knew, Doves. The game is changed and Themis is the only name that matters anymore. The Gemini belts are ours and anything else we decide we want."

With a thud, Atara dropped the mic as the Themis Palaestra theme hits. They meet with James on the ramp before exiting and the camera fading to commercial break.

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I am in utter shock, Bath… when did James Raven even arrive on this boat? Did he dress up as the midshipman or something???

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I have no earthly idea Jacuinde BUT I LOVE IT! James Raven, an absolute living legend, right here on Madness to help his girl out! It’s a love story for the ages! And we got to see John Hitmaker gets SCREWED at the same time… it’s a win-win!

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You know who got screws, it was 2 Broke Chicks! Themis Palaestra stole a Gemini Championship opportunity from them!

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It ain’t cheating unless you get caught! The bell rang and Themis Palaestra got the W in their names, that’s all that matters!

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Well now that we know who our next Gemini challengers are, we can go tour first ever Madness Survivors match! Molly Barnes recruited some friends to help against Le Bord de Dieu and her thralls… we’ll get to that right after we check on the back!

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The scene opens up on a big yacht where XWF performers are expected to perform on today. While the rest of the wrestlers were off doing their thing, Jacki O'Lantern and her boyfriend Bad News Brooks would appear into the frame. The Queen of Trickery is seen already in her ring gear, while her man is wearing a leopard print speedo that barely contains his endowment and a pair of neon-green flipflops. Aviators reflect the world around him and he carries a Ninja Turtles beach towel is under him.The couple is seen lounging out on some chairs with drinks in hand as they got a view of the water in front of them while the boat rocked a little. The movement caused Jacki's drink to spill on her gear. However, that didn't bother her and instead had a smile glued to her pumpkin face. She turned her head to look towards him, grateful he agreed to join her on this Madness that is about to ensure for her later on.

“I am so glad you agreed to come here, despite what might occur in my match later. I know you obviously have your concerns when I participate in these type of death matches, but much like all the sugar I consume on a daily basis, some might even say I'm addicted. They might be right.”

“You know I think deathmatch wrestling is for SPEDS. Mouthbreathers who can’t do anything else but hur-hur-hur like cavemen at the sight of a little blood,” he says, then, catching sight of her stare, shifts his tone. “But it’s what you want. And what you want, you get.”

He sips his Mojito. Slurping it, really.

She slurps on her apple juice and runs a hand through her hair.

“Thanks bud. You know your support motivates me to keep going and work harder. I hope I make you and the rest of the pumpkin army proud later on. Winning these types of matches is no easy task, but your pumpkin girl is a warrior and can handle the pressure.”

[Color=white“It’s not pressure I worry about,” he mumbles. “It’s picking the glass and barbs and splinters and God knows what else out of that ass after it’s all over. Sure that crowd cheers for the sick bumps but they don’t have to step on the used thumb tacks when taking their morning shower.”[/color]

“It does seem like we do collect a lot of that stuff in the household. I'll make sure you don't wear any next time. Anyway, when is the last time you have been on something such as that? The cats were begging to come, but had to leave them behind, unfortunately. They get a little seasick.”

“I’m sure the cats are fine,” he sips more of his Mojito. He plays with the umbrella and says, “it’s been awhile since we could just enjoy each other. You’re always out sticking glass into other people and I’m always out winning championships and beating fools like they owe me money. It’s hard sometimes, finding the quiet moments to just sit and vibe, you know?”

Brooks reaches across and takes her hand in his. “I want you to know that it doesn’t matter where we get the time to be with each other, just that we get it. I do admit, yacht? It’s nice. But I don’t care if it’s on an iceberg or in the dentist’s office, as long as you’re with me, it’s a good day.”

She squeezes his hand tightly and nods her head, agreeing with everything he said.

“Why must you say those sweet words and not expect my face paint to smear from crying? But you are absolutely correct. Hell, if the roles were reversed, I would gladly pull out all the splinters, and thumbtacks off your body. For now, though, I'm getting really hungry. Should we call someone over and get some food?”

Brooks smiles. "Ah, the three effs of Jacki O’Lantern: fighting, food, and fu-"

She leans forward, nearly falling over the chair, and plants a kiss on his lips before he could finish, then pulls away and motions for the waiter to come, which he does. He stands there and looks at Jacki as if he has seen a ghost, as she rubs her chin and thinks about what she wants.

“I'll have a dozen of your finest cupcakes. What are you in the mood for, babe?”

"Pumpkin pie."

“And a pumpkin pie with whipped cream.”

The waiter leaves. Meanwhile, she puts her cat sunglasses on, then leans back comfortably in her chair.

“So, while we've been here, have you gotten the chance to talk to the other wrestlers? There are some cool cats that are here, but others you want to avoid. Bad people, I tell you.”

"No. I've got enough friends. I just want the money now."

She giggled over that response as their dessert arrived. She scarfed all her cupcakes in one sitting while he ate his pie as they continued to relax for the time being.

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The crowd is first assailed with the harsh and heavy sounds of mouth farts as “Mad” Maxine steps out from the back, beat boxing into her palms like someone out of a 1985 breakdance competition. After a few beats, Bobbi London walks out with a mic and drops a freestyle!

“Yo yo yo, Bobbi ON-don in the place,
Dropped the L so’s I could smush it in you’s face,
Got me partner, four all-beef patties cuz they call her Big Max
Got BGTL to give you’s all heart attacks,
Five of us means none of you’s is spinnin’ no yarns,
Now give it up party people it’s Molly Freakin’ Barnes!”

Molly pops out with a big grin, followed by Claire Rogers and Ximena Asensio of BGTL. Molly gets high fives from all four of her partners and then heads for the ring while BGTL and Mad Rhymes sort of mean mug each other and walk in double file lines behind Barnes.

The five women all climb up into the ring and pose for the crowd as the music continues, then they take their place in a corner and discuss strategy.

The low music intensifies as deep red lighting takes over the ramp. A few moments later, a platform with a large black throne atop it in which sits “Le Bord de Dieu” Aveline Lacklan, emerges from the curtains carries at each corner by one of her partners for the evening. The Disintigrators and Da Bing Bong Twinzz walk down to the ring holding Bordy aloft.

Upon arriving at the ring, the four men lower the sedan platform down to the floor and help Aveline rise from her throne and step down.

The four men then enter the ring and hold the ropes open for Bordy, who chooses to simply walk across the apron to her corner instead. The D-Grators and Da Twinzz join her right away.


Right from the jump, the Bing Bongers both race toward the other side of the ring looking to sneak attack their opponents. Maxine and Bobbi meet them halfway though, and an all-out brawl ensues. All four of them end up tumbling out onto the floor, where they continue throwing hands.

They all fight their way back up the ramp, and Bobbi London ends up getting double clotheslined right over the ship’s hull and into a dinghy! The Twinzz cut the cord and the life boat falls into the ocean!

A harpoon then hits the wall of the cabin right between the Twinzz, and we see that Maxine is holding a harpoon gun with a disappointed look on her face. She tosses the gun overboard, and we hear an “Ow!” from Bobbi down in her dinghy.

The Twinzz then try to double team Maxine, and she grabs them both in a choke, dangling them over the edge of the boat… and it’s then that the referee in the ring reaches the 10 count, eliminating all four of them!



Max and the Twinzz look confused and annoyed, but they throw their hands up and accept the decision, as does Bobbi London who climbs up over the hull, soaking wet, apparently having used the ship’s anchor to spelunk her way back up to the deck.

In the ring, Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele enters the ring and is dropkicked into next week by Ximena Asensio. He falls out through the ropes when the boat lurches to one side. This was probably due to a wave, but it’s a lot funnier to assume it was Bobbi climbing the boat that did it.

Asensio follows Steele and grabs him, tossing him into the metal stairs. She looks for a running big boot but ‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang pulls his partner out of harm’s way and Asensio kicks the steps! She looks hurt! Even worse, Mustang pulls the stairs away from the corner of the ring and slams them back again right across Ximena’s ankle!

Claire tries to run across the ring to help but the referee stops her, which gives the Disintigrators time to hit a TOTAL DISINTIGRATION on the outside of the ring before rolling Ximena back in. By the time the ref turns around, Johnny Steele has a clumsy old school spinning toe hold locked in on Xim’s busted ankle, and Asensio is motionless on the mat… the ref calls for a submission!


Xim is assisted from the ring as Claire Rogers roars in! She clotheslines Steele out of his boots! Literally! He flops to the mat in his socks, and Claire tosses his boots into the ocean. Steele comes in for a double ax handle… CLAIRE BITCH PROJECT! Claire jawjacks Steele and hooks his stockinged legs for a 1-2-3!


Into the ring comes Dave Mustang… ARMED WITH A LIFE PRESERVER! Mustang swings wildly at Claire but she easily ducks and then snatches the float right out of his hands. Claire bashes him in the face with the life preserver! She kneels down and keeps beating him profusely with it until we hear a bell!


Claire’s been disqualified! She can’t believe it! She pleads her case to the official, screaming about how Mustang brought the foreign object into the ring… but he’s not having it. He tells her to leave the ring and she replies with a loud NO U.

But then she does leave, because Xim tells her to knock it off.

Molly Barnes gets into the ring to a big ovation from the crowd, who might be more than a little bit drunk due to the neverending cocktail hour that cruises like this tend to be.

Barnes uses her speed and athleticism to embarrass the much slower, older, Dave Mustang, who just keeps trying to throw hands. He gets tripped up multiple times with sweeps and takedowns, tossed around with throws and suplexes, and finally gets hooked around the head and lifted into the BARNESTORMER! Molly pops her hips and bridges for the 1-2-3!


Barnes and Lacklan are now the only ones left in the match, and Barnes looks like she is raring to go. She has a look on her face of pure determination and holds her fists up at the ready as Aveline slowly enters the ring.

Lacklan stands a few feet away from Barnes with a smile on her face… then she backs up and leaves the ring again!

Barnes looks perplexed, but Le Bord de Dieu just backs away down the aisle laughing as the official counts. Molly Barnes pleads with the ref to stop counting but he refuses… and eventually he counts Aveline out!


Molly Barnes is the sole survivor!


(Match Time 7:52)

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What kind of MING GAMES are being played here, Bath!? We were all eager to see those two go toe to toe, ESPECIALLY Molly Barnes… she was really champing at the bit to get her hands on Le Bord de Dieu!

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You nailed it, Jacuinde, Aveline Lacklan is a CHESSMASTER! She is playing three moves ahead at all times… Molly thought she was getting her moment for vengeance, and she got a big fat nothing! An empty win to pad her stats… BRILLIANT!

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Well a win is a win, Bath, Molly is the sole survivor and her team can definitely celebrate the fact that they came out of this Madness match as the victors… the very FIRST survivors match in Madness history! That’s big news!

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Sure, sure… and I’m betting Molly would trade it all away just for a few minutes in the ring with Aveline Lacklan! Again… BRILLIANT!

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You might be right… anyway, let’s take a look backstage…

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The first image you see as the cameras take you away from the ring is a pair of Dolphins leaping from the sparkling ocean before plunging back down beneath the surface.

"Oh Bro, where art thou ass at!?"

MC C-Munqqquee BathZaltzz or to save me the trouble of writing that out in full each time, MC C-Mun. His board shorts were as colorful as his tattoos and grill. Clearly he was looking for his brother, Lil' Ca$h-App Dolla Billyunnai$$e. Again, shortening the name to Lil' Ca$h-App for my sanity.

As he rounds the corner, nearing the Jacuzzi, he sees something peculiar. Jason Cashe is seen holding someone underwater. The trashing inside the jacuzzi was also a good indication that something foul was afoot.

MC C-Mun: "Dang, he gotta force her to go down on him even in a Jacuzzi?"

As he continued watching, he started to realize that wasn't at all the case. The arms and legs flapping out from under the water were scrawny and tattooed in a way that MC C-Mon came to recognize.

MC C-Mon: "Hey! That's my Bro!!"

Because camera work was so professional in XWF, the scene transferred to a closer focus on Cashe as he grunted and shoved down at the head of Lil' Ca$h-App being held under the water of the Jacuzzi.

Jason Cashe: "Stop struggling, it'll go by faster!"

The response he got was gurgling and gasping in the seconds that Cashe allowed Ca$h-App's face to breach for a breath.

Jason Cashe: "Sorry, I couldn't hear you… Trying breathing underwater."

A screeching, old kung fu movie sound effect came roaring into the scene as MC C-Mon came flying in at the side of Cashe! Knocking the 'DiOGee' over, his grip on Ca$h-App was released and the brother was finally able to breathe. Gasping for air as he hurries to exit the jacuzzi. Cashe turns and catches MC C-Mon as he jumps in with fists of rage!

MC C-Mon: "You tried to kill my Bro! That's your Ass!!"

Cashe flung him up and over his shoulder. Tumbling out onto the deck went C-Mon as Cashe pushed through the water and climbed out himself, going after Lil' Ca$h-App.

Jason Cashe: "Where you going fool?!"

From his hands and knees, Ca$h-App was coughing, still gasping to breathe right. He looks up at the approaching Jason Cashe right as Cashe's fist crashes down into his jawline! Ca$h-App slaps against the deck near the Jacuzzi.

Jason Cashe: "You keep talking shit! I'm not those ho's on twitter, I seek you out! You BEEN know this shit! Now look at you.."

"Duuuvaaaall in this bitch!!"

Crashing into Cashe from behind, MC C-Mon barrels into him. Cashe trips and stumbles over Ca$h-App and falls against the railing. He gasps, looking over the edge at the ocean below. Snapping around, MC C-Mon is racing towards him. Dropping a shoulder, Cashe lifts C-Mon up and launches him high over the railing!!

MC C-Mon: "Sheeeeeeeeiiittt!!"

As close of a call as that was, Jason Cashe was breathing heavily. He was terrified of ending up IN the ocean. A boat even this size was almost not enough for him to be here. Letting himself calm down, he turns away from the ocean.

Lil' Ca$h-App: "Aaaaggghh!"

The XWF technology being top of the line as it is.. The pupils of Jason Cashe's eyes grew wide and you could see Ca$h-App growing closer through their reflection. Cross body, he came over Cashe like a dark cloud..

Jason Cashe: "Oof…"

The cross body landed flush as Ca$h-App knocked Jason Cashe backwards, over the railing as they disappeared from the camera's view. Their screams roared until they were drowned out after a crash of splashing.

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Up next, it’s time to crown the next LORD OF VIOLENCE! Will two-time LOV winner Hide Yamazaki make it three? Or will we see a brand new winner?

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You’ve got to think about how hungry some of these others are, Jacuinde… Thrax has been here since day one. He’s DYING to hoist that trophy! Oliver Taylor is knocking on that door as well!

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You could be right, Bath, but let’s not forget Vita Valenteen or Jacki O’Lantern either! Both former winners, both looking for another notch on that belt! NO NEED TO WAIT ANY LONGER, LET’S FIND OUT!

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We cut live to the ocean where we see… Boats. Lots of boats. Just bobbing on the sea in a spread out circle.

Micheal Graves is floating in the middle of them all on a small life raft.

”On your marks!”

Gravy raises a flare gun up to the air.

”Get set!”

And pulls the trigger sending a red flare into the sky!


All of the boats begin racing towards each other, which just so happens to be right for Gravy!

”Oh shit!”

Gravy dives into the water just as all of the boats crash into each other and completely sink Gravy’s little raft!

He isn't in this match as a competitor, but screw it!

SWIMMING - Micheal Graves!

Hide leaps off of his boat and onto Oliver Taylors and the two begin to brawl! Thrax starts throwing some sort of low powered explosives onto the decks of Vita and Jacki’s boats! Jacki leaps off of hers and onto Thrax’s, but Thrax throws an explosive right at her! It explodes, knocking Jacki into the water and setting Thrax’s boat on fire as well!

Hide and Oliver continue to brawl aboard Oliver’s boat. Hide knocks him silly with a stiff right hand and wedges his head in the doorway to the cabin and slams the door repeatedly!

As Thrax contends with the flames on his boat, he doesn’t notice Vita creeping up behind him! She locks in a rear naked choke and falls back, wrapping her legs around Thrax’s waist, but Thrax produces a knife from his cape and stabs the vampire right in the knee! Vita releases the hold and Thrax moves to mount her and reign down hammer fist, but Jacki returns to rip him off of Vita and flattens him with a discus forearm!

Meanwhile, we cut to Hide as he dives from Oliver’s boat to his own just as a big explosion sets off! Everyone takes pause to watch Oliver’s ship sink to the bottom of the ocean,


and it gives Thrax the opening that he needs to get back into this with a sucker punch that reels Jacki! The two begin brawling as Hide crashes his boat into Vita’s, putting a hole in her hull! Hide leaps from his boat to Thrax’s as Vita’s begins to slowly sink.

Vita pulls the knife out of her knee and tosses it overboard. She stumbles up to one leg just in time to meet Hide who greets her with a toothy smile before unleashing a vicious lariat, but Vita ducks and rocks Hide with a flurry kicks to the thigh that drop him to a knee!

HOLY SHIT! Vita sinks her fangs into Hide’s neck!


A Snapmare from Hide prevents the blood suckage!

Hide locks Vita into The Hanged Man!

Vita struggles, but there’s nowhere to go and that damaged knee is causing her agonizing pain!


Hide releases the hold and Vita clenches her knee! Hide isn’t done! HE lifts Vita off of the hull and tosses her overboard with ease as the last of her ship sinks into the water!


At the front of the boat, Jacki hits the Spinal Countdown on Thrax as Hide jumps ship. Jacki continues to lay a beating on Thrax until he is devoid of all signs of life! With Thrax out of commission, Jacki grabs a few of those explosives from earlier and rigs them to explode before throwing them all below deck! Jacki leaps from Thrax’s boat to hers just as the explosion rocks the boat!

Thrax’s boat sinks into the ocean, leaving only his large red cape floating above the water!


Suddenly Hide’s boat crashes into Jacki’s! The sudden shock nearly knocks her overboard, but she hangs on the rail and pulls herself back aboard! Hide is setting up for a second approach as Jacki climbs behind the wheel and get’s her vessel in motion! The two pass each other, their boats grinding against each other as they do! Jacki and Hide align for a second pass. This time Jacki wrenches the wheel towards Hide just before they pass and they crash head on! Jacki runs and leaps onto Hide's boat and they two quickly begin exchanging rights and lefts! Hide gains the advantage, but before he can capitalize, Jacki fires off an elbow to the midsection that reels him. Jacki leapos to her feet and begins rocking Hide with a series of right hands that she ends on a Spinning Backfist that drops the much larger man to his back! Handstand Double Knee Drop from Jacki ensures he stays there for a while as she rushes back to her boat.

Hide looks a little dazed, but he climbs back to his feet and tries to shake the cobwebs when he notices Jacki's speeding on a collision course with his! Hide rushes to the wheel just in time...


Hide is rocked out of his seat by the impact. Jacki begins pulling away, looking to line up for another shot. Hide rushes back to the wheel, but the engine won't start! Jacki has put some distance between them, and seems to be gearing up for her next run as Hide desperately tries to fire up the ignition!


Hide slaps the wheel in celebration, but then… wait a minute… what’s this???

In the near distance, a loud roaring… and then we see two people approaching the match, riding the waves on jet skis… and looking SUPER COOL!

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Barney and Darren ski up and get on either side of Hide Yamazaki… Hide has no clue what’s going on! Barney and Darren both pull out chains with anchors attacked and start whipping Hide with them! They flail him and slice him open numerous times with the anchors, and then pull off one of the most bad ass seafaring stunts of all time…

While still skiing alongside the Yamazaki’s boat, Barney Green grabs Hide and yanks him over, then pulls him up into a powerbomb!

Darren Dangerous Jumps off of his jetski and wraps his anchor around the throat of Hide as he comes down, and the pair send Yamazaki crashing into his own boat, capsizing it and sending him into the water!

Double D gets back onto his jetski and him and Green race off, hollering and whooping in celebration of the mayhem they caused…

Hide splashes in the water beside of his upside down ship. Suddenly Jacki crashes through it, breaking the vessel in two! Hide disappears underwater as Jacki races by in a splitery explosion!


Then… Jacki O’Lantern’s boat comes to a halt and she begins to celebrate her victory. She doesn't notice Vita climbing onto her ship with her steering wheel in hand! Vita creeps up behind Jacki and taps her on the shoulder. Jacki turns to see Vita with a big smile and her hands behind her back. Before Jacki has time to react to the sight, Vita hauls off and smashes the captains wheel across Jacki's face!

It's NOT over! Vita's ENTIRE ship ISN'T sunk!

Vita surprisingly pushes in with uncharacteristic closed fists, backing Jacki up against the rail. Vita rushes in, but Jacki explodes out with a discus forearm! Vita springs back to her feet only to catch a backfist!

No literally catch it! She drags Jacki down to the deck while trying to lock in her Embrace the Dark crossface, but Jacki is fighting back and Vita just can't get it cenched in. Vita abandons the hold and both girls scatter to their feet. They lock up, and Vita shoves Jacki against the rail, trying to push her into the water below, but Jacki isn't going out easy, and she begins to push back against Vita AND her enhanced vampire strength. Vita is shocked by Jacki's determination, and it creates an opening that Jacki takes full advantage of as she back body drops Vita back into the water! Vita doesn't waste any time scaling the side of the boat, but as she pops her head over the rail she finds Jacki waiting on her with the wheel from her boat in hand. Jacki smashes Vita's wheel into Vita's face, shattering the wheel and knocking Vita back into the water once more!


Exhausted from all of the water warfare, Jacki falls back into one of the seats when a perfectly dry Micheal Graves seems to appear out of nowhere to raise her arm!


"Congratulations! This event sucked, but it sucks a lot less when a hotty wins it!"

Graves reaches behind his back and produces the prize for this month from... Uh... No idea....

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"I made this one myself!"

Micheal hands the faux jackolantern to Jacki with a nervous grin as we fade back to the arena!

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The XWF Drones are OUT flying around over the ocean's surface as The Bing Bong Twinzz and Jason Cashe are seen shoulder deep in the South Pacific.


MC C-Mon: "Two pimps and Cashe.."

Too busy looking at his surroundings. Looking for shadows or fins. Cashe was trying not to panic.

Jason Cashe: "Fuck you both.. If we die, I'm gonna haunt you in the afterlife, I swear!"

MC C-Mon: "The Pope sent us Adoption Papers, we getting into Heaven. RSVP'd!"

Even Cashe had to laugh at that. These two were so fucking annoying that sometimes it was funny. Cashe wanted to drown them and if he had floaties or a life raft, he would attempt it.. He had neither.

Lil' Ca$h-App: "Ohh! Something touched me!"

Jason Cashe: "Don't play!"[/color]

Shoving at the water to put some more distance between himself and the Twinzz. Something bumped against Cashe from behind.

Jason Cashe: "Ohhh fuck my ass!!"

Suddenly the shape of two animals underneath the surface of the water took form. Their fins breached the water as they circled both Bing Bong Twinzz and Jason Cashe.

Jason Cashe: "It's Sharks! We're dead!"

MC C-Mon: "Hahaha you said fuck my ass! You peg me please looking ass boi! OOOHH! MOTHERFUCKER BITE ME!"

The blow holes exhausted spray as they leaped out from the water. Playfully jumping and crossing over the three of their hostages.

Jason Cashe: "Every man for himself!!"

Trying to swim away, one of the Dolphins collides into Cashe. Tugging him under the water, just under the surface. His screams probably started under the water as they are already in progress as he comes back up.

Jason Cashe: "Aaaaaaggghhh!!!"

MC C-Mon gets yanked under as well. Deeper than Cashe had gone and Ca$h-App dove under to help his brother.

Jason Cashe: "Umm… Guys? Guys? Beee dooo BEEE DOOO!"

Howling the siren sound that Minions from Despicable Me make. He was going with an alarm to signal his sense of panic that was flying to the surface.


Spinning in the water and looking up, Cashe sees an Angel in the form of Josslynn Spencer.

Josslynn Spencer: "Come on! SWIM!"

He dives towards her with a breast stroke that could have contended in the Olympics. Reaching for the ladder, he swings and begins to climb. Josslynn helps as he gets to the top. Hugging her, he mumbles out of breath.

Jason Cashe: "Bing Bong.. They dead.. Gone! I seent it!"

Another voice a bit down the Yacht screams out as a hand points down at the water.


Cashe sighed. You couldn't be sure if it was that they survived or that he was just glad he did. Another ladder was dropped and both Bing Bong Twinzz escaped as the Dolphins that had harassed them disappeared.

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“Ayyy-ooooo Boss Lady!”
The door to the captain’s cabin, where Tula Keali’i is running the show from, swings open and the enormous mass that is Big Preesh appears in the frame. He ducks under the low door, and gets stuck a bit in the narrow doorway as he tries to squeeze through.

Tula taps her foot impatiently.

Preesh starts shimmying, and luckily his belly is soft and squishy, so he’s able to compress everything in enough that he can push himself through the door and pop out into Tula’s cabin.

He looks around the room, impressed at the surroundings, and acting like nothing had just happened.

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”This is flyyyyy, guurrll.

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“Can I help you?”

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“Yes you can, boo. You done seen me on the pre-show last week? I ran through that Eclipso fellow and Jamajamamajaja–”

Pressh is getting stuck on the name.

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“Jamaican Jimmy?”

Tula helps.

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“And Calypso?”

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“Yeah, those fools! I done it as a tag team, and even did it all by myself the month before, ya dig?! So I thoughts I’d come on this boat, and was finna show all these hunnies here how big my preesh is, but you ain’t even given me a match! Howsabout you do me a favour and I do you one too? If you catch my drift.”

He winks. Tula, ‘catching his drift’ entirely, almost vomits in her mouth.

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“No favor necessary.”

She waves him off.

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“You want a match? Well it just so happens someone else has turned up rather unexpectedly, looking for a fight too. So, Preesh, you’ve got one! And not even on the pre-show!”

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“Oh yeah baby! I’mma get the W, then you can get the D!”

Tula rolls her eyes.

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“Sure, Preesh. Whatever you say. Good luck out there.”

Preesh heads for the door, and takes so long to get through that the scene fades out before he can emerge on the other side.

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The scene returns to the ringside area, where Big Preesh is already in the ring, pacing back and forth.

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“Here we go, folks! Big Preesh asked and Tula Keali’i has given. The big man is out here awaiting his opponent. I wonder who she’s got lined up?”

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”Last month we had an appearance by Sarah Lacklan. It’s going to take a lot to top that!”

It really won’t.

All it’ll take are the lights dimming, leaving the open sky above a dark, starry mess.

All it’ll take is the murmur of the crowd, rising as some of them notice a figure pushing through them.

All it’ll take is the water around the yacht, ever-so-briefly, catching COMPLETELY ON FIRE!!!

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All it’ll take is the ringside area following suit.

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And all it’ll take is one man. Inside the flames.

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Whatever crowd there is explodes like they’re the boat itself! (Although that particular fire disappeared the moment ALIAS stepped out of it.)

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”It’s ALIAS! Big Preesh’s opponent is ALIAS!”

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“The XWF Universal Champion is here on Madness! What a surprise! Look at Preesh’s face!”

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“Look at YOUR face, Jacuinde! Pick your jaw up from the floor, will you?”

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“I don’t know if I can, Bath! I can’t believe what I’m seeing! Big Preesh’s big chance is the Universal Champion! I almost feel bad for the guy!”

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I guess we’re going to see how well he does…


Big Preesh stands still in the ring, unsure what to do. ALIAS is similarly motionless, staring right through the big man. The Universal Champion raises one hand, and beckons Preesh forward. Preesh obliges. He charges at ALIAS, who effortlessly steps to the side. Preesh barely stops in time to avoid crashing into the corner. He turns to see ALIAS, feet flat on the ground, and his head cocked to the side like a dog. He beckons Preesh again.

Preesh runs forward.

ALIAS connects with the uppercut. Preesh’s bulbous body and forward momentum seems to work in his favour, and instead of crumpling to the floor, he seems to be knocked out on his feet. ALIAS has a plan for that.

The big man falls like a tree being chopped down. He doesn’t even get his hands out to brace him. ALIAS simply places one foot on his giant stomach while the ref counts.



(Match time 1:01)

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“And just like that, it’s over!”

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“I would say that I’m surprised, but I don’t think any of us really are.”

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“Maybe not, Bath, but I am interested in hearing what the Universal Champion has to say!”

ALIAS, sure enough, has magicked (or maybe just got one handed to him) a microphone into his hand.

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“Hardly a fair fight. I know some will say that anyway, so I figure I may as well acknowledge it. But then again, what is a fair fight when it comes to me? Let me ask you all something? WHO’S LEFT? Who is left to fucking feed to me, that any of you would buy being able to last longer than Preesh here can? We’ve established by now that Charlie Nickles isn’t enough. We’ve established that Thaddeus Duke wasn’t. That Mark Flynn isn’t. That The Grand Poo-BOB himself isn’t. Corey ran! Lou is buried! James Raven, Steve Jason, The Brand - none of them are ever coming back to try their hand! So… WHO’S LEFT? Well how about Chris Mosh? How about Elijah Copeland? How about the entire goddamn Madness roster at the same time?”

He grins, looking back towards the entranceway as if he’s waiting for someone to come out.

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“This is a reminder, my friends. And a warning. Because rest assured, this little show, tucked away here on a boat in the middle of the ocean, is well within my reach. And rest assured, whether you’re here for the Deathmatch, the Gemini, or the IDL championships… there is one above you all. There is me. There is ALIAS. And all that it entails.

It strikes me that some of you here might not actually know what that entails. I haven’t exactly given you the time of my day, have I? So let me be clear! You blink, because I let you. You breathe, because I let you. You exist, because I let you. I’ve destroyed divisions before… go look into what happened to the Shooting Star championship. So please, my children, I’m inviting you to try your hand at something else. Rest assured, the three people being sacrificed to me at the Cannabis Cup won’t be enough. Soon… I’m going to need some fresh meat.

I’ll be waiting, Madness.

I’ll be watching.”

The microphone drops with a bang.

There is darkness.

And then…

ALIAS is gone.

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Bath, what do you make of this? We’ve had TWO massive names as visitors about the SS Madness so far tonight… first the legendary James Raven and now the current Universal Champion of the XWF, Alias himself???

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You just never know who you’ll run across out here on the high seas, Jacuinde! But to be honest, all I care about is seeing the REAL main event of tonight’s show… two PERFECT TENS mixing it up in the ring one on one, Joss Spencer and Lexi Gold!

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I know, I know, you’ve been Googling photos of them both all night… and I agree, this is going to be a great match! One that might very well have IDL Title implications! We’re ready for another incredible face-off!

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Can you imagine either of these centerfolds as champion? The ratings would go through the ROOF! Can we just get this thing started already???

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I see no reason to wait… LET’S GO!

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purple and gold lights start flashing and Josslynn music hits as she walks out on stage with a smile across her face, flanked by her lover Jason Cashe. She walks with confidence down the ramp, and then as she walks up the steps, Cashe sits on the ropes to give her better ease to enter the ring.

Joss hops up and gets inside the ring. She goes to one side of the ropes and strikes a pose, and Cashe stands at ringside clapping wildly and blowing wolf whistles. If he could become a cartoon with a long rolling tongue and bugging-out eyes, he most likely would.

“5 out of 6” by Dessa plays and Lexi Gold appears from behind the curtain to a chorus of cheers from the crowd. She slowly makes her way down the ramp and gazes out on the jam packed arena before she runs toward the fans at ringside and claps their hands.

The Golden Goddess then makes her way up the steps and goes through the bottom rope before she makes her way toward the center for a pose. She then settles into her own corner and waits for the match to begin.


Lexi Gold and Josslynn Spencer size each other up before locking into a collar and elbow tie up. Josslynn uses her height advantage to push Lexi back into the corner. The official calls for a clean break. Lexi steps out of the corner as Josslyn backs away, but surprises Lexi with a bitch slap! Lexi fires out of the corner and the two women begin exchanging blows until Lexi fires off a front kick that stuns Josslyn. Lexi brings her arm around Josslyn’s head and leaps off of her feet with a jumping DDT that has her fanboys cheering loudly from the audience.

Josslyn is back on her feet and being served chops right to the chest. Lexi backs Josslyn into the ropes and takes off running for the opposite side, but before she can complete that thought, Jason Cashe drags Josslyn under the bottom rope to safety! Lexi remains in the ring as the official begins the 10 count. Jason Cashe and Josslyn share some words, possibly strategy, before Josslyn finally reenters the ring at the count of 8.

Lexi and Josslyn lock up again, but the wrestling lock up quickly deteriorates into a brawl! Josslyn rebounds off of the ropes with an Elbow Smash that rocks Lexi! Josslyn feeds her a couple of bitchslaps when she tries to lunge at her. Josslyn maintains the advantage for a while with a series of well placed attacks in an attempt to disable her opponents mobility. Lexi fights back to her feet and puts Josslyn on the defensive before laying her out with a Spinning Headlock Leg Drop! Lexi tries for a quick pin, but Josslyn kicks out at 2!

Lexi pulls Josslyn to her feet, but Josslyn fires off a shot to the midsection, stunning Lexi! Josslyn hits the ropes and rebounds towards Lexi, connecting with a Cartwheel Hurricanrana! Jason Cashe cheers her on from outside as Josslyn stalks Lexi looking for the right opportunity to hit the…


Josslyn is quick to cover Lexi, but Lexi also kicks out at 2!

Josslyn is on her feet first and guides Lexi up to hers, but before Josslyn can follow through with whatever she was thinking, Lexi explodes to life, lifting Josslyn up and dropping her across the top rope with the Stun Gun! Lexi drops for the cover, but Jason Cashe jumps up onto the apron and distracts the official! Lexi gets up and argues with Cashe as well, and he finally jumps back to the floor below! Lexi turns her attention back to Josslyn only to find her waiting to deliver a kick to the midsection that she quickly follows up with a Snap DDT! There’s a commotion in the crowd as Josslyn ascends the top rope and the next thing she knows Elijha Martin is diving over the barricade to tackle Jason Cashe! The two men roll on the ground exchanging blows. The distraction allows Lexi to recover, and unaware of what is going on on the outside, she quickly scales to turnbuckle behind Josslyn and shoots her across the ring with POETIC JUSTICE! Lexi then makes the cover! 1-2-3!


(Match Time 9:10)

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Another great match marred by questionable happenstance, Bath… was it good for you?

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Any time Lexi and Josslyn are in the ring together I need a cigarette afterwards! It doesn’t matter which one of these ladies lost, we ALL won tonight!

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Well Josslyn Spencer might disagree! She could make a claim for having the match won until what went down with Martin and Cashe!

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Who cares??? Those two chumps can stick to Anarchy, here on MADNESS we offer what the viewers want to see… and that’s HOT CHICKS!

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You might be hopeless, Bath… but at least the main event is up next!

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Chris Mosh comes out from the back but then he waits by the entrance as the music changes…

“Spoiled” Summer Page and “The” Jessica Anderson walk out on either side of Mosh. The Privileged Elite smirk as they walk down to the ring with the former IDL Champion, and all three of them get up into the squared circle and stand posing as a trio.

The three then go into their corner and wait.

The camera pans around the ship’s deck and the Madness ring. Just then there was black, gold, and white flickering as "Breaking Through" by the Wreckage hits the speakers in the arena.

♪ Sever every tie
Untangle every lie
Your words don't mean anything anymore, no
Never satisfied ♪

Just then Elijah Copeland and the Gemini Champions Team KTFO are seen coming through the curtains as the fans begin booing. Copeland has the XWF Madness IDL Championship around his waist. He is seen wearing a black muscle shirt with "The Copeland Era" written on the front, black and gold trunks with Copeland written on the back in gold, black knee pads, black and gold boots, white wrapped up hand on his left hand, black wrist tape on his left, black dog tag with "Elijah Copeland" written in it, and a black sweatband up his arms with "Copeland" written in gold. He puts his wrist together and gets a huge smirk on his face. He looks around and nods to his partners.

♪ But I won't compromise myself for you
Anymore anymore, no
You're so complicated
I'm so over it ♪

They start walking down the ramp as the fans continue to shower boos. Copeland stops and looks at the crowd and gives off a slight smirk and laughs at their misfortunes. He bad mouths the fans along with Team KTFO before getting down to the ringside and stopping on the ringside mat. He walks towards the steel steps and breathes in as the Gemini champs hop up into the ring.

♪ Don't tell me everything is all right
(I know you know)
Don't tell me how to live my life
I'm breaking through tonight ♪

Elijah slaps the steps a few times before walking up them. He walks alongside the edge of the ring. He enters it and walks towards the turnbuckle.

♪ You can crash and burn this time
As I leave it all behind
These scars won't breathe anymore anymore, no
Sounds like goodbye ♪

He looks at the fans as he slowly takes off his shirt and throws it to the outside. He points at the fans before getting down and moves to the corner. He then removes the title around his waist and hands it off to the official. Team KTFO follows suit, and then all three stand in their corner and sort out their strategy.


Things start quickly as Mosh and Copeland begin the match together, creating an IDL Championship rematch right off the bat. They once again demonstrate an evenly matched contest, with Copeland’s technical skill on display as well as Mosh’s uncanny ability to turn the tables and get himself into better positions.

After getting caught with a big snap powerslam from Copeland, Mosh decides to take five and tags in Jess Anderson. Copeland decides to let his own partner Kai Morgan handle Anderson, and that’s exactly what happens. Morgan puts on a clinic, putting Anderson in predicament after predicament, and only his own hubris changes things when he decides to showboat for the crowd and lets Anderson slip away and make a tag.

Summer Page brings the fight right to Morgan and ends up sending him back into his corner with a superkick and creating an inadvertent tag to Elijah Copeland! Copeland hesitates but enters the ring… he clearly is not excited about possibly competing against his own girl, and Page doesn’t appear too pleased about it either.

After they stall a bit, Mosh leans WAY into the ring and tags himself in, then slingshots over the top rope to take Copeland out with a flying forearm. From there, the team of Mosh and the Privileged Elite take over, taking advantage of quick tags between Mosh and Anderson, each trading off to keep Copeland grounded.
Things devolve after not too long, though, as KTFO choose not to simply stand idly by and allow their partner to get dismantled. Kai and Oliver both leap into action and attack Chris Mosh, allowing Copeland to escape to his corner. The official tries to regain control and manages to get KTFO to leave the ring, and Copeland then tags out to Peters.

Peters works Mosh over for a while and nearly gets a pinfall after hitting him with his NEUROTOXIN finisher, but Mosh ends up with his foot on the bottom rope when Summer Page places it there from the outside.

The end comes when a miscommunication happens between Jess Anderson and Chris Mosh and she knocks him off the top rope with her ASS KISSER maneuver. The miscue leads directly to Elijah Copeland landing his PHILLY SPECIAL and getting the 1-2-3!


(Match Time: 8:16)

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WOW! What a turn of events! I think Copeland was in trouble at the hands of the former champion, but Jess Anderson gift wrapped him a way to turn things around!

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That was a clear accident, Jacuinde, don’t you dare start some conspiracy theory otherwise!

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Maybe it was, Bath, but what if Summer Page and Jess Anderson changed their minds halfway through this match? Stranger things have happened!

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That’s all the time we have tonight, everyone… thank you for joining us for Madness… ON A BOAT!!!

Madness fades away to a lingering drone shot, high above the yacht in the middle of the ocean.

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