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~~Sid Feder~~ · (07-06-2013)

The press conference needs no introduction, much like the bulbous man standing at the podium as a mix of reporters and XWF enthusiasts listen intently. Mr. Heyman has already been blubbering on for a good few minutes but he's finally about to get to the good stuff -- the meat of the meal, and oh boy is it juicy.

:3 x Blubber:
-and with that said, I'd like to officially announce that Three Times Better Sid Feder has promised me something very special for this pay per view extravaganza.

The people listen carefully as Heyman clears his throat.

:3 x Blubber:
Sid has guaranteed that he's going to make the main event of this pay per view . . . ...Three Times Better! Can you believe it ladies and gentlemen?!

That ovation says it all; not only do we believe it but we're eating it up, aren't we?

:3 x Blubber:
And here to tell you all about it is none other than the man himself: Three Times Better Sid Feder!

Sid walks right up to the podium as everyone applauds. He quickly puts a stop to that shit!

Sid tells them to shut the hell up and they do just that. He takes a second to look around and gather his thoughts-

-he snorts...?

and spits down on the floor at the feet of those in front!

:3 x Better:
That's what it feels like to be back here in the X-treeeeemely Whack Fuckhole known across the globe as the X -- Double-yuh -- Eff! You know ever since word got out that I'm making my big return, you'd think I was some kind of guy who gave a shit about these pissfuck fans out here! Everywhere I go I hear about how excited some fuckin' Jewbag is about me coming back, or how happy that

kid in the wheelchair is that Three Times Better is making his big return. Or I go online and I read about how everybody's putting their money on Sid Feder to walk out Leap Of Faith as the new European Champ!

This, of course, brings forth a considerable ovation despite the points Sid has been making in negativity.

:3 x Better:
Yeah yeah! Just like that, you dopes! Cheer for Sid Feder because he's a big name from the past and it's just going to be great seeing him back in aaaaack-

-fuck that! You can be wearing an original Sid "The Pill Man" Feder shirt and I'd still yank your ass over the guard rail and spike your skull into the concrete if you even so much as look at me too hard. I'm not here to be cheered and make no mistake about it -- when all you fucks in the back and all you chumps at home started cheering my father Mister Mystery a while back, all it did was remind all of us Feders just how big of hypocrites you all really are! You started cheering the man as soon as you all realized he was a wrecking machine and that he could single-handedly dominate everyone in the hated Black Circle. It didn't matter if he was suspected of being on steroids and also believed to be a rapist and murderer by some! As long as he could beat the shit out of guys like Sebastian Duke and John Madison, he was "A OK" in all of your books.

Pathetic!

And don't any of you dare start rallying behind me and thinking that I'm going to do a GOD DAMNED THING for any of you! I'm here for me -- I'm going to do what Sid Feder wants -- I'm slaughtering my way through man, woman and child if that's what it takes to bring me to the place I want to be. . . . -

Sid narrows his eyes and takes in a few deep breaths as he stares holes through everyone in attendance. No one so much as utters a peep as Sid takes his time scanning his onlookers, his demeanor resembling a mercenary trying to rationalize in his mind which innocent person to murder as an example to the others to stay in line. Exactly thirty thr33 seconds pass before Sid adds on to his statement.

:3 x Better:
. . . standing over each and every one of you with my boot crushing your windpipe into nothing more than a broken noodle. It's because of all you "fans" that my wife and I almost got fucking killed a few months back! In any other situation if there were thousands of people all around, somebody would have somehow intervened before-

Sid smashes his fist down onto the podium and the microphone goes flying off of it, hitting somebody sitting close by.

:3 x Better:
Ahhhh; fuck that shit! None of it matters; that's all the past and what matters now is the present and the future. Three Times Better -- you never had a choice in the matter and the first example I'm going to present to all of you comes on Wednesday Warfare when I am the special referee in Kid Ant and Wrestler 82's match. Well I've already been threatened by Kid Ant that I better not screw him or some shit like that -- HA, HA, HA!

Sid pulls a picture of Kid Ant out of his pocket and he quickly ducks around the back behind the stage to grab a power drill. He slaps the picture of Kid Ant down on the podium and presses the drill bit right to Kid Ant's forehead.

:3 x Better:
You don't have to worry about me screwing you, ya worthless son of a bitch; I'm going to do gah bet? (inaudible) ? at and?e wha(inaudible) eha ah god fucking damn bitch!

As he's screaming incoherent sounding words, Sid jams that power drill into the picture of Kid Ant over and over like he's fucking it with the drill bit. He starts slamming it harder.. harder.. harder still until that entire power drill smashes through the top of the podium and Sid's fist crashes through the top with him getting elbow deep into the podium!

:3 x Better:
You see this shit? You want to threaten me again you ack aha(inaudible) ?in your a?I now! What the ? motherfucker god damn ? (inaudible) ?!

Sid rips his arm out of the podium, kicks the entire thing so it goes flying into the guy directly sitting in front of him, and whips the power drill out into the sea of people several rows back! People start screaming as Sid is quickly tackled by what appear to be police or security guards with handcuffs and night sticks. Sid begins fighting them off, screaming about how he's going to use Kid Ant as a condom after he rips out his innards with his bare hands. He starts choking one of the guards and another one manages to crack Sid in the back of the head with a night stick. Sid goes down to his knees with that strike but keeps rambling on about Kid Ant. They cuff him and quickly remove him from the immediate area and out of the sight of all cameras.

The XWF has hired the right man to referee Kid Ant vs Wrestler 82.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Let's all welcome back our very own Sid Feder!
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