Friday, May 20th
The STA Ranch
San Antonio, Texas

Angelica hadn’t been home all week.After her win over Reggie Estrada she had decided to spend a few more days in Vancouver to reconnect with some old friends and even revisit the site where she’d had her first in-ring experience. It had been fun, but tiring. As she stepped onto her front porch and dropped the heavy gym bag from her shoulder onto the wood, she felt a relief she hadn’t felt for well over a fortnight. The burning heat of the Texan sun, the subtle scent of the blooming orchard on the springwind, the buzzing of insects and the mooing of cows in the distance… It stood in shrill contrast to the cold metropolitan that was Vancouver. Both had their charms, but she had grown more and more appreciative of life on the dusty outskirts. Even though her sister still lamented the fact she had decided to ‘bury herself in Hicksville’, she couldn’t imagine abandoning this lifestyle completely now. The animals were like her children, and the farmhands were more than just employees. They were building something here: a legacy. One that stood apart from her in-ring legacy, which was something that was all up to her.

The leggy blonde of legend flexed her shoulders before pushing the door open. The living room was empty, but that didn’t last long. Sers Bobby and Alex came running from upstairs, having missed their catmom terribly. Angelica giggled as they basically leapt into her arms before giving her cheeks the sandpaper treatment with their rough, tiny tongues. And shortly thereafter, Angelica’s mother appeared from the kitchen, enthusiastically throwing her hands up. She had an apron on and was wearing yellow rubber gloves. She seemed a bit worked up, her cheeks were flushed, as if she had been working hard and doing chores all day.

”Sweetie!”

”Mom!”

Mary pulled off the rubber gloves, before quickly giving her daughter the embrace she knew she needed. She grabbed Angelica’s gym bag, ready to give her clothes a wash. Angie herself plopped herself down on the sofa. As she did so, however, she pulled up her nose. There was something… foul in the air. She recognized it but couldn’t put her finger on it. It was as if the sofa’s cushions had been soaked in old man sweat and blown dry with methane gas. Angelica pinched her nose.

”Mom, ew, do you smell that? What IS that? The couch smells like farts and unwashed gym towels!”

Mary’s heart skipped a beat. Despite having done her best to clean up the place before Angelica returned home, it seemed the challenge had been too much for even a lifelong housewife to overcome. After all, unbeknownst to Angelica, Mary had invited ‘The Generic Heel’ into her daughter's home. A shady character with an even shadier past… A past that Mary had been a part of as well. In spite of Mary’s transparency the past few years, there was still much about Mary’s old life that Angelica knew little to nothing about. And ‘TGH’ had been part of it.

”I errr… think that’s the cat litter tray you’re smelling, sweetie.”

”Really? Oh noes! Then we need to get them to the vet, because there’s obvs something wrong with their digestive systems! Did you change their diets? Did you get a different brand of food? You didn’t feed them any Ruby-Ohs did you? It says it right on the box: ‘Too powerful for felines’!! I TOLD Ruby a million times, do not…”

But Angelica was cut off.

”Sweetie, sweetie, don’t worry, I’m sure it’s nothing. We’ll open up some windows, stock up on some Febreze or whatever. It’ll be gone before you know.”

And she muttered something under her breath.

”…soon as I convince Tragik to actually take a heckin’ shower for once in his life…”

”What was that?”

”Nothing!”

”Okies! Well, I’m not staying here, I came here to relax before I go full match prep. And I can’t do that feeling like I have my nose perpetually stuck in a cow’s rectum. I’m nervous enough as it is! Did you SEE that match they put me in? I swear to Baby Jesus, it’s like Vinnie’s just trying to get me to lose my marbles! He knows how bad I am with heights!”

”But what an opportunity it is! That’s how the Demon Child had her first real XWF breakthrough, wasn’t it? Because of the Leap of Faith match?”

Angie’s shoulders slumped and she clenched her lips for a second before staring at her mother with big, sad eyes.

”I… really wish you’d stop calling Sar-sar that, mom.”

”I apologize, sweetie. Force of habit.”

One that she had picked up before Angelica was born. During her time as Jean-Paul Lacklan’s concubine, Sarah’s evil childish tantrums and random acts of violence towards innocence had been the terror of Lacklanland. It was one of the reasons she had fled the life, fearing the repercussions if Sarah had found out about her pregnancy. Whilst her fears had turned out to be unfounded, back then it wasn’t sure if Sarah would’ve doted on a baby sister, or seen her as competition that needed to be eliminated. Mary had not risked finding out. It had all happened a long time ago, but the scars still remained. And were unlikely to ever heal completely.

”You’d be doing me a favor, ‘kay? But yeah, it’s a massive opportunity. Five amazeballz competitors gunning for a chance at the top prize in the industry is going to be quite a challenge too. But I’ve never been one to back down from one. I’d say more, but honestly the smell is starting to make breathing difficult. Poor kitties, how rough it must be on them with their fine noses. Mom, honestly, if the couch still smells like this by next week we’re burning it.”

”I don’t think that’s a good idea, we’ve already been having trouble with environmentalists protesting the fact our farming equipment still uses fossil fuels.”

”Ugh, fine. We’ll bury it then! And we’ll invest in solar panels and new equipment. And I’ll do a FUN-raiser for clean, green energy. That’ll placate them for a bit, right? Now, I’m off. I have a personal trainer coming round to teach me some stuff that’ll get me in the swing). of things, so to speak!”

”Wrestling stuff?”

”No, not really. Just something that I’ve been wanting to try out for a while, but never really understood.”

”What’s that?”

”Cricket! See you in a bit!”

And Angelica darted off upstairs for a change of clothes.

---

Angelica was clad in her new cricket outfit. She loved trying her hand at new sports. She had been a soccer enthusiast growing up (and still was). She had played football in the LFL, and had even tried pitching for baseball (which hadn’t worked out very well. Cricket was something else entirely though. With most of Leap of Faith taking place at a cricket stadium, it seemed like a good time to try it out. Luckily she had found someone willing to teach her the basic rules. Coach Dravid, a former player of the Indian national team and their current head coach, was a guy in his late forties and with clearly too much time on his hands. Angelica enthusiastically clapped her hands, before being handed a cricket bat.

”I’m SOOOO excited! I’ve heard cricket is a ton of fun, but the rules are very, like, complex!”

The coach smiled.

"Not at all, miss. I’m sure you’ll pick them up right away! Let’s start with the basics…"

”Yeah, do that! And then I can start hitting balls with this ginormous bat!”

"Easy, easy. First you need to understand what to do, and WHY we do it."

”Okies! So how do I win?”

"Well you need to understand cricket is a team sport. In order for YOU to win, the entire team must win."

”That makes sense, I suppose. Sorry, I’m more used to a wrestling mindset, you know? One on one, sometimes tagging. Or as will be the case next week, a six-person free-for-all!”

"I suppose so. Not the mindset you’ll need for cricket."

”I’ll… try. So how do we win a game, as a team?”

"It’s very simple! The aim of the game is to score as many runs as possible before the fielding team takes 10 wickets. The team with the most runs wins."

Cricket? More like crickets…

”…wut?”

"Exactly what I said! Now, these games are at least one inning where each team takes turns batting and fielding or bowling, see?"

”Erm, no? What’s bowling got to do with it? I don’t see any pins or lanes!”

"No, by bowling the ball I just mean that the fielding team throws it to the batsman who hits it with his bat. Or at least tries to. But the fielding team can get the batsman out by hitting the wicket with the ball when bowling..."

”Wicket? Isn’t that an Ewok? Oh I LOOOOOVE Ewoks! I’m not much of a War Star gal, but I do love those cute fluffy teddy bears!”

"Erm… The wicket is like,… How do I explain? It’s a stick on a stick! The batsman can also go out when the fielding team catches the batsman’s shot on the fill or they hit the batsman’s leg in front of the wicket, or hitting the wickets before the batsman can run to the other end of the pitch."

”Okay, I’m not gonna lie, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why are they running? What’s chasing them?”

"Chasing them? Nobody’s chasing them."

”And why are they trying to hit someone’s legs!?”

"That’s… just how it is! Now, the fielding team must get ten batsmen out before they can start batting themselves. And as a batsman you have to try and score as many runs as you can. A run is one fell length of the pitch. You can get 6 runs in one go by hitting the ball over the boundary on the full."

”I don’t understand. Is that like a home run in baseball?”

"THIS IS NOT BASEBALL! Ahem…"

The coach’s voice had already gone from calm, to annoyed, before exploding into a screech. Comparisons to baseball were a… touchy subject.

”Sheesh mister, I’m just trying to make sense of what you’re saying! Why are there so many weird rules and terms, and when does it get fun? Cricket is weird! You’re speaking Chinese as far as I’m concerned!”

"Oh really? Maybe I can switch to another language. Do you know what ‘I am a silly girl’ sounds like in Hindi??"

Angelica put her hands on her hips.

”Wow, that is VERY rude, mister! I may not have an IQ of 150 but it sounds to me like cricket is just unnecessarily complex British baseball!”

"CALL IT BASEBALL ONE MORE TIME!!"

Angie took a deep breath, while the coach’s eyes grew larger and larger.

”……BAAAAAAAAAAAASE….”

"DON’T YOU DARE!"

”BAAAAAALLLLL!”

"THAT’S IT, I’M DONE! What a waste of time!"

”Finally we agree! I’m going to FOCUS on my wrestling match! An ACTUAL sport that is AXLY cool-as-flame and God’s favorite!”

"I hope you lose!"

”Wow! You best get going mister, or I am going to have to spank you with this bat for being mean to me! And I usually ABHOR the use of weapons, so take that for what it is: you being a mean old meanie!”

As the coach marched off, Angie caught her breath back. She felt a bit embarrassed about how this had turned out, but then again, he had been very rude.

”Oh jeez. That may have been a bit over the top. What is WRONG with me? I’ve been so on edge lately. That’s never good…I’d better get back to the ranch… ”

---

”HI-HIIII~! Time to get #Vaughnemous again, my #Vaughnstars! And oof, I am both nervous and excited in equal measure as we prep for Leap of Faith. The title of the Pay Per View event couldn’t be more accurate, because I feel like XWF has taken a Leap of Faith when it comes to yours truly. I haven’t been here *that* long just yet, and my record hasn’t been *that* eye-popping in spite of some decent wins… But they still trust me enough to help carry one of the main events of one of the most important and fun shows of the calendar year. So if they take a leap of faith, it’s only fair that I do the same… even if the chances of me becoming part of the SPLAT! Network are erm… not zero. And it’s not like I’m facing a bunch of scrubs is it?

I mean, just look at the guy who handed me my most recent loss: the Lion Kid! You have to hand it to him, every single thing he has ever said he was going to do, he has done. It’s easy to look at him and think ‘Oh wow, look at this tall, extremely in shape dude with a healthy head of hair who looks like he could give you a piggyback ride up Mount Everest bare-chested’ and err… Yeah, I don’t know why my head went there, but I do know that underestimating his because of his love for cartoons is silly and foolish, and will find you in no-man’s land very quickly. I look forward to locking horns with him again, and he can be sure I’ve studied our tapes and learned from my mistakes.

When it comes to Bobby Bourbon, he finds himself in a rather unique position. Lacking strength in numbers for a change, he’ll see that allies will be in short supply in this match. I am not discrediting his abilities to get stuff done all by himself, but when he’s missing both The Knuckles and The Thunder, I am not expecting him to be at his abs best. See, Tee Enn Gee Bee are one of the greatest tag teams on the planet right now, and due to the synergy of its members has always been more than the sum of its parts. But not at Leap of Faith. At Leap of Faith you’ll be just a part. One out of six. Let’s see how you do then.

Aaaaaaaand Marfmarfmarf, I love saying your name, has anyone ever told you that? I’m sure they have, but it’s just so darn heckin’ catchy!! It’s easy to underestimate the guy with the funny name, and I think that showed early on in your career. For a while there, you were actually very good! Howevs, you never really took that…‘leap’…did you? TV titles are totes impressive and all, but for someone who seemed destined for great things, you quickly turned out to be ‘just a guy’, like so many others. A very good guy, in a sense. And most deffo better than a lot of others. But you never became elite, did you? And while I think you could certainly try and lay claim to the title of ‘best of the rest’, that’s not something you want etched next to your name in the history books, is it? That’s what you seem to be on track for. I certainly know I’d want to do a lotta heckin’ better! Pardonnez-moi mon français.

And OBVS I would be TOTES remiss not to dedicate SOME time to the superbest of superb Vitamin Veevs! Let me start off by saying this: just because I kinda outsmarted you and pulled off one of the best reversals in my ENTIRE career to beat you does in NO way, shape or form mean that I think I can just rock up to that building and expect to do it all over again. These past few weeks have been kind of a rollercoaster for you, but believe you me, missy V, when I say that there are plenty of horses backing you on this one! Or errr… However that expression goes. No but sers, when it comes to Livin’ La Vita Loca, the bookies are favoring you heavily, and it’s easy to see why. Your work ethic, your relentless pursuit of greatness, and your ability to change almost ANY situation to your favor means you’re a prime candidate to beat us all. That, AND your superhuman strength and speed, obvs. Just, like, don’t go turning into a bat and fly all the way to the top, pl0x? That’s be like totes cheating. But you already know that. Which is why I’m not worried, because you just don’t do that stuff! Right!?

Oh, and as for Mark Flynn, well… You and I haven’t really crossed paths before. IN FAX, I’d say you’re the biggest unknown to me in this entire match! And yeah, I can already hear the peeps in the background SCREAM! Like, ‘Angie ermahgurhd! You praised Bourbs for being the bestest tagger evahr! Do you nawt nao that Flynn is the tag champ!?’ To which my answer would be OBVS. And I’m not saying Flynn only ‘got gud’ because he was in a tag team situation. Heck, I wouldn’t want to be dismissed just because Roxy and I were amazeballz as the #CoolLightning faction of the #CoolKids! Fact is, though, that people are set to make the most Vegas money if you axly pull this off. So while you may be a bookie’s worst nightmare, you’re not ours, mister! Feel free to prove us wrong, but I doubt you will.

This has been yours, truly. Now, and forever. The Vaughnemous One. Angelica Vaughn. I’ll chime back in next week! Toodles and kitties!“

-end of broadcast-