Canceling Cancel Culture

A woman yells from downstairs.

Marty!

Yes, not Jimmy, Marty. TK doesn't react to this.

Marty!

TK still blankly staring into the mirror.

I'm... ]

Unbeknownst to Thunder Knuckles Marty's older brother Bobert, not Robert, Bobert. is standing at the doorway unable to be seen from the mirror.

[color=#E0FFFF]You're not , pal. You're- you're- special.

TK turns around.

[b]Thanks...

TK puts his head down.

I'm sorry.

TK thinks to himself, "the fuck did I just say?"

Hey, it's no problem, buddy! Don't talk about yourself like that. Mom is yelling like a banshee for you. Can't you hear her? TK points to himself.

I'm Marty.

Bobert puts his hand on his brother Marty's shoulder.

And I'm Bobert. You better go get ready. It's a big day!

What's happening? Why is it a big day?

Bobert looks weirdly at his brother.

Come on, you've been looking forward to this for a year. You've been training this entire year, you know, for the Special Olympics. I think you're going to do great! You're at your apex! You're going to do great!

I don't know, Bobert.

Bobert, still with his hand still on Marty's shoulder, gives him a pat.

Go on, go get ready, and meet me downstairs. I'll keep Mom off your back until then.

TK walks out of the bathroom into Marty's bedroom. While no one is around Jimmy appears from the blueish-hued doorway that's been popping up out of nowhere.

Thunder Knuckles?

TK not scared this time turns to face Jimmy.

What the fuck, Jimmy! I'm fucking and I said sorry for no goddamn reason.

First of all, you're not , Marty is. Secondly, from my notes here, You're going to be saying that a lot.

How do I get out of this?

Well, that's a bit tricky.

TK doesn't look pleased.

What do you mean, "that's a bit tricky?"

Jimmy doesn't want to Tell Thunder Knuckles the truth but does so anyway.

Someone else went through the Bastard accelerator.

TK is struggling to figure out why this information means anything.

Who gives a fuck?

You should. While you're jumping, other than being trapped in a dying body, you're immortal.

TK grins at this information.

Oh, yeah?

Jimmy realizes the mistake he just made.

That doesn't mean that you can test fate!

TK begins to shout without wanting to.

I mean, that's exactly what it means!

Jimmy puts his pointer finger up to his lips.

Shhhh.

I'm sorry.

It's okay, wow, I can get used to this.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up, Jimmy.

Jimmy holds out his hands and shrugs complying to a degree.

Just calm down, Thunder Knuckles. Anyway, someone came back through and I think they're hunting you.

Hunting me? Who is it?

I really don't want to tell you. I promise if I see the person, I'll tell you. Deal?

TK shrugs because he's already lost interest.

Deal.

Yes hunting you. The only way for an Immortal to die is to get their head cut off.

Wait...

Jimmy balls his fist, leaving his thumb extended out, and begins dragging it across his neck.

Why?

Well, if an Immortal kills another Immortal they gain power.

I don't know why this is happening.

Well, you should! You're the one who was all gun-ho about jumping. I told you it wasn't ready! It looks like the only way for you to get back to your body now is to kill the other Immortal and win the gold medal. Oh, shit, someone is coming. I have to dip.

Just as quickly as the blue-hued doorway appeared the first time, so does Jimmy's escape. Bobert walks in just as the doorway vanishes.

You're still not ready?

TK looks down at the ground uncontrollably.

No... I'm sorry.

Come on, Champ. Don't be down. here let me help you out.

Bobert walks over to Marty's dresser and riffles through it. He finds a nice shirt and a pair of pants.

Here you go. You're going to look dapper when we get there.

Thanks, Bobert.

Don't mention it. Now, hurry up I told Mom that one of the dogs knocked over the trashcan outside.

Bobert lovingly smiles at his brother.

That should buy you some more time. Alright, don't take too long we're leaving in ten minutes. That's why Mom has been calling you.

TK nods at Bobert. Bobert turns and leaves the room once more, as he leaves the scene fades to commercial while TK gets dressed.




The commercial begins with an older Japanese man looking depressed. The narration is in Japanese but is dubbed over for principle.

Tired of feeling down?

The old man looks depressed reading the news. All of a sudden everything becomes overly cartoonish.

Big American Dance Party!

The once humdrum scene now has flashing lights and the old man transforms into Uncle Same and begins dancing with a blonde cartoon lady. The lady has giant oversized and completely unrealistic tits.

Everybody Hip Hop dancing!

Beside Uncle Same and the blonde is a dancing panda bear with another smoking hot chick with unattainable breasts. The camera pans to catch a cartoonish Charlie Nickles dancing with Goldie and a bunch of randoms dancing like crazy.

Lots of fun. Good time for all.

Your screen flashes different pairing of Charlie/ Goldie, Uncle Sam, Barney, the big tittied hoes, and the panda bear. A huge Transformer bust in the room.

Robot dancing.

The robot danced for a moment before suddenly cartoon police bust in waving batons wildly and wielding shields.

Oh, No! Police!

The Big American Dance Party is broken up with everyone running out of the building. The Transformer turns into a Chevy Nova SS and Charlie, Goldie, two big-breasted bimbos, and Uncle Same jump in. Barney, however, gets into another car.

Quickly who's driving?

The shot of Barney scales back to show the panda bear in the driver's seat.

Oh, my God, panda bear is driving. How can this be?

A big cartoonish over-the-top chase sequence happens here. Your screen shows the Transformer car then to a cop car. From the cop car over to Barney's car, over to a car driven by Vinnie lane.

A car full of midgets.

All the cop cars explode.

We're here.

The Transformer becomes a robot again, Charlie and Goldie escape everyone else gets smooshed and blood goes everywhere.

Pickachu, I chose you!

Pickachu zaps the Transformer making it explode.TK looks up some random cartoon girl's skirt as the Coca~Cola logo flashes on the screen.




The commercial wraps up and quickly blurs back into the show. TK is already at the venue standing beside the side gate where the athletes are supposed to meet up. The doorway opens back up while no one is around and out walks Jimmy again. That's when a short bus on the other side of the road pulls us.

What's that?

Oh, you didn't know Thunder Knuckles? Those are the athletes. It's 1953, dude. Most disabled people are institutionalized.

Some, not all, of the athletes are inside the short bus are licking the windows. While others are wearing helmets to protect them, from themselves.

Do you mean, these guys are medicated?

Jimmy looks at the other athletes threw the windows he can actually see into.

Yeah, they're medicated, alright.

One by one the athletes come off the bus. Some of them look jacked.

Holy shit, Jimmy! They're all on performance-enhancing drugs! How is this goddamn fair?

It's not. I'm pretty sure the Special Olympics' original goal was to show how much better institutionalizing helped, but don't quote me on that.

TK goes to smack Jimmy's arm but it goes right through.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I modified my being here a little bit. Now no one can see me or hear me. I'm like a little hologram inside your head.

TK tries to slap Jimmy but again nothing happens.

Oh, yeah, I can totally get used to this.

Most of the athletes are off the bus except for a few. Some of them are watching Marty swinging at nothing and talking to himself.

What event am I even competing in Jimmy? Javelin, Long Jump, no... Rassling! God, I hope it's rassling.

Jimmy looks down at his futuristic phone and then his jaw drops.

That can be right. Hold on.

Jimmy smacks his phone off his hand a couple of times.

Well, what the fuck does it say?

Jimmy looks baffled.

It says... Sword fighting.

WHAT!?

I don't know, Thunder Knuckles!

Sword fighting isn't even in the Special Olympics! Is it?

No!

TK is speechless for maybe the first time in his entire life.

This has to be wrong.

Jimmy walks away from Thunder Knuckles and walks up to a man holding a program. Jimmy, looking over the man's shoulder, is reading. Jimmy is shocked when he reads that in fact, sword fighting is a Special Olympic sport, at least in 1953. Jimmy walks back over to Thunder Knuckles.

It's legit. Turns out sword fighting was. This one time.

Well, who am I sword fight?

That's when the last athlete walks off the short bus.

My guess...

Jimmy makes a big gulping noise.

Him.

Jimmy points to the athlete who just exited the short bus.

Who's that? He's the size of Godzilla!

Jimmy puts his left hand on his forehead.

Do you remember when I said that I'd tell you who it was if I saw them?

Yeah, it was only like three hours ago. Do you think I'm or something?

As TK finishes his sentence a man just so happened to be walking by and without missing a beat.

Nope, you're an athlete here!

The man continues on his path without saying anything else. Jimmy cracks a smile at the goings-on but snaps to.

Well, I hate to break this to you, Thunder Knuckles.

Well, damn it. Spit it out, will ya?

That's Bobby Kurgan.

Get fucked! Are you serious?

As a heart attack.

Menacing music begins to play as the shot of Jimmy and TK scales back to behind Bobby Kurgan's burly shoulders. The scene fades to black then to the credits.

The camera slowly pans a wall with posters. One by one you notice famous XWF wrestlers. Barney Green, Calvery, Cage Coleman, LSM all with red X's over their faces. The camera still continues to pan across the wall. This time it shows Boby Bourbon, Jenny Myst, Raion Kido. Finally, it pans to TK's face, not a poster, it's him. He's leaned up against the wall with a shit-eating grin on his face.

I know, I know, the XWF fans around the world have been missing 'Ol Thunder Knuckles but it has to be that way. How the fuck else would a guy like Radion Kid-o become a star if yours truly was out there every goddamn week punking the poor fucker out? However, evidence suggests Radion's preparedness is as weak as Russia's military stance in Ukraine. Especially with the resistance this mother fucker is about to get at March Madness.

TK winks into the camera still his grin plastered on his face.

Here I come like a hundred kids running from a bullet at Sandy Hook. Busting up Kid-o's chance like a cop a high school kegger. I don't need the approval of my tag team partner I just need to remove him from the March Madness tournament.

TK starts walking past the posters starting with Raion Kido, the camera pans to follow. Then he passes Jenny Myst and Bobby Bourbon taking his time looking at them.

I'm in a damn mood to consume! Before rassling, I struggled. Well, that's over now and I got a new hunger. In this business, you're either friend or food.

TK passes LSM, Cage Colman, and Calvery. TK stops in front of and nods at the poster of Barney Green.

I already eliminated one of my friends just imagine what I'm going to do to Radion. Who's nothing more than fucking food to me.

TK gives the middle finger to the camera for Raion Kido.

I came into this tournament with one goal. Now the rest of the fields-

TK looks over at the posters on the wall then back into the camera.

-days are done. I've paid my dues. I've waited long enough.

TK with his shit-eating grin nods his head.

Now is the time I erupt. Just like a goddamn dormant volcano I'm mother fucking dangerous. My day has come, my pain is done, I'm the one with the gun. It's time for "Mother Fuckers" to run.

TK lips the words "Yeah, I said it."

Radion can go on and on about "the burning cosmos" but I'm not here to have a drink and any good King knows to stomp out embers before the kingdom sets fire. There are a lot of differences between the two of us, Kid-o and myself.

Once finished with his sentence TK acts like he's counting with his fingers, with both hands.

I'm out. Remember class you hear the Thunder Strike long before you see a Lighting Bolt.

TK brishes the dirt off his shoulder.

Anyway, everyone seems to think that because we're in the land of the falling bombs Radion is destined to win. I can't fucking wait to make all those slit-eyed Japanese fans who came out to see their hero get squashed like a goddamn grape at a winery. You better watch out, Kid-o, because just like in W.W.2. The nukes are falling and this time they're falling directly on you in the Tokyo Dome. Speaking of the bomb, goddamn they fucked you guys up! To this goddamn day, the radiation still got you all fucked up. We all corner markets here in XWF. Me, I've cornered the market on being the underdog. Radion, well, he cornered the market on being a larger-than-life anime character. The only problem with that is you have to watch out for attacks on all ends like rule 34.

TK gives his world-famous jerking-off hand gesture. This cues Todd in the truck to reluctantly puts the graphic of
a Saint Seiya character taking it up the ass from another Saint Seiya character.


As the graphic of the Saint Seiya character fucking the other Saint Seiya character leaves your screen. All you can see is TK smiling like an asshole.

That ass fucking was totally consensual of course. What do you take me for Eobard Stone or Jenny Myst? GODDAMN, Radion! I hope you look as happy as that dude when you lose on March 27th. Radion you might have had a good run before stepping into the ring with 'Ol Thunder Knuckles. However, you're contending against a crocodile and even lions have to get a drink once in a while. So, while you're getting a nice refreshing drink. I'm going to pop out the water, snap your fucking neck, and drag you to depths you've never gone to before. Write that shit down because it's the goddamn gospel! So sayeth Brother Knuckles, high priest of Bastardly ways!

TK walks past the posters once again this time stopping in front of Raion Kido.

So, come one come all, watch 'Ol Thunder Knuckles lion tame. I'm knocking him out like it's the fucking Hunger Games. Time to rule the kingdom, Knuckle Age. If Radion thinks he's ready for a war, he better disengage. Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. When it's said and done Thunder Knuckles turns Kid-o into a goddamn meme. I'm a legend in the making, a fuc-King! I breathe easy on the scene. The facts are facts, I stick to what I know, I got my own team. That's the difference, I say what I'll do and do what I say. All while Kid-o is coming to fucking play. Sorry, cock mite, now it's your turn to fucking pay. I'm out here to break necks and cash cheques. My suggestion to Kid-o is simple. Find a bonsai tree and trim it to find your center because on March 27th, you become my goddamn dinner.

TK walks and stands in front of Jenny Mysts poster.

I'm contractually obligated to mention Jenny Myst here because she can become Queen of the XWF.

TK says the letters.

L-O-L. There. I did it. Moving the Hell on.

TK stands in front of Bobby Bourbon's poster. He looks back at it and then back into the camera.

This is the part Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal are waiting for, isn't it?

TK winks into the camera for the two gentelmen. North Korean War Criminal probably thinks TK is flirting with him while Mark Flynn knows TK is being a piece of shit.

Feast up, fuckers. Bobby Bourbon is the best tag team partner in the goddamn world. Bobby's known to break off a piece off a mother fucker, and beat a mother fucker, with that same exact mother fucker. Mother Fucker, that's exactly how he entered into the tournament, isn't it? Not only is he violent he's smart too. Lured Calvery into a trap, he did. Not one that I'd have stepped in, but hey, to each their own. When it gets down to Bastard against Bastard one thing is for sure. There will be no goddamn Tokyo Dome for the Main Event to be held in because we're blowing the fucking house down! Everyone has said since day one Bobby Bourbon has carried Thunder Knuckles. Well, Mother Fuckers, we're about to find out who was carrying who. I'd sell Bobby harder right now but I've been doing that for a while now and he doesn't need the help. Do ya big guy?

TK pauses for a moment.

Did it taste good Mark? Criminal? It wasn't nearly as satisfying as you thought, huh?

TK gives the middle finger for Mark and Criminal.

Until next time ass wipes. Fuck off!

This is the cameraman's cue to shut off the camera and the scene fades to black, as per normal.