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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » March Madness IV - RP Board 2022
The End of the Louisville Saga Part 1
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NorthKoreanWarCriminal Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
03-17-2022, 07:19 PM

Previously…



Now! The Dramatic Conclusion!


***

10/18/21
KFC Yum! Centre
Louisville, KY


Outside the door with an ‘Animal Storage’ sign…

One could hear the faint sounds of… jaws chewing…

Gnawing through something hard…

A satisfying KER-UNCH! Followed by ravenous consumption…

Then, all at once, silence.



The door bursts open.

The 600 pound hog! That mad scientist piggy! Hot Dog! Sniffs the ground.

“OINK OOINK OINK!”


The large swine gallops… toward the staircase.

Toward the Executive Suite…

***

“FOR YOU SEE! THE TRUTH SHINES BRIGHTEST IN DARKNESS! THE XWF’S LIES! THE GOVERNMENT’S TRICKS! THE POISON OF DECEIT CANNOT OVERPOWER THE DELICIOUS MILK OF JUSTICE!”

BOB-Anon jabs his sword dramatically at Flynn, whose hands remain raised…

The gun UK dropped rests on the ground… just a few feet away from Flynn.

“YOU! YOU FIGHT LIKE A COWARD! FEIGNING DEAFNESS! BLINDSIDING ME! ROBBIE BOURBON WOULD NEVER ABIDE SUCH TACTICS!”

“Your friend is most loquacious, Mark Flynn.”

BOB-Anon quickly shifts his blade away toward NK, who defensively protects his face.

“THAT INSULT IS A COMPLIMENT, COMING FROM UNAMERICAN FILTH LIKE YOU!”

Nk squints, confused. “...I delivered no insult? Merely a factual statement.”

“YOU’RE A FACTUAL STATEMENT.”

Hall Monitor Maria raises a hand.

“I hate to cut in, pun unintended…”

The BOB-Anon twists his blade at her… She stammers, terrified...

As Maria gathers her nerve, NK takes the momentary lapse of BOB-Anon’s attention to reach into his back pocket…

“...I-I-It’s j-just… Do you have security clearance to be here? Kyodai and Ricky are cleared… They’re employees. And that meanie you’re standing on… Is technically an XWF contractor…”

BOB-Anon glances down at the unconscious Korean he’s standing on, whom he knocked unconscious when he swung over from the catwalk into the skybox.

NK slowly retrieves the 2003 Motorola Razr, the one he’d just un-stolen from UK.

The totalitarian presses several buttons behind his back…

“So!… If you lack credentials from proper authority, I’ll have to… politely ask you to leave!”

The BOB-Anon scoffs, laughing triumphantly. Flynn’s eyes never leave the tip of the BOB-Anon’s sword… It bounces while he chortles..

“AUTHORITY?!? I AM HERE ON THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY, SNOWFLAKE! ON A MISSION FROM PRESIDENT ROBBIE BOURBON! TO DELIVER AMERICA FROM THE TYRANNICAL GRIP OF THEO PRYCE’S GLOBALIST MISSION! HIS PLOT TO OVERTHROW THIS COUNTRY WITH COMMUNISM, CRITICAL RACE THEORY AND SAME-SEX BATHROOMS!”

Flynn’s ear perk. “Ugh, fuckin’ Theo.”

The blade swipes through the air. The lengthy blade’s tip ends six inches from Flynn’s eye.

“SILENCE, HERETIC! DO NOT FEIGN SYMPATHY FOR MY DIVINE CRUSADE!”

NK… grins.

“No, no!” NK assures as the BOB-Anon’s blade twists toward him. “Mark Flynn AGREES! The XWF exercises control over who wins and who loses. Perhaps your two ideologies share significant foundations! Eh, Mark Flynn?”

Mark Flynn sternly eyes NK, obviously displeased to be compared with this screaming oaf.

NK winks. Flynn purses his lips, but nods. The BOB-Anon flips his blade toward Flynn once more.

“… YOU HATE THEO PRYCE?!?”

Flynn sighs.

“...I don’t… LOVE.. how he keeps giving title shots to Corporate Chaos. He manages Chaos AND owns the company. Like, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver doesn’t also coach a basketball team! It’s a conflict of interest!”

“UGH! I KNOW! FAVORITISM, MUCH!?!?”

“Wrestling’s a sport. We need STANDARDS.”

“I HEAR YOU, MAN. THERE NEEDS TO BE ETH-”

“Ethics in Wrestling! Yes, man! Yes! I say that ALL THE TIME.”

NK leans into Maria’s ear.

“He does.”

As NK bends, he sneaks his phone behind his back into Maria’s back pocket.

“And don’t get me started on all the bullshit the industry does nowadays. I mean, all these crossover events!?!”

“IT DILUTES THE PRODUCT! WHEN ALL THE GUYS APPEAR ON ALL THE SHOWS, WHAT MAKES ANY OF THEM UNIQUE?!?”

“It’s cookie-cutter, man.” Flynn takes a step closer. “In my day, the product had to be GOOD! BY ITSELF! Now, it’s all ‘generating social media buzz’! Having THIS star surprise-appear on THAT competing show to get internet idiots retweeting and re-TikTok-ing! Now if I wanna watch one wrestler, I gotta follow six different feds, his Twitter AND his Splat TV Miniseries!”

YOU DON’T GET ME STARTED ON ‘THE WIFE’! WHY DO WRESTLERS NEED TO BE ON SOAP OPERAS?”

Maria leans into NK’s ear.

“Huh… Kyodai and this guy think a lot alike.”

NK mutters out the side of his mouth. “Wait for it.”

Flynn gets louder and angrier. “It’s all politicking, man. Something I REFUSE to do. Thad’s on every channel. So naturally, on a draw, HE wins. Cuz the system is RIGGED to maximize profits, not to award the best wrestler.”

“FOR SURE, MAN. IF XWF WASN’T RIGGED, WHY WOULD ROBBIE BOURBON EVER LOSE?”



Flynn’s eye twitches.

“...Robbie… Bourbon?”

“YEAH! IF YOU TAKE AWAY ALL THE HORSESHIT MATCH-RIGGING WE’RE DISCUSSING, IT’S OBVIOUS ROBBIE BOURBON WOULD BE CHAMP! HE’S THE BEST WRESTLER! AND PRESIDENT!”

Flynn grits his teeth, rabid in his fury.

“ROBBIE BOURBON?!?!?”

“There we go.” NK mutters, pressing a button on his wrist.



That moment, Maria’s back-pocket vibrates. BOB-Anon’s katana sweeps back towards the security guard, a full 120 degrees away from an irate Mark Flynn.

Maria panickedly tries to stop her ass from vibrating and playing music.

“It’s not me! I swear! I always silence my phone during stand-offs!”

“YOU TASTELESS FUCK!”

Before BOB-Anon can revolve back, Flynn soccer-kicks NK’s gun…

BOB-Anon’s face turns… Just in time for the flying firearm to cave-in his nose. The gun rebounds, skittering off his schnozz.

The nose-bone cracks. Blood squirts out of the conspiracy-lover’s face.

Before BOB-Anon can even cover his face in pain, Flynn’s already in striking radius.

Flying mid-leap.

Shotgun dropkick.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!”

BAM!

BOB-Anon’s knocked backwards, feet tripping over the unconscious United Korean beneath him..

He topples backfirst over the skybox’s windowsill…

And falls.



For a moment, the only sound is Flynn’s heavy breathing post-offensive burst.

“... Is he… gone?”

NK taps a finger to his mouth… Then cups his ear…

….



No sound.

Flynn and NK eye each other.

Flynn looks at Maria, then points at the floor. Maria nods, as out-of-her-sight, NK silences and retrieves his phone from her pocket.

The duo carefully tip-toes over. They look down from the window…

Hanging by his fingertips, the sword dangling off the wrist guard and past his neck…

The BOB-Anon desperately clings to the skybox windowsill. Above a four-story fall to the arena seating below…

NK tsk-tsks, impressed. “This one is quite ardent.”

“I’LL… FUCKIN’ KILL JU, LIBBARD LIB’RALS!” BOB-Anon says, screaming despite a clearly broken nose.

Flynn chuckles, as he reaches down and ruffles the zealot’s hair… The fanatic swings his arm to strike Flynn’s hand away… Which, of course, pendulums his entire body. He sucks in air fearfully, before his fingertips panickedly latch back on the edge…

“Hey… Hang tight.” Flynn chuckles.

NK looks at the BOB-Anon, then at Flynn. His entire face lights up.

“MARK FLYNN! DID YOU MEAN TO DO THAT?”

Flynn’s face reddens. “...Never mind. Forget it.”

“He is hanging for dear life! And you say…. HANG TIGHT! Ahhhhhhhhh, so cool, very slick! Something Captain Corey Smith might say, Mark Flynn!”

Flynn grimaces, embarrassed. “Oh my god, just shut up, NK. I already regret saying it.”

Flynn wipes his hand across his face, disgusted.

“Okay. First matter of business… Where’s the gun?”

The trio scans the room. Finally, Maria points.

“There! By the door!”

Flynn sees it, then wipes his hands, satisfied.

“All right, let’s cuff these two...” Flynn says, tapping his foot against the still-unconscious UK. “Call Davenport for recommendations on how to best retrieve all data on this computer. And… Maria, we’ll need you to come in for questioning.”

“Of course! You guys had a tough first day, I bet you want advice on what I'd have done as your superior.”



Flynn side-eyes NK, mouthing IS she fucking with us?

NK shrugs.

“All right. Well, All’s left is paperwork…”

BAM!

That moment! The office door swings wide-open, crashing against the wall.

Taking up the entire doorway! His tusks, long and twisting. Humid Saliva flowing like a stream down his hot and airy maw… His massive dark body oozing villainous aura.

FXW’s Hot Dog.

NK pushes Maria behind the desk, before dropping behind it himself.

Flynn rolls his eyes, assuming into a fighting stance. “Fuuuuuuck, can we get ONE BREAK?!?”

“Commander! Are you here?”



NK peeks over the desk.

“Kato? Is that you?”

Hot Dog dips his head under the doorway and trots the rest of the way into the office. Riding atop his back is NK’s second-in-command himself!

“Commander! I’m profoundly relieved! Hot Dog seemed confident that he’d tracked the scent I’d provided.”

“You tracked us by my scent? Impossible! I exude no aroma! I would never give away position by any of the five western OR eight North Korean senses!”

Kato rolls hops off the big piggy’s back. “As you say, Commander. But! I had another option…” Kato opens his hand and reveals… a cracker snackpack!

“Coach Flynn gifted me these! Thus, Hot Dog was able to detect his… unique bouquet.”

Flynn squints… then sniffs his armpit, checking if he has a “distinguishable” odor.

“Remarkable, Kato! You managed to tame this bea-... Er, noble creature?” NK says, reaching up to pet Hot Dog by his nose.

Hot Dog burps hot air into NK’s face. NK retrieves a handkerchief from his shirt pocket and wipes piggy throat residue off his brow.

“Nay, commander. I merely befriended him.” Kato says, taking a cracker sandwich and lifting it to Hot Dog’s mouth. Hot Dog gently nibbles it halfway, to not chomp Kato’s hand, then guzzles it down his gullet.

“Oink! Ooiink, O-ink! Oink oooiiink ooooii-iinnnnkkk oink oink oink ooiinnkk oink oooiiinnkk oink oink oink.”


Kato snaps his fingers. “Ah! Bless you for the reminder, friend!”

Flynn leans to NK, whispering “Is Kato talking to a pig?”

“Commander! There’s no time to dawdle! I have learnt much from my swine comrade!”

Kato retrieves a blue notebook out of his jacket pocket.

“For instance! Everyone in this arena is frozen! The event in Louisville never concluded because XWF FROZE THE ARENA!”



“Yeah, we know Kato.”

…Kato blushes.

“Ah. Well! This freezing? The work of RM Industries! Who is RM? Your frequent foe, Phone #1! He froze an entire pocket dimension to re-record XWF segments!”

NK sighs.

“Yes, Kato. We are aware of that fact.”

…Kato flips a few pages.

“W-w-well! Did you ALSO know that YOUR FXW counterpart, United Korean Peace Officer, he…”

“He went mad and plotted to free the Broadcast Delay from its vault to freeze the entire multiverse for a facsimile of peace.”

“Exactly so! You see, he dis-“

“He discovered pigs are immune to the Broadcast Delay and theorized their DNA would counteract the containment field! YES, Kato! We know!”



“Ah!” Kato flips back to the front page. “I nearly forgot! The reason I exited the vehicle! One thing Hot Dog could not explain! Shortly after you two entered the KFC Yum Centre! I observed a suspicious, disorderly brigand! Wielding a sword!”

As Kato speaks, Flynn walks over to the window and picks up the BOB-Anon’s head by the scruff of his neck.

“This guy? We KNOW.”

Flynn drops the BOB-Anon’s head and he sinks back down. Once again, his grip tightens, his feet desperately kick to stabilize his body, finding perch on the broken SkyBridge he dislodged to dive through the window…



Kato clears his throat awkwardly, settling his notebook back to its place.

“How awkward. You know all I know...”

NK pats his lieutenant on the shoulder. “Be not ashamed, dear Kato! Your investigation via befriending this hog remains most impressive! However, as your commanding officer, it was natural that I, and by extension Mark Flynn, would learn all important case details before you.”

Kato sighs, but smiles. “As always, you astound me, commander.”


NK beams proudly.

“Since you two have a complete understanding of this case, may I ask one question I hadn’t yet resolved?”

“Of course, dear Kato!”

“How do you plan to extinguish the arena fire?”



“What arena fire?”

As NK inquires, BOB-Anon attempts to pull himself up once more. All at once, the dangling remnants of the Skybridge collapse under his weight.

The broken pulleys hooked into the walkway give… And the arena ceiling cracks open.

As the fire contained outside the arena… creeps its way down the roof… and towards the interior.

The five spin as a large fire spreads outside the skybox…

“...Ah.”

NK coughs.

“THAT arena fire.”

***
The War Room.

Flynn and NK.

Drawn on the chalkboard? 24.

“Twenty-FOUR Seconds.”

Flynn guffaws.

“We beat Salt & Pepper in twenty-EIGHT seconds. And those rodents got sent back to the minors for four months before they could wrestle again.”

“...Then, we beat Double Trouble in four seconds less than we beat Salt & Pepper. And somehow, ol’ Theo doesn’t revoke their title shot.”

“Make your excuses, Omegas. Claim that Erin and Erica were holding y’all back. That it wasn’t unfair. Ignore the VIDEO EVIDENCE.”

“Seriously. Watch last Warfare.”

“We told Page to keep the ring crew closeby. We planned on setting a record. And we DID.”


“We defeated Double Trouble. In FIVE MOVES.”

“And TWENTY-FOUR SECONDS.”

“You brought a centurion, Jay Omega. And we crushed him like the Visigoths sacked Rome.”

“Quickly. Efficiently.”

“And with humiliatingly feeble resistance.”

“And we called it, too. We keep getting better and better.”

“Look at our history.”

“We fought TNGB twice. The first? A nail-biter we narrowly won. The second? A blowout we dominated.”

“We fought APEX twice. Game 1? We almost won, but got cheated by bad officiating. Game 2? We ended Rob Main’s entire career.”

“And it looks like we’re about to do the same to XWF’s Other Omega.”

“Say what you will about us. But one fact remains obvious.”

“We improve after each battle.”


“Which means Double Trouble? Is Double Fucked.”

Flynn and NK cackle and high-five. NK leans toward the camera.

“What’s the most important part of tag-team wrestling? Combining unique styles. Developing a playbook. Building camaraderie and trust.”

“And who opposes us?”


Flynn squeezes beside NK.

“Double Trouble: A pair of extra-dimensional clones. Identical weaknesses with no means to prevent exploiting them.”

“A unique pairing every match. Zero experience working together.”

“It’s like they handpicked a team designed to fail embarrassingly against us.”

Flynn sighs, shrugging.

“Theo? Bud? I understand.”

“We’ve already defeated the two greatest tag teams in XWF history.”

“APEX’s dead.”


“The Bastards can’t fill a two-man team without Barn-Dog volunteering.”

“And the rest of the tag division? Scraps and misfits.”

“The only real challenger is Jay Omega.”


“But, let’s state the obvious.”

“We’ve demonstrated Jay Omega isn’t in our league.”

“In this or any dimension.”

“And at March Madness? Jay’s already bringing a third-string clone.”

“Stay-At-Home-Dad Omega?”

“How Ironic. ‘Stay-At-Home’ is exactly what Double Trouble should do if they don’t want to leave Tokyo in an ambulance.”

Flynn and NK bump fists, then point toward the camera.

“Jay, bring yourself. Bring Jay #2… Make it a battle royal with us and 28 Jays.”

“We’ll tear through them like a hot car through a butter deer.”

“And stand atop Omega’s many carcasses…”


“The Undisputed Tag Team Champions.”

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