Cage Coleman's been up to quite a bit since being pinned by Marf(though he would argue the new Champ could've pinned ANYONE he hit The Sway on in that match).

He almost invested in Barn Coin. Still might, honestly; afterall, it's not like XWF has a great retirement package. It actually doesn't have one at all.

He won $100 on the Super Bowl.

And, last but not least, he became a mentor.....................



"Touchdooooooooooown!" Cage shouted after scoring his third TD in less than two minutes.

The poor 10 year old Asian boy Coleman had been whooping on let out a sigh of defeat. "I think that's game, Mr. Coleman."

"What are you talking about?!" Cage gasped, paying no mind to the fact it was already 27-0 in the first quarter. "You can't quit! They don't let you walk off the field in an ACTUAL game!!!"

"But you gave up at Fire & Ice!"

Coleman scoffed, going for, and successfully getting, two points. "I didn't QUIT, I was pinned," he pointed out. "Big difference."

"Doesn't make you any less of a loser."

"Says the kid who can't score a point on..................." Cage paused while helplessly watching his mentee score a Kick Return Touchdown. "....................me." Coleman leans forward and turns the power off to the game. "OOOOOOOOPPPPS!"

"Hey!" the kid cried out. "What happened to not giving up?!"

"I didn't give up," the former Xtreme Champion argued. "I was honoring YOUR request to quit!"

The kid, who'd already been skeptical of his mentor the moment he was assigned to him, wasn't buying it. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching me stuff?"

"I am," Cage shot back. "Did you not learn a lesson about quiting before you have the chance to make a comeback?"

"I guess," the kid conceded. "But that's not really what you're supposed to be teaching me."

Cage reached over to the kid's nightstand and stole his last lollipop. "Well," Coleman began, popping the sucker into his mouth. "What do you want to learn about?"

"How do I know what I wanna be when I grow up?"

"I don't know," the wrestler replies, pulling out the lollipop he stole and throwing it in the trash. "Your heart will guide your way, or something gay like that. What else ya got?"

"How do I stop a bully?"

"Don't be a pussy. Next!"

"How do you balance a checkbook?"

"You're ten!"

"How do I know if a girl likes me?"

This was a subject Cage knew all about. Having traveled the world, he'd been with MANY different women. From Mexico to Italy, Africa to Japan, there wasn't a type of woman Cage Coleman WOULDN'T do. Fat chicks, skinny chicks; girls with long hair, and lesbians with short. If it had a vagina, Cage Coleman was all over it.

And that's exactly what he told little Timmy.

"I don't think I can tell you how to know if a girl likes you without telling ya about the time I was with this Swedish acrobat and her blind, ventriloquist, sister................"

Cage went on to describe, in great detail, the night he had a foursome with the two siblings and their puppet.

"Now, some might say it was a devil's four-way because the dummy was modeled after a man," Coleman explained. "But I didn't see no penis, so it was 100% straight!................ well, for me, anyway."

Upon completing THAT story, The Traveler moved on to a different one.

"Then there was the time I got a footjob from an armless circus midget................"

And another.

"And that was the second time I caught the clap," Cage, for some reason, proudly admitted. "Which was ironic, because EVERYONE was clapping for us once we were done!"

At this point, Timmy was taking notes, just as thoroughly as Coleman had been describing stuff.

"And that's when I learned you don't gotta pay child support if you knock up another man's wife," Cage said of his fourth unplanned pregnancy. "Because the poor sap's gonna think it's his and raise it FOR you!" Coleman paused, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigar. "So," he lights it up and blows smoke out of the kid's window. "Does that answer your question?"

Little Timmy puts a period at the end of the word 'you' before looking up at the wrestler. "I think so." He goes over his notes, reading them aloud for Coleman to confirm. "A girl who has a boyfriend is the best kind to be with, because then they won't want to spend time with you because they can't.........."

Cage seems satisfied with it so far, puffing on his cigar and motioning for Timmy to continue.

"You don't have to wear condoms because, if they get pregnant, the guy will just think it's his. Unless they aren't having sex, anymore, in which case you gotta make sure with the woman they are."

"Exactly!"

Before the kid can continue, his mom(an extremely attractive Japanese milf who Cage Coleman would gladly hit had it not been for what her people did to his beloved country over 80 years ago) enters the room with milk and cookies. "How's it goin', boyyyyys?"

"Gooooooooood," Timmy responds as Coleman tosses his lit cigar out the window and wafts the smoke away. "Mr. Coleman sure is teaching me ALOT!" He holds up his notebook for his mom to take, as Cage watches on in horror. The look on his face is soon matched by the mother's, her jaw dropping at the sight of such vulgarity.

"Out!" she yelled, rolling up the notepad and smacking him upside the head with it. "Get out!"

Despite the fact Cage Coleman was trying to oblige, the mom beat him with that notebook the whole way out. She didn't stop until he was off the property, and in the middle of the street. From there, she shouted some kind of Chinese at him before turning and going back in the house.

Cage brushed himself off and hurried for the sidewalk(on the OTHER side of the street) in an attempt to avoid becoming roadkill. He takes a moment to catch his breath before turning to walk away. Before he does, though, he takes one last glimpse of the Kim's house and spits.

"Well she certainly racks respect!" he says in a stereotypical accident before leaving the scene. As soon as he walks out of view, we begin to see smoke coming from a bush in front of Little Timmy's window, which eventually turns to fire. The flames begin to spread to the house for a second before the scene cuts to black......................





"People sure do love to talk, don't they? Fans, wrestlers, management........... hell, I'm talking right now! The difference is, unlike the rest of 'em, I actually have something RELEVANT to say!"

"Raion Kiddo............" Cage intentionally pronounces his opponent's name wrong. "Word has it you're pretty good; SO good, in fact, that it looks like you may be on track to win Star of the Month. Neck and neck with Corey Smith. That's a hell of an accomplishment. Not quite as impressive as holding the Xtreme Championship but, hey, it's a start! Now, that sounds like an insult, and that's because it is. Don't get me wrong, you're very impressive. As a matter of fact, I've been wanting a match with you since the moment you walked into that lockeroom. Some of my best matches were with your people, and I have no doubt you'll be another of 'em. Unfortunately for you, though, I've never lost to a Japanese person. Did you know that? I'm sure you probably did, afterall, the only thing in Japan more famous than my wrestling is my dick. How do you say it, 'Ookii?"

Despite being a bigoted asshole, Cage Coleman's Japanese was moderately okay, as proven with his correct pronunciation of the word for 'big.' Unfortunately, he didn't know the word for 'super ultra mega humongous,' the ACTUAL way he'd describe his penis. But, considering what they say about the average size of Asian weiners, big would suffice.

"I'll admit, Ryan................" More intentional mispronunciation. "You're good but, make no mistake about it, there's a big difference between being good and being GREAT. Good wrestlers win plaques, great ones win Titles. You can win all the Of The Month awards you want, but it doesn't actually mean anything until your name's engraved in gold. I beat Bam Miller, a man who had so much hype behind him, you'd have thought he was slated to be the next Universal Champion! But he wasn't, was he? Sure, he held the Xtreme Championship for a week which, to his credit, is still a week longer than you.............. but then what happened? Cage Coleman, that's what! I caught that fucker with his guard down and made him pay for it! And I'm not just talking about his Title reign, I mean his entire CAREER! What's Bam doin' now, Keto? I legitimately have no idea, last I knew he was losing at Fire & Ice just like me.............."

Coleman catches himself admitting to being a failure, and tries his best to make up for the blunder.

"Thing is, unlike him, I still got a bright future ahead of me. A week is all Bam will ever have here. And, if you're not careful, the same will happen to YOU."

"I have no idea if you'll have won that award, or not, by the time you see this, but I hope you do; because you'll be set up for the same kind of failure that Miller was. That's one advantage I've had since joining the XWF, Ricko," He's not even trying anymore. "People DON'T talk about me. Even when I won the Xtreme Championship, they were all too busy being shocked that Bam lost it than they were with the fact I'd WON it! It was the same way for the last tournament I was in, and it's the same thing for this one! Cage Coleman puts on the greatest matches, cuts the best promos, and was one measly step away from being THE guy, yet nobody utters my name like I'm Lord Voldemort. And they SHOULD be afraid to say it, because I'm MUCH more dangerous than a powerful wizard. I'm Galactus, bitch!"

"And then there's you, all high and mighty because you're up for an award and beat a couple of names. You think a win over Centurion means anything, anymore? This isn't 1972, Raion, the Cent' you beat lost to a dying old man............ probably because he himself is a dying old man. Does that make ya feel good? Bullying a senial senior citizen who's more fit for the retirement home than he is a ring. Congratu-fuckin'-lations, Kido," Cage was conveniently using his opponent's actual name now that he was dragging him through the mud. "You wanna go to the old folks' home and punch out a few residents while you're at it?! Might as well, since there's absolutely NO difference whatsoever..............."

"And then there's that Thad Duke win. While others are quick to toss you props, I am not. You beat a guy named Thad. That's the kind of name a methed out mother gives her second child after she's already named the first one Kyle! Truth is, much like Centurion, Duke's on the downward slope of his career and, quite possibly, his life. Yes, he's accomplished more than either one of us could ever HOPE to, but the fact of the matter is, Thad's no better off than either one of us, now. Hell, if anything, he's actually WORSE off, seeing how he lost to the man who's going to lose to ME next Savage. And then I'm gonna be better off than BOTH of you after I go on to win March Madness."

"But this isn't about Bam. Or Cent'. Or Thad. This is between you and me. I'll be honest, I think management screwed the pooch having us square off in the first round. We each could've had our own, epic path to the Finals, before putting on a match worthy of winning a nonexistant Match of the Month award. It would've been full of the type of emotion and backstory only a Hollywood blockbuster could tell."

"But, instead, we're both relegated to co-Main Event status of a weekly television program while somebody who disappeared for months wrestles a man named after a horse. We're gonna put on a wrestling clinic while everyone else is either taking a piss break, or blowing the last remaining pennies of their stimulus checks on overpriced hot dogs so they can stuff their ugly faces in anticipation of a match that isn't even worthy of Main Eventing an Anarchy!"

Coleman stops for a moment, realizing it's probably not a good idea to piss off the great Bobby Bourbon; especially since it was highly likely Cage would meet him at some point in the tournament.

"Now, that isn't a shot at Bobby, who I look forward to facing in the Finals at March Madness," the cowardly Coleman panders. "If anything, it's a compliment. We all know Calvary doesn't stand a chance, and the only reason he's even IN the Main Event is because of the Bourbon nostalgia. Had he drawn ANY other opponent, his match would've been first, even before Barney's!"

"My point is, XWF doesn't realize how rich it is with the gem that is Cage Coleman. Raion Kido might THINK he's a gem, too, but that's yet to be proven. Everyone acts like having a great start to your career automatically makes you the next big thing but, truth is, you're more likely to wind up being the next Rampage or Big D than you are Corey or Charlie. Success isn't guaranteed, nor is it handed to you by a handful of people who think you're the shit. You either win, or you lose, and Saturday night, you WILL lose. And, honestly, it'll be the best thing that's ever happened to you........... at least up to this point. Beating Cent and Thad has inflated your ego like a big, yellow balloon. You'd have thought your loss to the Television Champion would have brought ya back down to earth a little bit but, NOPE, all it did was blow more smoke into that already aerated head of yours! You think anyone ever applauded Cage Coleman for a loss?! Hell no! And we both lost to the same. Exact. Person. But you know what the difference between our losses is? Charlie had to use my own move to beat me! Really, I beat myself. Do you really think a Heart Punch is going to do ANYTHING to these pecs?!"

Coleman points to his average sized chest muscles as if they were made of steel.

"Forget about it! And, on the flip side, my Spiral Driver is SO devastating, not even I can kick out of it! My moves are so effective, my opponents can't help but go all Chameleon on my ass! Last time someone tried to steal from YOUR arsenal, they couldn't even connect with it because they were too busy laughing on the inside about how stupid they were for trying such a shitty move in the FIRST place! It's like thinking you can finish off a match with a couple of punches and kicks, something most people use to start their matches! I've NEVER lost because of a punch!........................" Coleman lied. "And nobody's EVER finished me off with a kick................ other than that Danish hooker, but that was a different kind of gettin' off."

Cage Coleman looks at bare wrist as if there was a watch around it.

"Well look at me getting sidetracked, I've said all that needs to be said.............. for now. No doubt you'll be hearing from me again before our epic encounter, as I expect to be hearing from you. Until then, don't let the talk go to your head because, if you do, I'll eat you alive, and the world will be robbed of another Cage Coleman classic. And I certainly wouldn't want that, otherwise nobody will take my win seriously. A-gain. Everybody talks, that's why it's so cheap.................."