We open with a shot of what looks to be the worst maintained garden in the world. Everywhere you look you see dead flowers, dead crops, and weeping willow trees that look ready to fall any day. The various sheds and fences around the garden are crumbling and falling apart. This place looks like it has been abandoned for a long time.

The camera pans around the garden and there are surprisingly few signs of life: no bugs, no birds, no pests. We pan past a few broken hoes laying on the ground next to a dead pumpkin patch. As the camera continues to pan we see a few unopened BOB branded bags of dirt and three pairs of fresh footprints.

Then the camera finally settles into position as we see all three members of TNGB standing around the only green vegetation on the screen: a tiny and nearly dried out marijuana plant. Charlie is kneeling down and inspecting the cannabis flower very closely. He’s wearing the usual get-up of a backyard gardener complete with a children’s toy gardening set, the contents of which are strewn randomly around him. TK and Bobby look to each other, then back down to The Nickleman.

Uhh, yeah, Charlie, I’m not sure this pot is worth going to be worth a shit.

Bobby Bourbon nods in agreement with TK’s statement. Charlie looks back at the two men while still kneeling in front of the nearly dead plant.

I know it doesn’t look like much right now but with enough time and love this flower can become stronger than you’d ever imagine. Don’t dismiss so hastily that which looks withered and inept at first glance, because when you look beneath the surface, you may find layers and layers that you never expected.

The flowers on this pot plant may be small and seemingly insignificant…

Charlie points down towards the ground near the marijuana stock.

But the roots below? The roots below are strong, thick, and ready to give life.

I don’t think the plant has a penis, Charlie.

Charlie shakes his head in frustration before rubbing his eyes. A bit of dirt happens to slide into his eye sockets but Charlie doesn’t mind, he’s endured far worse before.

No, no, no, don’t you two get it? This plant can be whatever we make it. We find it like this, barely clinging on but still managing to survive, and we can be the force that decides whether this life goes on. If we so chose we could snuff this life out here and now. We could rip this baby boy right out of the ground and toss it alongside the rest of the flowers in this lifeless garden.

Or-

We could be the bastards that cultivate greatness where few saw potential. We could be the shit-asses that create greatness out of criminality. We could be the motherfuckers that turn this whole plant’s life-cycle around and let it live on through hundreds and hundreds of hyper-potent baby weed plants!

It’s legal in every state worth visiting, there’s really no point to growing our own ditch weed.

Look, mother fucker, I’m all about packing and trapping the dang ass weeds but this shit isn’t it, Charlie! And you can’t grow it out here, you’re going to want an indoor grow-op to cultivate some sticky-icky that can compete with those new strains out there! I’m mean, shit! Think, man.

Charlie Nickles chuckles to himself as he shakes his head from side to side. He steps up to his feet and wipes his dirty hands off on his gardening apron.

You boys can’t see it now, but you’ll see it soon. The results will speak for themselves. I’m growing cannabis so potent that Alias’s promos will start to make sense after you smoke it.

TK and Bobby both burst out in laughter at the thought.

Oh, come the fuck on, Charlie, that’s not fucking happening! I’ve smoked a lot of pot and none of that shit has helped me figure out what a minotaur is relevant to, let alone what the fuck a minotaur is!

Yeah, sorry, Charles. I hate to burst your bubble, but I don’t see that happening from this grow-op you got here.

Oh boys, you should really hear yourselves right now. Wasn’t everybody saying the exact same thing about BOB just one year ago?

Uh, what? No, no one was saying BOB didn’t have good pot, we had the best goddamn fucking pot and cocaine! Just look at our Colombian connection that we made during Christmas, 2020!

Not to mention, back in the day BOB invested some of Oswald’s money into a california operation that created a new strain called GHOST TANK! 79% THC, 51.2% CBD! It was over 100% potency. No one was ever questioning our marijuana grow, homie.

Charlie shakes his head once more as he begins to walk in a circle around this baby weed plant in the middle of an otherwise dead garden.

They were saying that BOB was weak, insignificant, nothing to fear and nothing of note. But then after careful preparation you came back to harvest the seeds you had planted. That’s when you lot cultivated a field whose potency could no longer be denied.

I really miss that BOB grow-op.

Me too, Bobby. That stank was dank as fuck! Whatever happened to it?

It blew up during the explosion that destroyed BOB.

Ah, shit, the grow-op burned, too? That fucking sucks. I wish we could have some of that GHOST TANK right now. I’m getting goddamn goosebumps just thinking about it!

We can rebuild that greatness, right here and right now. There is nothing stopping us!

TK and Bobby both look a bit bummed out as they’re reminded of the fate of their favorite marijuana strain. Charlie, a growing friend to both men, looks a bit uncomfortable at his compatriots' misery. He stops walking in a semi-circle and instead approaches both men and places a hand on one of each of their shoulders.

Hey, do you guys want to hear a good joke?

I’m not sure if you know any Charlie, but go ahead and give it a shot.

Hey now TK, Charlie made that one joke at Dave and Buster’s that was pretty funny. We should hear him out.

Charlie grins.

No one in BOB ever pinned Alias!

TK and Bourbon start laughing immediately. Bobby wipes a joyful tear away.

It’s funny because it isn’t true but everyone pretends it is, to save face!

If anyone was ever forced to admit how just how mediocre and unin-fucking-spiringAlias is, the pyramid of power in the XWF would goddamn totally collapse!

That’s the point of comedy, TK- to expose and tear down the structures of power!

Fact.

Charlie leans back and smiles as he watches his friend's misery turn to laughter.

Alias is going to need one of himself after I expose his ass next Wednesday. The public humiliation of being pinned by ol’ Saint Nick is going to be too much for the golden calf to bear. You boys tuning in next Wednesday to watch me neuter this blonde bitch?

Oh, fuck yeah, Charlie! This win is going to be huge for you. I can’t wait to watch all those goth boys and emo bitches in the audience cry! Shit, when was the last time Alias lost a match on cable television?

Bourbon raises a finger in the air as he butts in with a point of order.

Actually, TK, I have heard from three very reliable sources that Alias was actually defeated on a Mexican network during his leave of absence from the XWF airwaves. Supposedly he was wrestling under the luchador name ‘O Pseudônimo’, which is weird, because that’s actually a portuguese phrase. Apparently his shoulders hit the mat for a 1-2-3 on his last match down in Mexico, and THAT’S why he’s come back to the XWF.

Oh, shit, that actually kind of checks out. He does have a habit of tucking his tail and hiding every time he gets pinned.

Well not every time, but probably enough times to indicate a pattern. Maybe when I pin him on Warfare he’ll head over to the Chinese circuit and bother them for a few months.

TK thinks about it for a moment before shaking his head in disagreement.

You know what, Charlie? I actually don’t think that’d happen. Look, no offense, but being cashed in on PPV is a lot less embarrassing than being savagely beat down on regular ass cable. I think if you pin him he’s going to go on a long and never-ending coke binge. Shit, I thought he probably went on a coke binge after he lost the uni, until Bourbon spoke up!

Oh don’t be naive, TK. Only those of us who dabble with the purest rocks of cocaine are able to see the minotaurs…

Charlie Nickles stares blanky in the space between TK and Bobby Bourbon. Bourbon and TK look at each other in slight confusion, then back to Charlie.

A few seconds pass before Charlie’s expression sours and his eyebrows narrow on TK.

Tee-kay….I have to ask you a question now.

What? Uh, ok.

The minotaur told me something….troubling.

……

Tee-kay…..the minotaur told me he saw you having sex with my wife at the S.E.X. club. Did you….did you really fuck my wife?

Ex-wife, right?

Charlie doesn’t respond to Bourbon as his focus is entirely set upon Thunder Knuckles. TK doesn’t skip a beat in his response.

What? Fuck no! I wouldn’t do that to you, Charlie! Yeah I was with your whore of an ex-wife at the S.E.X. club….because I was making sure she wasn’t fucking and sucking anyone else! She shouldn’t have ever been there, and I definitely didn’t want you to see her there, because I know you would have beat her ass so bad you would’ve been in CUFFS before the Porter Invitational! I mean, I did fuck her, but like, not with my dick- I only finger-fucked her!

Charlie considers the possibilities for a moment. His face goes through a variety of contortions as an intense mental simulation occurs inside the mind of The Nickleman.

Charlie places a hand on TK’s shoulder as a smile brightens up his face.

I can always count on you. I knew that Minotaur was full of shit. You know the old saying as well as I do, Tee-Kay.

Fuck yeah I do!

TK & Charlie say their bro-y chant in unison.

Bastards Over Bitches!

Bastards Over Bitches!

Charlie and TK go for a high-five, but miss, each slapping the other in the face. Both men clutch their stricken faces in the palms of their hands.

What the fuck, dude?! I told you I didn’t fuck her!

That’s not what this is about, you fucking slapped me first!

Bourbon chuckles to himself as he watches his fellow bastards grow closer together by the minute. Just last week they were brawling in the middle of a sex club, and now they’re just uncoordinated friends! Bourbon’s smile grows even bigger as Charlie and TK both reveal their faces and they have huge red marks.

Fuck Charlie, you keep slapping people that hard and you’ll be uni champ in no time!

Yeah until you come in with the briefcase after beating Marf and slap my shit with that thing! You better not fucking do that!

No promises!

I wouldn’t have it any other way! A promise made is just a promise waiting to be broken! Except a promise from a FAMILY MAN, of course….but ya’ll ain’t exactly the fatherly types, are ya’?

I’ve been called daddy a lot, actually.

Yeah, bitches with daddy issues love rooting for and getting with the bad guys. Shit, if you hadn’t beaten Lycana like a fucking ragdoll she might’ve gotten with you, sooner or later! She loved fucking with shitty dudes!

Oh, you mean the trick that defeated the world-eater? Yeah, she’s not my type. I’m into women like Goldi. Women like Golid should own the universe.

And I can’t wait to give it to her…

Oh I know you’ll be giving it to her, alright. I fucking hear you giving it to Goldi everytime you park the hummer limo…oh shit, that reminds me!

TK pulls out a stack of three manila folders.

I got a job for you, take these, and take care of it.

TK extends the folders out toward Nickles. The television champion looks down at the folders and immediately recognizes them from TK’s Fire and Ice videos. Charlie takes the folders from TK’s hands with a look of respect and appreciation. Even The Nickleman can understand the absolute importance of the information contained within them. Charlie nods at Bourbon and TK as the camera begins to simultaneously fade and zoom out.

Don’t you worry: I’ll get this job done, one way or another.






We cut to a shot of three portraits resting on easels in the middle of the dying garden. One portrait of Jim Caedus, one portrait of Lycana, and one portrait of Betsy Granger. The three portraits form a triangle of sorts atop a small concrete slab that is surrounded on three sides by rows of dried out flowers. Directly behind the concrete slab a small we see a narrow cobblestone pathway surrounded by weeping willow trees..

The camera pans out and we can see that the narrow pathway caged in by weeping vegetation leads to an extravagant staircase that looked to have been extremely decorative at one time, but has since been overrun with vines and weeds. At the top of the staircase we see a familiar pair of lovers: Charlie Nickles and the XWF TV championship belt.

The TV championship is resting atop a golden pedestal at the top of the stairs. The Nickleman stands besides her dressed in some fancy-pants suit he has no business wearing. Charlie’s eyes are concealed by a pair of raybans sunglasses that still have the price tag on them. The setting sun shines down upon Charlie and Goldi as The Nickleman plants a loving kiss on the golden plate of his championship belt.

Then Charlie descends the once-grand staircase.

Ash, Left.

The portrait of Lycana suddenly bursts into flames.

Ash, Right.

Betsy Granger’s portrait follows suit.


Ash, ---BLINK!---

Jim’s portrait roars into flames. By the time Jim’s painted face begins to burn the other two portraits have all but flamed out.

Ash, Ever forward.

As the Nickleman steps off the final step of the staircase all three portraits burn entirely to ash. The easels they once rested upon have now become empty and deformed.

Ash, it all!

Charlie begins walking down the narrow path towards the three piles of ash. The weeping willow trees on either side of him seem to turn and watch him as he passes by.


As the Nickleman sayeth, the Nickleman must doeth.

Charlie comes to a stop as he reaches the end of the narrow cobblestone path.

So I did, and that’s all settled history by now. I burned them each to ash already.

But where have you been, Alias?


The Nickleman turned his head to the side before slowly turning it back to the other side as he surveyed the scene in it’s entirety.

You’re not here, Alias….but the ashes of your enemies are. My my my, how’d they get here?

Charlie can’t help but crack a faint smile as he steps onto the concrete slab in a pair of black boating shoes. He walks forward until he stands directly in the center of the triangle being formed by the now mangled easels. His gaze drifts towards ground, then between the three ash piles around him. Charlie chuckles to himself as the memories of his fallen foes run on a loop in his mind.

In the lead-up to next week’s Savage Alias said he put two whole factions in his crosshairs…and now, after his two months in rehab he can’t find heads or tails of those pussycats….so he says that Apex and the Exiles are fleeing the XWF.

Well….he’s right you know. But does he even know who Betsy Granger, Jim Caedus, Lycana, Bam Miller, Robert Main, Oliver Main, and Drew Archeyle are fleeing FROM?!

Charlie Nickles rubs his bearded chin with his callus-ridden right hand as he continues to stare down upon the ashes he created. Then, he lifts his gaze and grins right to the camera.

Well, he should. They literally made an award-winning video game out of the carnage!

Nickles rubs his chin once more before bringing his hand down to his waist and tucking it into the pockets of his unusually well-fitted slacks.

But I guess our boy Alias has no idea bout’ what happened while he was gone, all he can see is the results. So let me set the record straight.

Alias says Betsy Granger is fleeing ‘accountability’. Nope, nu uh, that’s the first swing-and-a-miss. Betsy Granger is fleeing one thing and one thing only: THE NICKLEMAN!

She fought me at Bad Medicine and she was never the same again. I literally broke her, not just physically, but spiritually and mentally. Just ask Centurion, the last man to beat Betsy Granger in the XWF. He called that shit out leading up to their match. He told her that Charlie did a real fucking number on her, and that she’s been out of gas and out of hope ever since she suffered through a Devil Hook Drop. Betsy Granger left the XWF because she’s terrified of ever seeing ME again, scared shitless of losing to The Nickleman for the THIRD straight time.

Strike one, Alias.

Charlie smirks like a douchebag while he holds up the index finger of his left hand.

Keep track of that miss on the fastball. We’ll circle back around in a couple days and see how the golden calf handles the next couple of curveballs I’m going to throw at him…

The Nickleman winks at the camera before he starts walking towards the rows of dried flowers surrounding the concrete slab. Nickels walks past the easels before crouching down and picking up a handful of dead roses from the ground.

Jim Caedus, Robert Main, Lycana….

Charlie grabs one of the dead flowers with his other hand before tossing it gently into the wind. The light breeze carries the light flower for a few moments before dropping it down somewhere else in the garden.

Cowgirl Caedus is dead and gone too, drifting along the wind in the footsteps of the Impossible Traveler.

It was The Nickleman that forced the universal champion to crumble. It was my trusty slugger that brought Jim’s presence of mind to a screeching halt. It was my verbal lashings, my parasitic tactics, my thorn in the champion’s side that ended the career of Jim Caedus. Vaughn was just lucky enough to come in and lick up my scraps at the right time. Everyone with half a brain will tell you I was the bastard that put Caedus down without so much as a match.

Not you, Alias.

ME.

Charlie grabs another of the dried flowers out of the palm of his hand. This flower, however, still has a pale hue of blue color to its petals. Nickles brings this rose up to his face for a closer visual inspection. After Charlie had seen enough, however, he simply tossed this flower into the wind like the other.

Lycana.

I loved the sound her skull made when my bat bashed it in. It was a great CRACKING sound, I know I chipped away some bone with how forcefully I put her down.

The woman that defeated Alias for a championship belt…

Put to rest with a single swing, left laying in a pool of her own bloody confusion.

It wasn’t you that taught Lycana her place in this world, Alias. It will never have been you.

Charlie turned his focus to the last flower left in the palm of his hand. This rose was by the far the ugliest of the three and it looked to be covered in dry diarrhea, possibly from a wandering rabbit. In the right lighting I guess the rabbit diarrhea could kind of look like a mask.

And Robert Main….

I know he still curses the bastards every time his head hits the pillow and every time his alter-egos hit the pills. His main event humiliation at the hands of a bastard came after weeks and weeks of endless prodding, pushing, and verbal penetration.

It was not Alias that drove Robert Main to the brink of madness. It was not Alias that left Robert Main so crippled and deformed that he lost the tag team belts in his very next match. It will never have been Alias, for it was a BASTARD that cast the Omega out.

It will always have been a bastard.

Charlie lets the last flower float into the wind before he stands up. As Charlie rises so does the camera, and now we’re treated to a delightful shot of Charlie’s face. His eyes, of course, are still completely covered by the expensive sunglasses he somehow came across.

Alias waltzed into the booking room for Warfare and began calling out ghosts. How courageous of the world-eater. Knowingly or unknowingly, he set his sights only on the targets that were never there. He sharpened his blades, but only for the corpses of those long fallen.

If Alias wishes to truly face off against his ancient foes, if he truly wishes to spar with the long-gone once more, well perhaps I may be just the man to help him find the land of spirits. Of course, his blood and bones won’t be able to take that journey with him….

Nickles steps back from the garden of death while shaking his head.

I can already hear his shrill voice now, objecting to the very notion, the very inkling of the chance that The Nickleman may be THAT man for Alias…..

But to that I pose just one retort: if the Nickleman is incapable of ending the world-eater….how did he end all of the world-eater’s enemies? Now THAT’S a thinker, isn’t it?

Could it be that the worlds being targeted for consumption by Alias aren’t the Saturns, Jupiters, and Mercuries of the universe…but instead the plutos? Well now, what exactly does that say about the pedigree of our ‘unbeaten’, ‘unpinned’, and ‘uninformed’ former champion?

Nickles strokes his beard as if he were contemplating the question himself.

Nothing good, I reckon.

Charlie tucks his hands into his pockets as he begins walking back towards the burned easels and piles of ash.

Alias has never set his sights on the bastards, well….

Charlie comes to a standstill as he reaches the central location between the three easels once more.

Until now. Until The Nickleman FORCED him to prepare his blades for a bastard, forced him to stop playing with ghosts and start playing with his life.

Alias told me backstage that he will be feasting on The Nickleman, in the booking room he told us all how he will come to devour on the next Warfare.

The world-eater will soon choke on those words. The Nickleman has already set a wake-up call for ol’ boy and there ain’t no pressing snooze on my slugger next Wednesday night. Exposure, humiliation, and his life’s most painful tribulation are all that’s on the menu come Warfare.

The Nickleman emits a deep laugh as the sun’s setting rays finally cease to shine down upon the scene. Charlie whips the raybans off his face before tucking them into the outer pocket of his suit jacket.

There’s no need for Alias to come back to the XWF. His legacy is marked in stone and all of his scores have been settled already by yours truly. His enemies turned to ghost and ash, their lockers cleared out by The Nickleman and his bastardly brothers. Even if he defeats Vaughn along the March to Madness his reign will be cut short just a mere two weeks later.

This is the birth of a new day in the history of the XWF. Next Wednesday night, when Alias is pinned in front of everyone, that truth will become undeniable. BOB is coming back, bitches, and we’re stronger now more than ever!

The banner of the bastards will soon hang from every locker in those halls. Our brotherhood will rise to the top of the pyramid once more, shaking the very foundations of this company, and turning all who oppose us to ash!

Alias can come back from hiatus to stand in our way, but his return will be short-lived. The bastards know what it takes to dispatch a returning legend with haste: just ask Jim Caedus…if you can find him.

Charlie slowly approaches the easel that one time held a portrait of a former universal champion. Charlie looks down at the pile of ash on the ground…before he pushes the easel over onto the ground.

But even I am sane enough to recognize that Alias isn’t a rational creature. He won’t do what’s smart for him, for his career. He’s not going to leave, not until his soul leaves this world. Thus, I know exactly what the future holds for the XWF and it’s universal championship:

Two wrestlers at the top of their game.

Two of the best to ever step into an XWF ring.

One of them truly deranged.

One of them truly insane.

Both lusting for the same crown jewel.

Fighting for it, trading it back and forth amongst themselves, over the course of years. A new rivalry for the ages, born from bad blood yet to be spilled.

But what else could there be on the horizon?

Our old rivalries have been settled, our old foes no more. Who does The Nickleman have left to destroy, who among his long-standing enemies is left in this business? Who else is begging to be vanquished?

And likewise, what is the fate of those ghosts being chased by Alias? Have they not all been put to rest and ran out of town by the Brotherhood of Bastards? Who among his long-standing enemies is still willing to show their face in this company? Who else must I vanquish before I can finally have my moment in the sun with the golden calf?


Charlie walks over to the easel that once held a portrait of the Dark Vixen of Violence. Charlie knocks that easel down and carries on his merry way.

I can’t help but feel that Alias’s spot at the pay per view should be mine. When Alias first came back to this company I was riding HIGH, I was on a hot streak like none other since…well, since my current streak! But I’ve sidelined time and time again, my FUCKING NAME still gets mispelled on half the cards that come out! AFTER YEARS HERE, YEARS OF BACK-BREAKING AND BLOOD-GUSHING, AFTER ICONIC CHAMPIONSHIP RUNS…..AND THESE MOTHERFUCKING FAT CATS UPSTAIRS STILL CAN’T SPELL MY. FUCKING. NAME.


Charlie Nickles bats the final easel down with far more force than he did the previous two. Droplets of sweat are beginning to run down from his hairline and his cheeks are growing red.


I chased Jim Caedus out of this company, I set up every domino I needed to get him to fall…and then they gave my title shot to a god-damned side character from a failing federation. And of course he beat Jim Caedus! I turned Caedus into a stumbling, mumbling, bumblefuck of a fool and Vinnie Lane made sure only Vaughn saw to benefit….

But so what, I thought to myself, Vinnie told me I get my shot on the warfare after Fire & Ice…..until I suddenly didn’t. Until it was suddenly contingent on Caedus being champion.

And now….now Alias gets to headline yet another pay per view, against a transitional champion I created!

Charlie clenches his fists and his teeth as he stands his ashy ground.

But…..*sigh*

Charlie relaxes as he gazes up towards Goldilocks, who is still seated perfectly upon a golden pedestal at the top of a once-grand staircase. Charlie wipes some sweat from his brow as he takes a knee far beneath his lovely Goldi.

It will all be ok….because Goldi takes such good care of me. She worked it all out for me, she texted the managers from my agent’s phone and got that fucking match booked for real this time. My precious Goldi told me that I will be challenging for the universal championship in April, no matter what hell or highwater may come.

Oh, Goldi, you’re so good to me.

Charlie wipes his nose after a bout of some minor sniffling. Every bit of his affection and appreciation for Goldi can be seen in his loving demeanor. A big smile stretches across his lips as he rises to a standing position and begins walking back towards Goldi. As Charlie steps on the cobblestone path the camera begins to both fade and zoom out. A final line of dialogue from The Nickleman is all that can be heard before the screen goes completely black.

You are my entire universe, babygirl, and I can’t wait to put that on your plate.