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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
Nothing But Fat Jokes.......JK! There's Totally Other Stuff Too! But Mostly Fat Jokes
Author Message
Jenny Myst Offline
The Queen of X-Treme



XWF FanBase:
Very random

(heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)


#1
02-25-2022, 10:41 PM

"So I really don't know how to attack Barney without saying fat jokes. Tired, worn out, cliche ass fat jokes."

"I mean, it is the truth. He is a fat joke."

"I mean, he is SO fat. I bet his tits have their own time zones."

The two besties giggle.


"There is the old Jenny we know and love."

"NO! I am NOT the old Jenny because the old Jenny was not me. I mean I may be a bit mentally and emotionally deficiant right now, but I know a fat joke when I see one. Can you believe this lard ass made Erica Marie tap out?!"

"You were in the ring with Erica, she is one tough cookie!"

The two laughed again at the obviously sarcastic comment.


"I bet when he sits in the bathtub, the water level in the toilet rises."

"That would imply that he has ever taken a bath!"

Jenny looks around at the dingy basement she is residing in. Roaches scattered around the stained cement floor. Some of them were on the paint chipped walls. There was a light hum from the extremely dim fluorescent, of which hadn't been turned on in years. She seems at home here, as she has a small grin on her face. This is a place that no amount of money in the world would have gotten her 100 yard from before, now, there was no place she would rather be.

"For realz though, I think this will do just fine."

"Hmmm?"

Jenny switched topics so rapidly sometimes, Ash struggled to keep up. Her friends mind moved in many directions at once. She bet it was from all the electricity.

"For my sessions. I am inspired by what the doctors do there, and I want to try to help people the way they helped me."

"Wait. YOU want to help people?"

Jenny nodded.

"You hate people."

"That's just the thing. I hate them, but I bet there is a good chance they hate themselves more. I want to know what makes them tick. I want to know whats inside those noggins!"

"I bet in Barney's, it is what is on the catering menu."

Jenny wanted to laugh, but stayed stone faced.

"It was suuuuchhh a hassle booking guests last time. I think this time, I will put a sign up and let them come to me. I'll offer an ear and some free advice!"

"Your advice? Pssht. Is it gonna be to kill themselves?"

"IF THE SITUATION WARRENTS!"

They both look up at the clock on the wall. It was stuck at 12. It clearly hadn't worked in years. This was Canada, after all.

After a few moments, Ash spoke up again.

"Jenn....you're an asylum escapee. We're in Canada. We've crossed a national boundary, that has to be some serious federal charges."

Jenny seemed amused by this.

"It was easier to get into Canada than it was to get inside those Roxy Cotton custom made granny panties! I was shocked!"

She got up and walked over to the door, measuring it out with her hands. "I think the sign will fit well here."

"What are you going to call the 'show'? Is it a show?"

"No. It's a therapy session, and I am thinking, VISITATION HOURS. Yeah....Visitation Hours with Jenny Myst!"

"I love it."

"I knew you would."

The pair of heads shot up as they heard footsteps from upstairs. People were entering the building.

"Lets blow this popsicle stand."

"Okay, okay, one more thing......."

Jenny goes to the corner and grabs a noose she had sitting in the corner, and hung it from the door jam. "Now they will know where to find me!"

"You're twisted."

"You love me"

Two two women took walked away, chattering back and forth about which Canadian dish was better, Poutine or Saskatoon Berry Pie.

"Barney Green!

Zoinks! Lay off the Scooby Snacks!

I can't deny the fact though that Barney Green is a legend. A former world champion (one time, like a decade and a half ago but still tells everyone he see's this information like it makes him any less pathetic), and he has been a pillar of this place for a while. Barney is referred to by some as a legend. A legend of losing. A legend who keeps coming back for more abuse, who hasn't done a damn thing but exist in years. Barney Green, cleaning out local diners for 20 years strong! Whenever the XWF rolls into town, local restaurants have their best week in months! Now I get to step into the ring with this real-life Snorlax in his own element, X-Treme rules. I think I have proven to the world in my last few matches that a little pain, a little blood, a little "oh my god" doesn't bother me.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall, Barn.

The more weight you have, just means more flesh for me to tear off your body. You've had some epic hardcore matches here, and I will admit it hasn't exactly been my forte. My entire career has been proving myself, and I get to do it again. I get to step into the ring with the hardcore legend, a man seeming impervious to pain, and I get to beat him to within an inch of his life. Though, it shouldn't be TOO hard. You're like one cheeseburger away from being one cheeseburger away. You have tussled with both Chris and I in the past. You were the white knight riding into the ring in an obese blaze of glory with the crowd behind you, and when you stepped into the ring and stared tyranny in the face you did what you always do Barney.......

You lost.

You're the XWF's loveable loser, and I love you for it. You own it! You rock that look! At this point Barney you're booked as a gimmick. Every single match is extreme this or anything that. The most fucked up scenario they can think of, and you're the top candidate. They could have an exploding dildo on a pole match and it can only be won when someone shoves it up their ass and blows themselves up like the shark at the end of the Jaws movie, and everyone's first thought......BARNEY GREEN! That's perfect! That'll sell tickets! Anything to keep you hanging on to that shred of glory you felt over a decade ago, like dangling candy in front of a fat kid with a self control problem.

I mean, its pretty much the same.

They don't care about you Barn, or your well being. They don't care about what you're doing to your body or what you're going to be like when you leave this place. They care about how many views they can get and how many people on Twitter can get on and chat about how big of a joke you are. They don't even hide it anymore, Barn. They are blatant about it!

Such meanies.

But you don't care do ya? Sticks and stones, right? You're the bigger person right?

You're Vinnie's cuck with Theo's cock in your mouth, and you love every second of it because without them you'd be living out of a dumpster somewhere or in the ground with your precious girlf-----

.....You get the point.

You've been through a lot, Barn. I think you'd be a great ambassador for the brand, I do. Nobody has been shit on and come back with a fresh suit as much as you. Hell anyone with half a brain would have been out of here years ago if they dealt with a fraction of what you have. You should hang up the tennis shoes and become an XWF spokesperson, since you love us so much. Imagine....Barney Green, life-sized billboard! If you want to be the good guy so much, you'd quit while you're ahead and continue to facilitate the Vinnie Lane money machine from behind the scenes...."


"Can Barney ever truly be 'behind the scenes?' " Ash interjected.

"Valid point!"

I bet Barney wants to beat me so bad! I bet he wants to show the world that he is back for the umpteenth time and for some reason better this time than the previous ten!


*giggles, twirling her hair*

[Image: Jr3BuOP.gif]

"Poutine is SO much better!"

"Absolutely not! All that grease!"

"The grease is the best part!"

The two girls were in the throes of a heated debate about the greasiness of Poutine when Jenny stopped dead in her tracks.

A white van sat in the parking lot, facing away from the building. Where it was parked, it looked sketchy. It looked as though it was trying NOT to be seen.


"A van, Ash, A FUCKING VAN!"

She squeezed her besties arm.

"Jenn, relax hun. I am sure its nothing."

"NO! ITS A WHITE VAN! ITS THE ORDERLIES! THEY WANNA SEND ME BACK!"

She began to hyperventilate. Ash was trying to calm her down. "Remember the desert Jen, remember? False alarm....remember?!"

Jenny wasn't ready to listen. Her breathing came in rapid gasps. The cold Toronto air felt like fiery daggers in her lungs. Her lips were chapped. She tried to run, Ash held onto her arm.


"I will go check it out, you stay right here. DO NOT LEAVE."

Ash flipped a pocket knife seemingly out of nowhere. She took a deep breath with an even bigger exhale and approached the sketchy van. She was cautious to make sure she kept her distance, but made sure she got close enough to investigate adequately.

As she turned the corner, she saw a man in all white, a cover over his head and what appeared to be a gas mask. She covered her mouth after a sharp intake of breath. He had a long stick in his hand.

She ducked down behind the van, her knife ready.

The man was getting ready to go into the building, but first he was heading back to his truck. She had a shitty feeling about this.

She couldn't let them take her friend. She looked back at Jenny, whose face was even whiter than normal. She gave her a thumbs up. It was clear Jenny was still panicking.

She came around the corner and ambushed the man, grabbing him in a choke hold from behind and putting the knife up to his neck.


"WHOA WHOA WHOA LADY! CHILL!" His words were muffled through the mask.

"WHO ARE YOU?! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

The man tried to talk, but couldn't due to the choke hold. Ash let go, but put the knife against his neck.

"TALK!"

He took the mask off, and he actually looked quite pleasant.

"Lady....I am here with Sewer Squad. We were called in by the arena because someone clogged all the toilets and they have a show coming up!"

"Oh yeah, like I am supposed to believe THAT! That is what they all say!"

"No, for real!"

He points behind him to the name on the side of the truck.

"Some dude named Nickles clogged every toilet in the building. It's deep. We were called in to flush the lines before the show so the customers weren't effected by out of order bathrooms! Ugh! Please! Get that knife away from me...."

She exhaled.

It sure was a shitty situation, she thought, as she giggled to herself.


"Okay, sir. Sorry. Carry on. In fact...stick around for the show, I have someone I want you to meet after." She looked back at Jen with a smile and a thumbs up.

The man nodded, throwing his mask back on. Ash walked back to Jenny, flipping down the knife.


"It was Nickles. He clogged all the toilets! These are the plumbers Jen, plumbers."

Jenny breathed a few times, then smiled.

"I bet it was all that Poutine!"

"Oh shut it, its delicious!"

[Image: 9tREDbH.gif]

"Barn, it's simple. I am going to beat you. You made Erica Marie tap, but Erica Marie is about as useful as a deaf kid's drum set. You don't scare me, or intimidate me. You are going to be defeated in front of a national audience by someone who can literally fit inside your belly button. But when this happens, I want you to learn from it. I want you to looking up at those lights, halfway to bleeding out completely, and think "goddamn, why do I still do this?" I want you to leave Toronto enlightened. I want you to be a whole new person after this. I want you to find yourself, to realize who you really are. It worked for me! It took the worst moment of my life and months of therapy to realize that being me was the best way to go! I am offering to kill two birds with one stone here. I will give you the worst moment of your career AND a therapy session all in one! I am in a generous mood, don't spoil it.

But for realz Barn, I am going to make sure that this match is one you never forget. It opens the show, and if half the people watching haven't turned the station due to gratuitous violence before the second bell rings, than XWF can consider it a win. I am going to look at you, and I am going to see everything I once was. I am going to see someone holding onto an image, someone who places their entire existence on what others think of them. Barney the hero! Barney the legend! Barney the trooper!

BARNEY THE FUCKING FRAUD.

You aren't a hero, you're a leech. You're a snake. You're a sniveling little gutter rat who keeps coming back for the scraps of dignity left strewn across the floor. You're a mooch who keeps living off the system, keeps coming back with your hand out, and won't take "R-E-T-I-R-E" for an answer! I may not retire you this week, because lord knows you'll just crawl back, but I will keep my winning streak alive, stay on this roll, and open MY show with a symphony for the ages.

Oh the bells!

The trumpets!

Can you hear them, Barn?! Can you hear the bells?!

They're beautiful.

And I will crack your useless fucking skull with each and every one of them."


[Image: Lo7Ud1i.gif]

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 3x
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FORMER, 1x AND LONGEST REIGNING (101 Days)
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FOREVER AND ALWAYS
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2x
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2x XWF Bombshell Champion
3x XWF X-Treme Champion
3x XWF Television Champion
X- Title Briefcase Holder
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Sex, Metal, Barbie, CHAOS
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