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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Savage Boards » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
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Rope-a-Ruby-dope!
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Ruby Offline
The Super Dear'o



XWF FanBase:
Kids, disabled people, casual fans

(fighting the odds; helps others; disliked by most adult male fans)


Post: #1
01-14-2022 05:00 PM

From Ruby’s Go-Pro…

‘t Was a wild and stormy night in the sky above the Windy City. As the plane was shaking to and fro above the Lakefront, the Super Dear’O opened the side door and looked down below and licked her lips in excitement. This was her jam. She patted the Rubychute on her back, as standard procedure dictated, and shouted at the pilot at the top of her lungs to make herself audible above the gusts of wind that screeched and howled like a lycanthrope underneath a full moon.

Ruby: “JUST A BIT FURTHER, MY GUY!”

Chicago, Chi-town for short (?), was her home away from home. The place where her heart had finally found another landing spot, and where the winds, cold and crime gave purpose and pleasure. Nights like tonight were rare. The perfect storm for an adrenaline junkie such as herself.

As they passed over Soldier Field, the plane was having trouble staying out of the blizzard that was chasing them. If it didn’t land soon, it was going to crash. Small two-men planes like these weren’t designed for these conditions.

Ruby: “Get to O’Hare, my dude! Ya girl’s got this!”

She leaped out of the plane, and skydived in the direction where she needed to go to. Muscle memory took over. She had done this plenty of times, and she’d get to her destination soon enough. Plenty of time for a promo on rubetube dot com! She removed the Go-Pro from her helmet, attached it to a selfie stick, and with the wind whipping through her wet hair, went live as live can be!

Ruby: “Yooooooooo yo yo, whassup whassuuuup my flippies, ish ya homegurl from another world giving this promo thing another whirl! Freshly signed to the This Is Awesome Network like everyone’s favorite catman chef Drew Archyle, who still owes me the recipe for his super cereal bananabread. By the way, speaking of super cereal, get yourself some Ruby-Ohs! They’re fibromatic! Ketomatic! Heeeealthomatic! Go go go go, Ruuuuuby-Ohs! Okay, so now that we’ve gotten past the advertisement stage that every self-respecting streamer has to go through in order to keep their channel up, because not all of us are born from money, let’s talk shop! As you all know, your Super Dear’O is going Savage! And like my boy Danny Dimes told me the other week, you fumble zero of the balls you don’t try to scramble. And I guess what he meant by that, is that you can always try and play it safe, and stay in your own humble cocoon where you’re comfortable. Mistakes won’t be made, but there’s only so much sacks you can take before starting to become fed up with your O-Line, am I right? My loss to Arcana was an eye-opener. Maybe I should scramble a bit and see where I end up. If I fumble, I fumble. But in the immortal words of Freddy Mercury, sometimes you just wanna break free! Well, guess what I’m doing?”

Ruby takes a few seconds, then shrugs, still free-falling in mid-air.

Ruby: “Oh well, you’re never gonna guess anyway! I’m skydiving down to my super handsome boyfriend’s penthouse apartment, where I will dive through one of the windows, release my chute at the exact time, walk on over to the kitchen area and fix myself a super neato cocktail at the luxurious, and quite frankly extravagant bar he had installed for me to practice my mixology. Isn’t he the literal best?? Of course he is! Now excuse me for one second, my dearest flippies, this will require a bit of concentration…”

Ruby had followed her aerial route as if the wind maps had been implanted into her brain. She approached the penthouse atop one of the skyscrapers that dotted the city, and maneuvered exactly right for her to go straight towards one of the windows. Being 100% certain she was on the rihg trajectory and had gathered the necessary amount of moment, she pressed a rubutton on her rubelt, and the Rubychute ru… err, released. Unfortunately…

Ruby: “…flip! Flip flip flip!”

The windows were firmly shut. Ruby planted her feet on the side of the building, killing her momentum and avoiding an expensive crash, and tried to push it open, but it wasn’t long before gravity defied even *her*, and she tumbled downwards below.

Ruby: “Flip flip fliiiip! Babe, why’d you close the windooooooooooo-”

As Ruby’s voice was cut off, so was the live feed.

[Image: 4b5da63844b3760bb5dcc9ef2e6fa402.gif]


[Image: 1e7.png]


…we meet up again with our Super Dear’O, dripping wet, and muttering underneath her breath, as she’s riding the elevator up to the penthouse.

Ruby: “….can’t believe….. gotta ride the flippin’ ELEVATOR…. to my *own* boyfriend’s apartment…. NEVER been *this* HUMILIATED…. Flippin’ *waste* of electricity! Just *dreadin’* my carbon footprint calculations right now…”

Eventually, the elevator came to a halt and Ruby stepped into the penthouse. It seemed empty, and Ruby found a note on the dresser near the entrance.

Replay:”Hello, gorgeous. A little birdie from TIA told me you were going to do a skydive shoot, then come back to our apartment to record a promo. Since I don’t want to be ammunition for your opponents to say that every promo video of yours just revolves around me, I decided to go for a drink with George McCaskey and get some of that NFL gossip out of him that you love so much. The things I do for you… anyway, they said it was going to be windy and stormy, and since Nellie keeps telling me I need to be a responsible adult from time to time, she’s one to talk by the way… I made sure to lock up the windows real tight. Hope you had fun on your shoot, and can’t wait to hear all about it when I get home. Please wait up.

Yours
Your mans.”

Ruby stuck a gloved finger under her mask and wiped away a sole tear.

Ruby: “Welllllll flip! I can’t even be mad anymore! What a lovely note! Although I guess he did make a significant portion of my promo about him, which I really don’t mind, but my opponents seem to… But eh! I wouldn’t want it any other way. GOOOOoooooOOOO Centrubion! Together forever, and never to part! GO RICK ASTLEY!”

Ruby folded the note up and put it in her utility belt’s ‘memento compartment’ before making her way to the kitchen’s bar section. For a second, flashes of the Christmas moose dashed across her retinas, only to realize that it had been a horrible decision to get one up here in the first place.

Ruby: “Ahhhh… As they sang in CATS… MEEEEEEEMORIEEEEEEEEES! But Rudolph got home safe and sounds, so all’s well that ends well.”

Ruby gathered some ingredients from the bar’s cupboard, and went to work. She put the Go-Pro on the bar itself so the audience could watch her.

Ruby: “Anyway, consider this my obligatory moose-to-elephant leap. As in, I want to address the elephant in the room. Now babe, if you’re watching this, let me assure you before you get a panic attack, there is NO literal elephant in the room this time. I felt like I had to clarify that. No, the elephant I am referring to is a big’un, and it’s my match against the Nickle that does the Charleston like this was South Carolina in the 1920’s! See, *I* said some stuff, and then *HE* said some stuff, and whaddy’a know, suddenly we’re trying to lynch one another in a land of ice and snow! It sounds like a very sadistic nursery rhyme, but I guess that’s what Charlie Nickles is, isn’t he? An edgy fairytale that will creep the kids out, but ultimately is about as fearsome as the wall that Humpty Dumpty sat on. Nothing to see, nothing to fear, as long as you keep your balance. And believe me, all of the king’s horses and all the king’s men, don’t have to put Ruby together again. Ya see? Because I’m calm, cool and banana-lime connected.”

Ruby leaned on the counter, and her demeanor changed from playful to serious.

Ruby: “But I mean, I’m not gonna lie… The XWF made the Nickledude decide the stipulation for this own TV title defense, and while I’m not opposed to such a stipulation per se, what was the brass thinking? As if there was ever any doubt he’d try to choose the most vile, degrading, cruel and sadistic stipulation known to mankind? He probably typed that into Duckduckgo, and looked for the coolest answer he could find in what he thinks is the dark web, but is just a bunch of thirteen year olds not having their ish together. But yeah, it’s fitting that the only way you can beat me, Charlie, is by dragging me down to your level. And you’re probably right. It’s a tactic many have tried before, but trust me when I say that results… vary. Ask Lacklan, Fury, and many more. You don’t know what it’s like to lift someone up. That’s sad. Because there’s no better feeling in the world.”

Ruby put away a bottle of vodka, a bottle of tomato juice, and a bottle of tabasco.

Ruby: “But hey! Two can play that game, dude! I’ve seen you around. Swinging that favorite weapon of yours around like you were a stag in the Velvet Rabbit trying to impress da gals! Well, guess what? I’m bring a weapon of my own to this fight!”

Ruby hopped over to the Nespresso machine and opened the water container. She pressed a secret button on the inside of the machine, and the cupboard overhead hissed. The doors went right up into the ceiling, revealing a hidden compartment.


SUPER SECRET SUPER HERO WEAPONS COMPARTMENT!


Ruby retrieved what looked like a bat, but had stalks of rhubarb taped along the side. It looked as silly as it looked harmless. Nevertheless, she held it up like she was about to hit a home run.

Ruby: “Get a load of my…Rubharbed-wired softball bat! Granted, it’s probably softer than your average baseball bat, and those stalks of rhubarb aren’t gonna hurt. But I still consider it a win-win, because you’ll be getting one of your five-a-day fruits ‘n veggies, and the sour smell just might take your breath away! Which I’m sure the fans in the front row will also more than appreciate. GO VEGETABLES! GO FRUIT! GO HEALTHY FIBER AND UNSATURATED FAT! Oh man, is there nothing they can’t do?”

With pride, Ruby put the rhubarbed-wired softball bat down on the counter, snapped a celery stalk off of the nearest one she could find, and dropped it into her Bloody Mary. She stirred her drink, which she was about to drink RESPONSIBLY, with the piece of vegetable. After all, she was at home, had no more driving to do, and was moments away from retiring to her bedchambers. GO RESPONSIBLE DRINKING! KNOW YOUR LIMITS!

Ruby: “Ya know, my guy, I was a bartender for a few years. And while it wasn’t the period of my life I’m the most proud of, I learned a lot from it. It gave me insight into the human condition. Some people drown their sorrows with narcotics and alcohol. But guys like you, mister Nickles, you drown your sorrows in blood. Till your teeth are stained crimson and your stomach’s a viscous sack about to burst. Day after day, until you know nothing else. Until you’re addicted to your own dystopia, in which there’s no room for kindness and joy; only delusion and rampant violence. Yes, I pity you, my guy. Because no victory,… in the ring, mental or otherwise,… will ever wash away those stains or drain away the sorrow upon which you gorged yourself until you were nothing but a sad sack of regret that won’t wash away even in a cleansing tidal wave.”

Ruby sipped her Bloody Mary and grinned.

Ruby: “But hey! Don’t get me wrong! I’m not shying away from this. I’ve always said one of the best things about the pro-wrestling life is that you get to see a whole darn lot of the world. Heck knows we’ve visited some crazy locations with Anarchy. Allegedly, I even went to the moon! But this next place… Greenland, huh? Believe me, my dudes, by the time we’re done, it’s gonna be known as Banana-LIMEland! Now, I don’t have a degree in international law, but if there ever was a country where they just didn’t bother to put ‘mustn’t string peeps up by the neck’ in their book of law, Greenland would most def be it, Nickles my guy. So props for picking proper time and location, if nothing else!”

Nevertheless, Ruby hung her head for a second.

Ruby: “Look, I’m not gonna lie. These kinds of matches always rattle you, no matter how much you claim they won’t. A hangman’s match is nothing to scoff at, but then again, I’ve also been set ablaze, buried alive, got speared off a jumbotron and got pinned by Noah Jackson in a one fall to the finish match. Yet I’m still standing, and I’m still here, ready for round infinity! So yeah, I’m pretty sure I can survive this, win or lose. After all, I’ve got a very stretchy neck, just ask Ce… Oh flip, my PG-meter is going off, so I’m not going to finish that sentence. Man, I love technology and all the gadgets it provides!

Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. See, Nickles, you may think you have it all figured out. But as sir David Attenborough once narrated: ‘One day you’re the leader of the herd of wildebeest galloping along the plane, but when you fall behind, none of those you were leading will turn around and even look at you.’ You think you’re on top now, but nothing lasts forever. You’re the TV Champ, and you’ve got a shot at the Uni’s! That’s one of my biggest reasons for me wanting to win this match, Charlie. The TV title is a nice bonus, and I will defend it with honor and to the best of my ability for as long as I am able, just as I did with the Anarchy Championship. But I also just want to see what you’re made of. Will you get left behind by the cattle once beaten, or not? Few people can bounce back from that. In fact, most of them drop straight down, which ironically is what one of us will be doing once that hangman’s trapdoor gives way after we get strung up. But never fear, my dude. I’m gonna find the stretchiest piece of rope I can find to do what I gotta do to beat you. You’ll need it, because it’s been established throughout human history that no person can defeat gravity. And for you, especially, the magnetism of the gutter has always been irresistible. So I’ll make sure you’ll bounce three times, but make it nice and dangly so your feet can touch the ground. I know you won’t extend me the same courtesy, and that’s fine. And I know the critics will see this as a lack of drive and conviction. But I’ve faced over a hundred edgy bad boys in my career. There wasn’t a single one I wasn’t able to walk away from with a DUB in my back pocket. Biggest mistake those motherflippers ever made, was mistaking kindness for weakness. I’m gonna beat you at your game, Charlie. But I’m still gonna be living and working and fighting by my code and rules. Your attempt at trying to drag me down to your level was charming and appreciated. But in the end…”


Ruby took a step backward, and her finger hovered above that of the penthouse’s surround sound music installation.

Ruby: “Call me Chad Kroeger cause I’m getting Nickles back!”


[Image: dY7KZz4.png]
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[-] The following 3 users Like Ruby's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (01-14-2022), Charlie Nickles (01-15-2022),  JimCaedus  (01-14-2022)
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