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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
A Tragedy ≥ The XWF Tag Team Division
Author Message
Billy B. Blankenship Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
12-28-2021, 07:33 PM

With Bad Medicine and 2021 clearly in the rearview mirror now, a great many questions are left lingering over the XWF. Essential questions, that leave the online Twitter marks stirring in their mothers' basements recording cellphone promos:


When will Alias exercise his rematch against Jim Caedus?


Who ran-down Stone Cunt Noah Jackson?


Is saying 'down syndrome' offensive?


Why is the entire XWF Tag Team division such hot garbage?


And…


most importantly:


Whatever happened to the Can-Jap Connection?

They’ve seemingly been unheard from since picking up another win at Relentless back in September. With his face plastered on the official website for months, the masses have been clamoring for Billy B. Blankenship and his tag-team stars. Clearly the entertainment value within the XWF has dropped to an all time low. What else would you expect with teams like APEX ruling the roost? How could we possibly enter the new year on such a depressing note? And without a peep from the greatest tag-team known to man? Why hasn't the Can-Jap saved us from this miserable state of the future trajectory sooner?



THE MORNING AFTER RELENTLESS NIGHT 2:


”Ricky!”


Billy B. Blankenship is frantically pounding on the Chicago hotel room door of Ricky Goldhart early Sunday Morning on day three of Relentless weekend. Billy is in a pair of black track pants with a black t-shirt that reads “Thank you. Fuck you. Bye.”



[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTOfBcobpAvTIB6K5mApBa...w&usqp=CAU]



Billy bangs on the door with the side of his right fist while elevating his voice.


”RICKY! GODDAMNIT!


Billy is about to pound on the door yet again before it cracks open revealing the side profile of an unknown red-headed female.


”Oh for fucks sake! RICKY GET UP!”[font]


Still nothing from Ricky as this unknown female finally responds.


”Who are you?”



This only infuriates Billy who remains in the hallway. His face starts to glow a bright red before he blows his stack at the front door.


[font=Times New Roman]”Listen here you goddamn ring rat! If you don’t turn your ass around and get Ricky to this door right and now…”


She turns to step out of sight as the door remains cracked with the security latch on the door. We can hear her in the distance behind the door.


”Ricky, I think you’re grandfather is at the door.”


Billy lashes out from the hallway now screaming at the door.


”I heard that you stupid pity fuck!”


Finally, the door closes as the security latch is taken off the door before it opens up revealing Ricky Goldhart, disheveled at 3 AM. He yawns as Billy lets himself into the hotel room. He walks in as he deeply inhales through his nose before coughing up a storm as Ricky’s Rat has crawled back into bed getting under the covers.


”I hope she cleans that taco stand before the next customer because that shit reaks!”


The Rat lashes out at Billy.


”Not my fault your dick doesn’t work.”


”FUCK YOU! No wait, he already has! Bitch.”


Ricky Goldhart finally intervenes.


”Billy what’s the problem?”


Billy turns his attention towards Ricky who walks past Billy before taking a seat at the end of the bed.


”We gotta pack up and go. It’s Fikki, something’s happened, and all I know is that he’s been taken to the hospital.”


It takes a second for things to fully sink in.


”What?”


[font=Times New Roman][b][size=large]”Did you not fucking hear me? Fikki, hospital.”



”What’s wrong with him? Where’s Monsuta?


Billy’s had it he storms across the room flipping on the light switch before snatching up Ricky’s suitcase where he starts packing it up for him as he spouts out.


”The monster is without his goddamn leash!”


Suddenly Ricky pops up off the bed as reality has set in that his tag team partner is on the loose without a translator. Ricky spins around looking at his ring rat.


”Time for you to hit the bricks.”


She sits up, pulling the sheets up to her shoulders.


”And I thought he was the rude one.”


Billy finishes packing the bag as he throws a pair of track pants at Ricky who slides them on and helps nudge his ring-rat to the door. It’s an awkward yet casual kind of display. Ricky swings the door open, guiding her into the hallway with a hand on her back. Ricky slams the door on her. Catching an AHEM as the door latched.


He then opens it up once more, handing her a smirking wad of money.


You weren’t worth this much.


She flips him off as he shuts the door once more.


Billy and Ricky trekked with haste across town. Dipping through traffic to the hospital where Fikki was admitted. But they only were met with the worst news…


______________


Billy B. Blankenship stands poised with a tennis racquet in hand in his right hand in a baby blue sport coat on top of a white dress shirt and bright ass school bus yellow slacks. To his right, Ricky Goldhart. To his left, the monster Monsuta.


”It’s about goddamn time Vinnie Lane and Theo Pryce’s common sense kicked in because it’s been far too long since my boys have been seen on television! We are sick and tired of being looked past, we are sick and tired of seeing new teams like Cashe and Riddle have a red carpet rolled out for them when they haven’t done anything to warrant a spot Bad Medicine while The Can-Jap Connection are left standing on the sidelines!


Is this how you cock suckers operate?


Looking past an unbeaten team like Monsuta and Goldhart, a proven commodity that you’ve cast to the side like pieces of garbage as if it’s the wrestling you promote on television! Ever since we got here it’s been disrespect after disrespect after disrespect… IT STOPS NOW!



Ricky Goldhart steps to the forefront.


”Calm down Billy or you’re going to give yourself a heart attack. We can’t lose you. The fact of the matter is this…”


Ricky shits his attention towards the camera as he starts to speak.


”Billy’s right when he says the disrespect stops here and now. We have done nothing but accept the roles we’ve been handed, we bored ourselves to tears with some stupid deal with the twisted sister rejects yet the biggest slap in the face came by being bypassed for Bad Medicine. We could continue to point out the horrible errors in your ways or we can do something about it.”


”Do something about it we will.”


_______________


Early October 2021:


Star light. Star bright…


Billy’s southern draw bends out with sincerity by a bending Japanese river. His eyes glittering through his thick spectacles while he gazes into the violet skies above. A single star shining down on the monastery in the distance.


The first star I see tonight…


Wish I may.



Billy’s hand glides over a wooden box tucked in his arm.


Wish I might.


Have this wish, I wish tonight?



Billy closes his eyes and thinks about his dear friend and business partner Mr. Fikki.


He thinks of the good times, like when they formed the greatest Tag Team in XWF history - - only for them to be continually booked in matches with Anti-Vaxxers like YinYang and the Disintegrators.


The last of those encounters resulted in Fikki contracting COVID-19 during Relentless Noir. He tragically died in the ICU just days later after his lungs crystallized.


Bring him back.


Billy whispers, pulling the wooden box near his lips. The moment is serene and thoughtful,


Turn him into a fucking zombie for all I care.


He whispers his wish once more.


I don’t think that’s going to work.


Ricky pulls up to Billy’s shoulder, the two of them dressed in funeral formals.


it worked for that prick communist War-whateverinthefuck Criminal guy. Why can’t we get Fikki’s ass back from the goddamn dead?


It’s kind of problematic that you’re making that connection.


Problematic my ass!


He spews,


I’m all out of options. So you can take that silly little euphemism for toxic and find me another way to get Kyodai’s big angry ass back in a wrestling ring. Or you can-


That was supposed to be your job, Billy! To keep this team together. Remember the endorsement deals? The television spots? The wrestling? I’m starting to think what everyone says about you is right. You’re just a bitter old wrestling fan, stuck in his ways.


Billy scowls and pulls away to face Ricky, standing on a small slope that leads down to the river.


You goddamn take that back, right now you ungrateful little snot! Keeping Kyodia’s ass in line was Fikki’s job. And it’s not like you’ve exactly bonded with the big boy either.


Billy’s words spit at Ricky as he nudges the younger, stronger, more agile man in the shoulder,


Touch me again, you’re dead


Billy doesn’t hesitate. Punching Ricky in the shoulder this time.


Ricky tackles Billy down the slope. The two men roll down the hill. A cloud of ashes and dust follows, spilling from the box in Billy’s arms. They land away from one
another at the edge of the river bank, both covered in Mr. Fikki’s remains.


Goddamnit!


Billy cries out from his knees. His arms held out as he inspected the mess of burnt human blanketing his chest and face. Ricky looks similar, dusting the ashes from his face and bowing his head. Both men are wearing faces of shame. They stand over the river to dust as much of Fikki into the water as possible.


C’mon Billy. Lets-


Ricky motions his head back towards the box spilled on the ground. The two salvage as much of Fikki as possible and move him to the river.


I’m sorry Ricky-


No you don’t have to say-


No goddamnit, I mean it. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. The XWF jerking us around, booking us in matches against clowns. Fikki catching COVID and dying. Kyodai is rampaging across Japan like some feudal warlord and I just can’t reach him.

Ricky frowns,


So I guess the Can-Jap Connection is dead.


Don’t worry son, I’ll start calling around. We’ll find you a suitable tag partner.


What a shame though. Kyodai and I were so great together.


A thought occurs to Ricky,


Wait, why don't you just learn Japanese?


Learn the what? Now, now wait a goddamn second. Why don't YOU learn Japanese?


C'mon Billy. You're our manager. You know the potential Kyodai and I have. And what better way to honor Fikki than helping his star student along in the wrestling business?


Billy looks down at the box that once held Fikki's ashes and then pulls a funeral program from his pocket.


[Image: 5hzYQbo.png]





Goddamnit, Fikki. You were a brother to me. I don't know why you had to go, and leave me here without a single clue on how to breakthrough to Kyodai. Leave me here to mop up the mess that is the XWF Tag Team Division by myself. These boys were the best in-ring combo you and I ever saw. Two who easily sponged up all of the old tricks of the ring. Two who meshed perfectly together. I promise you this, Fikki. As your Buddha as my witness, I will do everything in my power to keep this team together. Even if it means learning a new language in addition to the perfectly fine English I already speak. I will not let our creation fizzle out in shame. Though you're gone my brother, The Can-Jap Connection lives on!


Or does it?


The scene fades...
______________



Billy B. Blankenship and The Can-Jap Connection stand in front of a 1996ish green screen that has a Wednesday Night Warfare logo displayed.


”Let’s talk about these former XWF Tag Team Champions. The only team I know that can win the titles and lose every major match afterward. Betsy and Lycana and Apex smashed you harder than a premature ejaculator thrusting inside a virgin on prom night! What do you think my boys are going to do to ya?


I want you boys to really think about that question for just a few minutes because there’s not another pairing on the roster that has more of a statement to make than they do, and you two chumps are just the expenses they need to be made from. My boys and I think that once we roll into Warfare next Wednesday Night by beating you maybe, just maybe Theo Pryce or Vincent Lane will open their eyes and stop looking past the Can-Am Connection! Tell them, Ricky!”



Why is Billy calling this team the Can-Am Express? We wonder...


Ricky steps up to the right side of Billy B. Blankenship with the monster Monsuta to Billy’s left.


”Something the big man and I have had conversations about over the last several weeks is how teams like you, teams like Cashe and Riddle, like Apex get pushed to the forefront why we get thrown table scraps or just completely left off the card all together. What we see when we look at the two of you standing across the ring from us… is opportunity. There’s not a better way to put the attention where it belongs than by knocking down the former Tag Team Champions.”


”We know where the brains of that outfit rests, don’t we Mark Flynn? You are the one that carries the weight of your team with some half-wit that couldn’t knock off Centurion without a goddamn handful of tights! CENTURION WITH A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS!”


Ricky tries to calm Billy down as he feels a rant coming on…


”Hold up Billy, just hold up a minute there’s not need to shoot your blood pressure up. We know that Mark Flynn runs that show, and we also know that we are dealing with someone that’s undergone more plastic surgery than anyone know to man. I did a little research, and I’m curious how someone comes into the XWF nearly ten years ago looking like this…



[Image: viscera-entrance.gif]



”To this..”



[Image: daniel-bryan-entrance.gif]



”No, seriously. I’m sure you’ve had to explain it at some point but I’d really love to know how you made that transformation from a black fat bastard to a white mini me?”


”It must had cost him One-Million Dollars.”


”This is all fun and games for me Mr. Flynn; it’s almost as fun watching you throw every piece of ammunition you had at Apex only to get godsmacked like a little bitch. You’ve made a case about the illegal man defeating North Korean War Criminal back at Bad Medicine; you’ve waved the Shenanigan flag, waving it proudly from side to side as you have pointed out this grave injustice like you haven’t done things dastardly before if it meant getting your arm raised in victory.


Cashing in any briefcases sound familiar?


We will be the first to say that when you guys beat the Bastards the world stood still, the levels of shock reverberated through the Xtreme Wrestling Federation, and just when everything looked fucking promising for you you shit the bed harder than that first XWF World Title run that lasted a total of nine days. History with you has a very funny way of repeating itself, don’t ya think? You can find a way to get to the top but it usually ends prematurely like Billy here between the sheets.”



”HEY!”


”The shock factor with you has come and gone. Everyone was excited to see the return of Flynn yet like every nostalgia act, you’ve run thin. If I’m you or War Criminal I’m looking at this as a must win situation because a loss only further exposes you that flukes are real.”


”Marko, we know you’re an opportunist… but so are we! We want your spot on Fire and Ice challenging Apex for the Tag Team Championship because we stand a chance why you’ll crash and burn once again! You’re all fluff no stuff when it matters! This isn’t going to be pretty, especially for you.”


”Billy, don’t worry brother, I’m going to treat him like I treat the ring rats. Flynn and War Criminal are about to learn who the better team in this equation is. This is our time, our moment to make a real impact while flipping off the brass in the front offices in the process. It doesn’t matter how, it doesn’t matter when, but the first REAL step on our journey to the XWF World Tag Team Champions STARTS at the expense of Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal.



_______________


Present Day:


The scene opens inside a local Gold’s Gym in Columbus, Ohio. Site of a future highly anticipated Wednesday Night Warfare that’s being headlined by the showdown a year in the making between Robert Main and Thunder Knuckles. We open with a shot of Ricky Goldhart throwing some hands on a punching bag as Monsuta sits in a steel chair eating a bucket of fried chicken from a local Popeye’s. Ricky finishes up his session before turning around and speaking at Monsuta.


”Are you going to do anything to prepare for our next match? It'll be a big night for the both of us.”


Monsuta shrugs his shoulders before gnawing into a breaded chicken breast which sees the grease shoot out one side of it across the gym floor towards the entrance to the gym. Coincidentally moments later bursting through the door in a pair of black track pants and a t-shirt featuring his own face is Billy B. Blankenship. He runs through the door holding up a Rosetta-Stone Japanese version up in the air.


”Ricky I got it!”


Until he didn’t as he steps in the grease which sees Billy B. bust his ass on the floor with his legs coming out from under him! He crashes down to the floor with the Rosetta-Stone volume crashing down on top of him. Ricky rushes over to Billy’s air as Monsuta seems unamused as he continues to go to chow-town.


”Billy!”


”My goddamn ass bone!”


Ricky reaches down helping Billy B. Blankenship get back up to his feet. He helps him over to a vacant chair next to Monsuta. Ricky lowers Billy down into the chair, carefully as Blankenship winces in pain.


”Are you okay? What did you get?”


”I’ll be fine. Mark Flynn and War Criminal aren’t as big of a pain in the ass as this; but I got it, I can partially speak Japanese! Only took two months!”


”And you’re proud of that?”


”Fuck you! Now all I have to do is call up Kyodai and-”


Billy lays eyes on the monster Monsuta. He’s shocked to see him given no communication over the last several months.


”How did he get here?!?! Wasn’t he destroying Japan like goddamn Godzilla??”


”He showed up at check-in. I assumed he got wind of our match?”


”If that isn’t alot of fucking help.”


Ricky smirks at Billy B. Blankenship as he heads back over to the punching bag throwing several more shots. Billy turns his attention to Monsuta as he attempts to speak Japanese.


”Are… FUCK!”


The loud obscenity causes Ricky to turn back around facing Billy.


”What’s the matter now?”


”I forgot what I learned!”


Billy turns his attention back towards Monsuta while Ricky rolls his eyes. Billy attempts to communicate with Monsuta.


[b]”You…”



Billy states as he points at Monsuta.


”Need… to… start… training…”


Billy points towards the ring and the weights surrounding them. Monsuta just rolls his eyes at Billy as he then responds.


”Why are you talking like you should be riding the short bus?”


Billy’s eyes lights up upon hearing Monsuta speak perfect English. It even draws the attention of Ricky.


”Did you just speak English? Wait.. of course, you did. What in the actual fuck?”


”Yeah man, I’ve always spoken English. Fikki told me not to.”


”Then why the hell won’t you get up and train? Ricky is putting in the work, being a monster will only take you so far.”


Monsuta looks down at his bucket of chicken then back up at Billy.


”I am training. I’m going eat Flynn and War Criminal like a fat child eats chocolate cake; or in this instance, fried chicken.”


Ricky walks over to Billy and Monsuta.


”You’re telling me you’ve been able to speak English this entire time? Not cool.”


”How have you been holding up, hoss?”


”It was tough getting over Fikki’s death initially, but I’m in a better place now. I am ready to crush whoever they put in front of us. The fact that you wen't out of your way to get us a match, even while I was still dealing with losing Fikki... it.... it means a lot”

Kyodai squeezes ahold of Billy and gives him a big o' bear hug before Billy insists of being put down in a way that only Billy could.

”It’s a good goddamn thing that’s the case because tomorrow night you boys got the former Tag Team Champions. A win here is exactly what we need to get into title contention. Here I was thinking I was going to need to recruit that Cyrus Braddock, or that other giant prick to wrestle with Ricky.”


”Billy… Ricky… I promise you, I’m good.”


Monsuta gets up out of his chair. He hands his bucket of chicken over to Billy B. Blankenship; who helps himself to a leg, mind you.


”I’ll show you better than I can tell you.”


”Now that’s the shit I want to hear!


Ricky and Kyodia fist bump as Billy B. Blankenship tears into a chicken leg which instantly draws the attention of Monsuta.


”Did I say you could eat that?”


_______________


”What about that half-wit shitstain that calls himself North Korean War Criminal; well, at least you got part of the name right because it’s downright criminal that you’re allowed to compete in the sport of professional wrestling!”



The monster Monsuta steps forward commanding the screen.



MARK FLYNN AND NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL!


Billy quickly nudges a shocked Goldhart as for the first time Monsuta speaks perfect English.


”When the fuck did he learn English?”


Ricky mouths the words “I don’t know.” towards Billy.


”Former Tag Team Champions with a gripe. I don’t care. What I see when I look across the ring at both of you is lunch. Daddy’s hungry.”

Billy steps back into the forefront.


”Hold on, hold on now let’s not get to far ahead of ourselves.”


Billy and Ricky each now give Monsuta their undivided attention as Billy asks the million-dollar questions.


”When the fuck did you learn to speak English?


Monsuta rolls his eyes before answering.


”Dude I’m Samoan, not Japanese.”


”Well why the hell didn’t you say that this entire goddamn time?!?!”


Monsuta shrugs his shoulders as he responds with.


”Fikki adopted me when I was ten, told me to stay quiet. He said if I stayed quiet I’d make more money.”


”Wait, wait, wait… this entire time, all the years in Japan you’ve spoken English?!?! All the matches we’ve had you’ve called them in Japanese?”


”Nah man I was just spouting off a bunch of nonsense that sounded Japanese. You just bought it like every other American.”


”Wow, just… wow… all this time I thought you never insult me by calling me an American. I’m Canadian, moron.”


”Wait just a second… that’s not a bad thing guys. We can finally steer away from that stupid Can-Jap Connection and re-brand!! YES! THE CANADIAN-AMERICAN EXPRESS! Can-Am!”


”Probably not the worst idea with the sensitive nature the world finds itself in.”


”The Can-Am Connection has just arrived!


”No worries Billy, I pick my teeth with bigger guys than this waste of roster space. We all know he’s the weak link to that food chain. Mark Flynn has dedicated so much time and energy in trying to make something out of nothing, and after all that what has he accomplished? He’s proven that he can teach someone how to grab a handful of tights to win a damn match.


Let me tell you what I’m going to do to you, little boy.


I’m going to make a man out of you.


Not only am I going to make a man out of you I’m going to flatten you like a freaking hot cake!



Ricky steps in.


”Easy big guy, we just learned you speak English, let’s not do anything that will land you behind bars because once we systematically expose these two rejects that belong in the land of the misfit toys because I need that massive shoulder mass of yours to hold up one-half of the XWF Tag Team Championship. We’ve made bones that this is what is going to put us on the map. We don’t boast or brag about people we’ve beaten because we know THIS is the spotlight that we’ve been waiting for!



”We’ve not only been waiting for this moment, but we’ve also been craving it. What you two chumps aren’t understanding is just how in over your heads you’ve found yourselves in. You two are trying to rewrite a wrong in ONE instance, we are doing this under several instances of disrespect and neglect!



”Like the big man was saying, when it comes to you Flynn, you’re the mark. You the bitch that we’re going to make, you’re the example that is going to be sacrificed to the Canadian-American Connection that stands before you both here and now. This is our time, this is our match, and War Criminal is out patsy. Mark Flynn can’t protect you, he can’t hide the fact that you’re nowhere near the level of competitors that we are. We aren’t a rundown has been like Centurion, we are not going to have to exploit rules to get over on you like Apex. We’re just going to show up and kick the crap out of you both.


”Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve been preaching it since the day we stepped foot in this company that this is the team to beat. These two boys are walking into Wednesday Night with a chip on their shoulders the size of Texas, and they ain’t coming for second best. We might not have Mr. Fikki at our sides physically but he will be with us spiritually as we set forth and conquer like we’ve done against anyone the brass puts us up against. This won’t be any different. You’ve already established that flukes are real by defeating Them No Good Bastards, and immediately losing to Betsy and Lycana on top of being too ignorant to take down Robert Main and Apex!


If there’s ever an easier mark in the business to snuff out it’s that, fuckstick. And you dumb pricks let that slip through your fingertips as well. It’s easy to sit back and take snipes at wins and losses, only in our situation we didn’t have a choice with wasting our time. What’s yours?”



”They don’t have one because they’re sniveling bitches that can’t hold Betsy’s bra. We are going to show you both exactly what the meaning of the words pain, and suffering is all about.”


”Remember this boys, remember the day that you looked past us because it’s the same day that’s going to bite you in the ass.



”So lets close this out properly allow us to leave the two of you with this last nugget of information.


Don’t throw stones when you live in glass houses.


Because the Can-Am Express is coming to collect for the mess you've made of the Tag Team Division.


New Year, New Team?



Kyodai and Ricky snicker,


Nah.

Just some healthy re-branding. Not like Flynn and War Criminal know anything about that, huh?


It's a great strategy, and one we'll execute to perfection.


Not like losing to APEX and the Glitter Bitches.


New Year, New Tag Team Division


So thank you Flynn.


Fuck you War Criminal.


And Bye-Bye to the disgrace that has become of the XWF Tag Team Division.

[Image: 7bigBzI.png]
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