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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Bad Medicine 2021
K.I.L.L. Y.O.U.R.S E.L.V.E.S. - An APEX collaboration
Author Message
JimCaedus Offline
Trash Talker Skywalker



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
11-27-2021, 11:40 PM

=======Ω/\/\€Ģ@ €@£|)Ų$=======

































"One more 'gain, Bob-O."


"No Jim, we've gotta go."


"One more 'gain, Drewski."


Puts an arm around his Little's shoulders. "I have to bring Corney home, Jim, no."


"One more 'gain, Charlie."


"Dude, stop calling me charlie. You didn't get enough of that ass whooped already?"


"WHAT!? Control your boy Drewski."


"Cornelius that isn't polite. When you refer to Jim as 'dude' you're implying that he's a man. It's 2021, watch the pronouns."


"That's right ya little sh- HEY!!"



Oliver Main arrives with the transportation; coincidentally enough, the old APEX MEAT WAGON newly repaired after being poof/warped above- and dropped onto -Jim's house on Naples Island by Snoop Dogg's bodyguard at the time, XWF superstar Trax, lo oh so many years ago, still reading APEX FINE MEATS across the sides.


Ollie hollers from the driver's seat.



"Alright men. And Jim-"


"HEY!!"


"-your carriage has arrived."


Corney rubs his eyes and yawns, Drew tussles his hair and chuckles, adding warmly, "I think someone's had a long day of embarrassing the X-Treme Champ and is all tuckered out. You're about ready for a nap lil' guy."


Bitterly, darkening expression. "Yes... sleep well. Have sweet dreams 'a me tunnel-ratting aaaaaaaaaall the way over to your house and under your bed like that of your NVA kin. I'll show you exactly how America won the war, Charlie."


Thwacking Jim over the back of the head. "America lost."


"Yeah, idiot, even I know that." Deftly kicks Jim in the balls 'cause Jim is JUST short enough for a child to do so.


As Jim crumbles. "Corney, that wasn't nice. You shouldn't call people idiots. Even idiots like Jim."


Fetal position, painfully as Drew and Cornelius pile into the van. "I know where you live!"


Helping Jim to his feet. "Lay off Corney, Jim. You made that poor kid very happy today, can't you take solace in that, hoss?"


"Yeah, made 'im happy at my expense- LOOK what that little cheater did!!"



Jim turns to reveal a perfect circle burn through the ass of his shorts and boxers, as well as the two perfect half circles burned into the flesh of his ACTUAL ass that, while his otherwise sexy cheeks are pressed together, form the same perfect circle with, adorably enough, placement right over where his brown eye would be. Drew and Cornelius hi-five as Ollie erupts with laughter.



Stifling a whistle laugh. "How did that even happen? It's Laser Tag."


"How? How?? I'll TELL ya how, that little villain tampered with his laser gun in there!!"


"Did not!"


As Main holds him back. "Don't you LIE to me!! C'mere!!"



::BEEP-BEEEEP BEEP-BEEEEP BEEP-BEEEEP::



"The hell is that?"


Checking his pocket. "Just got a page bro."


"You have a freaking pager? I didn't even know those things still existed "


"Yeah man, since high school."


From the van. "What's a pager, Drew?"


"Pagers are from the Way Back, Corney."


"The 90s?"


"That's the one. They came before flip phones and smartphones. Pagers were most frequently utilized by blue collar men on call, pimps and every now and then seen worn as a sign of status in high school by douchebag posers like Jim."


Reading pager message out loud. "Nine one one. America needs your help. Call 555-5555 if you accept. This message will self destruct in seven thousand two hundred and twenty milliseconds. Perception is key. Live in the now." Looking to Main, a derisive snort. "Maaaaaaan, just some asshole prank pagin' me."



Jim slides the pager back onto the top of his right side short's pocket, clip on the outside.



"Welp, shall we?" Gestures to the van.


"After you Ji-."



::POW!!::



The pager explodes, blowing Jim's right side pocket to bits and splitting his shorts up the side and through the waistband. His shorts drop around his ankles. Jim's exposed ass is facing the street as passers by look on pointing.



As Drew, Corney and Ollie erupt with laughter. "Jesus H Christ! You're f'n britches just got blown off… This is hilarious, man now we've all seen your ass hole."


Eyes wide, mouth agape, grabbing Main by the sides of his shoulders. "Hoooooolyyy SHIT! Mainiac...do you know what this MEANS bro!?"


Shoving Jim back slightly with both eyebrows raised, shielding his eyes. "Uh… Pull. Those. Up. Now."


"It means that page was LEGIT! What was the number it said to call!?"


"You can't remember 555-5555? What's with this guy?"


"I DON'T know, Corney, I JUST don't know. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. Then I remember, there is nothing on this planet more entertaining than this group of wild people."


Already bending down and pulling his smartphone from his left shorts pocket still around his ankles then dialing......... ::click:: "Hello?? You sent me a nine one one page? Jimmy Caedus and Robert Main reporting for duty!"


"Hey, don't be pulling me into this with you, I don't want my shit exploding, we gotta go, Ji-."


"SHHHHHH!! ..Hello?"


Voice modulated like that of Jigsaw. "Good evening Mister Caedus, thank you for your quick response. I am a representative for the Central Intelligence Agency. This is an emergency, your country needs you. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, has been laid out in great detail and can be found in a secret dossier within a manilla envelope stuffed into a package hidden at your current location. Time is of the essence Mister Caedus. Do you accept?"


Looking to Main who is shaking his head.


" Damn it Jim…"


Already knowing what Jim is going to say, Robert starts jumping up and down like a crazy person waving his arms around…


"_Yes_ I do."


"Very well. I will be in touch with the directions to the package."


"Can't you tell me on the phone? We're "in touch" right _now_."


"............................No." ::click::


Lowering his phone. "Well THAT seems less than efficient."



::BVVVVVVVT::



Raising phone again. "AHA! A text message!"


Frowning in genuine curiosity. "...What's it say? I get a call and my phone explodes damaging my piss pump. We are going to have a major issue..."


Robert grabs his crotch...


"Says...go to the other side 'a the Laser Tag building. Talk about anticlimactic... Oh well, c'mon bro." Begins to walk to the opposite side of the building, stepping out of his shorts as he does so, lasered boxers and butt cheeks still exposed.



Robert facepalms then catches up.


As the two reach their destination a lengthy forty seconds later...



Looking around the immediate area...that being the alternate parking lot for Laser Tag ftr... "The fuck...I don't see anything, do you?"


Uncomfortably, "Just people staring at the forty one year old creep in his boxers. Keep this up and you won't be able to be with in one hundred feet of a school..." Sheepishly waves and smiles at someone off camera then shrugs before chidingly, "Go back and get your shorts, Jim, this is humiliating and weird..."


Eyeing the parked vehicles 🤔 "Cars eh? Maybe the emergency plan in the secret dossier in the manilla folder in the package is in a car?" Mimes raising up his non-existent sleeve.


"Please don't start smashing windows, Jim."



::BVVVVVVVT::



"Oh, no, wait... Got another text. ..."Go to the back of the building," it says. Well, alrighty.."



Robert sighs before lighting a cigar with his father's Zippo then begrudgingly follows Jim. Every few feet Robert releases a cloud of smoke trying to calm his nerves from the madness unfolding.


An epic minute and a half later they arrive at the rear employee parking lot. Jim immediately spies the dumpster.



"Bam?? You in there?? I believe you have a package for me??"


"You're not serious."


Laughs. "Course not, Bob-O, I'm not a COMPLETE moron..."


"Not completely, no. Maybe Peter Vaughan Is in there. I mean the guys trash after all..."




::BVVVVVVVT::




Nudges Main. "Our benefactor. Lesse here... The message says, "take a right". Well that seems easy enough."


"The message says take a right?"


Jogging. "COME ON BOB-O, WE'RE AT THE HOME STRETCH, I CAN FEEL IT!!" Speeds up.



Jim comes sprinting around the corner of the back of the Laser Tag building beaming with the anticipation of impending victory.




::BVVVVVVVT::



Jim screeches to a halt, his palms sweating...the FINAL message for the location of his package, it HAD to be. He opens the text-



OLIVER MAIN

Get in the fucking van, double O ]



Face contorts in perplexion. "The fuck?"



Jim looks up into the faces of Drew, Corney and Ollie, all staring directly at him from the van 😃



"...You assholes..."


As the van once more explodes with laughter, walking past Jim to the van. "Who says Oliver isn't Apex material?"



Jim retrieves his shorts and hikes them up, tying a knot with the thin material to keep them up around his hips, then joins Apex in the van.


The Meat Wagon is on the move...



"You guys don't mind if Jim and I cut a promo do you?"


"Go for it Bob. Earmuffs, Corney."


"Aww maaaaaaan."



Robert leans over the first back row seat, slips a laptop out from the pouch behind the driver's seat then sits back down in the rear, alongside Jim, and looks to the lens.



” Mark Flynn, whether Apex is wrestling the present-day rendition of your pipsqueak ass, or a past interpretation, or anything else in between… I’ve got a bit of intelligence for you…”


Robert’s lips leisurely lift from each corner of his mouth as he smiles, his smirk brought out a sense of mischief and innocent fun. He lifts his brows and flashes his middle finger then begins tapping Morse code.


[b] .--. ..- ... ... -.-- .- ... ... .-.. --- ... . .-. ...



"S'wrong boys? Thought Bob-O and I had our heads up our asses the whole time? Thought you were mind fuckin' us into confusion? Yeah, we know you been tryna spin a web 'round the whole multiversal, alternate counterpart, "which way did they go" gayroddery. You ain't lost us, we just ain't playin'.


Is it Flynn and NK that have the tag straps? Is it Kyodai and Ricky Goldhart aka the CanJap Connection?? Are the tag titles in the hands of alternate versions of Flynn and NK borne from a multiversal portal at the KFC YUM! CENTER after knocking out the Flynn and NK we all know and ignore to go on and take the Tag Titles offa TNGB allegedly on the 18th of October despite Warfare being on Wednesday the 19th and the show broadcast a day later on the 20th!?? Will it change the beatdown Bob-O and I'll be givin' to whomever gimps on down to the ring at Bad Medicine!??


...Shut the fuck up with your classless, convoluted dollar DVD bin sci-fi fellatin' horseshit. It's all the same to two proven titan veterans like The Omega and I. Adapting to our opponents is second nature in and outta the ring."



Robert folds his arms…


'' We don’t care who you guys are or who you are pretending to be, you guys can pull a Betsy Granger and travel your twat waffle asses through space and time shtick all you’d like. You can be T-1000’s, live in the matrix, have NKWC stick three dozen sparklers in his bung hole, light them and pretend he’s Kim Jong-un with nuclear weapons… Don’t matter to us, what’s likely is one or both of you pulling a rainbow-colored sex toy out of your assess Livin' La Vida Loca. Listen, no matter the scenario Apex wins convincingly… You can pull Tag Team Championships from an alternate timeline off Disney Plus or even the XWF multiverse. We don’t care, at the end of the day Apex will own them all and become the XWF multiverse Tag Team Champions of all… Shit what’s the word I’m looking for here…”


Jim leans in covering his mouth and whispers something into Robert’s ear…


” Right… Good thinking Jim… XWF Tag Team Champions of all reality?”


Robert scratches his head…


” Is that right?”


Jim shrugs as Drew shouts from the front seat…


" Dumb…"


Robert shakes his head frustrated with Drew's reply…


" Listen to this guy, huh? You worry about Corney..."


" Still dumb…"


” I'll admit it sounds a bit odd…"


Robert raises his index finger into the air.


" But we are sticking with it… We’re getting so convoluted with bullshit soon I won’t know which way is up… What’s dumbass in Morse code?”


Robert and Jim both start tapping around when Jim nudges Robert…


“Got it right here, Maniac my brotha.”


-.. ..- -- -... .- ... ...


"Thank God for the Boy Scouts of America…” 3-finger salutes into space.


A concerned look falls over Robert’s face…


".............what."


” Nothing… I’ve just heard about a lot of bad things that happened… Did anyone touch you? They have settlements for that shit now…”


"Did anyone touch me, of course someone touched me. Right here."



Oliver, cocking an eyebrow, glances in the rearview to see Jim pointing...at his heart. Damn.



"My Scout Master Dallas Sterling, he meant a whole helluva lot me. Taught me how to aim. Taught me how to shoot. Taught me how to suck-"



Robert gives Jim the side eye glance…



"...POISON! From a snakebite! Suck poison from a snakebite! ...He also taught me morse code, he was a grizzled 'Nam vet, a real inspiration for me."


” Anywho back to our opponents, Flynn NK please don’t go after the low hanging fruit on the tree and change your gender mid-way à la Bruce Blingsteen… The world is woke enough. Plus, it’s been done several times now once with gender fluid that the XWF sold in the X-shop… Getting off track again here, but it’s all true. No matter how you want to slice this thing we were constructed for this type of engagement. And you two dick-less pricks can try as hard as you'd like to cause mass confusion, but it’s not going to work… Leslie Chow want to fuck on us? Give us a break Hong Kong Phooey and wax on, then wax off Mark’s custard launcher, cum from sum old guy anyone? The only thing criminal about you NK is those freaking promo skills hoss. Abysmal is an understatement and from this point forward is going to be the secret word… Do everyone a favor NK and get your tiny Korean water chestnuts out of Mark’s mouth so he can get a grasp on reality for a second and I don't know speak. I’m starting to think all the forced head trauma might have long term effects on the man’s well-being… If two jackasses think for a second that Jim and I will fall for the same thing that mind fucked Dolly Waters? You're mistaken”


-.. ..- -- -... .- ... ... . ...



Jim is staring, jaw dropped, at Main.



"What?"


"You're on another LEVEL with this trash talk, bro! I am...I am SO fuckin' proud 'a you. Jesus CHRIST Flynn and NK fucked up. Tell 'em our first course of action Bob-O."


'' Our first course of action in this match is straightforward, the fundamental core of our entire game plan going into this Championship match is to outwork and outperform each of you no matter where this match takes us. So, here’s what we are going to do about the two negative guys trying to piss on our parade by dragging us down the rabbit hole. We could have hopped right into your little game and played right along with you. But that right there would give each of you unjust satisfaction, knowing that you got into our heads. Our preferred methodology for this entire situation is rather simplistic in nature. Ignore you two and stomp two mud holes in the center of that ring. You two seem to have this belief that Apex is putting on a gigantic front, that we’re not the men we claim to be… Take a long look around, we’ve bodied everyone who has ever drummed up enough intestinal fortitude to step up to the plate, splattering the ring with their brains. We paint Picasso’s with our enemy’s life fluid and have been doing that for years… We are about to take things to a level neither one of you have ever seen before and might never see again.”


--. .- -- . --- ...- . .-.



"Shit bro, these bitches don't know shit about next level, they couldn't even muster the testicular fortitude to come at us directly like men this whole damn time. I ain't seen a less virile, more sad and flaccid pair since Bourbon whipped his junk out in the bathroom in front 'a me at Anarchy Throwback. There's legit less semen in Flynn and NK's balls combined than there is demon jizz in Betsy Granger's mouth _right now_."


” As you two keep focusing on everything and everyone else Jim and I will keep grinding… And after the final bell sounds and you two are staring up at the arena lights, you’ll realize that you are no longer Tag Team Champions and have nothing else to talk about… We are going to take what is rightfully ours and banish the two of you from this division forever… After a match with us, your pissing blood and eating through a tube for weeks, all you’ve got to do is ask around… And if for any reason the two of you believe that we are not the ferocious, hard-hitting undomesticated savages we’ve become known for. You’re going to be in for one of the longest nights of your lives and that’s not an understatement. It’s just the unmitigated truth. It’s a promise and if you decide to keep that stance you’ll die on that imaginary hill you two are trying to defend. Now I don’t know about Jim, but I am a very headstrong man, immutable at times, but the one thing that Robert Main is not is artificial. I am every bit as merciless as I claim to be, Jim and I together though tearing a hole in this Tag Team division is something else altogether. We are the war machine of the XWF, the Genghis Khan’s of this generation of wrestling. Apex isn’t here just for keepsakes that we can throw over our shoulders, we’re here to put heads over our fireplace and take the hell over, period.”


-... .. - -.-. .... . ...


"Oh I love me some head, Bob-O. We gotta share 'em though; you can have NK, I'll take Mark Flynn. I wanna stick that dome 'a his INTO the fire and watch it burn and crisp then piss on it and see if it splits. SWEEEEEEET."


” We are the most unsympathetic sons of bitches to ever step foot inside the squared circle. In that ring Apex is and always will be as stubborn as a bull and just as uncontrollable out of the chute, once that bell sounds, we see only one color and that’s red. We strive to do the unimaginable all the while being bloodthirsty and inhumane. Ask anyone that we have steamrolled where their pride stood after we smashed them like a piñata. Better yet ask them where their guaranteed victory went, how they assured the entire world that they would slay the beast known as Apex… Out of all the broken promises we’ve heard over the years none of them amounted to anything other than another landslide victory, another masterstroke in a game we dominate… These men just like you Flynn and you NK were doing nothing more than blowing smoke up everyone's ass hoping someone would buy into the hype train… We’ve taken the dreams of an unfathomable number of supposed superstars and turned them into God damn nightmares, time and time again Apex has proven that our tried-and-true courses of action win… The naysayers and rationalists are always counterfactual at best. We serve steaming helpings of humble pie every-time we step foot inside the ring. Bad Medicine is no different than any other time where we were told we couldn’t, yet we did… They say that silence is golden. Duct tape though is silver…”


.- .--. . -..- .-- .. -. ...


"Well, until it's washed over in crimson 'a course, which you can safely assume alludes to the moment Bob-O and I remove those heads in the ring with all the subtlety of a swung broadsword."


” Over and over again they have all perished by the sword Apex wields. They witness the violence firsthand, and once they get a morsel, they back down and step off their high horse rather quickly. Hopping down off the soapbox and exiting that ivory tower with swiftness… Just take Chris Page, for example, he swore up and down he would end my career and prove to me and the world he was the better wrestler. How did that play out for the “Stoned One”? Packed those bags and bounced. He fell for the oldest trick in the book, I let him think he could defeat me… We are the very thing you could never become in the past Flynn and that’s a God, damn winner… Come Bad Medicine your painstaking challenge begins, the backbreaking lesson you’ll never forget etched inside of your minds forever until the day each of you die. Every single man or woman that Apex has ever faced has had an uphill battle… In the end Jim Caedus and Robert Main have only pilfered away a handful of matches over the years. Very few have ever had the bragging rights bestowed upon them, saying that they pinned either one of us. What have either one of you done over your countless years wrestling punch-drunk in the ring? As of recently, the current era, not one damn thing worth mentioning beyond snatching the titles off two tired hasbeens. This is the what have you done for me lately business and gentlemen you haven’t done much of anything besides having those titles dropped into your laps by two waste of space pussies.”


"Oh I'm sure they'll both have plenty to claim and wax on about once they 'hit us' with their impending final promo, a promo I'm positive they'll finally show some modicum 'a decency for the fans who came to see a FIGHT and do their best to insult us Bob-O.



::BVVVVVVVT::



"Weeeeeeeeell...speakin' 'a the two most overrated cocksuckers on the roster, Mark Flynn and NK finally uploaded, Bob. Let's watch...




::Time Jump a Wasted Thirty Minutes Later::



"Aaaaaaand done. And just as expected, an entire shoot they didn't have the balls to unleash earlier without fear of us rippin' their tongues out over it. Sucks for them, 'cause now we get to reply. DOH!


Reply to such stupendous arguments like tryna gloss over that loss to Betsy and Ly. They said exactly what we already cut 'em off at the pass with, Bob. Coppin' out with the limp-dick excuses over monsters bein' involved. I guess what was said before bears repeatin'...





Flynn and NK didn't do what was necessary to win. PERIOD.




"Arrogant jag-off motherfuckers, you're fuckin' pathetic. You couldn't beat Impossible Entity because THEY weren't burnin' out like the Bastards and quite simply, 'cause you ain't got what it takes. That's all there is to it. That's exactly why you waited to drop that blank shot of a shoot, you got nothin' 'a substance nor weight to say.


Like how bringin' up shit that happened without Jim Caedus as an active member of Apex is in any way relevant to facin' Robert Main and...oh shit, me, Jim Caedus, at Bad Medicine. 🤣🤣🤣 Thanks for makin' a point to point that out ya pinheaded pissant taint ticklin' lames. Oh, and, bringin' up James Raven- a temporary replacement for yours truly -and every other name you dropped to waste time talkin' shit on the exclusivity of Apex is asinine. The aforementioned temp addition 'a James aside, Legacy and Prophecy ain't Apex. Apex is Apex. The original founders, Drewski, Bob-O and Jim Caedus. Every off-shoot stable that came after was in an effort to compensate for the breakin' apart 'a the original triumvirate. Which, unluckily for you, has been reborn and alive and well since I made my return. Jim Caedus, the dickhead piece 'a shit you two'll be meetin' tomorrow night. Not Raven. Not Ned. Not Oliver whom, if you super smart sassy asshats paid attention, ain't a member of Apex either. Tossin' the rest 'a Main's fam in there was graspin' at straws to an embarrassing degree dumbfucks.


Is this really the best you got? Jesus jizz castin' Christ, I'm legit gettin' hard right now Bob-O. The most Flynn and NK can do is sling mud at topics that have absolutely no bearing on facin' US in the ring. They comment on the LONGEST TAG REIGN IN HISTORY ending with a loss to whom they call the WORST tag champs in history...nah, Mark, the worst tag champs in history are Flynn and NK. I'm SHOCKED there's been such heavy timestream themes in your nerdlinger product but you two never thought to peek at the end of our match at Bad Medicine. Flynn and NK lie defeated, vindicated as unworthy and as incapable as they ALREADY proved by winning the straps and then LOSING the very next match against a BRAND NEW TAG TEAM with less than THREE matches under their belts you definitive vagtastic twats. The ONE victory they have AS Tag Champs is against Salt n' fuckin' Peppa. Jobbers. So when Bob and I violently remove you from those pedastals you're currently jackin' eachother off on, you WILL go down as the greatest punchline in tag champ history...and FINALLY...you can sit back and take in the sound of raucous laughter from the majority. Finally the comic duo will have been funny enough to make 'em all laugh.


You're welcome, wimps.


I'll go ahead and eyeroll past your amazing "How to TT As A Pussy Who Doesn't Know How to TT 101, Chapter One" rundown of our contract info which is just, honestly, insanely disappointing you legit chose scrapin' the bottom 'a the barrel for FILLER MATERIAL IN LIEU OF NO REAL SOLID POINTS instead 'a usin' those oh so impressive IQs to think up somethin' with some kick to it.


And that right there is essentially EVERYTHING those two mentioned that's worth mentioning unless I mention the meat and potatoes 'a their tirade was further criticism of an Apex they ain't facin'. An Apex without me. Sure, they flung the weakest insults and snaps I've ever been subjected to- in an effort to, fuck, idk, tryta discredit me? -but there ain't no credibility in cuttin' on me. The worst and most embarrassin' shit about ME I did to myself. I readily admit it. I own it. And NONE of it has stopped me since my return. Just like it ain't gonna slow me OR Bob-O down in this match.


Mark, NK, any insignificant amount 'a respect I had for the two 'a you in dethroning the Bastards, however weakened and easily toppled they were at the time, vanished the moment your shoot ended. I can't believe I actually thought there was gonna be anything to worry about. You punk motherfuckers swing nothin' but the inaccurate and the irrelevant but you got the BALLS to in any way act so sure 'a yourselves?


I know Flynn's crazy but NK...buddy, if I'd known you were as incompetent as your partner there never woulda be a parachute applied to the NK Special. I woulda let ya die. Everything Rob and I have said during this hype cycle has now been made concrete.


You're cowards.


You're fluke champions.


And you ain't got anywhere near what it would take to stop us with the strategies you rely on.


The thing is...I still don't think you two understand just how telling those strategies are for ring competency. See, hookers, when y'become infamous for cheating, which you have, guys like Bob and I walk into the match AND the hype cycle expectin' shady shit and lack 'a spine from our opponents. You didn't disappoint. You did exactly what we expected you to do, as ludicrous as that may sound given the complex nature of all the crap you been uploadin', but simply put, it's bitch made bullshit and we backhand bullshit makin' bitches with ease. You've shown time and again the two 'a you rely on cowardice and rule breakin'/"bending" (die, Mark) to wage war. Fuck that. This is a meteoric rise and we refuse to be the ones to fall ... ain't no nutless trickery gonna stop Apex. We got two fists fulla dynamite and middle fingers and no more patience for high fives."



" Number nine's better…"


" Why nine?"


" Because Jim, a pussy has nine lives…"


"And those pussies are gonna burn through all 9 after pullin' pussyfootin' fucktardery 'round us."


" These two clowns are attacking the greatest wrestlers on this planet with plastic guns… We were built for this and cannot get back one drop of the blood we have spilt for this moment. It’s bothersome, isn’t it? Knowing you are walking into a match with two men that are no piece of cake. Knowing we will not lay down for you and we will throw fists until our last breaths leaves our bodies. We here in Apex don’t sell the world snake oil, we’re not living cheats, or breed deception and dishonesty. Our records prove otherwise, we are in the history books for a reason. We are the titans in this game, walking icons… We do what we say, we speak the truth and conquer all our matches. NK, Flynn you two are a misrepresentation of what wrestling should be, two double-dealing snakes in the grass too worried about their next reality altering adventure to give two shits about the fans that pay to see a great show put on by the greatest wrestlers on God’s green Earth… You fuckers are impostors and swindlers hoodwinking the world one terrible promo at a time. The time for Tag Team treachery comes to an end, no more swindling the fans out of their hard-earned dollars. The final act is playing on your reign, and Apex, will be pulling the final curtain on the shit show you've called a Tag Team wrestling… You two counterfeit bastards will no longer run their dick suckers about things they know nothing about. The facts are just that, the facts, the proof is in the pudding when it comes to who we are and what we are capable of… We are just more enhanced, the superior men in and out of the ring. You two, on the other hand, go through the same hellish cycle every month, you try to get on the mend or the road to winning ways. And just when you think you’re out of the woods and have a victory in the palm of your hands… You relapse.”


"Well that's because Mark Flynn and NK are compelled to the cunt ways 'a the force, Bob-O. Once a cunt, always a cunt. They ain't ever gonna have the strength or the self confidence to do it the honorable way. They ain't ever gonna be the type of opponents to stand face to face with two men the likes a' The Omega Mainiac and Killer Caedus then have their asses handed to 'em publicly. They're gonna lie, they're gonna cheat, they're gonna tryta screw their way to victory then, again, have their asses handed to 'em publicly. Which I'm guessin' feels a whole helluva better when you can just copout with excuses as opposed to takin' and admittin' to receiving an ass gapin' from Apex with pride."


” Do you know what the main ingredient to victory is, girls? Discipline… Being a Champion is one monumental battle of tug of war and you cannot win that fight by pushing that rope. You’ve got to pull that son of a bitch… This match is no different than any other circumstance that Jim or I have ever faced before. We’ve each faced our own demons in that ring, walked out into the center and stared that monster in the eyes and fought tooth and nail for what we believed was right. Just like that rope, we are going to pull ourselves through this match, and with each second that passes we will gain confidence. Each blow will become less painful, as each of you look us in the eyes you will come to the realization that Apex is outworking the crowd. I don’t want this to come as a surprise, but we are going to be triumphant in this match as we battle and fight using every single tool necessary to crush you two into smithereens… We are going to move like generals in that ring with a swiftness never seen before as we outthink and outmaneuver our enemy. Our goal isn’t getting the rock to the top of the mountain like everyone else. Our goal is pushing that rock, because pushing that rock pushes each member of this brotherhood. It makes us tougher, makes us harder than anyone else walking around the XWF mentally and physically… This goal gives us much more than we could ever give it in return. People like us want to struggle and grind while we dig in and push. We don’t want it to end, because the very second we get that rock to the top of that mountain, and it stayed there. One of us would roll it back down and we'd all start grinding as a unit all over again.“


"Hell, grinding is a concept Flynn and NK are unfamiliar with. Everything they do in battle whether physical or war of words is the path 'a least resistance and somehow they believe that kinda titty baby buttfuckery is gonna keep 'em on top since it got 'em there against TNGB in the first place; albeit literally the moment the Bastards fizzled the fuck out.

Why the concept of 'that dickless shit ain't enough' didn't occur to 'em the moment two chicks who couldn't hold a team together for two months caught a win over 'em on the Shove It is beyond me. I'd say the brass took notice of their inability, however, and that whole feedin' Flynn and NK enhancement talent leadin' into this hype cycle was a decision more than likely made in the interest of ensuring it's APEX who removes the straps from those place-holdin' hacks as opposed to a team they can't trust to shine or stick around for any longer than a cup 'a coffee and a handjob."



” Since either one of you stepped foot in the XWF you have been nothing more than a practical joke. They are laughing at you guys not with you… The escapade of two nobodies was ehhh for a while until it wasn’t comical at ALL anymore. When the shenanigans got old and wore out, what happened ladies? You doubled the hell down hard… The world has turned their backs on your wild ass stories. Get a load of Mark Flynn and NKWC the buffoons of the XWF. But then again, you’ve both always been an object of ridicule, haven’t you? This match will be your final backslide, you two have floundered around with those Championships for long enough… It’s time Apex demotes your asses to where you belong. The preshow… The nose-dive has begun, and you will miss the mark slipping and falling into your very own massive pile of shit… Jim and I will ruin whatever pride you have left, and you might just go down swinging and we commend you for that… Going out like a man is honorable for sure… But you will hit rock bottom and we will run you aground during this match, this whole deal is going to turn out terribly as you meet with disaster first hand… After all the smoke settles and this is all said and done you Mark Flynn and you NKWC will be abandoned by the wrestling fans, deserted, and forgotten on an island all by yourselves. You have forsaken them and now Apex makes sure you cannot disappoint them anymore. After we demolish your world, you’ll be disregarded like the trash that you both are… There is just no other way for this to go, you have an overdrawn account, and we are the collection agency coming to collect our debt… You’ll collapse underneath the weight of the surmounting pressure that is known as Apex.”


- --- --- -.. .-.. . -....- --- --- --..-- -- --- - .... . .-. ..-. ..- -.-. -.- . .-. ... .-.-.-


“Bob-O, why not translate that last one for 'em...”



Robert nods in agreement…



” Toodle-oo, motherfuckers.”



The scene fades with Robert and Jim flipping double birds…



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~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
~Efed Podcast Top 100 - #74 w/no Twitter (all credit to you, fam, 🙏 <3)
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 3x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


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