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HAHA IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING HOW I FEEL ABOUT THANKSGIVING RUMBLES
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YALL_KNOW_WHO Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


Post: #1
11-23-2021 01:58 PM

Steve Sayors wanders out of his rented snow lodge.

He hates being out of the office.

However, the XWF learned it’s been fined because Steve Sayors has never taken a day off and it’s legally a labor violation.

He’s never taken a vacation in 22 years.

He takes a sip of his hot cocoa.

While it wasn’t his choice… Sayors had to admit, he was enjoying the time to himself…



All of a sudden, in the distance… Snow-shoeing through the arctic tundra…





Some Guy.

That Guy.



Yeah, That One.



Steve goes back inside and locks the door to his cabin.

He’s legally not allowed to interview anyone. If he even accidentally learns something about That Guy, it’s going to cost the XWF five hundred thousand dollars.

And that’s why Steve is back inside.

It has nothing to do with the fact that after his embarrassing first encounter, he spent three weeks trying to learn all he could and found ZERO information about… That Guy.

He takes a seat by the fireplace and presses his hands toward the heat.

“HAHA! HEY STEVE!”

Steve looks up and screams!

That Guy, who was previously a couple hundred feet away, is now just sitting across from him on the opposite couch.

“AHHHHHHHH! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?”

“GREAT FIRST QUESTION, STEVE! I KNEW WHEN YOU’D INTERVIEW ME AFTER MY VICTORY ON SAVAGE, YOU’D BRING THE TOUGH QUESTIONS!”

Steve’s eyes open wide and he checks the outside window.



Yup, there it is.

One of Vinnie Lane’s prized XWF drones.

And like clockwork, Steve’s pocket chirps.

Sayors sighs and slips the sequined Samsung out of his side pocket.

It’s a text from Theo Pryce.

Replay:“God damnit, Sayors. I don’t know how, but our lawyers are going to figure out how to take this out of your paycheck.”

Steve howls in financial agony!

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY LIFE IS OVER!”

“HAHA! WHAT’S WRONG, STEVE?”

“I OWE THE XWF HALF A MILLION DOLLARS BECAUSE OF YOU… YOU… YOU!”

The guy maintains his classic cheery disposition and megawatt smile!

“HAHA! MY BAD, STEVE! LET ME PAY YOUR TAB!”

Sayors scoffs!

“Oh, like you have half a million dollars just laying around?”

“HAHA! YES!”



Steve’s eyes squint suspiciously.

“Yes?”

“HAHA! YES! I DO HAVE HALF A MILLION DOLLARS LAYING AROUND!”

“...Like in an investment firm?”

“HAHA! NO! IN MY TRAVEL PACK, I HAVE A SLEEPING BAG MADE OF $100 BILLS WORTH HALF A MILLION DOLLARS!”

This Guy reaches into his backpack and rolls out his sleeping bag. Which is in fact, made of cross-stitched $100 bills. He lays it out next to the fireplace.

“HAHA! I BROUGHT IT BECAUSE I FIGURED I’D SPEND THE NIGHT AFTER THE INTERVIEW! I ALSO BROUGHT MY GAMECUBE AND SUPER SMASH BROTHERS MELEE.”

“...Sorry, to clarify... You carry a sleeping bag worth half a million dollars. And you’re going to give it to me?”

“HAHA! SURE, STEVE, AFTER THE HISTORY WE’VE HAD, I KNOW YOU’RE GOOD FOR IT.”



“Right, that sleeping bag is half a million dollars...” Steve rolls his eyes, “What are you, the world's richest man?”

“HAHA, YES.”



“What?”

“I AM THE WORLD'S RICHEST MAN.”



After that incredibly impressive musical number This Guy just dropped about his immense wealth, Sayors seemed flabbergasted… Even more puzzling, why there was no record of this man’s existence?

“...Well, since you’re footing the bill… Can I ask you a couple of questions?”

“HAHA! THAT’S WHAT I’M HERE FOR, STEVE!”

Sayors opens his notebook. Naturally, Sayors watched Savage and… while the biggest story was Charlie Nickles winning the TV Title #1 Contender Tournament… This guy winning the X-Kimo Snow Battle Open was…

News? I guess? He won by default, but it happened!

“So… The X-Kimo Snow Battle Open!”

Suddenly, This Guy’s upbeat smile… droops. He seems… disappointed.

“HAHA! YES!” He sighs, bitterly. “I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO FACING SOME OF MY OLD XWF RIVALS IN THE SNOW BATTLE OPEN! I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY NONE OF THEM MADE AN APPEARANCE TO SETTLE OUR SCORES!”

Sayors’ eyebrow raises.

“Oh… You’ve made enemies in the XWF?”

“HAHA!” His hearty bellow echoes. His smile burns as bright as it ever has.

“THAT’S HILARIOUS, STEVE! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE THE HISTORIC RIVALRIES I’VE HAD IN MY ILLUSTRIOUS XWF CAREER!”

Steve tries to nod politely, getting his notebook out to write down details…

“I KNOW YOUR READERS AND LISTENERS DON’T NEED ME TO LIST ALL OF MY OPPONENTS… MY “I’M PUTTING IN MY TWO WEEKS NOTICE” MATCH WITH FUNKY TERRY! MY “FIRST MAN TO STAND FOR TEN SECONDS” MATCH WITH GERALD ‘THE PRINCE’ LAWYERSTEIN! AND OF COURSE, THE CUT-THROAT BATTLE ACROSS MULTIPLE CONTINENTS I HAD WITH PATRICK PATRICKSON, AFTER WHICH I WAS CROWNED THE FIRST EVER XWF RIO DE JANEIRO CHAMPION!”

This Guy laughs again.

“DETAILS OF THESE MATCHES ARE WELL-KNOWN AND DO NOT NEED TO BE REPEATED BY ME! HAHA!”

Steve nods, grinning not only politely but triumphantly, as his hand writes out his subject’s words! Finally, he might have some events to look up and cross-reference!

“HAHA! WELL, I’VE TAKEN ENOUGH OF YOUR TIME! SINCE I MUST LEAVE THE SLEEPING BAG, I’LL FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO STAY ON THE MOUNTAIN! OR PERHAPS, SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY!”

Steve nods and clicks his pen.

“Sure! Thanks so much for y-”

When Steve looks up, Some Guy is gone.



Steve squints perplexedly, but shrugs. He flips his notebook open. He might finally be able to do some research on…



Wait.

Every page is blank.

What?



Steve looks down at the pen he just clicked. And sees its tip is unsheathed.

Steve squeezes his fingers against his temple! He just spent like 30 seconds writing on a page with the pen’s tip INSIDE!

“Stupid pen!” Sayors tosses the pen that failed him into the fireplace…

Which, naturally, was just enough weight to dislodge one of the logs… And roll the enflamed wood directly onto Sayors’ new half-a-million dollar sleeping bag.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
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[-] The following 3 users Like YALL_KNOW_WHO's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (11-24-2021), ALIAS (11-23-2021), Theo Pryce (11-23-2021)
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