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 JimCaedus  Offline
No Longer Feels Welcome In The XWF
TITLE - Universal Champion

XWF FanBase:

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)

Post: #1
11-16-2021 10:23 PM


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Hey Gravy?

Fuck's all that horseshit you're peddlin' at the start 'a your second promo?

Micheal Graves Said:"Come on Jim, you know that you need this match just as much as I do. Sure, you're the big star. Big bad Caedus. *Nobody can beat him! You've got quite the reputation. My rep falls more or less in line with "pest" than a challenger, but here we are. Why? Sure, you respect me. You're one of the few that do, and-

K that's good, shaddup.

Y- 😂 you- 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you think I RESPECT you!?

What in God's name- that of course bein' the non-offensive unisex Tracy -makes y'think I respect you? Dumbass, there ain't shit about you to respect until such a time as you got the guts to twist a noose and hang yourself to the joy of all the parents and frightened children out there who don't know exactly what sodomy is but know Graves gonna do it to 'em if they don't hightail it home after elementary school. Mike I WAS one 'a the last to have respect for you...four years ago...right up until you insisted on that pedophile shit with Dolly. Oh and the Uni Title interference. And the attempted character assassination. Y'know, all the shit I wouldn't hafta keep repeatin' if you weren't apparently enjoyin' paintin' that picture behind rose-colored glasses. Talk about a warped view 'a your seeming desire to save your utterly decimated name. Dawg, you pulled somethin' OP taboo and y'think you can ever rise above that? That's why they specifically make sex offenders of minors report their location pal, they don't EVER let the people forget. It ain't somethin' perps get forgiven for but it IS somethin' inmates'll shank you in the yard over and somethin' those of us like Robert Main, Drew Archyle and myself- APEX -would gladly hospitalize a freak for.

"Respect"...fuckin' idiot 🤣 K, you may proceed.

Gravy Said:"'re on the cusp of earning a twenty-four-seven briefcase. That's a damn near guaranteed reign with any belt that you set your eyes on, but let's be real Jimbo. Who earns a briefcase to downgrade?"

The spineless simp we all call Corey Smith, dummy, or weren't you payin' attention WAAAAAAAAAY back like a month or two ago when he cashed in on Thadly and the new SC strap, a title below even the X-Treme? For fucksake, you try 'n roast me over the memory of personally savin' you from the Thames in 2017 but you can't keep track 'a current events? You're already fallin' apart, peasant, PLEASE continue.

@ this point, deadman walking Said:"You've been racking up your defenses low-key. Bottom feeding with the LSM's, Atara Themis's, and Dolly Waters' of the world to try and SNAKE your claim to that case.

It's a sound play, and I applaud the idea, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stand for it when I think that I can do something about it."

Holy _shit_... I just..I just can't.

Lemme begin my three point evisceration with:

A. The brass booked LSM, Dolly demanded her shot and Atty EARNED hers. You're the only one who walked up and unjustifiably asked for a match. That all means tryna allude to me "low key" rackin' up defenses is about as weightless an accusation as-

B. "Bottom feeding"? LSM was no cakewalk, wimp. Not to mention, how many straps has she managed to snatch in like, what, the 4 or 5 months she's been active? If she's detritus, the fuck's that make you? That ain't all... Dude, if Dolly Waters is bottom feeding, the FUCK, AGAIN, are YOU? You brag about beatin' 'er but ya had to go pedophile on 'er to DO IT. You traumatized Dolly to such a degree she had to step away and I'm pretty sure I recall that bein' the time she ended up in an asylum. Try facin' Dolly like she was in Lethal Lottery 4. And finally...Atty. Atara "Thermos" (k, that one was cute, you get a name-game B+ for that).




Idgaf how she's been actin' as of late, Atara Themis on her worst day is infinitely more entertaining than you could ever be, bro. She can't help it, it's in 'er genetic code. I ain't even gonna say IF Atty is bottom feedin', that's just flat-out unacceptable- HEY JASON CASHE, you gonna let this limp-dick talk about your girl like that? -and I hope all three 'a those chicks rip your sac off for your words. Which brings us to-

C. If LSM, Bourbs and Atty- all top tier talent and two 'a those ON THE TOP 50 (I mean shit dude, Bourbs is like #7 isn't he?) -couldn't stop me and YOU can't stop THEM (I'm safely assuming) what makes you even THINK you can do somethin' about my snaggin' my third Briefcase? You had a chance to gain a moral victory and fuck up my ring-related mental in hype alone but you BLEW IT. And you flipped from friendly to frantic. And you're botchin' points left and right. You think NOW you're gonna stop me in the ring?

Listen to're fucked, Graves. Truly fucked. You've proven you're as faulty and fallible as ever before and I know VERY well how that turns out with you in combat. You're gonna gimme one helluva struggle- and you should, you're a titan compared to me physically -but you're gonna fuck up like you did before and I'm gonna hafta be careful NOT to accidentally KILL you for the second time.

Matter 'a fact, I'm REALLY gonna hafta control my urge to land you in traction after draggin' my best friend and brother Bob-O Main into this debate.

deffo Deadman walkin Said:"AX3 fell apart, and we went our separate ways. Brothers for life? I don't even get a Christmas card Jimbo, but Robert Main gets to be a part of APEX? Even after you royally fucked him six ways to Sunday the FIRST TIME by wigging the fuck out, you're BACK, and instantly the two of you are good again? Well, no, you're not."

Well, yes, we are. That's my fam you fuckin' buffoon.

Are you literally retarded? ...You are, aren't you. Fuck it, no excuse- _Micheal Elizabeth Graves_ are you ACTUALLY askin' why YOU ain't in APEX!? I'm not tryna be tryna be a dick here-





To bein' Apex material.

That's gotta be the most CLUELESS thing you've ever said. "Brothers for life" ended, yet again, with the pedo shit. Get that through your head. You won't ever wash that taint from your name. Drewski, Drew's the best decision Main and I ever made in context with cliqueing up, you were undeniably the worst. Said it before, I'll say it again, Main and I let you join Ax3 because we felt sorry for you, "amigo" but you made sure that would never happen again with all the sick shit you pull.

You want a Christmas Card this year? Stop makin' Jesus weep and the devil dry heave.


CAEDUS REWIND: Well shit, we got at least ONE question answered last time in the continuing adventures of our antihero Jim Caedus, that being the reveal of Walt Disney himself, impossibly alive and well and living in a system of subterranean tunnels and caves beneath Disneyland. As the story "progressed" (lol) we also discovered that Micheal Graves not only apparently plays a part in Walt's still being among the living but is also the namesake of "Cult Micheal" located in "Vault Disney". Oh and for some reason Walt has Arcana strapped to some weird machine and Jim was knocked out by a mysteriously OP Mr. Disney...

Our POV once more stays behind as we watch Walt Disney drag a helpless and unconscious Jim Caedus down the gentle grade to the awaiting gathering of Cult Micheal members...

Continued directly from "Behind the Bromance P.2" in Served Cold

"Behind the Bromance P.3"

Something cold and rigid on his wrists. That's the initial sensation Jim experiences as he regains consciousness.

Welcome back Jim!

Opening his eyes slowly, he finds himself shackled to the wall, Walt and his small pack of purple robed Cult Micheal members standing below the contraption still holding an unconscious Arcana. This reminds Jim that the fun and games are over and he immediately begins struggling against his chains.

Oh don't bother, Jim, you aren't going anywhere for the time being I think. ::Light-hearted chuckle:: Gestures towards the machine. What do you think of my Soul Swapper? Breathtaking isn't it? With it, I'm able to transfer my consciousness into the body of another and vice versa. I had it designed over a decade ago based on technology procured and sold to me by the man who used to go by the codename Gehenna. Dark Weapon Gehenna to be exact. Of course, you know him by the name Micheal Graves, spelled with the e before the a. The namesake of our little organization here. Looks to Jim.

What? Keep goin', there's gotta be at least ONE viewer been waitin' on this cliche-ishly delivered "villain plan" exposition...

You may be asking yourself, "is Graves selling Walt the technology for such a machine deserving of naming a cult after him?" Well, Jim, it goes further than that. A lot further. When Micheal Graves went through the Dark Weapon program it bestowed him with magickal powers of which I'm sure he himself is unaware of the full extent. His becoming a dragon, that was merely the tip of the iceberg. Regardless of whatever cover stories he publicly provides for his body switching, it's all made possible by the powers he received as Gehenna. When Disneyland was featured in promotional content released by Cadryn Tiberius, Graves himself and you back in 2017, you were all given free passes to attend the park, as you say in your business, "out of character"...and it was at that time I and my acolytes were able to siphon, so to speak, some of that power from Graves, unbeknownst to him. That power, maintained and magnified, fuels and allows my machine to extend my life...infinitely.

Hold up, there's still the little question 'a how you went from dead and cremated to bein' alive and ABLE to transfer your consciousness into another body.

By the powers, you're right, Jim. I apologize. My final wishes were honored, the stories you've heard, lies. Did you really think my own family would have me cremated knowing full well I'm a genius and should My wishes be granted, it posed the potential to provide for them for their test of THEIR lives? Greed Jim. Greed makes all possible.

My body was in fact cryogenically frozen before death and those caring for me- acting under my orders and in my name -made sure to revive me once the Dark Weapon program was brought to light. Unfortunately, thawing me out introduced a litany of problems and my brain was removed from my body, again before death, and had been monitored for years until the power of Graves was taken and the machine was used to switch my consciousness into the body of some nameless boob. For awhile you appear as the vessel in which you've been placed...but magick is a tricky thing, and after two month's time, well, look at me. The soul within somehow emerges outwardly, completely absorbing the host. At that point, considering that to the world I'm dead and for now I intend it to remain that way, I'm forced to find another body. I've been through so many now, Jim...I'm growing weary of the process. Each body I absorb adds to my own accrued and transferred physical strength but has been infecting me with...insanity. If I continue, I shall become as much of an eggplant as Graves is today.

Enter your significant other...Kaiya Fox. A sorceress. HER body, HER power...will allow me to REMAIN in her form for as long as needed...and grant ME the power to FINALLY dominate the entire world.

You are DEFINITELY insane, Walt, no question there. So, I see what's in it for you, what about your cult there?

The very same thing, Jim. Arcana isn't the only magickal being in existence, you know that. We're all in this for everlasting life and the conquering of the world. All they had to do was offer me their undying loyalty- and all their money -and I promised them salvation.

They bought that? If there's any Graves in you at all, and there is, you're more than likely as fulla shit and lies as HE is.

That hurts, Jim. I've always been a man of my word. See for yourself- You won't recognize most of them, but allow me to introduce you to the three men here you will... As each man pulls back his robe upon name-drop...

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Micheal J. Fox.

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Micheal Tyson.

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And last but not least, Micheal Jackson. You don't realize it but each man has switched the a and e in his first name in honor of Micheal Graves. ::Chuckle::

...That ain't Michael Jackson.

Heee heeeee!! Chamon!! Of course it's me, Jimmy. I'm the first other than Walt himself to successfully switch bodies. Everyone thought I wanted to be white but I've never been happier restored to my original skin tone. I faked my death like Tupac to escape the tortures of celebrity status and all those nasty rumors.

Oh yeah? Let's see you dance.

He obliges, in accurate MJ fashion.

lol. Sweet. Too bad you're dead in the public eye like Walt though MJ.

Frowning in confusion. And why is that, Jim?

Gives me no reason to ask Arcana to poof him away like I will for Tyson and Fox.

All cult member eyes swing to the machine... see Arcana, now very conscious, glaring at them, her eyes literally aflame...


Hey Gravy?

Criticizin' me over goin' full throttle on the Omega Mainiac durin' the War Games hype cycle don't mean shit other than you- as a guy who's been in this business almost as long as I have (summer 'a '96 bitch) -are a professional wrestler but somehow can't fathom the notion of tag team/stable mates bein' placed in opposition of one another. When it happens, no matter what promotion it is, they fight.


And if they don't, they got no business bein' IN the business.


The fact I went as hard as I did, that's just me. To throw shade on my decision to tryta win a match, that's just asinine. That kinda thinkin' prob'ly plays a part in why you suck at this if tryna win is outta the realm 'a logic in the fantasy world you exist in with that family you occasionally murder when in need of dramatic material to switch from flop-comedy Gravy to "now I'm serious" Graves.


Pointin' out that I shocked Main with my dickhead words...dude you show me one opponent I've gone dickhead on who HASN'T been shocked, or pissed for that matter. That's what I do. MY question is, why is what I do so shocking? Point blank, if you're worried about hurtin' an opponent's feelings, kick rocks. It's called trash talk you twat. I'm wonderin' when the fuck most everyone else across promotions is gonna catch on, buncha titty-babies... Atty gets it. TNGB gets it. Lycana gets it. Dolly gets it. Thebe absoLUTELY gets it, even if he DID just lose to the Apex-Legacy betrayin' Dark Bets' (you're all dead, FYI...Crash, Bets','re havin' fun fuckin' with Apex in TPW right _now_, lol, just wait... In fact: hey Crash, why be a pussy, come sign up HERE too).

Finally, I'd like to know just exactly how you think my bein' a total dick to Bob-O in battle helps you? I mean, think about it douchebag; I went that hard on a dude I love like a blood brother...fuck you think I've been doin' in words alone and WILL do physically in the match to someone I can't stand like YOU? You legit wasted so much time talkin' on Robert and all it amounted to was you pointin' out how ruthless and determined I truly am to become greater than. Thanks for the hype homie. Fuckin' duncecap self-saboteur. I'm simply aghast at your line 'a "logic" there but not nearly as much as I am over THIS particular gem...

dumbshit walking Said:"So, I haven't exactly been around these parts for a few months, and as such, I haven't seen this for myself and I can't say for sure, but the talk around town is that the Jim beating on Robert was actually an alternative Jim from another universe?"



If that's what people are sayin' we got some seriously stupid muhfuckers on the roster. You had all the time in the world Mike, as a non-participant in War Games -to pay attention, you literally have no excuse. Acockalypse Now was time traveling in an effort to locate Dick Powers's mojo. Our first attempt was perpetrated by Arcana who accidentally sent us sideways to an alternate dimension in which our counterparts- into which our minds were placed -happened to be Kaiju. If that's too complex for you, avoid anything Alias or Corey upload. Unfortunately, you again legit wasted alotta time on this new idea 'a yours, askin' if I'm a dark Jim and that's the excuse I'm usin' to cover talkin' shit to Main as an opponent.

Ain't ever been a Jim other than me- regardless 'a whatever multiversal or magickal badass shell I'm in -seen in the XWF beyond the 24/7 Halls and none 'a those Jims officially compete. It's just me.




And comfy in my own skin while I do it. I don't need bullshit excuses buddy. I was doin' what I do best goin' hard on Main in War Games. All there is to it.

Oh and that little American history lesson 'a yours? More wasted time. No one came to hear you put that together and no, it ain't impressive. This ain't AP History, hack, so unless your goal was to knock your viewership comatose, you get an F.


Incredulous at the sight of a woke Arcana. That's- that's not possible! She was given enough sedative to keep her sleeping through my spiel and the switching process-

Yeah, well...seems she's a helluva lot more powerful than you thought, ya thick imbecile. How were you able to formulate that 'er powers would help you avoid havin' to switch bodies so regularly butcha overlooked the need for a higher sedative dose with a sorceress, simpleton? You DO have some Graves in you!

Hey baby? Poof away Mike Tyson and Michael J. Fox before y'do your thing. They don't deserve to die.

Already having melted her restraints to free herself. Gotcha. ...Who are Mike Tyson and Michael J. Fox, again?

Tyson is the older black gentleman and Michael J. Fox is the one who can't stop movin'. In fact he's been givin' Michael Jackson a run for 'is dancin' money the entire time.

Staring at Michael J. Fox. Heeeeeeey, I know YOU! You were in Teen Wolf!

Just kill me too please. If I can't switch into a healthy body I don't wanna live anymore. I can't eat, drink, piss or shit without getting it on me. I'm told I'm a great lay now, but its not enough.

Therein lies your punishment for takin' part in these shenanigans, Marty. For shame. And you, Tyson...

From zero to 11, bowing up. WHAT!?

Jesus, nevermind.

Carry on, Kaiya.


Michael J. Fox and Mike Tyson disappear.

Shaking in rage, a dark purple glow radiating from him. And what exactly do you have planned for the rest of us Jim? Murder?

What murder? You're already dead.


Jim's shackles vanish as Arcana appears standing before him, facing the enemy. Whatcha think, hun? NK Special?

Rubbing at his wrists. Nah. Go napalm on 'em sweetcheeks. Erase this place from existence. Oh- Jim shatters the nearest display case- Sappho's collected works -and snatches the artifact inside.May as well save SOMETHIN' that'll make the world a better place. Ok baby, go for it.

Arcana's form suddenly ignites in a blaze.

This isn't the end, Jim! No one can kill Walt Disney! I'll be back, I swear it!

We'll see.

Arcana unleashes her full fury as a swath of flames burst forth, incinerating Walt and his precious Cult Micheal in seconds. But the blaze is too powerful to stop and instead of dissipating, it reflects from the opposite rock walls and seems to gain in power as it flows towards Arcana and Jim-


The couple appear amidst a crowd of Disney park goers on the opposite side of the Rivers of America moments before the Burning Settler's Cabin, extinguished for some time, reignites.

The people, convinced this is merely a part of the show, ooo and ahhh. Jim and Arcana simply embrace.

When they part- I'm sorry for what's been goin' on Kaiya, with the other women. I- I didn't mean for anything to hurt you...I just...

Placing a finger to his lips. We'll discuss it when we get home.

They begin to walk. Hey, at least ya made me look like a pussy in my own promo and had to save my life AND the day. That's gotta count for someth- Oh shit.

What babe?

As they leave our POV behind one last time...Just remembered what it was that Gravy did to win me over back in the day...

---FιαZHβαςκ Conclusion---
2017, back in the Burning Settler's Cabin with Jim, Graves and Cadryn where left off.

Look...Jim... Approaches a defensive Jim. If there's anything that will have you changing your mind about me, it's this...

Graves pulls a fat roll of hundred dollar bills from his pocket and holds it out to Jim, who- being homeless at the time -snatches it immediately and begins leafing through it.


Shitload of money for a homeless guy currently saving every fucking penny to buy a house, even if he IS bein' paid by the XWF as well.


Holding his hand out to Graves, offering a crooked smile. Brothers for life...


Hey Gravy?

I beat Dolly and Marf too. If that's the best you got to brag on then you're forgettin' I beat you as well. You beat Marf in a match named in 'is honor? I kicked your ass in Big Ben after you turned into a dragon. I win. Look, I'm happy y'could crawl outta your golem hole and compete on a card run by Charlie Nickles of all people- turds of a rapist female-hatin' feather, amirite? -but neither that nor defeatin' Marf impresses me or anyone else.

Includin' Marf.

And now that you beat Marf two weeks ago and you beat Dolly four YEARS ago, you're ready to "set (your) sights on me"?


LMAO I love that the way you put it made it sound that way. Slowest, lamest culmination to Caedus in history 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You really are one 'a the dumbest dipshits we got still kickin' it.

For another example:

Y'critique me for "poking fun by bringing up the reinventions of Gravy" by claimin' that's an "old and played-out topic."

Hey fuckstick, you LITERALLY just reinvented yourself again. Y'say Dolly unmasked you 4 months ago and try to flip my accusin' you 'a rippin' Bourbs off as inaccurate. You also said you've been gone for months, I'd assume right after the freaky friday shit, right? Let's also not forget that bein' gone after being de-masked means YOU DIDN'T PUSH THAT until now. So yeah, that means you ripped off Bourbon considerin' he lost the mask and kept goin' like a warrior, you lost yours and stepped outta the public eye like a coward. So OFFICIALLY your losin' the mask didn't really become news until you showed up flashin' that fucked up face askin' me for a match. Before that, switchin' bodies with Dolly and Gilly and the bitch Boss Lane balled and whatever the hell else, that all happened THIS year you dumb motherfucker. So I say to you what I say to Chaos each time 'e gets butthurt over hearin' the same points of attack...when you CHANGE, you'll hear a CHANGE in the avenues of attack.

For another example 'a your idiocy:

Y'said, "I’m not even looking to hurt you, Jim. I’m just looking to beat you.”

It's now my job to remind you this is a Last Man Standing match you fool and you're gonna HAFTA be lookin' to hurt me pretty bad to keep me down for a ten count. As the XWF X-Treme Champion, all I DO is undertake "gotta hurt me" matches. You've now stated for the record that




But then, you've been provin' that from the get-go. Too hasty. Too talentless. Too crazy. Too stupid. Too much of a clusterfuck. You've claimed both that you've changed and that NOTHING about you has changed.

Nothin' has.

Nothin' will.

It's time you come to grips with the fact you not only won't ever change or get better but you CAN'T. I'ma beat that as best I can into your pinhead tomorrow.

You ain't diggin' outta any hole you're in Mike.

You're buried.

For life.


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