Please Login or Register to get full access to the forums.

Lost Password?
Current time: 03-28-2024, 03:57 PM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)                                                                


X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
XWF Live! w/Special Guests: Cage Coleman and more
Author Message
Cage Coleman Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
11-11-2021, 07:30 PM



[Image: Jon-Stewart-the-daily-show.jpg]

"And we're back here on XWF Live, joined by a special guest panel to discuss the upcoming Tournament to determine the #1 Contender for Betsy Granger's TV Title at Bad Medicine," Steve Sayors welcomes the viewers at home. "First up, we've got former Heisman trophy winner, and Super Bowl Champion/MVP, Desmond Howard..............."

[Image: RS716799_20191129_AK1_2034-mar-780x470.jpg]

"HI, Steve, thanks for havin' me."

"Thanks for being here," Sayors greets his guest before turning his attention to the next one. "Also joining us, former XWF Internet Champion, MeFisto.............."

[Image: tyjCjjUOoofFXbC1ZFiP1sg0oQU.jpg]

"OOOOOOOOO, BROTHER, MEFISTO DOESN’T APPRECIATE THE WAY YOU SAY FORMER CHAMPION, IMPLYING HE LOST THE BELT, WHEN IN FACT HE WAS NEVER PINNED OR SUBMITTED FOR IT; MEANING HE IS STILL THE RIGHTFUL OWNER AND THE LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION EVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!"

Steve, remembering how thickheaded the former XWF superstar is, wasn't about to waste time trying to remind him how the rules of a Triple Threat Match work. "Yes, well, regardless, we're happy to have you here." Rather than respond verbally, MeFisto pulls a SpongeBob and flexes his arms to form the word "THANK" with his right bicep, and "YOU" with his left. Sayors tries his best not to let the absurdity of the matter distract him from introducing his finam guest.

"And lastly, we have on hand one of the participants in Saturday's Tournament; a man who took one half of the XWF Tag Team Champions to the limit, and will be hoping to, potentially, do the same with Betsy Granger at Bad Medicine. Please give a warm welcome to Cage Coleman................"

[Image: 8f959688e11b5de9ffd309805bcc6b37.jpg]

"Thanks, great to be here," an almost bored sounding Cage Coleman groans, before leaning forward and turning to MeFisto. "Did you know me and this guy almost Main Evented Japan Slam in the Tokyo Dome a few years back?"

"Really?" a curious Steve questions. "What happened?"

"I don't know," a condescending Coleman responds, eyeing MeFisto harder. "What happened?"

"OOOOOOOOOOO, BROTHER," MeFisto begins, a bit flustered about being called out. "THEY TRIED TO TRICK MEFISTO! INSTEAD OF PAYING ME MY USUAL MILLION DOLLAR FEE, THEY GAVE ME SOMETHING CALLED A YEN, BROTHER!!! SO I TOOK THEIR MONOPOLY MONEY AND FLEW BACK HOME TO PARTS UNKNOWN, OOOOOOOOOO YEAYEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"I ended up wrestling a vibrator, instead."

"OOOOOOOOO, MEFISTO KNOWS HIS WORTH, BROTHER!" the former wrestler spouted. "YOU GOTTA PAY THE MAN, TO GET THE MAN!!!!"

Before Cage can respond, Steve interrupts him in an attempt to get things back on track. "The first of four 1st Round Matches pits Osira Themis against former TV Champion, Charlie Nickles. Desmond, I'll ask you first, who do you like in this one?"

"I like Osira's Offense, but Charlie's Defense should be more than enough to handle it. He's physical and can take a beating, while creating opportunities for himself that should pay off big time in the end. I'm goin' with Charlie Nickles by three, Steve."

"MeFisto?"

"OOOOOOOOO, BROTHER, THERE'S ONE THING THAT MEFISTO KNOWS FOR SURE: NEITHER OF THEM CAN MATCH THE GREATNESS THAT IS MEFISTOOOOOOOOO!"

"So you're NOT making a pick?"

MeFisto poses for the camera, his muscles glistening in the hot lights of the studio. "NO, BROTHER, I AM NOT."

Sayors sighs, wondering whose brilliant idea it was to invite him onto the show over the plethora of other former XWF talent. "What about you, Cage? What are YOUR thoughts on this one?"

Cage chuckles. "I think it's pretty obvious Charlie Nickles is gonna win this one, but that says more about Osira than it does Charlie. Her and Atara are two of the laziest wrestlers I've EVER seen, and I've seen some lazy fucks in my travels. Can't be bothered to promo on time, can't be bothered to act like they actually give a shit about this business; seriously, why are they here?!"

"I think that's a little unfair, Cage," Desmond interjects, receiving an eyeroll for his trouble. "Atara's had quite a bit of success here, a helluva alot more than you've had."

"Pleeeeeeease," Coleman scoffs. "The only reason she held the Xtreme Championship was because Fuzz tossed her a, literal, bone." Cage's comments receive some awkward looks from the panel. "And she dominated a division that was SO bad, they had to get rid of the belt once they realized nobody wanted to see Ash Quinn, Jenny Myst, and Atara Themis every fuckin' week."

"You're probably asking yourself 'what does this have to do with Osira?'" Cage continues. "It has EVERYTHING to do with Osira............... it runs in the family! She's already taught her how to miss her promos, next she'll be teaching her how to lose! Oh, wait, Osira already knows how to do that pretty well!"

"Didn't you lose your debut?"

Coleman ignores Steve and moves on to the next competitor. "Charlie Nickles is a heavy favorite here, and I'm not just talkin' about his weight! There's a reason he's a former Television Champion, the guy is absolutely inSANE and willing to do anything in order to come out on top! Not only do I expect him to run through Osira, I fully expect him to be the one standing across from me in the Finals!"

"IF you make it to the Finals............"

"When I make it to the Finals."

Steve awkwardly looks down at his notes before moving on. "The next match pits relative newcomer, Schism, against the former Television Champion, Marf. MeFisto, I gotta ask, who do you like in this one?" Sayors waits patiently for an answer, but the one-time Internet Champion is too full of himself to realize he'd been asked a question. After waiting patiently for a moment, Steve addresses the former Heisman Trophy winner. "Desmond?"

"This here's an interesting match-up, Steve," Howard begins. "All signs point to Marf blowing his opponent out of the water. He was Champion just a few weeks back, and is constantly competing at a Championship level. That being said, Schism has alot more tape on Marf than Marf does of him, and for that reason, I'm going with Schism for the upset!"

"I can already hear the fans at home screaming at their TVs!" Sayors says before turning to the last member of the panel. "What about you, Cage? Can Schism pull off the same upset you're hoping to over Reggie, or does Marf move on?"

"First off," an annoyed Coleman exhales. "When I beat Reggie Estrada, it isn't going to be an upset.......... it's to be expected. As for Schism, what can I say? It's my favorite Tool song, though that isn't saying much because I HATE Tool. It's pretty obvious this guy's just here for a paycheck, and taking up the spot of someone much more deserving, sort of like someone ELSE we know......................" The camera pans over to MeFisto, who's now checking himself out in a hand mirror. "Marf's a scrapper, desperate to escape Lycana's shadow. Unfortunately for him, winning Titles only to lose 'em a couple weeks later isn't the way to do it. While I have him winning this one, there's no way he makes it past Charlie Nickles in the next round." Cage raises his arm. "I'd bet my left hand on it."

"Oooookay," Sayors responds, looking back over his notes. "Our next match features our guest, Cage Coleman, against Reggie Estrada. Since you're competing in this one, Cage, and we already know how you feel on the matter, we're gonna turn to Desmond for his pick."

Desmond Howard speaks directly to Cage Coleman. "While I respect you, and think you did a helluva job against Mark Flynn, I can't bet against a brotha! Reggie's a two-time Xtreme Champion and, much like Marf, he's always right there in the Title picture. You're gonna have your hands full Saturday night, and I won't be surprised if you're the one hittin' the showers early!"

"Are you saying you're going with Reggie Estrada?"

"I am, Steve," Howard confirms as Cage Coleman tosses the papers in front of him up in the air while shaking his head in disagreement.

"Sounds like we're split on this one," Sayors points out before turning to MeFisto in hopes he'll break the tie. "Would you like to weigh in on this one, MeFisto?"

By some miracle, MeFisto actually hears Steve. Before he can answer, though, Cage slips what appears to be a check over to him, trying to act nonchalant about it(and failing miserably). MeFisto flips it over and inspects the number of zeroes appearing after the 1, before putting it in his pocket and giving 'his' opinion.

"I'M GOING WITH COLEMAN, BROTHER."

"I see," Steve replies, eyeing the bribe the entire time. Rather than call either of them out on it, though, Sayors makes the wise choice of moving on. "Well, that leaves us with Victoria Strader-Knox vs Ciela Luiz. MeFisto, while I've got your attention, who do YOU like in this one?"

"MEFISTO WOULD TAKE BOTH OF THEM ON, BROTHER," Powerade's favorite(?) spokesman declares. "IF THEY WEREN'T A COUPLE OF GIRRRRRRLS! YOU SEE, BROTHER, MEFISTO HAS STANDARDS AND, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF BIG D, DOESN'T BEAT UP ANYONE WEAKER THAN HIM, OOOOOOOOOO YEAH! MEFISTO HAS A CODE, THE MEFIST-COOOOOOOODE!!!!!"

"I was taught that, too," Cage shrugs. "But women are 'equal' now so, if I refuse to hit one of them based on their gender, I could have a lawsuit on my hands!"

Sayors buries his face into his palm. "Just tell me who you're taking."

"CS Lewis," a cocky Coleman answers with a smirk. "Or whatever her name is. The one without the feminist hyphen in her last name."

"Ciela Luiz?"

"Yes, the Mexican," an unapologetic Cage confirms. "But honestly, Steve, it doesn't matter who wins this match because, either way, they're stuck against ME in the next round, and that doesn't bode well for them. Not. One. Bit. Now, if the 2nd Round was, say, a sandwich making contest, there's no doubt in my mind that either one of them would wipe the floor with me! Afterall, I don't even know if the chicken or the egg came first, let alone the bread or the cheese. But, unfortunately for them, it's NOT, meaning they're BOTH destined to go home before either one of them can make it to the Finals. You see, I broke out my old N64 and borrowed a copy of Super Mario from my neighbor. Suffice to say, I've been playing the Chill with the Bully Star on repeat ever since, so I know exactly what I gotta do to come out on top."

"And what exactly would that be?"

Cage, who didn't even own a Nintendo 64 and only made the reference to sound 'smart,' had to come up with something fast. "Uuuuuuuuum," he stalled, receiving a concerned look from Steve and Desmond. "I, uh............ can't tell you!"

"You can't?"

"Absolutely not!" Coleman doubled down. "I can't just go on live TV and discuss my strategy for all the world to hear! I'm gonna push them in the water, Steve, how 'bout we just leave it at that?!"

Despite the fact Cage came up with his response on the fly, Sayors seemed pleased with it. "A fair point." Steve turns to the former Michigan Wolverine. "Who do you like in this one, Desmond."

"I'm taking Ciela Luiz, as well, Steve," he answers.

"And that leaves us with the Final Four, who do you guys think will be advancing to the finals?"

Desmond goes to respond, but Cage Coleman interrupts him. "The truth is, Steve, it doesn't MATTER who advances to the finals," he coldly quips. "Whether it's Marf or Charlie, the fact of the matter is they're merely competing for the honor to fall at the hands of Cage Coleman."

"That's an awfully bold statement."

"There's nothing bold about the truth," Coleman states in an irritated tone. "Unless you're a whiney liberal who can't HANDLE the truth! The XWF is full of talent; men, and maybe even a woman or two, who I'd LOVE to step into the ring with and put on a match for the ages against! But, NONE OF THEM are even IN this Tournament! Sure, Charlie and Marf are great names if you're into mid-carders, but where is the ACTUAL talent?! The Bobby Bourbons, the Robert Mains, hell, I'd even take a Ned Kaye or two if it meant getting rid of an Osira Themis or Victoria Strader-Knox!"

"When my agent convinced me to take bookings with the XWF, I was under the impression I'd be facing REAL competition, not Tag Team Champions..........."

"That Tag Team Champion BEAT you..........."

Like the Trump supporter he is, Cage Coleman, once again, ignores the truth. "............and whatever has-beens or never-weres they could scrounge up just for the sake of hosting a Tournament!"

"Mr. Big worked really hard to put this Tournament together!"

"Really?! Because it looks to me like he pulled a bunch of names out of a hat, and stips out of his ass, in a desperate attempt for some ratings!"

Cage pauses for a moment, taking the time to look directly into the camera and address everyone watching at home.

"Well, congratulations, Big, you and Karen are about to strike a ratings gold mine, and it'll be all thanks to moi!" Coleman expresses with a chef's kiss. "Nobody's tuning in to see Schism, or Ciela Luiz; and the only reason to watch a Themis match is if you wanna rub one out.............. Atara OR Osira. Even better if it's both!"

"My point is, there's 2, MAYBE 3 people in this Tournament anybody actually expects to win, the rest are just here for participation trophies. What people REALLY want to see is Cage Coleman put on one for the ages against the winner of Charlie's Nickles vs Marf. And thank God, THANK GOD, that that match will at least be somewhat normal................. at least as normal as having an Eskimo gangbang at ringside can be! I'll be able to salvage one of the worst booked cards I have EVER seen in my life; and that's comin' from a guy who wrestled a fucking sex toy! But hey, it's okay, Cage Coleman can make even a match with a snowman a 5 Star Classic!!! And that's EXACTLY what you want out of your future Television Champion, someone who's gonna make people turn on their televisions! Not someone like Boring Betsy, or Thebe the Dweeb............ a warrior who shows up EVERY week and leaves the fans wanting more. A Champion who makes jaws drop, and ratings pop! Let's be honest, the REAL reason we're having this Tournament is to give Cage Coleman his big break! And he's gonna return the favor by breaking his opponent's and going on to become the best God damn TV Champion the XWF has EVER had! There's no need for anymore predictions, Steve, because I just TOLD YOU what's gonna happen!!!!!" A fired up Coleman does his best Howard Dean impression, picking a pen up off the table and tossing it down, causing it to fly across the room, and nearly take Steve's eye out.

"Yes, well," Sayors says as he ducks to avoid the rampant pen. "We're all out of time, anyway. For Cage Coleman, Desmond Howard, annnnnnd MeFisto, I'm Steve Sayors, tellin' you all good night!"

The live camera feed cuts, leaving Desmond and Cage arguing over Coleman's arrogant, and sexist, attitude, while MeFisto complains about finding out the show was on a voluntary basis, and that he would, in fact, NOT be receiving a million dollars for his appearance.
Edit Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 7 users Like Cage Coleman's post:
Ciela Luiz (11-11-2021), EDWARD THE GREAT (11-12-2021), Mark Flynn (11-11-2021), Morbid Angel (11-11-2021), MrBig (11-12-2021), Robert "The Omega" Main (11-16-2021), Thunder Knuckles™ (11-11-2021)
[-] Oh shit! Hater alert! The following 1 user Hates Cage Coleman's post!
Charlie Nickles (11-11-2021)




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)