The Warehouse, as it was lovingly called by Woody and the others, was not at all what it sounded. In reality, all it was a small barn in the middle of a forgotten farm town in the middle of the American Midwest. The youngest resident was no younger than 30, and everyone stunk of incest. The perfect hiding place for a group of suddenly animate inanimate objects.

Everyone was gathered in a circle around the middle of the building when the first rays of sunlight peered in through the crack in the door that never seemed to get fixed. Just then, Woody turned toward the door and pushed it open all the way. He stepped out into the world with a renewed sense of excitement, something he hadn't felt since he first became animated. He served a purpose once again.

After his remarkable pinfall victory over Swift Ion on an episode of Madness, he hadn't even been brought back to be repaired for the next show when Paul Heyman stopped him. He pulled the young table aside and offered him a contract to wrestle for the XWF. At that point, Woody was so surprised that he couldn't even say anything to accept it. All Heyman did was put his name on the contract and told him to show up at the July 13th PPV.

"Come on guys, it's really nice out here!"

He waved his front set of legs over at Chair and Ladder, two other animate inanimate objects employed by the XWF, who waddled over to him. Just then, a group of overweight hillbilly residents of the small nameless because fuck the midwest town rode up to the three on their fully upgraded lawnmowers.

Hillbilly Born from Incest: "Look 'ere, we got us some of them fancy smancy talking tables!"

Incest born from Hillbilly: "Just like on that Ex Dubya Eff program..."

"Yeah! Can we 'ave yer autograph?"

"The way you beat that fairy, Swift Ion was great!"

Despite not having lungs, Woody sighs in relief. Glad that they aren't here to burn him at the stake for being a witch, he offers his front pair of legs to hold up a Sharpie marker that the slightly less fat one handed him and drags the marker across the hood of the lawnmowers. Hooping with glee, the hillbillies then ride off back into the town that everyone forgot about, leaving the group back in the company of themselves once more.

Chair: "Wow, look at the big shot over here! They didn't even care about Ladder and me!"

Woody turns back to the others, seeing the state Chair is in. She folded herself out as if expecting someone to sit on her, she was obviously saddened by the lack of recognition she got from the two average XWF fans. Ladder on the other hand is cool like a cucumber, almost as if his ego wasn't even bruised after he got shafted. Probably because he had no ego to speak of. Or speaking ability to speak of...

"OH, DON'T BE SAD CHAIR! THEY WERE JUST STUPID HUMANS ANYWAY!"

There went Woody's split personality again. He wasn't quite sure what had triggered him to go from thoughtful and considerate to a vicious, human hating jerk, but whatever it was, he didn't like it. If he could write a strongly worded letter to the source of the problem, you could be damn sure he would.

"Hey, Mr. Narrator! Damn is way too foul of language for you to be using! Think of the children!"

Oh shut up Woody.

As I was trying to get across, Woody normally is a very considerate table. However, when the other voice kicks in, everything goes wrong...

Regardless, the distraction would not get in the way of the day Woody had planned for his new friends. Continuing to move on his back legs as if he were a human himself, he led the others down the side of the one road that went through the town. This was a bad idea...

As they made it to the center of the town, just in front of the local general store that only sold beef jerky, mountain dew, and chewing tobacco, they were spotted by a group of stick skinny rednecks who were fixated on a truck prior. They raced over to the objects and began to heckle them.

"You suck Table! Swift Ion is the best ever! Do you even see all his flips?"

The others didn't say anything themselves (we assume this was because they can't communicate in English) but their hollering and laughs proved that they were agreeing with the leader. Chair slid behind Ladder in an attempt to shield herself from the harassment, when all of a sudden those guys got a lot more than they bargained for, because little did they know...

...That Woody's dad was coming up behind them...

BOOM! The biggest one of the group, weighing about 120 lbs soaking wet, fell to the ground first. All it took was one swing of the sturdy oak frame and he was out like a light implying rednecks know what electricity is.

The other three turned around, then two fell as a result of Ladder joining the fray. Rushing into them, he used all of his steel frame to knock them the fuck heck out.

That left only one, the leader. Surrounded on all sides by Ladder, Woody, Woody's Father, and Chair, who rushed into position when she saw Woody's dad, the leader of the moronic group put his hands in the air in surrender. Woody looked around, knowing that the decision of what to do with him was his choice. Bobbing his front legs up and down, he instructed the group to let the man go. As they backed up, he ran off into the distance.

"And don't come back! Wait, maybe he lives here... And do come back later on! No, that doesn't work. Why does being a badass have to be so hard?"

The four then embrace in a group hug as the scene fades to black.

Who wouldn't want a ghost prostitute? - Mr. Satellite

Being offended is no reason to cheat - Archie Lawson