Please Login or Register to get full access to the forums.

Lost Password?
Current time: 03-28-2024, 07:51 AM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)                                                                


X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF Live! » Character Development RPs
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Talking To Yourself
Author Message
Prof. Bobby Bourbon Offline
Mad Scientist



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
10-29-2021, 10:16 AM



The darkness of the forest at night is pure, and freeing. In a small clearing, we see our intrepid loner being alone near a small campfire. The nearby carcass of a deer hangs from a tree branch, a hefty piece of meat skewered by a stick being roasted over an open flame.

This whole alone thing isn't so bad.

Bobby gazes at the roasting venison in front of him. As the flames crackled, the meat sizzled and hissed. He looks calm, moreso than he'd been in weeks.

Got room for one more?

Bobby looks up with a start.

Who's there?

Yo, down here.

Bobby looks down and spots a fox looking up at him.

Hiya.

Bobby looks rightly perplexed at the animal.

How are you…

Talking?

And finishing my sentences.

I'm your spirit animal.

Huh. I always thought it would be an orangutan.

Nope. The name's Gussy.

Gussy the spirit animal?

Yeah, look I'm not thrilled about it but it's what my mom, God rest her soul, named me so that's that. Nice deer.

Thanks.

Killed with your bare hands, too. Very predatorial, I like it. Most of you humans use projectiles to hunt, and I mean who can blame you, most of you are hairless walking kebabs. No claws, no fangs, but some of you do have that crazy primate strength.

Yeah, hence…

Hence why you thought I'd be an ape. Look, we’re in a forest in North America, there are no indiginous apes. Use your head, next thing you know you're going to be demonizing being self-assured while presenting some parable about insecurity and failure to find identity of self with others.

Like George?

Bingo. That guy is spreading two messages out of both ends, talking out of his ass while breathing hot air.

Huh. I guess that's why it all sounds so hollow, the guys hemorrhaging word salad everywhere thinking that's how you pin an opponent.

Right? Shit, if promos really mattered Robert Main wouldn't have won at Relentless.

Huh. I see your point. So, Spirit animal, what are you here for?

Don't be dense, that's not how this works. You're going to go on a spiritual journey of self-discovery. That could take hours. Maybe even days.

Oh. Well I have a match on Saturday.

Not entirely. You have a match that's supposed to traverse space and time. You don't have to arrive, they can just beep-boop your opponent to when you are.

True. It's a good thing none of the match is taking place here and now.

That would be awkward.

Bobby moves the sizzling venison from the fire and picks a piece off. He tosses it towards Gussy, who catches it in his mouth. Gussy chews it up as Bobby takes a bite off the slab.

I wonder if George knows I've already done the time traveling thing years ago. Before it was popular.

Jesus you sound like a hipster.

Well, what, we played fucking Woodstock. You'd have thought he would have brought that up. I guess he was too busy not writing the material for his promos since he bitched about how I pointed to something that happened in one. Shit, if he conceded a point at least once I guess that would've been some impressive character development.

Who gives a shit about that? Like you said…

I was being facetious. I guess George was too busy insisting on his own sarcasm that he missed mine.

A raccoon runs into the scene and sits next to Gussy.

Yo.

Who are you?

Oh, this is Arlo, he’s cool.

Sup. Good luck in your match.

You know about it?

Yeah, us woodland creatures are big time fans of yours. Especially since you killed that deer.

What douchebags.

Seriously, deer are self-righteous dopes who think they're doing what's best for everyone but are really just being self-serving asshats.

Huh. Deer are that obnoxious?

You think they aren’t? They’re just jumping out trying to pick fights with cars all the time because “they’re trying to make the world more quiet” because the sound of traffic keeps them awake at night.

Arlo uses tiny little raccoon paw air quotes.

Huh. You know, in the multiverse there are plenty of instances of existence that deer aren’t like that.

Arlo looks at Sully queerly as Sully half smirks.

What the fuck is he talking about?

I think he’s about to get rolling.

Stop talking nerd.

Arlo pulls out a cigar and lights it up.

Woah, is he…

TK’s spirit animal? Yes.

Fucking nerds.

Nerd, schmerd, Mr. Arlo.

Please, it’s just Arlo. Mr. Arlo was my father.

Okay. Look, so it goes without saying I’m an extradimensional being of some kind of clout, right?

Right.

I guess?

Look, it was a whole thing, and the craziest part is, there are nigh infinite parallel existences out there, a new one occurring whenever any kind of variable in play just veers one way or the other. Like, right now, countless different existences just occurred where one of us farted, sneezed, belched, started singing, had self-doubt, or was too cocksure.

Hah. You said cock.

Arlo, please. Now, I have been so many things to so many people over the years, what’s the one thing I’ve always been to my opponents?

Fat.

Well, okay, but what else?

Pretty much just fat. There’s always been fat jokes.

Yeah, yeah, I’m husky, two-hundred and ninety-six pounds, I put on some weight. Gussy, do you want to clue Arlo in?

You’re a problem they have to deal with because you’re ostensibly dense and straightforward when in reality you have something up your sleeve!

Right! I have been problematic for my opponents because as big and strong as I am, I’m also a sneaky fuck who does dirty shit to get an edge. I don’t just smash, I rake the eyes to set up a better smash! Now, to throw George off guards, what does that mean I have to do?

Uh, not be fucking problematic?

No! To throw George off guards, I need to be even simpler so he can pick up on it. And to do that, I’m going to summon a bunch of my parallel dimensional selves to help! I might be on my own, without all the Bastards, no Bourbon Men, and not a single ally for miles, if not meters…

Meters? Fuck a metric system.

Yo, Bobby, don’t you mean kilometers?

Nah fam.

The camera pivots. We see that while Bobby is in a wooded area, there’s a gas station within view, as well as a busy road and all the regular hallmarks of civilization. This is less deep woods camp, more homeless camp.

Meters.

Gussy facepalms.

You weren’t supposed to reveal that, you were supposed to be deeper than that.

Yeah, but I don’t need to be “deep”, I need to be fantastic!

From behind a tree we see another Bobby step, this one in a pretty pink Victorian style dress with a lovely make-up job, braided pigtails, and a mustache.

Woah, It’s Disney Princess Bobby!

“That’s right, Bobby, and I made that cancer-ridden little girl happy by being here. I also made your opponent pleased as punch with my mustache.”


From behind another tree, we see a Bobby step forward with a du-rag. He grins, showcasing a diamond grill.

Oh, neat, street-savvy no-nonsense Bobby is here to lay down the truth!

“George can eat deez nuts! Any haters out there can kiss our butts!”

Ooh, neat, he seems to be very rhymy!


The street-savvy no-nonsense Bobby flashes a peace sign to our Bobby. As he does, another Bobby steps forward. This one is still in a mask, and is holding one half of the OCW Tag Team Championships.

Hot shit, it’s July 2021 Bobby!

“I am!”


July 2021 Bobby flashes a grin. His incisor sparkles in the light of the campfire.

Who knew? The recent past came up in an XWF Promo!

“That, uh, seems to happen a lot. I did this already.”

Yeah, but it was cool, and George has been hitting every note he’s known to hit, singing the same-old tune in his promos, only when I do it it’s awesome.

“You hypocrite!”

The High-Holy Hypocrite, thank you much.


Another Bobby steps forward from the darkness.

“The Big Bad Big Bad of Big Bads!”

Shush, George was out of material and he said he was going to eat us already, now you’re going to make him ramble pointlessly for another hour-and-a-half about all the nicknames.


Another Bobby steps forwards, this one in an exorbitant turban.

“The Sultan of Smacktalk.”

Fair, okay, I don’t know why I never rocked the turban before.

“Oh, this is, well, everybody in the brane of existence I live in wears turbans, it wasn’t a fashion choice.”

Oh. Well, that’s interesting. String theory sure is fun, ain’t it?


STOP.

TALKING.

NERD.


Arlo stands up and flicks everybody off. He then tromps off into the woods. As he does, another Bobby steps forward, this one with a thick black mullet and matching pussy-mouth style mustache.

“Yeah, fucker, I’m Thunder Bourbon, and my partner is Bobby Knuckles, and you’re talking nerd!”

Oh, neat, you’re from one of those branes of existence where me and TK are swapped, ish.

“Nah, we’re just fucking awesome is what!”


Another Bobby steps forward.

“And from the darkness, the light happens… wait who the hell are all of you?”

Oh, you must be shooting-another-promo-being-dark-and-brooding Bobby!

“Dark and brooding is my thing!”

Well, sucks to be you, you just stumbled into Bobby Prime’s universe.


The rest of the Bobby’s nod in ascent. Dark Brooding Bobby rolls his eyes and walks back into the woods, brushing past a Bobby wearing an all green suit with numbers all over it. 7, 13, 83, 211, etc.

“Woah, did somebody say Prime Numbers Bobby?”

Dang, you mean?

“Yes, there’s a you that spent his whole life dedicated to prime numbers. Some people had cats. Some had families. Some had boats. I, in my lifes efforts, have prime numbers, only divisible by itself and one!”


Everybody stops and glances around. Prime Numbers Bobby reads the room rudimentary campsite.

"That, uh, wasn't metaphorical or anything, I just think those specific numbers are really important and it's probably because I'm obsessive-compulsive."

The assembled Bobbies all nod in agreement. All except one who comes out of the woodwork, or just the woods rather, shaking his head.

Oh man, it's Contradicting Bobby!

"Am not!"

Well, guys, it's been swell and all, and those look like some awesome Halloween costume ideas, but for Halloween, I think we all know I'm going to be one thing. Universal Champion. Not that it's foregone, I gotta bust my ass in that ring, but I can beat George, and I'll do it with determination!


Determination Bobby gives a thumbs up.

With grit!

A Bobby eating a tub of grits gives a thumbs up.

With panache!

The Bobbies all look around.

That's me, I am Panache Personified. Copyright. If anyone tries to use that moniker you owe me a quarter.

The assembled Bobbies all look on in awe as yet another character trait nickname happens. Gussy looks proud.

Don't forget your cleverness.

It is a strength of mine. At least it's not misspent.

Gussy winks.

Are you forgetting something?

Oh yeah!

All of the Bobbies flash out of existence. Gussy is left behind, a whole deer carcass at his disposal.

Guys, the coast is clear!

Arlo returns. Following him are a bear, a possum, and a coyote. They all sit around the fire, and start sharing the venison.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi, We’re Bobby Bourbon.

We see Bobby surrounded by several iterations of himself, as his is kinda prone to do.

It’s October, and while that does mean tricks and treats and cool orange and purple lighting everywhere, not to mention hearing Thriller and the Monster Mash nonstop, plus the ongoing debate of whether The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Halloween or Christmas movie, and it’s both by the way, it’s also a very important month of the year that none of my cohorts in the XWF wanted to join me in spreading the message about.

[Image: eG_Ixn9C.jpeg]

October is Breast Cancer awareness month. Now, unlike the sick little girl I met with…

The little girl runs into the scene. She jumps into the arms of Disney Princess Bobby.

I got better!

Cure-For-Cancer Bobby steps forward and winks.

Thousands of women are afflicted with breast cancer every year, and it’s not only treatable, but it’s spread can be prevented.

[Image: VTIWQDu6_400x400.jpg]

Small ones.

[Image: huge-boobs.gif]

Massive ones.

[Image: hugemelontitreveala-1568511943lp4c8.gif]

Damn. Lookit those.

[Image: 05f0cdcc68818dd2034649203358b27d.gif]

Those too.

[Image: chubby-babe-big-tits-reveal.gif]

Hot damn.

Save the ta-tas. Long live the ta-tas. Hooray for boobies!


The assembled Bobbies all give a hearty thumbs up, except Disney Princess Bobby, who is shielding a little girl’s eyes.

“Dude, not cool, we have a kid here.”

I didn’t know she’d be here, I didn’t cure her cancer!


Everybody turns and glares at Cure-For-Cancer Bobby, who looks a little ashamed.

I might be facing off with George at Saturday Night Savage in the match of his lifetime by myself, but when it comes to breast cancer, nobody fights alone.

The camera fades to show the following image.

[Image: il_570xN.2005203782_kevc.jpg]

[Image: DtUCPfZ.png]
Edit Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 4 users Like Prof. Bobby Bourbon's post:
Corey Smith (10-29-2021), JimCaedus (10-29-2021), Marf (10-29-2021), Thunder Knuckles™ (10-29-2021)




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)