[bwo][/bwo]


Picking up where we left off. Bobby, TK, and of course Jimmy all walking into the diner for the best poutine around. Bobby’s nose twitches as soon as the door opens. TK notices this but he’s more interested in finding a beer. TK sits down at the diner’s bar and yells out.

YO! Beer, stat!

Bobby and Jimmy haven't even sat down yet.

Smells all wrong.

Huh?

No coffee, no grease...

Yeah, yeah, sit down guys.

TK gets louder to get the waitress's attention.

Whoever's back there working, I'm a rich mother fucker, who needs a goddamn beer!

Bobby and Jimmy finally sit at the diner bar. They glance at a simple paper menu, all of the items are crossed out, with only one item listed. Meth. Bobby rolls his eyes and snorts in disgust.

Do you hate meth that much, Bobby?

No you fucking simp, no goddamn poutine. You’ve been watching too many Marf promos, mother fucker. It also probably means there's no goddamn beer either, assholes. What a fucking shit hole.

Bobby looks like a first grader denied a Happy Meal, while at McDonald's as the last play place is being destroyed in front of his eyes, Bobby pouts and nods. A highly energetic tweaker steps out from the kitchen.

Hi! Get you some meth, boys?

I guess...

Bobby and TK slowly look at Jimmy. Bobby is shaking his head 'no', even TK is looking at Jimmy like a ‘what the fuck, dude?’.

Go take a lap.

What? I...

TK raises his hand as if to slap Jimmy because he’s heard enough. Jimmy skedaddles out of the diner before receiving the blow from TK.

What a goddamn Robert Main thing to do.

Bobby stands and cracks his knuckles, at this moment TK takes a deep breath, knowing for sure now that he isn’t getting that crisp hoppy beverage he so desperately desires. Both men rise and start heading for the diner bar. As the XWF and OCW tag team champions round the bar the tweaker utters the words.

Uh, are you guys with the health department?

Bobby’s frame covers the camera and almost instantly transitions to the next scene.


[bwo][/bwo]


We now see Bobby and TK in aprons and those little paper chef hats on, in the diner kitchen. The tweaker is tied up and gagged in a chair. The tweaker is also struggling and making a commotion. TK looks back and shouts.

Will you shut the fuck up! You know, goddamn well, we can fuck you up way worse than you got it so far.

TK looks back into the camera and nods, queuing Todd to list the ingredients on the screen.


[bwo]INGREDIENTS:
Four large eggs
One-third cup of water
Two tablespoons of butter
One-fourth cup each: sweet onion, bell pepper, spinach, and diced tomato
Six strips of bacon
Shredded mozzarella cheese for topping
[/bwo]


Goddamn junkies, anyway, Did you see that dog turd of a promo Marf and Lycana shot?

Bobby is seen frying up some bacon as he responds, keeping a diligent eye on the stove.

Yeah, unfortunately.

TK gives his merciless Lycana and Marf killing jerking-off hand gesture. He then begins to break open four eggs into a bowl.

Oh shit, I fucked up and called Ozzy, Bobby, at War Games!

Oh, no!

Bobby says sarcastically as he carefully extracts the perfectly colored bacon from his pan. TK pours one-third cup of water into the eggs and starts whipping the egg and water mixture in the bowl. Until there are no streaks. They’re doing all this without missing a beat.

Great one, bitch. You’re so good at cutting promos it’s goddamn scary sometimes, ya know that? A fuck up like that would be like saying “Who would put ‘The Thugs’ and ‘Brains’ in the same sentence. While putting them in the same goddamn sentence. What kind of fucking cretin would consider that an insult?

TK places his index finger on his chin and ponders for exactly 1.276 seconds.

Oh, that's right!

Bobby begins dicing the bacon on a cutting board.

Y'know, I reckon Lycana is so fixated on a team being “who carries who” on account of her time in the tag scene has been having to be the driver for her cuck without a license.

License? A fucking driver's license? A license to kill?

Bobby pushes the bacon into a bowl of its own with his knife.

A dog license. Oh, and Marf, I guess you really did wind up as dead weight, Lycana is dropping your ass and acknowledges this is all a foregone conclusion. Just check out some of the promotional material floating around out there.

TK smirks and cuts in while beginning to dice sweet onions, Bobby has now moved on to cutting bell peppers into spears.

Lycana’s more worried about ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles’ mediocre career than trying to win this damn match, isn’t she? She's Always chasing little ‘ol me, I mean, that's what she says. Oh, I fucking get it though 'Ol Thunder Knuckles is a two-time champion of all television, part of the most critically acclaimed tag team in XWF history, a tag team that mind you, has a stranglehold of two fucking companies' tag team divisions. Sorry to burst your bubble there were-cunt but the only thing more mediocre than you, is your current tag team partner. As a team, you're legit the laughing stock of the division by far. Check it, The Thugs hold victory’s over us and Ruby with Calypso. Hell, when was the last time your tag team won something? If ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles recalls correctly, the last time you two teamed, you got stomped into the dirt by a guy who studies people’s XWF bio pages on the official website and thinks he’s a fucking cowboy for it. Oh, and his damn near incapable of doing his fucking job partner, almost forgot that useless piece of shit. The truth is, Lycana, the XWF overpaid when they signed you. Un-fucking-fortunately you told management to keep the change and picked up Marf along the way.

Bobby takes the diced sweet onions and the cut in half spears of bell pepper and begins to sauté them in a separate pan than the one he cooked the bacon in. Have no fear he did add just a dab of bacon grease for flavor, along with the butter, to keep the omelet from sticking to the pan.

I will give Marf credit, I did hold the TV Title precisely as long as he did. The difference being I just wanted the notch in my belt of holding EVERY belt this company had to offer, plus beating the shit out of Corey Smith is its own reward.

Too fucking bad Marf’s half ass is never going to see a day like that. Marf’s too busy living in a world of make-believe with a brain-damaged Mastermind, at this point. Son, you've never been a success at any-fucking-thing, don't try to start now. You’re only going to get yourself shit canned for goddamn impotence.

Incompetence?

No, goddamn it, I said that right, for sure.

While Bobby sautés the sweet onions and bell peppers on medium heat. TK is now cutting tomatoes into small cubes similar to the onions that he did earlier.

Speaking about being right and how JB and Make-a-Wish can’t get right. Tommy Wish somehow fucking believes he and JB, who was in BOB long enough to have a goddamn cup of coffee before skipping off to do jack and shit, put BOB on the map.

The tomatoes are done now TK has moved onto cutting spinach into damn near flakes.

Put BOB on the map?

Bobby’s onion and bell peppers are done sautéing. Bobby turns off the heat and removes the pan from the burner. TK follows up right behind him, still talking, and dumps the tomatoes with the spinach into the pan with the onions and bell peppers.

That’s what he said.


Bobby puts the bacon into the veggies, TK stirs the veggies and bacon up, and places a lid over the pan so that the veggies can steam.

Yo, Tommy, you called Google and told them the address, we then laid a foundation, and built this house you're entering on Saturday called the tag team division. Not just the XWF tag team division, no, there isn't a company out there that isn't on notice. Be on the lookout, BOB is coming, spearheaded by Them No Good Bastards are coming to take your tag team gold. Where nobody has heard of Tommy Wish's foot fetish or JB's, uh, annual presence at Coachella? Dude, what's the Thugs thing besides being severely overmatched anywhere but Anarchy again?

Knowing that TK would be finishing with the pan of veggies and bacon, Bobby had already dumped the extra bacon grease out of the pan that he is going to prepare the eggs in. Leaving just enough bacon grease to give the eggs even more flavor.

Give the dudes credit, Bobby, at least they weren’t shoehorned into the title picture like The Disenfranchised. The Thugs did beat Ruby and Calypso. Which let’s be fucking real, is still by far more than anything Lycana or Marf has done since long before War Games. Even though JB is a shell of himself these days he at least knows we’re household names and the best tag team in history. Take notes, Lycana, you might just learn something from J-fucking-Bizzle.

While TK is talking Bobby is adding the egg mixture into his prewarmed pan. As the outside edges cook, he gently pushes the eggs toward the center of the pan. This is allowing the remaining liquid to flow into the space left at the sides of the pan.

I know these fuck ass teams want to rumble but this isn’t the fucking fight they're looking for, you can cash that statement and take the money to your local funeral home. We are the keepers of the tag team kingdom, collecting tag gold wherever we fucking go, kind of like Lycana does with goddamn tag team losses. We fucking annihilate and just so happens to be kicking off domination season in XWF. If either of these goddamn special teams mother fuckers thinks they’re ending Them No Good Bastards title reign, then they’re fucking dreaming. This isn’t a competition, this is a goddamn clinical beating. We’re in our position because we fucking earned it, match in, match out. We. Are. Not. The. Fucking. Same. You see, we have gladiator running through our veins.

What? Are you not entertained?

TK and Bobby clink their XWF Tag Team Championships together because they know they are god gifted, they’re also doing this without stopping the food preparation. Bobby, while the middle of the eggs are still a little wet, he adds the pre-cooked veggies to them, the spinach and tomato have steam wilted while sitting in with the onions and bell peppers, but they have not become gooey. The veggie bacon combo is perfect in every way. The eggs continue to cook for a few more minutes with the veggies laying on top.

Check this shit out, Bobby. We-

THEM NO GOOD BASTARDS-

Are the killers of egos. I alone make Omega’s finito and clown his boys like some cheap hoes. In the tag team division, I’ll give one hundred percent even if my tank is on zero. They think it’s a goddamn game, Nah, this is a mother fucking legendary reign. I’d say it again but they already know our goddamn name.

Bobby carefully folds the omelet in half, immediately behind his fold TK tops it with shredded mozzarella cheese.


TK and I know when we put the heat on, something good is happening for those about to consume it. Alias wants to eat the world, but people line up, fork in hand, to see what we’re dishing out.

It's the easiest fucking dish there is to make, really.

Lycana Flambé and Marf a la Mode, one put to the fire and left sizzling and steaming, the other fully chilled off and left in the cold, we made them palatable. Tommy Wish and John Black are a pair of ham sandwiches, they'll settle your belly if you need something to eat but at the end of the day you aren't bragging about having them on the menu, they're simple placeholders to be scooped up in a hurry. Them Bastards stepped in and added the arugula, the aioli, and some tomatillos to give it some flavor. And let's face facts, the Dissentients aren't focused on the Thugs because they think they're an afterthought. The Thugs aren't focused on the Dissentients because they think they're the afterthought. Boys and girl, y'all four complete one entire afterthought because the only way you'll sell more tickets to a viewing of Them No Good Bastards beating two fools like they spat in church, is to have us beat on four fools instead.

After TNGB finishes boiling down their opponents' chances, bringing the heat and frying both the Dissentients and Thugs, Bobby takes a forkful of the omelet. TK forcefully removes the tweaker's gag.

Hey! This ain’t met-

Bobby shoves the forkful of perfectly prepared omelet into the tweaker's mouth before the tweaker can finish his sentence. The tweaker's demeanor changes instantly as he speaks with his mouth full.

That’s really good!

I know, a little slice of heaven.

Cook eggs, not goddamn meth, kids, oh and, remember cocaine or get the fuck out. Since we gave you ingredients for a badass omelet. We might as well give you the ingredient to an easy tag team title defense on Savage, where there are no fucking rules. Add one part The Thug, one part The Disenfranchised, two parts Them No Good Bastards. Mix’em all up, pop that shit in the oven for thirty minutes, and watch the best rise to the top.

Us No Good Bastards.

Goddamn right, Bobby, but before we go... Do we have time for one more joke?

Depends on the joke, I guess.

Well, it’s for management who has us defending our belts on 9/11.

Bobby looks down at his watch and nods.

Sure, why not?

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Knocked.

Knocked, who?

Knocked all your fucking challengers down like Al-Qaeda knocked down the twin towers. Suck it, Dyson!

Damn. Toby Keith is not gonna like that one, we’re making fun of his entire career!

Bobby and TK, give their multi-award winning, undeniably theirs, no-look fist bump, as your screen fades out for the last time, this time to BOB.