Boonton, NJ.


Big Preesh is in the McDonals's drive-thru with his tag team partner BMI - the Big Mad Ivan. Together, FABMONGOUS has ordered approximately the entire menu.


"And last but not least, baby doll honey sugar sweetie pop..."


Preesh licks his fingertips loudly after cramming some of his large fries into his mouth.


"Sir, I've asked you to not call me pet names..."


"Whatever, pumpkin... anyway, lemme run down this order again right quick, since y'all made BIG DADDY PREESH go through the line two times for his whole order..."


"We didn't want to hold the line up any longer, sir."


"Ain't no THANG snow bunny! AYYYY you ever considered being a professional wrestler's WAG?"


"... wut?"


"Don't matter. Listen up, that was two number threes, three number twos, a 20 piece, a 10 piece, a 6 piece, a Saweetie Meal, four hamburger Happy Meals with BOY toys, and one small Diet Coke."


"Ask for her number, Preeshy. She's into you, I can tell!"


BMI sucks through the straw of his small Diet Coke, since Preesh was nice and let BMI get his stuff first.


"You think so DAWG? I was gettin' that vibe off that sweet THANG you knawmsayin'? Them forest gnomes was in the air!"


"You mean pheromones?"


"That's what I said, CUHHHHHHH! Watch me get these digits right quick. Then ol' Preeshy gonna get DOWN between the sheets, NAHMEEN?"


Preesh pulls the orange 1992 Ford Tempo around to the window, making strong eye contact with the young girl inside the whole time.


"Yo SHAWTY I needa add something to my order."


The girl hangs her head. She looks like she might actually cry.


"Sir, please, the drive thru time is so high right now... I could get fired..."


"Naw it's easy, boo. Just throw that celly number onto my receipt, ya dig?"


Preesh hands over a stack of gift certificates after pulling them from a giant pile in his glove box.


"No."


"What's that? You gonna make me sit here and check every single item in my bag, count every nugget, napkin, and sauce packet? Or is you gonna gimme that number so I know my order is correct without checking?"


The girl looks crestfallen and defeated.


"So if I don't give you my number you're going to ruin my day?"


"That's essentially it, yes."


"Fine."


She scrawls something down on a long receipt and then starts handing Preesh the Happy Meals.


"I don't see any kids in the car..."


"Don't you worry about a THANG baby doll, you just worry about the kids I'mma pump down that MOUF. Preesh likes toys but not these kinds, you feel me? I got all sorts of yours for you an' me once we get back to the CRIB, girl. Bout to get 50 Shades of NASTY up in Casa De Preesh!"


BMI takes his Happy Meal and rips it open, pulling out a Lola Bunny Space Jam figurine.


"Oh snap, Preesh! I got it! This is the one I needed!"


Preesh gives BMI a fist bump, and they pantomime an explosion between them.


"Mission accomplished, PLAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Now watch me dunk on this hoe like Lebron."


Preesh turns back to the cashier.


"So babydoll what time you off work? What time I can pick you up an' get them drawls off you?"


"Oh my god, this is gross..."


She finishes handing Preesh the bags and the receipt. Preesh pulls out his phone.


"That's the whole order, I promise!"


"Prolly, prolly... but you know PREESH been around the block before, girl, I ain't gettin' PLAYED by no hustlin' ass bitch. Gotta make sure these digits is legit!"


Preesh dials the number written on his receipt and puts the cell on speaker. It rings a few times. Then, finally, a voice answers on the other end while the McDonald's cashier stares at them in silence.


"Boonton Police, how can I help you?"


"AAHHH!"


Preesh drops the phone and hits the gas, sending the Tempo into a smoky squealing turn away from the McD's. Him and BMI end up in a parking lot across the street from an out of business Marshall's.


"Damn son, that was close. Almost had five oh on us!"


"Too close for comfort. You know I can't go back to prison, Preesh."


"Wait hold up you did time?"


"I don't want to talk about it. Just understand that I will die before I get put in handcuffs again, okay?"


An awkward silence follows, and the look in BMI's eye lets Preesh know that he is deadly, deadly serious.


"Uh... AYYYYYYYY I feel you, cuzzo! MotherFUCK the PO-lice, amirite?"


BMI nods and they slap a high five.


"Now lets promo these THUGS how 'bout it?"


"Let's do the damn thing, Preesh!"


"WHAT's GOOD Tommy BITCH! HA! Got em! Tommy you ugly old child molester looking goober, you ain't shit! I'mma WHOOP THAT NARROW ASS!"


BMI cuts in.


"Listen, John Black. You don't know me. You don't know how far I'll go. I've seen men twice your size look at me with tears in their eyes, begging me to stop hurting them... and I didn't stop, John. I won't stop when it's you. Those men had families. Children. Those are kids growing up fatherless in a cold world now, John. Single mothers stretching every dime to provide because their husbands didn't come one day. They never even knew what happened. Not until they got a visit from me, letting them know that I knew everything about them. Jobs, relatives, schools... I knew their favorite restaurants, John. I knew everything I needed to know in order to guarantee that they'd never say a word about their missing spouses ever again. Do you understand me, John? I've broken people. Shattered families. Ruined hopes and dreams. And I usually did it before lunch."


Big Preesh stares at BMI in silent terror. BMI looks back at his partner and nods to him to let him know it's his turn.


"Uh, yeah! YEAH! We comin' to beat you two BITCH ASS mofos! FABMONGOUS BABY!"


Preesh throws up a deuce and BMI holds up his Lola Bunny, and the scene fades.