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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF Live! » News, Rumors, Hype, etc...
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Post-Warfare News From North Korea!
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NorthKoreanWarCriminal Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
06-23-2021, 08:11 PM

(Spoiler Warning: This post references the results of the 6/23 Warfare)

A news correspondent leans into his ear, before looking forward into the camera.

"This Just In! We're getting word now from our XWF correspondent near Pyongyang! We go there now, Tom?"

A second newsman stares into the camera for a while.

...

...

"Tom? Are you... Can he hear u-"

"Thanks Chet! I'm here where an impromptu parade in the streets of North Korea's capital city. Elephants are marching, soldiers are blowing trumpets and the North Korean people are weeping with pride in the street for the greatest wrestling champion in their country's history."

"...Wait, Sorry, you're on location, Tom? You're an American journalist in North Korea right now?"

"Oh God no. I'm not suicidal. I'm borrowing the Popemobile, which is legally sovereign Vatican territory wherever it's parked."

"Ah, of course. Continue."

"Well, the big celebration tonight is over North Korean War Criminal's victory over former Shooting Star Champion Betsy Granger. It was watched by a record 39 million North Korean televisions. Which means most North Korean had it on 2 to 3 different televisions in their home."

"That must be a record!"

"Almost, it's still a couple million under the episode of North Korean Frasier where North Korean Niles holds hands for the first time with North Korean Daphne."

"Fascinating. Now, Tom. That match involved NKWC getting pummeled for the entire match, then winning because of a steel chair misunderstanding by a guest referee. He also spent most of the match openly weeping. That seems a little too hollow of a victory to his fans to be celebrating so heartily, doesn't it?"

"You'd think so, Chet, if you were watching the American broadcast. The North Korean broadcast was heavily edited by the Central Government's broadcasting team.

In order, the North Korean broadcast of the match features the following:

1. NKWC's heroic shoulder block (that Betsy side-stepped)

Then jump cut to

2. NKWC stomping Betsy

From there we jump cut to

3. NKWC lifting Betsy for the North Korean Nuclear Arms Test where they both land on Bones from Bones.

Jump cut to

4. NKWC slapping the taste out of that South Korean fan's mouth...

Then, get this, the match ends with

5. The screen freezing and Betsy saying in a thick North Korean man's accent, 'I SURRENDER. I AM DEFEATED.' then flying away in a poorly edited Photoshop job."

"Apparently, they spent the country's entire animation budget for the next ten years to achieve this ending on a live feed, and the team had to edit the footage in real time."


"Sounds Incredible. Wait, no, sorry. That other word... unwatchable."

"Indeed, Chet. The people are celebrating, the streets are abuzz with excitement and Bones Season 2 just became the highest selling DVD in North Korean history."

Tom leans into his earpiece, then looks surprised before resuming his update.

"The news just keeps coming in on this story, Chet. I'm getting word now from NKWC's press team with the following message, straight from NKWC himself."

"He says,
'I AM THE GREATEST MAN TO EVER LIVE! MY STEEL CHAIR POSSUM TECHNIQUE HAS NEVER FAILED ME! MY FACE ONLY HURTS WHEN I SEE OUT OF IT!'"

Tom double-checks the language to make sure he read it right, before shaking his head.

"Strong words from a... strong? ...man? Well, he won anyway. That's Tom Hopkins, Live from the Popemobile. XWF News. Back to you, Chet"

"Thanks, Tom. Hey, be careful out there on the drive back to democracy!"

"Don't fucking tell me what to do, Chet."
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