Continued from: Cana Clit Clipper... xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=41141

OMEGA CAEDUSRewind: Once upon a time Jim Caedus and Robert Main met Drew Archyle at a costume party in the middle of fuckin' June for Christ sake. Betsy was there and James Raven was there and we're all positive Shawn Warstein was there. Godzilla was there too, he told our heroes about a Larp battle about to take place in the backyard and APEX couldn't WAIT to participate...[/b]



"Monsta Slayas p.2"



The Riders pick their way deeper into the house through the crowd in the room adjoining the ballroom out front. Here we find the Pete Jackson Fellowship Fappers, and ever Legolas lovin' elven Wappers in their natural habitat, munching on Cool Ranch Doritos, pepperoni Hot Pockets and downing Dr. Pepper while amid a very spirited game of D&D.



-but as soon as you enter the hall, a horde of albino Adze appear and shapeshift into a swarm of pure white titty flies!



Tiiiiiitiiiiiiies. I cast Bigby's Hand and cop a feel. On the down-low though. Rolls the dice as the group groans.







Tommy Desire successfully casts Bigby's Hand and cops a feel in secret, somehow avoiding looking creepier than usual.



Psh, dorks.



As the group looks to Vamp Main and Jim. Oh yeah?? Well, what are YOU two doing??



Shit-eating grin. We're goin' LARPING, losers. Hi fives Main as The Riders head further into the rear of the house. At the back door, they run into-







Heavy lisp. Ahhhh! Greetinths mathsterth. How may Igor, therve you?




Fuck off Floyd.



Drops the lisp. Hey fuck YOU, Jim! Son of a bitch...



As The Riders push past and open the back door.



What was that all about?



You remember Floyd. Ax3. Our comedy relief?



Realization. Oohhhhh yeeeeeeeeah...



I know, not at all obscure. Hey, this looks promising...



Main and Jim regard the Larp crew out back, and vice versa.



The minotaur snorts. What the hell? You two here to watch or...or what?



Watch nothing, we're here to kick some cosplayer ass!



A knight scoffs. Huh? Vampires aren't Larp worthy, that makes no sense. Get lost you guys.



Y'know what Bob-O?



What's that Jimmy?



Sniff. Sniff. I smell pussy.



Now that you mention it...



What??



Aw let 'em join in Randy. What's the big deal? The more the merrier.



Fine. Fuck it. Start the damn game already.



Floodlights hit the backyard, casting the battlefield in intense illumination.



You're both dead. Sunlight.



Day Walkers, genius.



Sir Randy rolls his eyes and lowers his helmet's faceplate. FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!




The backyard explodes into action, the team of Knights clashing with the pack of monsters, wizards muttering spells from the outskirts, elves firing foam arrows from afar-



-and two vampires methodically making their way through the fray punching and kicking.



Taking a sword shot from a knight. Undead. No effect. Punches said knight, crumpling his aluminum faceplate and dropping him to his rump. "HEY! I think you broke my NOSE!" Helping the guy up. Oh shit, hey I'm sorry.



Jim clotheslines a centaur. "Ow! Oh, FUCK! Dude! We're on the same team!"




An elf runs up and cracks Jim over the head with an actual metal sword. A trickle of blood runs down from Jim's hairline. He narrows his eyes as the elf backs up. "Ooooo...uh...heh... Sorry man. I guess we're both getting a little carried away here huh?"



Jim snatches the sword by the blade, flips it and drives it into the elf's belly. The elf screams-







-as blood shoots from his stomach wound like a geyser, washing Jim from the chest down in crimson. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"



Panicking. Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!!



JIM! What did you DO!?



I didn't mean to, I SWEAR!! WHO brings an actual sword to a FANTASY fight!?






Just now arriving. .....Uh oh...... Why am I not surprised. Backpedals back inside.



To the fallen Elf. Bro I'm so sorry! I'm SO sorry!! I-




Opening his eyes. "Huh? I'm fine man." The elf stands, pulling open his tunic to reveal a- "Just a blood pack. My sword is a prop, push the tip." Jim does so, it pushes in harmlessly. He drops the sword and dabs at the very real blood trickling down his forehead from the sword wound. "Yeah...sorry. That's why I apologized. Didn't mean to hit you with the edge of-"



Jim levels him with a punch. Enraged.Anybody ELSE wanna take a shot!?



A collective gasp escapes from all in attendance.



Don't be shy. Let's get it on!



Uh...Jim?



As the group scatters like roaches. Don't be a buncha bitches, BRING IT! Look at 'em run bro. Pathetic.



Jim...



Huh. Regarding Main pointing behind him. He turns.







::ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!::



Stepping out from behind the werewolf…







...MARF!! MARF-MARF!!



Jim and Main stare down the horrors before them…



Rolling up his sleeves. This is going to be fun.



Rolling up his leather pant legs with some degree of difficulty. Ain't the first time we had to kick monster ass brother...



Ready Jim? Raising his fists.



Standing tall. Ready Bob-O...



To be continued...



♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧




” Marf, you want to know the honest contradiction between you and me?” Robert throws his hands up. ” Wait… That was a colossal word, let me dumb down my vernacular so you’ll be about to comprehend what I’m saying… The difference between you and me? I stay famished, match after match week after week year after year... I remain disgruntled. Eager for more, yearning for that APEX, a spot, by the way, you'll never reach because of hooligans like Jim and myself… Every morning that God gives me another day on this planet something is missing. I feel incomplete…” Robert leers to his shoulder where multiple championships have sat then grins. ” But before I can begin to make that climb back towards the summit I’ve got more strenuous work to do. When I said I would personally dispatch bOb one by one, I meant it. There won’t be any clever hashtags either, it’s APEX - vs - bOb until one of our factions are completely eviscerated, dead and gone, no more… Now seeing how you are such an expert Marf, what would you have done in my situation? I’ll tell you hoss, you would have tucked tail like a bitch.”



Robert pauses before going back in on Marf.



” You would have never acknowledged a match where your back was against the wall and the deck stacked to the ceiling… Let's be crystal fucking clear here, you don’t have the intestinal fortitude to withstand all of bOb elite alone… You would have buried yourself so deep in wolf puss as your girl rocked you back and forth in the fetal position... I faced them all and they still had to change the rules to vanquish Robert Main… See Marf, I always play three steps ahead… I went into that match as the Trojan horse, I laid a trap leading the way for APEX-LEGACY… And those halfwits never saw it coming. Chris Page was only the smartest guy in the room until he wasn't… What you are trying to do here is simplistic, it’s been the same tried and true move against me. Find one of the few defeats and attack… Guess what? It never works... That right there is bitch-made-bullshit. So, go ahead and waste precious air time on yesteryear, harp on my.” Robert does air quotes. “ “Loss” to Chris Page, and how you overheard me sobbing backstage. Junior let me let you in on a secret, “The Omega” will never weep over spilt milk…”



All Robert can do is shake his head in disgust.



” Marf, this match against you and Lycana is only half of the equation. Every time APEX steps foot inside of a squared-circle anywhere on this planet we not only pursue greatness… We demonstrate it... We’ve waged war team after team, fighting for this company, defending it from those who wish to destroy it… We are and always have been the heroes in this bitch... We skirmish to be what so few can be called here in the land of Xtreme. To be held in boundless acclaim… Known as the merciless men who bulldozed through every competitor we have faced... Jim Caedus and I will shoot down every other man and woman to obtain our common goal… To transcend and outgun everyone…” Robert points to the camera. ” That includes the two of you... Why? Why have this chip on our shoulders? It’s not because we have to... No, no… We do it because it is ingrained in our D.N.A. It’s who we are and always will be, head and shoulders above the rest... THE DISSENTIENTS are just another stepping stone towards our ultimate goal... Being unparalleled, standing alone in the history books as top-tier talent… Remembered as groundbreaking... Envy keeps Jim and I awake at night, we absolutely must be extraordinary at what we do. Or what is the fucking point…”



” Before my head was bashed in from behind by a yellowbelly pussy there was a saying around this federation... A motto some men and women live by, to this day it still somewhat rings true... Scratch my back and I'll stab yours... When I was finally medically cleared to come back I decided to take a lengthy look around at the ever-changing landscape… I was fired up and ready to go after those who wronged me… Like any great teaching moment, I knew I needed some assistance… Long ago I had many different people in my ear telling me what they thought I could be... Telling me what I should be doing… Steering me in the wrong direction for their personal gain... At that moment long ago, I realized something consequential, I was the one in the driver's seat… Calm seas never made skilled sailors, so, I thanked God for what I was put through… Once again I was reminded, I was the master of the seas known as The XWF... So, I looked to, family… I pulled Drew from the seven seas and brought Jim back from the dead, we reached out to allies bringing on a new renaissance... So, why do I bring this up now? Lycana, Marf? Because you have this hostility towards APEX, this resentment … You both despise what each of us stand for, three brothers always ready to head into battle with their swords and shields for one another... Fighting for what is right in a world filled with so much injustice... We live by the sword and are damn sure willing to die on it. Yet you loathe the ground we each walk on... We are not the dirty players so many are used to, sure we bend the rules from time to time, but then again who doesn't? You two did it at Leap Of Faith…”



” We nauseate you don't we? I can see it in those beady eyes that we make you both tremble in your panties at the sight of us… Once the clock ticks down and Warfare finally arrives, APEX will transform the face of the wrestling world once again... And before either one of you decides to run your dick-suckers telling us it cannot be done... Just remember one thing we’re going to make you prove it, if not you will get the thrashing of a lifetime... We're going to take every collective moment from the past few months, from the egotistical power trips to the temper tantrums after all the defeats, Marf... The broken promises and all the dishonesty, and force-feed THE DISSENTIENTS crow… Nothing sets a team straight and arrow-like an extravagant, piping hot serving of humble pie... And we’ll make sure you devour every bit. The fact of the matter is open-and-shut neither of you is as well versed as Jim and I in the ring… All we see are two cream puffs about to get the brakes beat off their faces and while you might believe each of you is these high-quality wrestlers… Compared to us you're merely just satisfactory at best, where we are phenomenal at everything we do... You two will never even come close to dispatching The Riders…”




Indeed, Bob-O. And to illustrate that point- in very un-Caedus like concise fashion without the bells and whistles (you're welcome to all the 10-second attention span spastics out there) -I'll go ahead and inform Marf 'a more of 'is fuckups seein' as he seems so sure of 'imself and 'is words...




Number one: ya called us "geezers". You're legit 4 years younger than I am and 5 years older than Main you dizzy dumb fuckin' idiot. Wayta successfully research somethin' as complex as birth dates, .




Number two: Your confidence is completely unjustified. All you do when it matters is eat pins and cost Lycana tag match after tag match, fuck Tag Turmoil. You have about as much credibility with your words as Chaos ever has with his. You're a joke Marf and your lackluster attempts to match up with grade-A colorful Caedus clap backs is like watchin' Ariel Dixon chime in on anything at all without lookin' completely clueless.




Number three: You're absolutely correct. I bailed on my partners two years ago. I also attacked both Bob-O and Drew and I love Bob-O and Drew. If I did that to my closest friends...fuck you think I'm gonna do to you? You think that was an insult or some point you nailed me on? Clearly, The Omega and I are just fine. You? I don't like you. You're a deadbeat tag partner who sleeps all day and refuses to improve to save Lycana the consistent embarrassment of havin' to deal with you over somethin' as negatively impactful (in context with The Dissentients) as loyalty. You're "loyal to your partner" are you? You're cancer to your partner, prick. If you gave a shit about her future you'd hang up the high heels and hightail it the hell outta this promotion.




K-Y-S Marf. You're a loser.




You always have been.




You always will be.




Number four: Your words here:




"The only takeaway I gathered from all your bullshit is you’ve been friend-zoned one too many times, more than likely even paid money to be dropped off in Friends Town. I don’t think either of you has even been in a real relationship by how you blab on about ridiculous sex positions like anyone believes you two prized pigs have performed any of them."




Laughing. Hey Cuck, again, all it takes is research. I came into this promotion with a backstory on a wife and daughter, a story continuing I might add, and oooooops, there's sex. I was ballin' former XWF Bombshell Tala Sugay before you ever got here. Save your self projections for the mirror you no pussy gettin' gay rod, it ain't my fault you ain't man enough to close the deal with your tag partner. And by the way, should you and Tavora intend on ampin' up the romance during this hype cycle, it'll be seen as pimps Main and Caedus makin' it happen. In which case, as well, Lycana would prove herself a whore for convenience and you not worth the micropenis "penetration" you'd offer otherwise. Keep makin' yourself look like the limpdick dipshit here genius.




Number five: Again, your words…




"Personally, I don’t care so much about the wins as I do about the damage inflicted. That point has clearly flown well over both your thick heads. I never asked you fucks for credit and not would I ever. It’s not about the accolades and the credit, it’s about hurting everyone put in your way."




On the contrary Marf, your apathy towards victory is painfully obvious to EVERYONE. Not just us. Yeah, we know wins don't matter to you becauee you don't do it. I mean, besides you braggin' on beatin' Graves, you incompetent contradictory dullard. You don't ask anyone for credit because you deserve none. Honestly, at this point, I'm flabbergasted as to what Lycana sees in keepin' you around. Maybe it's simply better than bein' alone. It damn sure ain't because you prop her up or deliver in the ring...which again begs the question EVERYONE asks: why are you here and what the fuck is wrong with Lycana's logic?




And by the way...Lycana allegedly may not have given a shit about takin' the Xtreme Title from Alias but she damn sure gives a fuck about it now, doesn't she? And ya know what? I call bullshit. She made sure to hold onto that strap so she could snatch another Tag Title shot at TNGB, which you both now have comin' to you if I'm not mistaken. That falls COMPLETELY in line with how the two of you act as a team. Fuck your claims. Fuck your denials. From what I see, everything you say is as empty as your nutsac noodle dick. Don't tell me it ain't about wins, why the fuck are you here and why the fuck do you two compete? You've gone on and on about how you two are gonna beat us, Marf. Now you look like you argue for argument's sake. You ain't a Warrior, you're a bitch. Your dumbass incineration of Alias only made him stronger and better. When the fuck is it you two hurt people and actually make an impact?




Yeah. Shut the fuck up asshole.




Unlike The Dissentients who can't seem to get on the same page with honesty and reality, The Riders on the Storm are the brutal truth that'll be poundin' their opponents into paralysis. Par for the course. We're known for winning.




Fact.





The Dissentients...they're known for losing.





Fact.





End 'a fuckin' discussion.

Former:

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Longest Reigning Tag Team Champions in modern history. W- Drew Archyle & James Raven
Longest Reigning Hart Champion in modern history:280 days
2nd longest reigning Universal Champion :269 days
Tag Team Champions W- "Chronic" Chris Page as Cataclysm
Trio's Champion W- AX3
2020 May Superstar Of The Month
Winning Team Wargames 2020
Winning Team War Games 2019 W- APEX PROPHECY
2019 Feud of the year W- "Chronic" Chris Page
2019 Tag Team of the Year W- Drew Archyle & James Raven as APEX
Roleplay of the Month February 2019 "Junkyard Dog"
Leap Of Faith Winner 2018
July 2018 Superstar Of The Month
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December 2017 Superstar Of The Month
Winning Team War Games 2017 W- APEX
Mr. 24/7