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"'Cana Clit Clipper"









Tavvy- may I call you Tavvy, Tavora? Or is "über-inflated balloonhead wolf hooker on the downslide of her fifteen minutes" satisfactory? You better pop your fat dome outta that tight ass 'a yours and start slingin' some serious firepower or so fuckin' help me you'll be lucky to survive. Your apparent sudden love interest is shittin' the bed he spends most of his time on dreamin' virgin scenes about second base and bein' a threat to anything but The Dissentients catchin' a Win. And if you don't run to 'is rescue again he- Oh. Wait...you fucked up too. Gee...the braggadocios broad so proudly pissin' 'bout traps and research stuck her harlequin head into a bear snare we didn't even have to set. Let's hope that bucket's worth 'a clown white on your visage added enough paddin' to prevent total loss of face...but I seriously doubt it. Shit, forget me for a moment; did you hear what she said about you bro? I know you def did...I know you heard Marf's mongoloid moron ass as well... It's time for some painful penetration...



” Now before I go balls deep on Lycana, hi dear… I’ve got some information for that walking cluster fuck Marf. Mister contradiction himself… The guy who called me of all people handicapped. Guy, have you been paying attention to what's going on around here? Hey Marf, watch the bouncing ball huh? At least try to put in minimal research before you speak. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. It's complicated to do with your enfeebled back pinned to the canvas 99% of the time. Do you live in a constant state of delusion? Or is that just your brilliance shining through? I’ve been a one man band more times than I can count, never accepting a handout or using a crutch… The difference between you and I is elementary… I’m the fucking measuring stick, while you on the other hand are C-show talent at best, a glorified jobber and the entire world knows it. And we don’t need a dirt sheet to know it, hoss those are just facts. What I find perplexing in all of this is how you questioned APEX taking on bOb.”



Robert looks at Jim who is shaking his head.



He ain't payin attention… All that dozy dipshit does majority 'a the time is sleep like the narcoleptic nutless nobody he is.



”Clearly!”



Robert throws his hands in the air.



” Let me break this down for you Marf, we…” Robert points at himself then Jim. ” APEX, cost Chris Page the Universal Championship…” Jim holds up one finger with a grin. ” We helped your girl retain the Xtreme Championship.” Jim holds up another finger. ” We just cost Dixon the Television Championship on Savage.” Jim now raises a third finger chuckling. ” Oh, and on that shit pay-per-view bWo Scorch The Earth we came down and put the boots to Page…” Jim raises a fourth finger. ” So, I ask again laimbrain, how have we not taken it to bOb? Jim, do me a solid, show Marf what we honestly think of him and his asinine perception...” Jim lowers three fingers leaving the middle one. ” You say that you are on this whole #FUCKBOB movement, yet APEX is doing all the heavy lifting. Someone as birdbrained as you steps to bOb you get sat on that prissy ass.”



What's more Mainiac, Marf seems to think there ain't much credibility compared with his team's motivations and ours in context with pursuin' justice for your ATTEMPTED MURDER at the bat 'a TK and the behest of Chris Page, nor your own FATHER Dewey and SISTER Kayla gettin' dragged into it. I don't give a shit WHAT reason The Dissentients have for #FuckBoB, no one cares what injustice one pack 'a heels did to the other, really all anyone wants to see in that scenario is a mutual death match between all involved, which, b-t-w, would be doooooooooope. So stuff that flaccid fucktard point 'a debate straight up your soon to be gaped bunghole hoser.

As for Liecana and her accusations 'a The Omega being's anything less than legendary...



” During my time here in the XWF, I’ve only gotten better with each match, and now I stand at the top of the food chain, unentertaining or not, it's a fact. Lycana, much like your partner you cannot see the writing on the wall. Maybe it’s because you both are still on the green side, or maybe that’s arrogance… Each of you are blinded in different ways, Marf is bewildered by complete gullibility writing checks his ass can't cash. While you, Lycana, are on a hot streak defeating two of the best in the game with some help... You’ve got a full house coming into this match, but as you’ll learn, when facing APEX, we’ve always got the royal flush. You will get dusted because people like you cannot compete with people like Jim and myself. We get riled up every time we taste defeat, we take that shit personally. Now you’ve got a stampede coming that can’t be stopped, and as far as that momentum goes that you spoke of… Jimmy, and I don’t need it. We’re going to roast you and you can take all the shots you’d like at two juggernauts but in the end you’ll fall short… We’ve been putting in work for years, while hoes like you are flexing about being nothing more than a flash in the pan.” 



These two are actin' like history means dick and all that matters is a current run. Oh no no no baby, it all matters, like that list 'a losses YOU have proppin' up that peppering of assisted wins.



” One would assume that facing APEX would command some etiquette… But here we are. Once again everyone has their head firmly planted up their asses, but don’t you worry Jimmy and I will fix that little issue by making you eat your teeth. Lycana, I want you to know as I watched that first pile of hot garbage you call a promo I had to literally choke back my own vomit. I was stupefied you couldn't come up with anything else besides the same talking point Marf already went over. I should have known that the compost pile you call a mouth couldn't  come up with anything higher quality than rehashed talking points from yesteryear. Lycana, we don't want to just massacre you. That would be too unchallenging, here in APEX we take the sophisticated road… We want to dig the deepest hole that we can possibly dig, put your asses in it and add the shovels full of grime until your Goddamn mouths are full. Flexing is steamrolling a champion showing the world how vulnerable they really are.”



Not hidin' off in some corner waitin' for the witchin' hour because you're afraid we'll shut down every avenue of attack you intend on levelin' our way.



” Lycana you and that pet of yours Marf have turned this thing called wrestling into a larping circus. Have no fear “The Omega” and Jim FUCKING Caedus are about to burn the circus down… Anyone who knows APEX, knows our feet don't fit in clown shoes… We are going to make you suffer through this as we asphyxiate you with talent you've only dreamed of. Lycana you and Marf can spread the manure on as thick as  you'd like… But know this, you'll never slay Robert Main or Jim Caedus... That right, that isn't just a fact, it's a fucking guarantee. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I was vanquished by two jackasses who got their ring gear at a Cosplay Outlet… Lycana, I won’t allow you to poison the world with your bull-shit. You kicked Chris Page right between the eyes? Who the fuck hasn’t? What you need to do is get over yourself and let the real wrestlers do the wrestling... You want to come at us like you are going to obliterate us in the ring, placing APEX in a stranglehold? You and your bitch are walking right into the guillotine, all we got to do is pull the cord... Dispatching THE DISSENTIENTS for good…”



And we'll be kickin' those cut-off craniums into the stands like field goals, hos.



” We will smother you two harlequins polishing you off once and for all showing the world tag team action isn’t in the cards... In tag team competition you two have been beaten and battered so many times you’ve become fragile and frail. You'll be powerless to do anything at all in this match... Every shot you have placed on our chin is because we’ve allowed you to do so in verbal gymnastics. No matter what you want to say Lycana, Jim and I are going to own your asses on Warfare… One thing you’ll learn real quick... We bend, we don't break...




Well, we break bones and decimate dreams, that's for fuckin' sure. Girl...you honestly think for one second The Omega and I can't see what you're up to? It's A or B:




A. you're somehow more of a pussy (as a werewolf witch no less) than your punkass pleading-for-a-beating butt-plug poodle Arf and you can't keep up.

Or B. you're somehow more of a pussy (as a WERE. WOLF. WITCH. no less) than your prayin'-for-a-slayin' slipshod-shit-talkin' toolbag bf Tard and you're campin' the fuck out.




In both cases, ya look like an amateur but if it's the latter- and yeah smartass, we're aware you idiots are literally goin' campin' -then you aint halfway near as impressive as I initially thought and you initially portrayed yourself to be. What was it you said?




"...there you were, throwing down that proverbial glove at the feet of the Dissentients. Of course we were going to pick it up! It's what we do my darlings! We don’t back down from anyone who wishes to step in the ring with us."




Howlin' bullshit, Blair WBitch...all you've done for nigh two weeks straight is take your time like you pay us no mind. And I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the kind words you had for me baby, I really do, and I admit, you and I had an extremely titillating and interesting moment in the 24/7 Halls I wouldn't mind repeatin'...but you've come at us half-assed- SOMEHOW, with an ass that full -in this hype cycle and all Marf did was fuck up, while The Riders on the Storm came out swingin' from the start.




Matter 'a fact, we've been lacin' our linguistics with traps as well...and while neither of you seem to have taken much bait thus far, we ain't blind to your amateur old-hat spineless strategy and we ain't gonna allow the two 'a you to try and drop bombs at the end 'a the hype cycle as it strongly seems you plan on doin'.




Cowards.




If that's how you wanna play it, we can do it too. And as vets...who the fuck you think is gonna pull it off more effectively?




You say "The Dissentients alone, love to get bloodied up, and together... together it's what we live for."




You punk motherfuckers are gonna DIE for that shit together girl. Make no mistake about it. You ain't nothing short 'a indestructible boo, you're nothin' short 'a delusional.




I like ya Lycana, I really do...but Bob-O and I...we're gonna spit roast that someone-feed-this-thot hourglass figure 'a yours on our fat cocks in the middle 'a that ring and there ain't a goddamn thing you or Marf can do or say to stop it.




XXXYXOXUXXXGXEXTXTXIXNXXXFXUXCXKXEXDXXX



"Then and Now P.2"


CaedusTimeline Rewind: Not long after arriving back home in 2019, Jim discovered regretful lingering thoughts of the brothers he left hanging in APEX and received an unexpected guest...




He reaches for the doorknob, unlocks and opens the door.


Hey.


......The fuck you doin' here girl?

You're dead.

Remember?


That was a storyline babe.


A storyline constructed to cover the fact you had no desire for continuing an already seven year-long relationship. Or had you forgotten you left me? Don't call me babe, Holly. You ripped my fuckin' heart outta my chest. It's been 2 years, there ain't shit between us anymore and I've moved on in more ways than one; better believe I been dickin' as many chicks as possible... So I say again...what the fuck you doin' here girl?


She suddenly steps forward to plant a kiss on Jim's lips, forcing her tongue between them, making sure to grab a handle of crotch with one hand and wrapping her other arm around the back of his neck. Jim frowns, his eyes widening...


Removing her arm and gently shoving her back, their lips parting with a wet smack. He wipes his mouth. Fuck did I just say? It's over Holly. It's BEEN over. There ain't no US and I ain't interested. You don't even get me hard anymore so if you thought this would end with a make-up fuck you're outta your mind.


Stepping back up to him, gazing seductively into his eyes. I don't get you hard anymore...?


She drops to her knees, sliding his boxers down as she does so. Jim attempts to step back but her hands snap around to palm his ass and keep him in place as she takes him into her mouth (easy now, everyone, the drone cam POV is behind him and slightly to the left). Jim's struggling ceases as the sounds of oral echo in the otherwise silence.



Draws back with a wet POP, looking up at him. I don't get you hard huh? You're stiff as a brick.



---Sometime later---



Jim stirs from his sleep, removing the single sheet from his nude form-


-to find an arm draped across his chest.


Holly lies naked beside him, sound asleep. At once appearing about to cry out in anger and remove her arm...Jim instead slowly settles back down onto his pillow, staring up at the ceiling in thought.[/color]



To be continued...


●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●



---2021---


Whispering. Where the hell are Bob-O and Drew? Checks his pocketwatch. ......Yeah that's right kids, his pocketwatch. And guess what? It's got a steam engine on it too. #ChooChoo. #Class. Nine fuckin' nineteen. This is horseshit, I told 'em both 9pm...


Jim glances around, hidden in the shadows among trees and bushes. We hear a conversation and laughter passing by somewhere behind our POV, Jim's eyes tracking whomever it is.


Scratching. Smacks a mosquito. C'mon motherfuckers, where are you... I gotta piss and I'm pretty sure I'm standin' on an ant hill.


What're you doing?


Spins, startled.Holy fuckin' SHIT... Who the hell are you??


Security. I got a report of a suspicious character hiding in the bushes.


Well fuck off, I'm just waitin' for some friends.


Mhm. ...Carry on sweetie... Walks off to the side.


Flash of irritation. What was that? Come back and say that to my face motherf-





BLEH!!!




FUCK!! Spins back around, stumbling forward and out of the shadows as Robert laughs.









Main and Jim regard each other's costumes.


Aw shit, you went vamp too?? Chuckle. Had to be like chicks showin' up in the same dress didn't we.


Well, vampires ARE the natural-

enemy of the werewolf!

JINX!


They laugh and high five. 'Cause that's what friends do.


Thas wassup bro! ......Hey, where's Drew?


He texted saying he got here earlier. Come on man, let's get inside with the ac.


As the two walk. For sure, hot as fuck out here; who's bright idea was it to do this shit in June? Hey how'd you even know I was over here??


I could smear you.


"Smear" me?


Yeah smell-hear you. You're the only person I know who wears WAY too much Drakkar and talks to himself in the dark.


I wasn't talkin' to myself, there was some dumbass security guard hasslin' me.


Uh huh.


The two make their way up the path to a rather large house, two story, Victorian style. Seems to be a swinging party going on inside. Jim grabs the right front double door handle as Main grabs the left. They yank them open......




"Monsta Slayas p.1"




Random dubstep bumps through the building as The Riders make their entrance, the florescent crime light out front casting them both in silhouette in the doorway. The costume party goers all turn in unison. And you know what? Despite their garb, our heroes can't help but look so fuckin' ice cold coo-







RAH!!



Jumping in unison. FUCK!!


Laughter. Hahahaha!! Rob, Jimmy...you guys are so jumpy!


Betsy??


[color#cf52ff]That's riiiiiiiight! How's my costume?[/color] Striking a pose.


Pulling at the crotch of his own. Most likely drier than mine. So you're like...a sleestak?


I'm the creature from the black lagoon dummy! Playful slap to Jim's face...except she has those big clawed hands on and they knock the fangs right out of his mouth.


OW!! Shit...


As Jim retrieves the fangs... ::laughs:: It looks great Bets'! Hey have you seen Drew around by any chance?


Shrugs. Nope, can't say that I have.


If you see him can you-


Someone in a Green Lantern costume calls out. Hey Betsy c'mere, you've GOT to see this!

Coming Jaaaaaames! Betsy gives Main and Jim each a hug. Alright, I'll see you around guys! Have a great time! Skips off in the direction of Raven.


See ya soon lil sis! ...Ok let's split up and find Drew.


Popping his fangs back in. Gotcha.


Main heads off in the direction of the packed open bar, Jim turns to survey the crowd and starts making his way through the throng. Passing a pack of Star Wars cosplayers, his eyes lingering on a slave Leia-


-he crashes into





Watch it.


Sorry br- 'Ey...Drew?


Who?


You.


No.


Bro...I know your voice.


...No you don't. You're an idiot.


Bro I know its you.


................................................................... Slowly raises a half gallon of dark chocolate almond milk with a straw, the business end of the latter disappearing into the body length mane and mouth behind it. ::gulp...gulp...gulp:: until ::kkkkkkkk:: empty. ::burp:: ...Go fuck yourself Jim.


Drew! There you are!


Here I am. Hold this. Hands Jim the empty. Jim regards it, frowns with an eyeroll and chucks it over his shoulder hitting a Cable in the head. "You dick!"


I was just speaking to Godzilla, he said there's some kickass Larp battle about to start out back and they want APEX to join in.


Yeah?? HELL yeah, let's check it out! I vant to shed some blood! Bleeeeeeh!


You nerds.


You in?


Yes. You two go ahead, I'll meet you out there.


Awesome, let's go Jim. Pauses to glance over at someone in a huge fist flipping the bird costume. Hey Warstein! Want to join us for a battle out back? The middle finger raises two more middle fingers. Aaaaaaalrighty. Come on Jim.


Vamp Main and Jim make their way through the crowd, headed towards the rear exit.


To be continued...


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