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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
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The Disintigrators Offline
TWO BAAAAAAAAAAAAD MAMMA JAMMAS!



XWF FanBase:
Drug addicts, rebels, weirdos

(the villain you love to hate; has cult following; may deal drugs on side)


#1
06-15-2021, 08:57 PM



Washington D.C. Midnight.

Dressed in ski masks and long sleeved black sweatshirts, a pair of men wheel their Harleys silently to a stop behind some shrubbery outside of the Capitol building. From under the masks in the back, we can see a pair of mighty fine mullets. One jet black, and the other solid gold.

They crough down behind the bikes and pull up their masks with gloved hands, revealing the faces of the two baddest sumbitches in the history of pro graps, Dave Mustang and Johnny Steele.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “All right, Johnny. Here we are. The center of democracy for the greatest goddamn country on God’s green Earth.”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

Mustang claps a hand over the mouth of Johnny Steele, putting one leather-covered finger up against his lips and hissing out a SHHH that would make a librarian jealous.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Jesus Johnny, keep it down! You want us to end up in Gitmo!?”

Steele shakes his head and does the best rendition of a whisper he can manage, which is still basically yelling but quieter somehow. Essentially shouting with his mouth closed.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “SORRY DAVE… I JUST LOVE THIS COUNTRY SO FREAKIN’ MUCH IT FREAKIN’ HURTS!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “I do too brother that’s why we’re here! We’re gonna go ahead and give ourselves a special late night tour of these here Senate offices to get a leg up on those rotten stinky buttheads we’re facing next Warfare, Tender Nipples and Butthole Bourbon. We’ll spy where they plan to hide those tag team title belts and show those two goofs not to play with FIRE or they get BURNT!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “AND I’M GONNA TAKE A CRAP ON CHUCK SCHUMER’S DESK!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “We agreed not to do that!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “YEAH BUT THE LATEST Q DROP SAYS SCHUMER AND NANCY PIGNAZI ARE GONNA GET A BIG DELIVERY OF BABY PARTS FROM PLANNED PARENTHOOD AND SUCK OUT ALL THE ADRENOCHROME! I WANNA MAKE SURE CHUCK KNOWS I’M ONTO HIM!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “You still reading that crapola? Christ, Johnny...”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WHERE WE GO ONE WE GO ALL, DADDY! JUST LIKE YOU AND ME, DANGEROUS! WE BEEN UP AND DOWN THESE HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS FOR YEARS, DADDY, AND WE DESERVE THE RESPECT THAT COMES WITH! ”LIKE THESE SISSY BOOKERS WHO CAN’T SPELL MY DAMN NAME RIGHT WHEN THEY THROW UP A LAZY COMMERCIAL FOR OUR FIRST TITLE OPPORTUNITY! THERE’S AN ‘E’ AT THE END OF MY NAME FOR A REASON, JACK! THAT’S AN E FOR ELECTRIFYING! WOO! IT’S AN E FOR ENTERTAINING! WOO! AND IT’S AN E FOR EVERYBODY KNOWS THE D-GRATORS ARE GONNA WIPE THE CAPITOL FLOOR WITH THOSE TWO SISSIES BEAVIS AND BOURBON ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT WARFARE! TELL ‘EM DOUBLE D!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL now’s not really the right time, Johnny. Seriously, they’ve got extra security all over the damn place after January.”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “I GOT IT COVERED DAVE! CHECK OUT THESE DISGUISES!”

Johnny opens up the large black knapsack on the side of his Harley, pulling out a pair of headdresses adorned with fur and deer antlers. He hands one to Mustang, who takes it with a nervous look in his eyes.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Really Johnny? You don’t think this is gonna stand out?”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “THESE SNOWFLAKE LIBTARDS WON’T KNOW WHAT HIT ‘EM, DANGE! WE’RE GONNA GO IN THERE, FIND THOSE BELTS, CRAP ON SOME DEMOCRAT DESKS, THEN GO BACK TO DAYTONA BEACH FOR SOME BEERS AND TITTIES! WOO! BY THE TIME THOSE TWO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT ASSES TURDY NUGGETS AND BOBBY BUTTBOY GET ANYWHERE NEAR US ON WARFARE, WE’LL ALREADY BE SWINGING THOSE BIG OL’ BELTS RIGHT NEXT TO OUR BIG OL’ DICKS! AND ALL THOSE TRAFFICKED KIDS IN HILLARY’S PIZZA JOINT WILL BE FREE!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Aw not this again… Listen, Johnny, I’m your blood brother for life, partner, but you’re going off the deep end with this stuff! I’m as red white and blue as they come and I wish the only time that AOC skank opened her hole was to cram this Dangerous D balls deep inside, but these Q people are nuts.”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “YOU JUST WAIT, DAVID, IN A FEW WEEKS WHEN THE ARIZONA AUDIT PROVES RUDY WAS RIGHT ABOUT ALL THOSE ITALIAN SATELLITES SWAPPING VOTES! PLUS ALL THE DOMINION MACHINES THAT HUGO CHAVEZ CURSED IN AN UNBORN FETUS BLOOD RITUAL!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Damn it… let’s get back on track here. We’ve got to get inside this building and it’s not gonna be easy. Luckily, I made us a couple of phone calls and landed a man on the inside. Johnny, you and me are about to get to the next level in this industry, and on top of being two American Patriots, we’re going to be two XWF Tag Team Champions… so we need to add a third Disintigrator!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WHAT THE CRAP DAVE? IT’S BEEN YOU AND ME SINCE ‘93 BIG DADDY WHY DO WE NEED ANY DEAD WEIGHT HANGING OFF THIS BIG ENGINED 747 RIGHT BEFORE IT TAKES ITS BIGGEST FLIGHT OF ALL TIME?!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Ain’t you been watching, Johnny? There’s some chump running around the XWF talking about bringing in the quote unquote best tag team ever, when you and me are already right here! This Billy Blankenship really grinds my frickin’ gears, so I went out and got us an equalizer. Not in the ring, you and me got KNUCKLE TIME covered! But as an agent! Someone to play that corporate game for us, Johnny! And he’s here tonight to make sure we get inside the Capitol.”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “BILLY BITCH’N’SHIT CAN SUCK THESE BALLS, MUSTANG! IF BOBBY BOURBON SWALLOWED A GALLON AND A HALF OF SLENDER PIMPLES’ JISM, HE’D CRAP OUT BILLY BLANKENSHART! LET’S GO!”

They creep away from the bikes and head through an opening in the security fencing. Someone definitely must have prepped the way for Dave and Johnny, because they hit zero resistance on the way.

Still, just to be safe, they barrel roll and somersault their way across the Hill’s lawn, dodging and weaving back and forth to hide behind different shrubs in order to stay hidden.

Finally, they reach a rear entrance, breathing heavy.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “This is the spot. Our guy is meeting us right here. Time to give the secret knock.”

Mustang looks back and forth a few times before pressing his back up against the wall next to the door, then he balls up a fist and bangs out the familiar opening riff of Deep Purple’s timeless hit, Smoke on the Water.

Within a second of the final knock, the door opens quickly and a man steps out from within, watching Dave and Johnny with his eyes darting back and forth between the two rapidly.


[Image: 4793_Joel%20Gertner.png]



Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “THIS THE GUY, DAVID? HE LOOKS LIKE SOME KINDA FRUIT LOOP!”

The man chuckles and holds out a hand to Johnny.

Fruit Loop: “You must be John Steele! Dave told me all about you. Nice to finally meet you, I’m your manager. You can call me Freddy Fabulous.”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Johnny, this guy is exactly what we need to navigate the backstage politics of being tag team champions. You’ve seen the way the XWF operates. You’ve seen the CRAP going on from chumps like BoB, leading to pansy-ass teams holding the gold, like our opponents Burpin’ and Cuckles. And if this Blumpkinship twerp is gonna try to screw us from day one, we need to be ahead of the curve and have our own corporate stooge.”

Freddy Fabulous: “And let me assure you, Mister Balls Of Steele, there has never been a more effective stooge than yours truly, Freddy Fabulous.”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WELL IF MY BROTHER IN ARMS, MY COMPATRIOT, MY RIDE OR DIE DANGEROUS D VOUCHES FOR YOU, THEN I TRUST YOU FREDDY! LET ME WELCOME YOU OFFICIALLY TO THE TEAM, DADDY! WOO!”

Johnny Steele pulls off his black glove, works up a big wad of spit in his mouth, and then hocks it out from between his lips and into the palm of his hand. Before Fabulous can pull his own hand back, Steele grabs it in a rough shake, smearing his saliva all over the man’s much smaller hand.

Freddy Fabulous: “Likewise! Gentlemen, we have zero time to waste. I greased just enough palms to guarantee you won’t be bothered for exactly sixty minutes inside the upper chamber. With a hundred offices to cover between the three of us, that’s cutting it awful close!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “I appreciate the heck out of you going the extra mile for us, Freddy. Once me and the Man of Steele here have those sweet golden belts around our wild waists, you’ll get yourself all the barely legal ring rat poontang you can sniff on two fingers! That’s a promise!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “THE MAN TELLS THE TRUTH, FREDWARD! NO ONE GETS MORE COOTER THAN THESE TWO STALLIONS RIGHT HERE! DEFINITELY NOT THOSE TWO CLOWNS THE NO GOOD BOOGERS!”

Freddy Fabulous smiles and puts a hand on Steele’s arm as Johnny tugs the glove back onto his hand.

Freddy Fabulous: “Johnny, I never go into a situation unprepared. I purchased an EXTRA large box of EXTRA large condoms right after I hung up the phone with your partner the other day. I immediately started my opposition research on Mister Bourbon and Mister Knuckles, and let me tell you - the ‘no good’ in ‘no good bastards’ is absolutely, positively, one hundred and ten percent referring to the quality of the current tag team champions’ in-ring ability. Robert Bourbon, hometown right here in D.C., has never met a vacation he couldn’t fit onto his calendar. Whether he was a champion, a contender, a midget owner, or a YouTuber, Bourbon has never once hesitated before checking completely out of his responsibilities. He’s overdue, and I’m willing to bet Warfare is when he decides to leave his partner high and dry on the apron. The only question will be what excuse he finds… maybe a mishap during a session of erotic asphyxiation? Maybe a sprained anus after spreading himself wide open for James Raven daily on Twitter? Who knows! But what I do know is you two men are going to be the beneficiaries of Bourbon’s Burnout, 2021 Edition.”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Now that sounds like a dream, Freddy! But how can you be so sure?”

Freddy Fabulous: “It’s a statistical certainty. And, if Bobby Bourbon does manage to not fill his caveman singlet with a creamy pile of soft serve for one more week, his partner is the weakest weak link I’ve seen this side of “any tag team starring Peter Gilmour.” All the man has is a bunch of four letter words and a cheap chemical perm. You two men, you have destiny. You have chemistry. And most importantly? You’ve got Freddy Fabulous in your corner!”

Johnny and Dave loko at each other and nod as they slap their hands together in a high five.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Johnny we struck gold with this here tonight! Now we just need to head into the Senate chamber, find where those belts are gonna go, and then find a couple of sweet honeys who want to ride the back of a Harley before riding the front of a Disintigrator!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

Both Dave and Freddy shush Johnny this time, and Johnny winces, realizing he’d gotten way too loud. He tries again, much quieter.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Freddy Fabulous steps in between the Disintigrators.

Freddy Fabulous: “Fellas? Might I recommend we enter?”

Dave and Johnny pull their ski masks down over their faces once again, but before they head into the Capitol, Steele grabs Freddy by the collar.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “GIVE US A WOO, FAB! YOU WANNA WIN WITH THE D-GRATORS YOU GOTTA WOO WITH THEM TOO! WOO!”

Freddy Fabulous looks terrified, but he manages.

Freddy Fabulous: “Fine… ahem. Woo.”

The ‘Grators hang their heads, disappointed. Dave pats Freddy on the back.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “We’re gonna have to work on that, Freddy! Now let’s TCB!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “WHICH WAY IS SCHUMER? I BEEN EATIN’ BURRITOS ALL NIGHT, DADDY!!”

Freddy points down a hall and Johnny takes off in a sprint. Dave just shrugs and heads to the closest office as the lights go out on another incredible promo.

FUCK[Image: GarvinHayes1990.jpg]YOU
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