Please Login or Register to get full access to the forums.

Lost Password?
Current time: 03-28-2024, 06:44 AM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)                                                                


X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
-APEX- Productions Presents... A Lethal Injection of Wolfsbane
Author Message
JimCaedus Offline
Trash Talker Skywalker



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
06-14-2021, 10:25 AM

=======Ω/\/\£Ģ@ €@£|)Ų$=======



"Slappin' Sloppy Seconds"



[Image: jQdBo9b.png]








Y'know what Mainiac?


What's that, Jimmy?


I think we hurt Fart Gaysons's feelings. I feel like Lycana's lickin' 'er lips over our first, Silver Bullet, but her lil' bitch is reeeeeeal butthurt. I mean it's just a feelin' I have bro...my sixth sense or some shit. I can feel he didn't Like what we said at all, it's weird. The feeling will prob'ly miraculously disappear before the end of the hype cycle or possibly before the end of the day if he hears this but as I speak it's true...and I think we may have honest to God broken Marf's heart.


Over-acting. ”Oh God...No. No! What will be do when the big bad wolf comes knocking?” Robert begins fake sobbing…


Nodding. Yeah...yeah I think it is and we did. Maybe we came all over the Limpsentients together a bit too hard and disrespectfully not givin' 'em credit for comin' offa Anarchy Throwback with two victories. I mean, aside 'a callin' 'im out for bein' a king cuck, we accused Marf 'a focusin' on the Freestyle belt and bein' a no talent twat after he just beat Gravy in a real match. He deserves a pat on the back for that, the hell's the matter with us?


”You're right, kicking Graves's ass is a phenomenal accomplishment no one else except everyone has done before. And when I say everyone, I mean just that... Marf warrants credit for that like he deserves clout for breathing and blinking. And it looks like he kept out of the last Freestyle competition against Bourbon too. Not because he couldn't match up and he's an overwhelmed pussy or anything like that though.”


Nope, not at all. No one noticed Marf fall apart during the avalanche 'a BoB attacks in the 24/7 and we all missed him no-show the Gatorweight finals set specifically for him and Bourbon alone.


Correct. He had to worry about a match on Anarchy with Mr. Everlastloss Who Gives A Shit Graves and is somehow not a bitch anymore.


Speakin' of Anarchy, it did tremendously suck that it took so long to hit the air 'cause I noticed in the meantime Bourbs hit some 'a the same points (though less colorfully delivered, 'nilla numbnuts) on Narf that I did...after we recorded them with the meat and potatoes of our first promo but before we could upload the goddamn video. Thanks for beatin' me to the buffet Bobby ya big mouth motherfucker. Can't you leave the lower title alone and let Marf and the other kids on practice-mode play in peace? Fuck, what a greedy sunuvabitch...


”Don't worry about it. There are time stamps to prove it and Drew and I were both there.”


Fist bumps Main. I just ain't tryna hear Marf or Lycana say shit about that is all. Or them most likely wantin' to call me a contradictory dickhead over the complimentary words I had for them in the course 'a me dissin' Demos during the LoF hype cycle. I used them as an example of the kinda effort that dumpy dullard shoulda been showin' at the time.


”Naw, they're intelligent enough to realize that since then Marf has made himself look worse than Demos ever did and everything we said remains solid. Tell me what there is to argue against us? We are generals in that ring Jimmy and not one soul on this roster and dispute that for a second… The only thing these two schmucks might try to throw at us is LOF… And I hope and pray that they do… I would cherish the moment Marf tried to explain what we would have done differently with the cards stacked against him? Besides losing... Or he could illustrate what he would have done in the LOF match with a who's who of talent… Even if they tried to counter, Lycana saving Marf's baby powdered ass by bringing up how he came to her rescue in the match with Alias, he's still an unreliable douchebag. He's one hundred percent the Dissentients' weak link.”


Which makes them 50% fucktard if my math is correct.


”They might also try to make us look sheepish for targeting Lycana's credibility in what she's "accomplished". As if it isn't like we told the truth about her needing Marf to help take out Alias for the Xtreme Title. It isn't like Page was about to split her head open with that chair during their match right before I phoned in and had the guy at gorilla hit my music for the distracting assist. You do understand that's what happened, right Lycana? You may have pinned Chris Page for the 3 count afterwards but if I hadn't intervened, who's to say he wouldn't have beaten you? Not to mention anytime I can put the screws to Chris Page I take that opportunity without thinking twice… Picking up the pieces? The only thing Page picked up was another collapse.”


I'd say that point is incredibly difficult to debate, Bob-O. After all, Page has been unpinnable and 'is pawns did put you out of commission for months in similar fashion. I think it's very safe to say if you hadn't saved Lycana's luscious ass it woulda gotten Page Planted and she woulda lost the X.

Oh but don't get us wrong baby; that wasn't for you, it was for APEX. It was a slice of more-to-come justice for Main. It was a bit 'a real-time revenge for our lil' sis Miss Granger gettin' gang-banged by the Bastards earlier in the night.



Don't think that won't come back to haunt you boys. All the more reason we first need to bleed the Dimsentients dry and kick um to the curb.


Then we'll celebrate backstage in carnivorously carnal fashion with Lycana while Marf watches and jacks off.


Let me channel Lycana and ask: does he have to be there too?


Unfortunately yes. Marf likes watchin' other men manhandle his heroine outside of the ring, remember? Ask Andre. And Marf bein' the hilariously codependent dipshit he is, he's gonna be up her ham sammich (so to speak, obviously we'll be the ones partin' labes like the red sea) like white on rice. Just ignore 'im and the fappin'. ...And when he kills the mood with a cringeworthy cum grunt. ......And the inevitable bawlin' and sobbin' that follows. It's a sad sad cycle, cuckery.


Maybe we should just put Marf out of his misery.


Maybe we should.


Maybe I should swing Marf by the ankles and pop his fucking head against a ring post like a piñata.


Winces. Maybe I should pound every bone in Marf's cucky body to powder, wrap 'is noodle ass 'round Lycana's neck and change his name to Scarf.


Laughs. I like your idea.


I like YOUR idea.


...Both?


Fist bump. Both brother. You remove the head, I'll toothpaste tube everything else out of 'im and we'll hand Lycana Scarf then finish her.


Handshake. It's settled. To the lens. Scarf, you're going to miss the after party after all. And yes, Lycana, Jim said finish you.


I did. We're definitely gonna hafta stomp 'Cana's cunny to honey as well. In fact...it's imperative.


”A team may only be as formidable as its weakest link but as much as Jim and I will be keeping Marf occupied with a coup de grace, we know we'll have to pulverize the brawnier of the two in Lycana. It's inevitable. And to be quite honest, it's going to be a pleasure.”


Fuckin' A right it will be.

Don't kid yourself inta thinkin' The Omega and I ain't gonna fuck you up 'cause we're the good guys and you're a chick. You hit the ring with me in it you're guaranteed to catch a Wrexus Plexus to the Wicked Witch 'a the Breasts. And don't tryta clap back on the sexual tip with basic bitch boilerplate default dissin', we ain't gonna be kissin'... I'd walk away lookin' like a mime.



I mean she does wear WAY too much makeup. But no worries, I'll kick it the fuck off. Problem solved. Dusting his hands.


Sounds like a plan... Let's see what Slow White and the Severed Nuts think they're gonna do to pump the brakes on an APEX Presents: Riders on the Storm brand buttfuckin'.



XXX#XMXUXRXKXXXDXIXSXSXEXNXTXIXEXNXTXSXXX




"Then and Now"


CAEDUS TIMELINE REWIND: In early September 2019, having received a clean (enough) bill of mental health by the Legend of Legends Doc D'Ville himself (at the request of an unknown), Jim had been "poof" transported back to his home on Naples Island in Long Beach, CA.



---SEPTEMBER 2019---
Naples Island, Long Beach, CA




The home of Jim Caedus.


The interior of the dual story domicile is tidy and fully furnished though a bit dusty. It appears no one has lived here for awhile.


As the XWF drone assigned to Jim (all of us has a minimum of one but former Universal Champions receive similar to the ex president secret service treatment; this is one of 2, the home drone) whirrrrrrrrrrrs it's way through the front room we catch some interesting sights. Among the artwork and collectibles displayed we see quite a number of promotion treasures and memorabilia.


The obligatory wall of XWF championship belts. Plaques commemorating awards as well as the former and new positions of Jim Caedus on the Top 50 list.


A display exhibiting Xbux Shop items mostly retired and including the hobo beard of Jim Caedus, a case of strawberry vape refill, a reptilian Thomas Nixon mask, a Gildo and a photo of a C. Dif ice cream cone being stored in Jim's freezer.


Promotional posters of Jim with each of his Lethal Lottery 4 partners Robbie Bourbon, Buronan (Dolly in disguise) and Trax. Photos of Dolly Waters, Jim Caedus and Trax commemorating 3-Way Stars of the Month.


A wall of photos dedicated to obstacles yet to, perhaps never, be overcome including Engy, before-and-after Brucette Blingsteen shots and a poster of The Kings signed
"Are you serious? We just killed your kliq and you want an autograph?

Regards,
Theo Pryce"



Photos of Ax3 (two with Thad but none with Chaos as he was always just below the shot in front of Jim).


Jim's golden nugget on a chain.


Photos of Drew, Main and Jim. APEX...


A FLASH.


Jim lurches upon reappearance, running to the kitchen to vomit into the sink. Moments later we hear running water and the garbage disposal. The disposal switches off followed shortly after by the tap. He slowly walks out, water dripping from his blonde beard onto his hospital issues and the marble tiles beneath his feet.


Fuckin' Doc...


He blankly removes his shirt and kicks his slippers off one by one, each smacking the wall opposite across the living room and dropping into a waste basket. He drops and steps out of his pants, clad in nothing but hospital tightie whities. Plucking up the shirt and pants, he stuffs both into the same waste basket and heads down the hall to a stairway on the left.


Fifteen minutes later Jim steps out of the shower and turns to the slightly steamed wall length mirror above the marble block countertop, gazing at his reflection. We see flashes of his attack on Main and Drew. We hear him shout "I quit!". He looks away from the mirror, running a hand down his face and sighing. Not bothering to grab a towel, Jim steps out of the bathroom and retrieves and pulls on a fresh pair of boxers from the master bedroom dresser then heads downstairs.


Moments later, beads of water cascading down his chest, we find Jim in the living room switching on the massive flatscreen and flipping through channels until:

-eeeeelcome to XWF Wednesday Warrrrrfarrrre! I'm-


Jim switches the TV off.



[Image: giphy.gif]


He sits in nigh silence save for the clock ticking away on the wall, a ticking growing ever louder as the otherwise void of audio sets in. Nevertheless, he remains planted, staring directly at nothing in particular, his mind's eye clearly occupied.


After what seems several minutes, Jim raises his head to look to the framed photos of APEX............


BIIIING BOOOONG


Shocked from his reverie, Jim hops up. Momentarily panicking like a Marf with mommy separation anxiety, except without the shitting all over the place I mean, he mans up enough to make his way as quietly as possible to the front double doors-


BIIIING BOOOONG


-and peers through the spy hole-


-drawing back with a confused frown.


BIIIING BOOOONG


He reaches for the doorknob, unlocks and opens the door.


Hey.


......The fuck you doin' here girl?

You're dead.

Remember?



To be continued
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●




Continued From… Silver Bullet…
https://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=41080



OMEGA CAEDUS REWIND: When Jim Caedus made his return for the save on APEX all was not as hunky dory as it may have initially appeared. Jim may have conquered his intrusive thoughts and inner demons during his stay in the nut hut but that hasn't changed his past transgressions nor fully repaired the bridges burned. A more trusting Robert Main has vouched for Jim but Drew Archyle, having been bitten in the ass twice now, is understandably wary of it all to say the least and his frustrations with Robert Main in context have reached the boiling point…



Robert took a seat on a gravestone placing his elbows on his knees and his head in his palms… Robert leered at the base of the gravestone that had sunk into the soft soil giving it the appearance it was shrinking. He took his fingers running them over the engraved words, weathered by a century of rain…



” Drew, listen…” Robert pauses listening to the rain fall all around him. ” At the very least, we’ve got to hear him out… We owe him that…”



” No Robert we don’t. We don’t owe him anything. He owes us everything, a debt he will never, ever repay in my eyes…”



Drew observes Robert with the wonder of a stranger, that aloof judgement with no strings attached. Robert could sense the scrutiny pouring from Drew’s being and noticed the tension between them was about to boil over for the first time in years… Clearly Drew expected Robert not to stand as he did. Robert watched on as Drew’s eyes wandered to the gravestone, expecting Robert to take this unsaid directive and sit back down. That refusal to smile, to show any sympathy at all was his subtle form of emotional warfare...



” Drew, are you alright?”



Drew points at Robert before responding…



”I’m not doing this…”



This argument grew from nowhere into a F-5 tornado. In Drew’s irritation he was blind to Robert, to the delicate balance of their friendship. Robert assumed he was right when he had no real reason to. They disagreed on bringing Jim back for perfect reasons… So they were in opposite camps, suddenly blind to each other's good hearts and building barricades instead of bridges. In that lonesome cemetery they each saw into each other's souls and knew in a moment that they'd be in very different places altogether, both wanted the same thing, but were lost in how to get there, blind to the paths yet trying to see.



” Drew, wait…” Robert reached out grabbing his longtime friend by the shoulder.



”No…”



Drew snatches Robert by the shirt driving him backwards over the gravestone he was sitting on into a freshly dug grave site…



[Image: lag52LR.jpg]



Suddenly a familiar voice cut through the tension…



”This a bad time…?”



[Image: UdtytK1.jpg]



”Not for me. I’m just leaving.”



” Come on, at least let me tryta explain…... ANDREW!”



Drew stops dead in his tracks leering over his shoulder…



”Why? Explaining is easy Jim. Doing is hard. You can make all the promises you want but at the end of the day you will keep none of them. That has been your track record.”



”Drew…”



Jim places his hand on Drew’s shoulder as Drew halts once more… Robert watches on clawing his way out of the freshly dug gravesite. He could feel the pressure rising and hear the intensity in Drew’s tone. There's a great deal of emotion behind the words he is speaking… Instead of waiting for a catastrophe to unfold and the stress of the troubled friendship to boil over Robert makes his way towards the two so he could pull the lever and let some of the steam dissipate… But before Robert could get in between the two Drew had Jim by the throat up against a mausoleum… Jim didn’t struggle as he looked Drew dead in his eyes, he just spoke softly…



” Do it brother… Do it. ...I deserve what’s comin'…”


All three accepted and understood how they each came to this intersection in life.... Drew needed validation of his emotions, not some solution or apology. Drew raised his fist as Jim lowered his head…



To Be Continued…



[Image: chM1Ri0.gif]

[Image: pz4P3Ut.png]
Shout out to Gator/Noah Jackson for this kickass banner

[Image: aFZyFWU.jpg]



~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
~Efed Podcast Top 100 - #74 w/no Twitter (all credit to you, fam, 🙏 <3)
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 3x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


---Love Me, Like Me, Hate Me. No Worries---

Gator's Archive💙
[Image: KlXZwFe.png]
In Loving Memory of Captain Dick Powers

Gravy's Archive💙
[Image: YSqFoQ7.jpg]
[Image: oqNqgFo.jpg]
Shout out to Gravy for these kickass banners

Edit Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 11 users Like JimCaedus's post:
Atara Raven (06-14-2021), Corey Smith (06-14-2021), HeavensToBetsy (06-14-2021), Lycana (06-15-2021), Marf (06-16-2021), R.L. Edgar (06-14-2021), Robert "The Omega" Main (06-14-2021), Thaddeus Duke (06-14-2021), Theo Pryce (06-14-2021), Unknown Soldier (06-19-2021), Vita Frickin Valenteen (06-14-2021)




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)