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A Couple Of Old Cowboys
Author Message
OGMaverick Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


Post: #1
06-09-2021 06:36 PM

~Well, the truth about a mirror,
It's that a damn old mirror.
Don't really tell the whole truth,
It don't show what's deep inside.
Or read between the lines,
And it's really no reflection of my youth.~



In 2001, it was a Chrysler Imperial. The Wildcards would all pile in, and we would drive from town to town in that beauty of a car, and when we weren’t wrestling or working out, we would be drinking and plowing bitches. The moment our car showed up in town, everyone knew the party was about to begin. The champagne would be iced, the steaks would be on the grill, and the panties would be off. Between the beer cans, the food boxes, and the various “souvenirs” we would pick up along the way, the inside of that car was always filthy. We didn’t care, though. “Resale value” wasn’t really something on our minds, and the seats smelled like stale cigars anyway.

Now? Now we’re cruising around in my wife’s Kia Sorento. The van is still filthy, but instead of cigarette butts and beer cans, it’s random kids books and dropped M&Ms. Instead of a cassette player and a giant plastic box of cassettes, it’s an auxiliary port and satellite radio.

I actually consider that an improvement.

Despite all that, it still feels like the old times, having all five original Wildcards hitting the road together. The loop was a long one – Centurion and I left my house in Maryland. We first drove to Florida to pick up Steve Jason, then Texas to pick up Roller, and finally, we picked up The Brand from Southern California. Now we’re on our way to Seattle, where we will catch a plane and fly all the way to Mongolia. A road trip that has spanned over four days, with at least another day to go in the car, before a 19 hour flight to the middle of Asia.

I miss the boys, but fuck me if I don’t miss the travel.

But it was a lot easier when we were kids. We could travel for 16 hours straight with nothing but pizza and cocaine. We’d crush energy drinks at 2:30 in the morning and feel fine; however, this isn’t a group of young kids anymore. The youngest among us, SJ, it just a click over 40. Cent and Roller are both in their mid-40’s, and Primo and I have already waved goodbye to our 40’s. Also, there was a time when our stops would be wherever we would crash. Sometimes we would sleep in a shady motel along a dirt road, and sometimes (when Primo wanted to live the high life) we would be staying at the Ritz. These days? We need to have a big enough room so all of us get at least a full size bed, plus a coffee maker is a must, and a continental breakfast is preferred. Again, I see this as an improvement.

We have just left our most recent stop, and are now almost to the top of the Pacific Coast Highway. Roller is driving, because of course he is, and I sit shotgun, because I paid for the fucking vehicle. In the seat behind us is Centurion. He has the entire row to himself, so instead of being seated in a traditional fashion, he is lying against the side of the van with his legs out across the rest of the bench seat. It’s comfortable, but if Roller wrecks the thing, Cent will go hurling out of the front windshield completely unabated. SJ and Brand sit in the way back, likely talking about how great being a Universal Champion is and how no one will ever forget their names. Pricks.

Cent, pass us the cheese fries!” Brand says from the back. The person in the middle seat was always in charge of snacks, so Cent has a cooler of drinks and several bags of food on the floor in front of him. He glances back at Brand.

It’s 9 AM” Cent says in his typical judgmental tone. “You’re going to get heartburn like a mother fucker, and I’m not going to listen to you bitch.”

When The Brand wants your medical advice, he’ll let you know” Brand snaps back. “Now pass the damn cheese fries!

Centurion sighs and pulls out a bag of those hot cheese fries that you normally see being eaten by young college students hopped up on Adderall. Brand immediately tears into it, and he and SJ start to chow down.

“Did neither of you eat breakfast before we left?”

Breakfast?” SJ says surprisingly. “Did you see that crap they put out there. Powdered eggs, burnt potatoes, greasy sausage...

Yeah, it was fucking delicious!” I yell back. These elitists and their picky pallets. The breakfast they are describing is the same kind of food we eat when my kids and I take my wife out for Mother’s Day. Add a couple of Mimosas, and you have a party. “Besides, you decided to skip out on that in favor of hot cheese fries? How is that better for you?

Oh, it’s not about being better for us, but it is a lot tastier.

You sure?” Roller finally enters the conversation. “Or are your taste buds just dead after all these years.”

The Brand knows good taste! How dare you?!

Maybe it’s the three of you that have dead tastebuds after years of shoveling crap into your systems. Hell, Cent still WILLINGLY eats McDonalds! How you’re not dead yet is beyond me.”

Oh, speaking of fast food, ask Mav about his theory regarding burgers and geometry.

"It's not a theory! It's a commonly known fact! Foods shaped in certain ways are generally more appealing, so they end up tasting better. That's why Wendy's has square hamburgers."

The guys all sit in silence. I know they are pondering this absolutely mind blowing knowledge I just released upon them. I'm sure no one has ever told them such a thing before, but now that they think about it, it makes all the sense...

"That's really fucking stupid." Roller said, like an asshole.

"What the hell would you know? Your knowledge doesn't stem beyond what you can learn on Sesame Street."

"No, Roller doesn't watch Sesame Street anymore. It moved to HBO, and he can't afford anything beyond basic cable."

"What the fuck?!" Roller snaps back at us while the rest of the car just laughs. Bullying Roller was always a fun hobby of ours. "Are we seriously going to move on after Mav just made an argument about why Wendy's burgers are superior because they're fucking SQUARE?!"

"Yeah, good point" Brand chimes in because he's The Brand and he has to always be part of the conversation. "That makes absolutely no sense, Mav. The eyes are not connected to your flavor receptors. SMELL, maybe, but not eyes."

"Oh, so when Gordon Ramsay cooks, he just slaps that shit down on a plate, does he? He doesn't take any time to make it look pretty, because it doesn't matter? Is that what you're trying to tell me right now?"

"Mav..." SJ pipes up with his sad, Australian accent, knowing full well he's going to join the rest of these morons in this argument. "We're not talking about filet mignon here. We're talking about fast food. It's just a bundle of grease and Barely Meat. Put it in the shape of an decagon, and it will still taste the same."

"Fine! You open up a fast food place and serve decagon burgers, and come back to me and tell me the results!"

The guys don't know what the hell they're talking about, as usual, and while I have wanted to throw every one of these dudes out of the van about a hundred times throughout the course of this trip, I still wouldn't be doing this with anyone else. These are my idiots. I am blessed to call them my friends...even if having a conversation with my daughters is far more intelligent than what these goofs come up with.



I want to kick this off by saying "fuck you, Centurion."

First of all, fuck you for bringing this up to me in the first place. Had you not decided to put on this little reunion show, I would be sitting at home, enjoying a Captain and Coke and looking out over my perfectly manicured lawn. Instead, I'm in Mongolia. Granted, I've been eating great since I've been here. And the hotel room is absolutely fantastic. And the locals have treated us like superheroes. And it is kind of nice to get away from the family and get a little bit of quiet.

...ok, maybe the trip wasn't that bad.

Still, fuck you for that, and also, fuck you for talking about how old I am! Everyone in this company slams you by saying you're a geriatric, and what's the first thing you say when you start talking about me? "Oh, he's old. You're not going to see a wrestling classic." Man, if I want to suplex assholes around the ring, I will do that! Don't start assuming I still can't go at 100% out there. Say something that dumb again, and I'll beat your ass like the old days.

You're lucky I like you.

So, Centurion wanted to bring back The Wildcards, and here we are, on a random Thursday Anarchy in the middle of Mongolia, facing one asshole I barely know and another asshole I don't know at all. I would think our reunion would have been worthy of a pay per view slot, but I guess this is the best Cent could come up with. He's the one footing the bill after all, so I really shouldn't be complaining. Anarchy, Massacre, some spot show in the middle of Topeka - if Cent is going to pay for the whole damn thing, and all I have to do is punch some people in the face and make 100 Gs, then hey, I'm down.

The one dude I kind of, sort of know is Barney Green. We didn't cross paths when I was here. That's not because he wasn't on the roster at the time - he might have been for all I know, but I was busy fighting for the Heavyweight Title that I really didn't have time to learn the names of every scrub at the bottom of the roster. It's nothing personal, I promise. I was just a busy man, with important shit to do, and there were hundreds of folks coming in and out of the XWF at that time that it would have been impossible to learn all their names. I'm glad to hear Barney made a name for himself.

Well...kind of.

Barney is well known. He has a "cult following", You know what that really means? It means he's sucked for nearly two decades, so people give him the pity claps. Awesome. I hope you're proud of that legacy, Barney. I would say "that's something to tell your kids", but I hope for the sake of everyone in the known universe that you never plan on having kids.

And yet, you're the draw for your team, aren't you, Barney? You're the one everyone is going to be watching. It sure as fuck won't be Seth Stevens, whoever the hell that is. Yes, I know he won a couple of belts and was here for a cup of coffee. Awesome, great, don't give a shit. There's a reason no one did any backflips when they found out Seth Stevens would be returning for one night. There was no one out there screaming "oh, I sure hope we get to see Seth Stevens again!"

I know, I'm sure you're a real bad ass, Seth. You're going to tell me just how great you are, and that I'm the fool for not knowing who you are, and you never showed your REAL greatness, and blah blah bullshit. I really don't care, honestly. If it makes you feel better, then go for it, but I won't be listening. Fact is, you could be the greatest thing to ever step into an XWF ring (you're not) and I would still be ready to whoop your ass.

I know all of you assholes are going to be looking at me and smirking. You're going to see a man with some wrinkle lines, and a grey beard, and very little of his original hair left, and you're going to laugh at the old man in the ring. Then you're going to shit yourselves because you're going to watch a performance that is going to blow you away. I'm going to show you how it's really done - how we did it back in the old days, and I mean how we REALLY did it, not this "back in my day" bullshit Centurion does. We didn't wrestle during the fucking collar and elbow days, Cent! Stop acting like we're ancient. Back when we were in our prime, we would hit people with shit and pin them after a big move. These days, you hit people with shit and hit them with a big move, though apparently you have to do some insane shit along the way or else it isn't "cool enough" to win.

This isn't the last rodeo for a couple of cowboys. This is a reminder of the greatness that came before you all. Some of you may remember us. Most of you probably don't. But by the end of the night, you will remember that The Wildcards always come up Aces.





And fuck The Black Circle.
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[-] The following 10 users Like OGMaverick's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (06-09-2021), (Gravy_Xtreme_5000) (06-09-2021),  ALIAS  (06-10-2021), Atticus White (06-09-2021), Barney Green (06-09-2021), JimCaedus (06-10-2021), Robert "The Omega" Main (06-09-2021), Thaddeus Duke (06-10-2021), Theo Pryce (06-10-2021), Thunder Knuckles™ (06-09-2021)
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