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Dick Powers · (06-02-2021)

HOOCHIE COOCHIE

"Riley! Where is my spacesuit!?"

I scream from the main hall of my bitchin' mansion in my birthday suit which although hot is totally ineffective in space. I stand like a marble statue of an ancient Greek hero as I await this chubby prick to appear at the stairs, he is sulking holding my spacesuit in his arms.

"Dick, I don't want to go to the moon. I'm allergic to cheese."

I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Riley, you're not even coming so shut up!"

And all the cheese will be mine! Riley slowly comes down the steps and I raise my arms so he can dress me.

"Space is a scary place, Dick, what if you find aliens or worse... Blacks?"

"The fuck dude don't be racist. What is wrong with you?"

I stick my legs into the footsies on the spacesuit as Riley pulls it up my legs, my magnum dong tapping his head the pendulum of a grandfather clock. Ha... Grandfather cock.

"No, Dick, Blacks were a story I was told as a small child in England. They're a race of evil aliens who fly through space abducting anyone who dares invade their territory."

"You sure this isn't an allegory for black people? England is weird and racist."

"Fairly sure, I just want you to be careful Dick. I don't want a repeat to you being electrocuted in the pool, or the plane crash in Japan, or you becoming a ghost after sticking your dick in that Hellraiser puzzle box."

I sigh as Riley zips me up and makes me secure.

"Those things never happened, Riley, you're acting sus as the kids would say."

Riley glares at me for a brief moment, he hesitates before shaking his head and fixing my suit into place.

"You're all set Dick... Godspeed."

I smile as he hands me my helmet and I give a firm shake of his hand before heading outside to the backyard where a large very phallic-shaped rocket awaits me, smoke bellows from the thrusters kicking up dirt as I ascend the stairs to my sensual craft. At the door I turn to Riley and several sexy scientists in nothing but glasses and lab coats, I give them a salute and shout.

"One small step for man, one giant THRUST for Dick-kind."

I smirk and nod to myself as the engines grow louder.

"WHAT?"

I barely hear as I step inside and prepare for liftoff. Strapping myself into the dick-pit chair, a countdown from 69 sounds as the engines grow louder and louder until I am thrown back into the fabric of the chair and the sky comes quickly toward me. My body rumbles as the force throws my mane of hair back and the rocket penetrates the atmosphere until I see nothing but inky blackness a the white glint of the moon. I laugh in delight, tears forming in my eyes.

"HAHAHAHA! I cannot wait to leave a dick print in that mother fucker!"

I sit in a white leather seat enjoying a cosmopolitan. Get it? COSMOpolitan! Fuck I'm incredible. My going out silk kimono decorated in stars and crescent moons like I'm a goddamn wizard of raw-doggin'. The kimono is slightly open so my bare yolked chest is visible and if you're watching this in VR like a king you can adjust to juuuuuuuust see my impressive fuck gutters and a slight glance of my pubes styled like the American flag planted into the moon's surface. As I sit in my starship, don't ask questions, pondering life looking out at the streams of light passing by the black void outside my window I smile seeing myself in the reflection, and remember how sweet I am, I then turn to you with the elegance of a craning giraffe to give you just a taste of what I am blessed to see every day and the cunning linguist of cunnilingus is officially the first man to spit straight facts in space.

"Sup babies!"

"It's your boy, Thicky Dicky back at it again with another earth-shattering, moon landing, panty soaking, knee-trembling promo. This time about Dolly Waters! Hot damn God wasted a perfectly good asshole when he gave you teeth, showing up again after a longer hiatus than yours truly for some godforsaken reason thinking people would give a fuck instead of whipping out a bottle of head and shoulders and murking your flaky ass. Now, I know what some of you are thinking."

"Dick? So aggressive off the bat? Where's the foreplay?"

"Fuck that weak shit, I retort, daddy issues over here is a basic bitch and deserves to be treated rough, face down in the pillow go like a rabbit on speed, and leave her waiting for the towel as I move on to better things. I mean, what the hell is this child going to do? Give a vague, empty long-winded explanation of why she's been away all set to her staring longingly out of a dirty window while some honky in a cowboy hat wails about how his wife left him for a 6-speed tractor. Dolly finally turning to the camera trying to swallow down the yeehaw and Ex-DuB-yA-eFf with a 'Welp! There you have it." Meanwhile, we're having a goddamn pay-per-view on the moon!"

"The fucking MOON!"

"Why would anyone give a hot fuck and a sweet suck about Ms always the bridesmaid never the bride? Some dull straw hat bitch who achieved shit but was never good enough to get her name on top of the marquee. But Big Dick here sipping martinis and bitch-slapping the lower-talent on the C-show now on a rocket."

"Yes. A fucking rocket."

"To the FUCKING MOON! Metaphors be damned! I am LITERALLY going to greater heights. Doll, what the fuck are you going to do when Doc isn't there for you to latch onto. When Lacklan isn't here to guide you. When Vita isn't here to hold your hand. When literally everyone has forgotten about you, leaving you, to be you. What is going to happen when the rust breaks the limbs? When people only see Dolly Waters being herself. When that dirty window you're peering into reflects dust and cobwebs, nothing but shit. When the only thing you have to look forward to in life is you having a run, doing a sad face and quitting then coming back to some hopeful pop you're not a star. You're an attention-seeking whore. You're not a performer, you're not a wrestler, you're a fucking yo-yo, you valueless cunt. A slight ping of enjoyment and nostalgia before being abandoned into the misfit toys pile only to be found to play with a few years later and the cycle keeps going on and on. And you would wonder why you never got that Universal shot you so desperately wanted? It's because you lack the determination, shit Page sucks but he kept asking for that third date and now look his dad-looking ass. You? Heh, babe, you ain't someone to bring home to the parents if you keep making a scene and breaking it off."

Parched, I take a gentle sip of my drink and smack my lips.

"What Doll? Did you just expect a nothing match with no fight and an easy win? A bit of harmless flirting and a fun time in the ring? Like this?"

I snap my fingers hoping an image appears but I'm unsure as I haven't paid my graphics guy in months... I hope it doesn't look like shit!

"Well, I never usually disappoint my female partners but this time I'm gonna have to do you dirty. I'm a pretty easy-going dude and most things wash off me like cum on a dolphin but what I do hate is people who expect a handout. Does anyone remember Hanari Carnes? Silly question, of course no one does. Well, he was some guy who just expected a win and a title shot and I showed him the heavy end of my turgid cock. Me, the first ASStronaut to break the hymen of the stratosphere, Neil DONGstrong, Balls Allin, Apollo 69! The buff, handsome, six-foot of fuck who isn't even a wrestler, stopped that little prick and the very same long-donged, rocking and rolling, panty-stealing, sex-having, fuck-fueled, moon rock hard spuDICK is going to do the very same to some petulant child who has the audacity to stroll back into a fed she has turned her back on numerous times THINKING this time will be different or that everyone will welcome her back with thrown roses and open arms."

"Fuck that noise! Dick Powers is Starmanning the scene and is just waiting to throw a bitch back to Earth. Captain Kirk with the dirk of spurt is ready to put the hurt on this twerp! I passed the ISS and it lit up to say DP's a pimp! I went around the sun and made that bitch go supernova! I land on the moon and turn the tides, baby! Zero-G ain't got nothing on me and before you realize the gravity of your situation Dolly, you'll be face down in moon dust quicker than your dad hits the bottle every time he's reminded of how much of a fuck-up his daughter is."

"Blonde is gonna turn red and the universe will be reminded how fucking great it is to have me grace it's presence."

"Adieu, doll face."

We cut to the moon's surface where a rocket has crashed and lays in smoldering debris. Dick's body cold and grey, his face in twisted agony gently floating by.

fin

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