The masked man rolled around on top of the pile of chairs and dirty rags serving as a makeshift bed underneath the XWF’s wrestling ring. A loud snoring could be heard rumbling out from beneath the man’s never-once-washed leather mask.


As Demos finally found a comfortable sleeping position he began to lay still, but his snoring persisted. The camera zoomed in on the man’s mask as multicolored lights and smoke began to roll across the screen. The camera continues to zoom in on the man’s mask as it is covered in smoke. Rays of blue, green, and purple color flash through the billowing smoke. Within moments the multicolored smoke thickens to such an extent that the man in the mask is no longer visible. Nonetheless his snores continue on unabated.


The smoke begins to disperse from the screen as we are treated to a scene of Kim Jong-Un and Dennis Rodman discussing the finer things in life.



“You see Kimmy, her ass is nowhere near the best ass in the XWF. Ash Quinn is nothing but a little twiggy broad. If you’re looking for the best ass in the XWF, you’re looking for Rel Dixon! That broad’s a stunner!”


Kim leaned into Dennis Rodman’s space as he lifted his right hand up into the shape of a gun. He pulled his right index finger into his palm while making a “pow” noise.

“I would shoot the next supreme leader of North Korea into her so fast! That Rel Dixon really is something! Any man would be lucky to have her in his bed!”


“Oh fo sho!”


Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman giggled together before turning to face the new man suddenly seated across the table from them. The two men smiled brightly as they made eye contact with Demos. Kim Jong Un grabbed a half-full glass of chardonnay from the table. He raised the glass up high as he held it across the table, presumably for a welcoming clink of the glass. Demos looked around the table before lifting up a half-empty glass of chardonnay and bringing it to meet Kim’s glass above the table.


Demos clinks his glass way too hard! Both glasses shatter and the alcohol floods the contents of the table! Demos immediately brings his hands to his head. Demos starts to dig his unclipped nails into the scalp of his head as shame washes over him. A few streams of blood begin to trickle down beneath the man’s leather mask.


“No no no no no no no!”


Kim Jong-Un and Dennis Rodman lean away from the table as Demos digs his claws deeper into his own skull.


“Demos is sorry! Demos is sorry! I...I….I”


“It’s ok, Demos! We can have the servants clean this up, it’s no worries!”


Demos pulls his claws out of his head, bringing tiny bits of flesh and blood with him as he bangs his hands on the table loudly.


“All I do is fail! Demos is sorry, so sorry Supreme Leader!”


“Ay dog it’s ok I spill booze all over all the time, it ain’t no biggy dog it rea-”


Demos pounds on the table again before looking harshly to Dennis Rodman.


“Just because you are slovish and unkept in the presence of the Supreme Leader does not mean that I should hold myself to your pitiful standards!”


“DEMOS!”


Kim Jong Un bangs on the table harshly as Demos starts to rip into Rodman. Demos immediately shrinks back from the table, as if he was literally pushed back by the force of the Supreme Leader’s voice.


“Demos is sorry! Demos is sorry!”


“I do not need the Demos to be sorry, I need the Demos to be BETTER!”


“I’m sorry Supreme Leader!”


“Don’t be, be better!”


“I…….”


Demos slumped back in his chair as his arms fell lifelessly at his side. The masked man’s gaze drifted down to the floor as he completed his thought.


“Can’t.”


“Look dog you just need to get some pussy to get your mind right! I know it sucks to lose, dog. I lost hundreds of games in the NBA, no cap! That shit sucked! And cuz I was the blackest brother in the locker room, the coaches really liked to get on my ass and blame me for the shit. And that shit fucking hurt, Demos! They all blamed me! It was hard to deal with. That’s why I went to the club every night and walked out with a different broad every time! That shit always made me feel better!”

“Dennis is right, Demos! You would be wise to listen to him. He has won more NBA championships than anyone else I know! The flesh of a woman is a panacea to every mental barrier and blockage. When you enter a woman, you enter nirvana. All the pain, all the embarrassment, all the shame, it dissipates as you penetrate. How long has it been since you’ve been with a woman, Demos? I sense so much unfettered aggression, rage, and loneliness inside your soul.”


Demos rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as he looked to the side.


“The Demos has never been with a woman….it..it is unclean, unnecessary, totally outside of the bounds of my concern. I..I have matches to win! I can’t focus on the fairer sex!”


Demos’s covered cheeks turn red as he turns back to face Rodman and Kim. Kim and Rodman look at each other in silence for a few moments before both men break out into laughter.


“Why...why are you laughing?”


Kim Jong-Un wipes a joyful tear from his eye as Dennis Rodman shakes his head in disbelief.


“Whachu mean you ain’t never got any wetness? Any tushy? Any cake?”


Demos waved away the question before verbally responding.


“My focus has solely been on liberating the masses through blood sport!”


“Has it, though?”


Demos nodded his head in affirmation.


“I have been a machine of class warfare. I have been unwavering in my will to defeat evil inside the ring. I have never took my sights off of the larger picture.”


“Dog you were literally just crying and bitching because you broke a glass of booze, and it’s not even like that’s the last glass we had! We have stockpiles of liquor in this bitch! You ain’t gotta cry over spilled booze, dog!”


Kim Jong-Un nodded as Dennis Rodman laid down wise words of wisdom.


“You been goofin’, son. You been acting weird and acting out. I mean, wasn’t you collecting bitches hair and shit? What the fucks that gotta do with class war?”


“Well, you see-”


“You haven’t been yourself for some time, dog! That horndog is running all up and down your psyche but you ain’t taking control of it! You’re getting distracted, you’re getting cranky, and you’re getting beat because your head just isn’t in the game!”


“No, my head is in the game!”


Kim Jong-Un intervened as Demos tried to rebut Rodman’s astute observations.


“Your head is not in the game, my ancient warrior. You have been totally thrown off loop ever since you lost your television championship! You had a battle against Oswald himself, but you were totally unprepared for the war! You found yourself battling Charlie’s ex-wife over petty personal squabbles! You are not suited for warfare in this condition, my eternal champion.”


“I...I have been fighting with my all every wee-”


“It ain’t about giving it yo all inside that ring, dog, just like it wasn’t about giving it your all when I was out on the court! I mean of course you HAVE to give it your all, but you need to make sure before the fight that your all is a hell of a lot more than your opponent’s all! You have to make sure you have the upper hand, the better training regimen, the more tactical battle plan. You need to make sure you have both the physical AND mental energy reserves needed to win against the best of the best! Look Demos I’m going to keep it one hunned with you: Michael Jordan wouldn’t have been shit for dick in the NBA without all that pussy he was getting! Michael Jordan needed the release a woman provides. If MJ didn’t get putang before a game he couldn’t focus. He’d be too angry, he couldn’t cooperate with teammates, he wouldn’t be level-headed enough to follow the rules, he wouldn’t stay clear minded enough to notice new chinks in his opponent’s armor. Without yacht loads of pussy Michael Jordan would’ve been nothing more than your typical 2 guard! It’s true!”


“You must find yourself a partner, Demos.”


“I have a partner already! Just because Jim is STILL in the hospital from the Dissentients attack doesn’t mean I dont’ have a partner!”


“Jim Jimson is….your partner?”


“Yes, we’ve wrestled together countless times before.”


“Yo-”


Dennis and Kim exchange hesitant glances before turning back to face Demos.


“You fuck Jim Jimson?”


“NO! Of course not! That’s a sick notion, Dennis!”


“Well then he ain’t the god damned kind of partner we’re talking about! We’re talking about someone you can make love to, G!”


“Jim Jimson is a great man, Demos, and an even better communist. But his friendship can not make up for your lack of a sexual lifestyle. You must find someone to stick and poke, Demos. The international proletariat needs you to find a bangmaid, or a ring rat, or a girlfriend, whatever suits your fancy. You need someone to fuck. It will clear your mind, make you ready for the warfare you are about to wage. ”


Demos looked at Kim with a mixture of suspicion and nervousness. Streams of blood continued to trickle down the man’s head, staining the side of his leather mask in various places.

“Are you sure, Supreme Leader? Is there no other way?


“None at all.”


The Demos sighed with disappointment as he leaned forward, placing his head on his hands and his elbows on his knees.

“Perhaps I can start looking for a potential mate. Maybe in a few months I can find someo-”


“No, that is not an acceptable time frame at all, Demos! You must be focused in time to put down the Duke heir!”


“The fate of the Palestinian people relies on you finding some strange, Demos!”


Demos tilted his head as he looked at Kim and Dennis with mild confusion.


“The Palestinians? Where do they fit into this? Of course they are global workers under the oppressive heel of settler-colonialism, but how do they tie into the crimes of Tsar Thaddeus?”


Kim Jong-Un looked at Dennis Rodman with what could only be described as absolute annoyance and disappointment. Kim buried his face into his palm as Dennis Rodman clenched his teeth and pulled his lips back to the sides of his mouth. An anxious look washed across Dennis’s face as the Demos continued to stare at the dreamy pair.


“Why the silence? What are you not telling me?”


“I didn’t want to put you under anymore pressure than you’re already dealing with, Demos. I know your long and tumultuous path has turned quite tortuous over these last few weeks. I was hoping to spare you from this knowledge. Ignorance is bliss, as they say….but now that the cat’s out of the bag, I suppose I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”


Kim Jong-Un sighed softly before continuing on.

“I know that your battle against Thaddeus Duke must already be weighing heavy on your mind. I know you don’t need any further motivation to defeat the neophyte fascist….but the consequences will be more dire than ever if you fail.”


“What do you mean?”


“Are you aware of the Illuminatus?”


“Why yes, of course! That’s Duke’s clandestine circle of bourgeois criminals!”


“Indeed. It seems their crimes against humanity grow more serious by the day. The Illuminatus controls billions of dollars in assets globally. They have their greedy fingers over every stock option and new market, and of course, their investments are as morally bankrupt as you would expect. They have poured millions of dollars into the corporations making Israel’s genocide possible. Berkshire Hathaway companies in particular have had their coffers filled to the brim with Illuminatus investments. This money is all finding it’s way back into Israel in the form of military software, hardware, munitions, and press coordination. Thaddeus will deny this publicly but if you comb through his tax records his culpability is undeniable. A quick search through Duke’s stock options would surely reveal a whole host of companies helping Israel carry out the genocide of the Palestinians. But of course this is the Illuminatus MO, so we should expect nothing different. The Illuminatus has been complicit in colonialism ever since it’s foundation. If you are able to put Duke down once and for good you could strike a huge blow against the colonial order.”


“I could? Is Duke really that important?”


“Colonialism is the house the Illuminatus built. Of course he’s that important. He is one of the richest men in America. To think, the grandson of a pedophilic priest has now become one of the most powerful men in the world. It’s despicable.”


“Pedophilic priest?”

“You know you gotta be a real bad apple to get kicked out of the catholic church for that shit! They try to cover it up the best they could but I guess Duke’s grand-daddy just wasn’t subtle enough!”


“It’s true. Church records are sealed, but it is publicly known that Duke’s grandfather left the Catholic Church after decades of loyal service. After leaving the ranks of cloister, Duke’s grandfather established the Church of the Enlightenment. He told people he was ‘illuminating the blind’.”


“That must be how the Illuminatus was born!”


“They would pass that collection plate around so much it puts even Scientologists to shame. They grew incredibly wealthy off of conning gullible souls into believing their uninspired scripture. And now, decades later, the Illuminatus is helping maintain the very systems of financial capitalism that prop up fascist states like America, Israel, and Canada.”


“Illuminating the blind? More like robbing em’ blind!”


“I never knew the tendrils of Duke’s corruption ran so deep.”


“They run deeper than you will ever know, Demos. The Illuminatus has committed war crimes galore, but most of their evils will never see the light of the day. It pays to have good friends in the Pentagon, or so it would seem.”


“You gotta put this Duke boy out to pasture, Demos. He’s no good for the working stiff.”


“I will fight him to the edge of the abyss and back.”


“But remember what we talked about, G? It ain’t just about beating his ass inside the ring. You gotta pound his ass OUTSIDE the ring, too! And the first step in that process is pounding some groupie ass outside the ring!”


“Dennis is right, Demos. If you are to have any hope of falling the golden child of colonialism, you must lose your virginity….and then some!”

Demos looked straight ahead, but truly he looked past the men in front of him and into the abyss itself. He had always known that romantic and sexual affairs were nothing but a distraction from his mission of liberation. He had always repressed his own sexual desires to better service the revolution. Was he wrong this whole time? Was the Demos truly…..human? Were his needs that of every other man roaming the earth?

Demos had been sent to cleanse humanity from the evils of capitalism, or so he believed. But for some reason he never considered the fact that he, himself, was a part of that humanity he worked so hard to liberate. It was only in his dreams that Demos could realize he was every bit as fragile, weak, and horny as every other human cast out into this capitalist hellscape.

Demos continued to stare past the men until Kim Jong-Un’s voice brought him back to the reality of his dream.


“You have known your mission for months, Demos. Now you know how to accomplish it.”


“But….but…..”


“No buts except the ones you’re clapping, dog!”


“Go, Demos. Go end the plight of the international working class!”


“Go fuck some broad’s brains out!”


“I will do as you command, Supreme Leader.”


Demos bowed his head in submission to Kim Jong-Un’s orders as that same multicolored smoke from earlier began to cloud the room. The screen faded to black as the smoke enveloped Demos and his friends.