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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Shove-It! Boards » Shove-It! RP Board
A dynamic duo
Author Message
Ruby Offline
The Super Dear'o



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#1
04-23-2021, 05:38 PM

Ruby: “Lance!”

Nicholas: “Jones!”

Ruby: “Lance!”

Nicholas: “Mac! Jones!”

Ruby: “Trey! Lance!”

It was NFL Draft season, and Ruby and her dad were working on their online mock drafts over Facetime. Both were Denver Broncos fans, courtesy of Ruby having gotten her college education at Boulder, but they were already at an impasse at the very first pick.

Nicholas: “Jones is the most NFL-ready quarterback barring Trevor Lawrence!!”

Ruby: “…with the lowest ceiling!”

Centurion was sitting a few feet away from his girlfriend, reading a book called ‘Simple Greek Phrases’, undoubtedly looking for new material to subtweet a Themis with. The shouting contest over the internet didn’t make it any easier for him to concentrate, though. He put the book down and walked over, looking over Ruby’s shoulder at the draft board from the PFF website.

Centurion: “Why not stick with Drew Lock?”

Both Ruby and her father gasped and turned their head in shock towards Centurion.

Nicholas: “Boooo!”

Ruby: “Booo!”

Nicholas: “Boo this man, booooo!”

Centurion: “Just saying, you’ve got Devonta Smith and Jaylen Waddle still on the board!”

Ruby: “My sweet, sweet, unfathomably attractive mans… We drafted Jeudy and Hamler last year! We can’t go Wide Receiver again!”

Centurion: “Fair enough… Maybe trade down?”

Nicholas: “Trade down? Hmm, maybe…”

Ruby: “And see who falls? But to where? Dallas, Giants, Eagles, Chargers are all set at QB. Wouldn’t put it past the Bears or Pats to both trade up at that point, though. The peeps up here in Chicago are desperate as flip for a new QB!”

Nicholas: “No, I say we got with QB at #9. With the most NFL-ready QB, that is!”

Ruby: “He was good because he was a product of the system!”

Centurion: “Kind of like Them No Good B-…”

Centurion saw Ruby’s disapproving look as he tried to say the last word.

Centurion: “TNGB.”

Ruby: “Let’s just call them ‘Them No Good Children Born Out Of Wedlock’. TNGB sounds like a poor Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles spinoff. It’s quite a mouthful, but then again, you’re also QUITE a m-…”

Nicholas: “Ahem!”

Ruby: “Ohhh flip flip flip, hey dad, mind if we do this mock some other time before Thursday? Gotta go, love you bye!”

Ruby disconnected immediately before he had a chance to answer, and the Banana-Lime blur sighed.

Ruby: “See what you do to me, with all your potent, virile energy?? You make me lose my sense of time and space!”

Centurion: “Quite the compliment, I’ll take it.”

Ruby smirked and got up from the chair, pushing herself up but forgetting the soreness in her shoulder. She winced for a brief second, and Centurion had to resist with every fiber in his body not to assist her, knowing it would only lead to a ‘talk’ they’d had a thousand times before. Ruby, in her turn, saw him actively resisting this instinct, and she appreciated it more than she could put into words. Both of them chose to ignore it from there on out.

Still, Ruby had too much pent up energy just to spend an entire evening at home. She knew all too well her shoulder was still bothering her, but that was just an extra challenge to overcome. She longingly looked out the window and sighed.

Ruby: “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’d love to go on patrol right now. Just jump out this window, activate my Rubychute and take it to the bad guys.”

Centurion: “You’re carrying a Rubychute right now?”

The Super Dear’O patted the fanny pack that was hidden under the loose hoodie she was wearing. It was an old hoodie of Centurion’s, which she loved to wear. Girlfriends like wearing their boyfriends’ old hoodies. This is the way.

Centurion: “Activating a parachute… from a fanny pack? Honestly babe, you tell me not to worry and to trust you, but that can’t be safe, can it? We should invest in some high tech gear for you.”

Ruby: “Hey, I’m not Batman, I’m a hero of the people, for the people! My batarangs are bendy sticks I found in the park. My RuMoByle is an old Lada. My costume cost a grand total of $4 in fabric, and my parachutes come from a fanny pack.”

Centurion: “And you’re facing Them No Good Children Born Out of Wedlock rather than the Joker.”

Ruby: “WE are. And yeah, although I guess they’re both some kind of clown, aren’t they? And like you said, a product of the system. The XWF system, that has allowed a faction like the Brotherhood of Baddies to run rampant over its shows. Zero accountability. And in all honesty, it just makes figureheads like Vinnie look weak. They’ve allowed BOB to grow so big that they can pretty much do whatever they want now. Make up fake titles because they can’t win their own? Just say the word! Flippin’ heck, you want an entire show to yourself? Name the time and place! This kind of environment has allowed guys like Teekay and Beebee to thrive. No fear of reprisals from management whatsoever!”

Centurion: “I mean, you’re the champion of a brand that’s literally called ‘Anarchy’, but….”

Ruby: “But I’ve always made it my mission to restore ORDER, see? And if I’m being perfectly honest with you, I still regret we were unable to win those tag titles the first time around. Then again, Cataclysm were pretty phenomenal back in the day, and let’s just say those motherflippers have had a lot going on ever since then. Anyway, my point is that Them No Good Children Born Out Of Wedlock are pretty great inside that squared circle, but I wouldn’t trust them to get much done someplace else… because they’re a…?”

Centurion: “Product of the system?”

Ruby: “Like Mac Jones! Plenty of great talent around them, and they’ve made the most of it. But me, I’m more of a…”

Centurion: “Trey Lance?”

Ruby: “Yeah! Smaller sample size, but BIG upside, you know? Heck of a ceiling. Admirable traits across the board.”

Centurion: “Very admirable.”

Ruby: “Thanks, my perfectly symmetrical incredibly good looking hunk of a mans! But yeah, people will of course try and detract from that because ‘Ooh Trey Lance only started THIS many games’, or ‘Ooooh Ruby has only ever been successful on Anarchy!’ Well, let’s break out, shall we? Let’s show the pundits and the fans, and every other doubter that we’re ready for that true superstardom. And get that recognition! So that we can put it to good use, and turn that exposure into a weapon for the forces of GOOD in this town! GO FORCES OF GOOD!”

Centurion: “GO!”

Centurion found himself fist-pumping all of a sudden, fired up by Ruby’s passionate monologue. The Super Dear’O herself began to bounce up and down, hit with a jolt of adrenaline.

Ruby: “Well flip my knickerdumps and call me Sheogoratha, I NEED a bit of patrol right now!”

Centurion: “I still don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go out there by yourself. Not that you won’t be able to handle yourself, but you might overexert yourself and leave that shoulder as a potential weak spot for Them No Good… Look, can I really not just call them TNGB? … to exploit.”

Ruby smirked as he tried to cover up his worry for her as strategy. It was cute, and she went along with it.

Ruby: “Fine, fine. I guess the Banana-Lime Blur will have no choice then, but to call on her most trustworthy partner!”

She sprinted over to the nearest closet and retrieved something that had been gathering dust for far too long. She threw it towards Centurion who caught the bundle of clothing.

Ruby: “SUPERCENT!”

Centurion: “Oh boy. I haven’t worn these since we rescued that Nigerian Prince.”

Ruby: “And we changed the fate of an entire people. Now put it on, and let’s go!”

Centurion: “I’m really not-…”

Ruby: “Did I mention the fact I think you look stupendously hot in that outfit?”

Centurion: “Give me two minutes.”


[Image: rEuB2NG.gif]



Soon thereafter, Ruby and Supercent found themselves on the streets of Chicago. They got a few weird looks from the people around them, but Ruby was used to that by now. Her partner in crimesolving seemed a it more self-aware about it, but did his best to brush it off. He wasn’t usually self-conscious, but this situation was rather alien to him.

Supercent: “I wonder what my family would think of me if they saw me now. My sister especially.”

Ruby: “Hey, give her some credit. She might think it’s incredibly rad, you going out of your comfort zone to do cool shizzle with ya girl.”

Supercent: “Maybe. Big maybe.”

Ruby: “You’ve never even properly introduced me to her, you know that? I’m sure once she gets to know me, and I her, that she’ll be a lot more understanding about the things you do for me.”

Supercent: “I’ll keep it in mind. SO, what’s the plan?”

Ruby: “Plan?”

Supercent: “Yeah, plan. Do we take down some crime syndicate or…”

Ruby chuckled and gave her boyfriend a rub on the tummy.

Ruby: “Awww, look at you all eager to get to the big leagues! This is patrol, my mans. There is no plan, there’s only whatever gets in our way. You get on patrol, you see the obstacle, then you adapt and overcome! And that’s how you keep the streets clean! Well, clean-ish. Know who would thrive in such a situation?”

Supercent: “I’m guessing not Mac Jones?”

Ruby: “BOOM-SHAKA LAKA DING DONG! Ten points to Supercent! Mac Jones needs a scenario! We do not, for we are the Trey Lances of this world!”

Supercent: “Are you recording this with the GoPro? Because I’m pretty certain that any person watching this, or reading a transcription of it on the internet, who doesn’t follow the NFL off-season like you do, will get a bit lost or disinterested.

Ruby grabbed him by the shoulder, and they stopped for a second. She pondered on her boyfriend’s wise words. Then, she snapped her fingers, which despite her gloves created echoes all over.

Ruby: “You’re on to something, my mans. To that, I say… Let’s come up with a plan! One that both you… and me… can live with. Let’s find a random Republican…”

Supercent: “And beat him up!!??”

Ruby: “Well, not right away, they need to do something to break the law first. But we can sniff one out, then follow him…”

Supercent: “And THEN beat him up!!??”

Ruby: “Well, let’s make sure on the same page regarding the process here. First, we FIND a Republican. THEN, we follow him. Or HER, because you won’t believe how many women still walk around with their own worst interests at heart… THEN, we see IF crimes are committed, and THEN, and ONLY THEN, we…”

Supercent: “Beat them up! Got it.”

Ruby: “I prefer calling it ‘bringing them to justice,’ but you seem to be pretty dead set on this whole ‘beating up a Republican’ thing, so we’ll just see where the night takes us.”

Supercent: “This is why I love you. Part of why I love you, anyway. So where do we start?”

Ruby: “I think I know just the place… This is Chicago after all…”


[Image: rEuB2NG.gif]



Moments later, we find our heroes right outside a Portillo’s, where a drunken trust fund kid is loudly shouting ‘his’ plans for the betterment of American Society. Leaning into people, he blatantly and rudely interrupts their conversations to spout his own drunken, unfounded rhetoric.

RR: “I swear to the Lord Almighty, welfare does NOT motivate the unemployed to work! And I have undisputable proof! See, I met one person once and he…”

The Centrubion duo peered from a small distance, looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

Ruby: “Seems to me like that’s a…”

Supercent: “Random Republican caught in the wild!”

Ruby: “Let’s pursue!”

Ruby wanted to move in, but Centurion grabbed her by the hand, hesitating for a second.

Supercent: “Hey, as much as I’m enjoying this, I’m not sure if it’s wise for us to expose ourselves to…”

Ruby: “Expose? My mans, you’re literally wearing a MASK, unless you expressly come out and declare your identity, nobody will ever be the wiser as to who you are. That’s how it goes in the superhero biz, trust me. Heck, Supes didn’t even wear one, and people didn’t recognize him just because his alter ego was bespectacled. Still, we can’t move in yet. No crime has been committed, unfortunately. That’s where things get dangerous, see? This is just a promotional video, it’s not the Minority Report. We can’t just go out and beat people up because we just assume they’ll do something bad. And that’s kind of regrettable, because that means you don’t STOP crime, do you? You just catch them in the act and make sure they pay for it. Not gonna lie, that kind of feels like how fighting the BOB goes. You can’t really prevent them from doing their dumb stuff, you just catch them in the act and crack down. Easier said than done, but hey… Remember that one time when Miss Fury was Anarchy Champion? Bit of a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moment eh? In fact, one could argue Miss Fury’s most brilliant strategy has been to surround herself with great henchmen. Because that way she elevates herself above people who could more than likely knock her down if they wanted to. Think Knuckles and Bourbon couldn’t take Fury and take over the BOB if they wanted to? Of course they could, but they’re just a bunch of sheep.”

Supercent: “Technically, it’s a herd of sheep.”

Ruby: “And a huddle of penguins. And a float of crocodiles. And a murder of crows. And a sedge of cranes. And a cast of crabs.”

Supercent: “A cast of crabs… Now there’s a great metaphor for the BOB if ever I heard one. All huddled up together in Miss Fury’s…”

Ruby: “Hut-hut-hut, let’s not get too vulgar, my oh so beautiful and beloved specimen of alpha masculinity. The point I was making was that… Hey, where’d he go?”

Both heroes looked over at the earlier scene and noticed that during their discussion, the prejudiced product of privilege had wandered off already.

Ruby: “Well, flip. If only Garnet were here, he can pick up a bigot’s smell from miles away.”

Supercent: “Sounds like he’d be a great candidate for the XWF pre-contract signing evaluation.”

Ruby: “I’ll mention it to Vinnie. Anyway, I think that’s enough patrolling for one night.”

Supercent: “But… Can’t we stay a little while longer until I’ve beaten up at least one Republican?”

Ruby: “Not to worry, my fairest squire in all the land. Opportunities like that will present themselves more often than you’ll be able to count!”

Supercent: “Still… We need some tracking devices to immediately tag scumbags like the ones we saw earlier. I’ll fund some for you. I know you’re not into the rich vigilante trope, but consider it a badge of… sponsorship?”

Ruby: “Sponsorship, eh?”

Supercent: “Like… How Spiderman gets a lot of his tech thanks to Oscorp? Or Stark Industries, according to the MCU.”

Centurion was hoping the scrapbook on superhero references he had kept was paying dividends. Luckily for him, Ruby snapped her fingers and nodded.

Ruby: “Ah yes, I see what you mean! I can live with that!”

Ruby reached inside her SuperTrousers and retrieved a GoPro attached to a miniature drone.

Ruby: “This flippin’ thing cost me a small fortune!”

Supercent: “Well, about 18, maybe 19 minutes of work…”

Ruby: “Hush babe, flaunting your wealth is only attractive in certain roleplay scenarios.”

Supercent: “I’m clad in very tight superhero gear to fight crime alongside my incredibly hot girlfriend, I think that’s a valid roleplay scenario.”

Ruby: “Stop making good points! We’re recording in 3,2,…. Whassuuuuup, my flippies! Ish ya gurlz da Rubemaster and her mainest of all mans…. Supercent! Whose identity shall obviously remain unknown to the grand public, because that’s how it works! Just checking in with all of my fantabulous flippies before Mayday! And even though we just mentioned Spider-Man, I’m not talking about AUNT May-day! I’m talking about the day where Centrubion, which is now our official name apparently, become the XWF Tag Team Champs! You got that right! Second time’s the charm for this charming duo, and hooo boy, are we motherflippin’ eager! See, I don’t wanna hear about how we shoulda beat Cataclysm all those moons ago. COulda, shoulda woulda? All a bunch of revisionist poppycock to me, my guys. Doesn’t matter what happened then. What matters is there here and now, and your favorite superhero tandem is going to ram its twenty tiny toes up inside TNGB’s toot canal to give them a backside hiding this world has never seen before! Finally, the XWF can get rid of the stench only an out of date can of surströmming could rival. With the fall of Them No Good Children Born Out Of Wedlock, a bigger fall will drop. Because their end spells the fallibility of the Brotherhood of Baddies. We’ve seen it on Anarchy. Now we’ll see it on Mayday. Mark Coreytopia on your collective calendars, my flippies, because Centrubion ain’t leaving without them titles. And we’ll do it for THE PEOPLE! GO PEOPLE!”

Both the Super Dear’O and Supercent struck a pose for the camera, and the transmission ended.

Supercent: “That seemed to go well. I’ll assume this is a ‘to be continued’ scenario?”

Ruby: “You REALLY want to beat up a Republican before we go up against Teekay and Beebee, don’t you?”

Supercent: “You know me so well.”

Ruby: “I do indeed. Fine, we’ll see what happens. Now, let’s get back up to our hideout.”

Supercent:” You mean the apartment legally owned by me?”

Ruby: “The very same!”

And they dashed off into the night, hands clasped together.

[Image: dY7KZz4.png]
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