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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
THAT'S THE FACTS, JACK!!!
Author Message
The Disintigrators Offline
TWO BAAAAAAAAAAAAD MAMMA JAMMAS!



XWF FanBase:
Drug addicts, rebels, weirdos

(the villain you love to hate; has cult following; may deal drugs on side)


#1
04-12-2021, 05:28 PM



An a long and lonesome highway East of Omaha, an 18 wheeler with the unmistakable XWF logo on the side of its trailer rumbles by at dusk, headed out on I-80 towards Connecticut, where the next edition of Saturday Night Savage is set to take place.

As the dust from the big rig settles, a couple of loud engines follow behind. Two Harleys, side by side. On the right, a man with a long blond mane wafting in the wind and no helmet reaches out a leather gloved hand to his compadre on the left, whose curly black hair waves in the breeze in matching rhythm and in an equally unencumbered state. The two men exchange a high five at 75 miles per hour, and they follow as the truck crosses the state line into Iowa.

Not long after, the turn signal of the big truck goes on and it slides into an offramp in Council Bluffs, headed for a Pilot Travel Center. The two bikes follow suit, barely slowing down as they swing in a wide loop off of the interstate.

As the XWF semi makes its way to the diesel pumps, the two Harleys roll towards the customer lot, then come to a stop right next to the closest pump to the store itself. The large men step off their bikes and whip off their matching sunglasses. Now easily recognizable as ‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang and Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele, known professionally as the rough and tough wrestling tag team, The Disintigrators.

Dave starts waving his arms around wildly, trying to limber them up after holding onto his wide handlebars for many miles. The long rawhide tassels on the arms of his leather jacket shake like bird feathers as he moves.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “How much further we got, Johnny?”

The grimacing mouth beneath the thick black mustache on Johnny’s face curls its lip as the big man pulls a big paper map, folded terribly, out of the satchel on the side of his bike.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER THIRTEEN HUNDRED MILES, D! WE GOT US A LONG HAUL!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Sure do, Twist. Good thing we got a few days. I feel like gettin’ some beef jerky, how ‘bout you? Reckon it’s gonna take a half hour or so for that XWF driver to get his tanks filled and add that froo-froo French Vanilla creamer into his coffee!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “I GODDAMN HATE GODDAMN FRENCH VANILLA! JOHNNY STEELE TAKES HIS COFFEE BLACK OR DOESN’T TAKE IT AT ALL! FRICKIN’ PUSSIES! FRICKIN’ PUSSIES ALL AROUND US, DAVE! BUT HECK YEAH GET ME SOME JACK LINKS!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “I ain’t buyin’ your damn jerky for you, Johnny, get your fat ass inside with me. Shit. You should buy one of them trucker showers, you stink like we been ridin’ behind a sewage truck instead of a rig full of wrestling equipment!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “I GOT A DISORDER DAVE MY SWEAT STINKS OKAY CUT ME SOME SLACK!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “I ain’t never heard of no BO disease…”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “IT’S CALLED TRIMETHYLAMINURIA GOOGLE IT DAVE!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “You made that up!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “BET ME IT’S REAL! BET ME! BET ME A HUNDRED DOLLARS RIGHT NOW! YOU WON’T BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT! BET ME! BET ME!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “You know I can’t gamble no more… can’t fall off that wagon again.”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “SEE YOU’RE CHICKEN! YOU’RE A CHICKENSHIT, DAVE! BOOOOOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK!!!”

Johnny starts flapping his arms like a chicken, his hands tucked into his armpits. Dave shakes his head.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “You’re waving that foul stink at me now, Johnny! Quit it! We got to go inside, get our beef jerky, then get back on the road to Connecticut in time for Savage. We got responsibilities!”

Johnny stops flapping and hangs his head a little.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “SORRY DAVE YOU KNOW I GET WORKED UP WHEN I THINK SOMEONE’S YELLOW! I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE RING AND KICK SOME TAIL! WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO! Wait… Johnny chillax, brotherman! We got over a week before we hit the ring in Portland, Steely J! This trip is for Savage, living that nomad life, riding the highways and byways like MEN, on the back of two road-eating hogs. Then… THEN… we get to go to Oregon for Warfare!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “I FRICKIN’ HATE OREGON DAVEY, IT’S GOT A BUNCH OF HIPSTERS AND VENTI SOY LATTES!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Yeah it does! Not like Iowa. Damn I love this place! It smells like FREEDOM don’t it, Jay-Stay?”

Dave takes a long inhale through his flaring nostrils. Johnny Steele pulls a handkerchief with a Gadsden Flag on it out of his tight leather pocket and dabs it on his wet forehead.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “FUCK YEAH I FUCKIN’ LOVE AMERICA!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Same. But you know what I love more? Kicking the crap out of inferior tag teams! I’ve been ROCK HARD ever since the card for Warfare dropped! You seen these soyboys and beta manlets we’re up against in that Turmoil match? What the crap is a MARF? Or a Demos? Who the Hell is Eobard Stone?”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “THAT’S THE ONE THAT PISSES ME OFF THE MOST DAVE! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY THAT NAME AND IT MAKES ME REAL MAD!”

The two men mosey towards the travel center, adjusting the crotches of their extremely tight leather pants as they walk. Johnny steps in a puddle, wetting his snakeskin cowboy boot.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “SHIT! FRICKIN’ BALLS! MY DAMN BOOT’S ALL WET, DANGEROUS!”

Steele kicks his wet boot around and tries to shake off the murky water while Dave Mustang plants his hands on his hips and watches, shaking his head.

Other customers make their way toward the store, all staring at the two big guys who stick out like sore thumbs, even in an Iowa truck stop.

One such bystander steps forward, wearing a Biden 2020 face mask. The young man pulls a bottle of Purell from his fanny pack and vigorously rubs his hands with the clear liquid as he approaches Johnny and Dave.

Bystander: “Hey! You guys gotta put masks on if you’re going inside, you know that right? There’s a pandemic!”

The man walks away, putting more Purell on his hands for good measure. Dave Mustang rolls his eyes as Johnny Steele begins to tremble in silent rage. His face goes a deep red and his hands ball into tight fists. He sputters and stutters and spits as he tries to speak through his unrelenting anger.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “DID THAT KNOCK-KNEED CUCKBOY JUST TELL ME TO PUT A MASK ON MY FACE DAVE!? IS HE AWARE THAT WE ARE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND THAT WE ARE IN FACT THE TWO BADDEST MAMMA JAMMAS IN THE GREATEST COUNTRY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH!?!? DOES THIS FLUFFER NOT KNOW WHAT FREEDOM IS!? LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING, SNOWFLAKE!!!”

Johnny unzips his leather jacket and pulls up his XWF tee shirt, revealing his middle aged but still muscular chest. Hairy as it is, the massive tattoo covering the front of his torso is plainly visible, depicting a huge bald eagle with its wings and legs spread in front of a backdrop of the American Flag. Most notably, the eagle has a huge dick dangling from between its legs. The detail in the wrinkles and veins is honestly really impressive.

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “THESE COLORS DON’T RUN, BITCH TITS! YOU DON’T WALK UP TO JOHNNY TWISTED STEELE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IN AMERICA’S HEARTLAND AND TELL HIM HE’S GOT TO DO ANY DAMN THING HE DON’T WANT TO DO! YOU BEST SCOOP UP YOUR BALLS, LITTLE BOY, YOUR DADDY MUST HAVE PULLED AND LEFT THEM DRIPPING DOWN YOUR MAMA’S INNER THIGH! USA! USA! USA! USA!”

Steele keeps whipping his arm like he’s on Arsenio and trying to get others in the parking lot to join him in his impromptu show of patriotism. Nobody takes him up on it.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Relax, ‘Balls Of!’ These almond milk drinking, reusable shopping bag carrying, manscaped twinkie turds are EXACTLY the sorts of people we’re gonna find ourselves in the ring against next Warfare! Save that rage and fury for the ring, HOSS!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “I CAN’T HELP IT DANGEROUS! I’M FULL OF PISS AND VINEGAR AND I’M READY TO THROW SOME HEAVY LEATHER AT THOSE JACKANINNIES ON WARFARE! I NEED TO CUT A PROMO RIGHT NOW, DANGEROUS D! THESE PIMPLE FACED GEEKS LIKE AYOBIRD STONE AND STEVE COOPER BETTER WATCH THE F OUT! THOSE TRAILER TRASH CHUMPS EDGAR AND DEMOS NEED TO GET BACK TO COOKING UP SOME CRYSTAL IN THE DOUBLE WIDE AND LEAVE THE FIGHTING TO THE REAL MEN LIKE ME AND MY PARTNER RIGHT HERE! TELL ‘EM DANGEROUS!”

Dave Mustang rubs his hands together and steps forward pursing his lips and giving a little Fargo Strut.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WEEEEEEEELLLLL, let me just set the record straight right now! Dangerous Dave and the Twisted One are gonna ride into Portland, Oregon, run through five other tag teams like a slicing through a piece of cake, and gobble up a victory next Wednesday Night! The Deceiduousants? You’re putting two GIRLS in the ring against 545 pounds of raw USDA grade A prime MAN!? Me and Johnny are made of pure twisted steel and sex appeal! We chop down trees with our bare hands, daddy! Little Miss Marfet better go eat some curds and whey and leave the boots and fists to the big boys! His mama Lycana too! Bitch got too many crow’s feet as it is on that busted face, but if I gotta add a few more then I guess that’s just what I gotta do! Oh and Dream Warriors, or whoever the crap you are? There’s no room for overweight, out of shape, fake hipped cripples with handicapped parking permits in The Disintigrators’ ring, JACK! Me and Johnny, we LIVE in the gym! We train like Rocky Balboa, in the woods tossing trees around, punching holes through frozen lakes to grab fresh fish that we eat raw!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “OMEGA THREES, DADDY! WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO! And how about that fifth team, John? The THUGS? Can you believe they are putting a couple of felons in a professional wrestling ring? What the Hell has society come to, huh? This is a sport of HONOR! And I’ll have the honor of knocking those gold teeth out all over the squared circle come next Wednesday Night! You boys are about to get SMACKED and JAW JACKED! Give it to ‘em some more, Johnny!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “YOU BURN LOOT MURDER THUGS BETTER WATCH YOUR STEP WHEN YOU GO EYE TO EYE AND FACE TO FACE WITH THE D-GRATORS! YOU PUNKS LIKE PULLING DOWN HISTORIC MONUMENTS? WELL THE ONLY HISTORIC MONUMENT IN THE RING NEXT WARFARE IS GONNA BE THIS DICK! AND THAT BAD BOY DON’T EVER GO DOWN! AAAAAAARRRGGHHHH!!!”

Johnny Steele is overcome with anger and breaks down into a snarling, drooling mess. His eyes go wide and his irises dilate, and he starts punching himself in either side of his head with both hands.

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “Look what you did! You done messed up now! Johnny just kicked it into overdrive, BOY, and when he gets in the zone it’s all over but the crying for you all! We’re taking you punks out to the woodshed! We’re setting you all up like a bunch of bowling pins and then rolling right over you all, CHIEF! It’s about to go OFF in Portland, daddy, and the baddest team in history are gonna strut our stuff all over ten other pieces of wet CRAP in the main event of Warfare… Them No Good Bastards? You best keep your eyes peeled, you pair of softies! Me and Johnny Steele are revving our engines and ready to make the rubber meet the road towards those XWF Tag Team Titles! OH IT’S GONNA BE GOOOOOOOOOOD!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT DAVID! THESE LAME DUCKS DON’T KNOW WHAT’S IN STORE FOR ‘EM BUT WE TRIED TO WARN ‘EM DIDN’T WE DADDY! WE TRIED TO TELL ‘EM WHAT WAS UP! NOW THEY GOTTA SIT DOWN AND WRITE A LETTER TO THEIR NEXT OF KIN SAYING GOODBYE BECAUSE THEY’RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RING FROM THE DISINTIGRATORS! AND THAT’S BAD NEWS, BOYS! WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

‘Dangerous’ Dave Mustang: “WOO!”

Johnny ‘Twisted’ Steele: “”WOO!”

The scene fades away as the two Disintigrators keep wooing.

[Image: jeetdT8.gif]



FUCK[Image: GarvinHayes1990.jpg]YOU
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