Ruby and Centurion were sitting in the backyard of her parental home in Ottawa. It was a pleasant afternoon, with the sun out, birds whistling and a cocktail on the garden table for all four people. Nicolas and Olivia Debuchy seemed a bit nervous having their daughter’s boyfriend over, but Centurion felt well enough at home, in spite of the humble setting. The pair had just returned from a trip to Hawai’i and had made a stop in Ottawa before flying back to Chicago. Nicolas was already wearing the Hawaiian t-shirt that Ruby had bought him.

Ruby: “Looks good on ya, dad!”

Centurion: “Suits you better than it would suit me!”

Ruby: “No need to be humble, my mans, everything looks best on you.”

Centurion: “Well… You’re not the first to say that.”

Centurion twinged with pride as he sipped his drink and Olivia put her elbows on the table.

Olivia: “It’s good that you two lovebirds are enjoying yourselves, flying all over the world and whatnot. But must you really keep getting into these weird situations? What’s next? A match where the ring explodes?”

Ruby: “Weeeeelllllll, actually….”

Olivia: “Mon dieu, I’m right, aren’t I?”

Ruby: “Look, mom, it’s fine. Last time I faced this dude, Kenzi and I stripped him and his partner right down to their tighty whities. I wasn’t particularly impressed. Not before, not during, and most certainly not after, if you catch my drift.”

Olivia: “I’m not sure I want to.”

Nicolas: “Oh, so it’s the guy with the pirate-y sounding name?”

Ruby: “John Black? Yes, now that you mention it, he does sound like a pirate. Although I guess he’s technically a THUG. Which is better than being a BOB. Or worse, depending on how you’re looking at it. Neither of these factions have really made a dent in Anarchy’s hierarchy so far. I won’t lie to you, I’d rather beat down Miss Fury one more time, because that whole B.O.B. thing is just a balloon full of hot air waiting to be popped before it farts off and flies all over the room before it crashes to the floor. And part of me was hoping I could restore my honor and face Ned Kaye one more time with THE gold on the line. But Vinnifred decided otherwise. It is what it is, and you know how we do. We roll with it.”

Nicholas: “Yes! Exactly! We roll with it!”

Ruby’s father grabbed the scarf that hung around his wife’s neck and he bound it around his head, covering one eye before talking to them in a pirate voice.

Nicholas: “Argh! I be John Black…beard… ya scabrous dogs!”

He took a long spoon out of his gin and tonic and held it up like a sword.

Nicholas: “All your treasure argh belong to us!”

Ruby grinned and jumped up on the table, taking a bread stick out of the snack bowl and holding it up like a sword of her own.

Ruby: “Avast, villain!”

Centurion sipped his drink and leaned back in his chair.

Centurion: “Oh, here we go.”

Olivia: “Yeah, they do this sometimes. Anyway, Andy, mind if I call you Andy, dear? How’s your family?”

As Mrs. Debuchy and Centurion conversed, Ruby and her father continued their playfight. Ruby leapt off the table, jumping towards ‘John Blackbeard’ as if she were going to pop him with a hurricanrana, but the pirate quickly retreated and Ruby landed on the grass, holding out her breadstick.

Ruby: “You and you pirate THUGS have threatened the good people of Anarchoville for the last time, dread Captain! Surrender now, or be sent down into the depths below! So says I, CommodoRuby!”

Blackbeard: “Never! A-hargh! You may have bested my First Mate Tommy Wishbone and I last time we met, Commodore! But the Seven Seas are ours, and we would rather send this ship down to Davy Jones’ locker before suffering defeat once again!”

They exchanged blows with their improvised rapiers. It didn’t take long before Ruby’s sword broke (because when spoon meets bread stick, metal beats grain!) and the dread pirate drove his nemesis into a corner.

Blackbeard: “You are beaten, Commodore! Surrender your treasure to me, or I shall gut you like a fish!”

Ruby: “Never, villain! CANNONBALL!”

Ruby dashed forward and somersaulted, hitting her father with much more force than was intended. He was bowled over, and Ruby popped back to her feet.

Ruby: “BOOM! Explosions! Your ship is sunk, Blackbe… Oh, flip, dad, are you okay?”

Her father was lying on the ground rather motionless, and Ruby immediately dropped the remainder of her breadstick and crouched down to check on him. Her mother noticed and she put her glass down, tapped Centurion on the shoulder and the pair rushed over to her side.

Olivia: “See what happens? You two always play these silly games and I keep telling you it’s only a matter of time before someone gets hurt!”

Ruby: “We were just playing! I’ve done this a million times!”

Olivia: “When you were five! You’re thirty now, and your dad’s an old man. Honestly, Ruby…”

Centurion frowned, feeling like he shouldn’t interfere in this family moment. Ruby cupped her dad’s head.

Ruby: “C’mon pops, say something!”

The trio looked down in worry, until he slowly opened his eyes. He looked at each individual face, until a smile crept on his face.

Nicholas: “That! Was! AWESOOOOOME!”

Ruby helped him back to his feet as Olivia sighed in relief. Nicholas high-fived his daughter.

Nicholas: “Good job, kiddo! You vanquished the dread pirate!”

Olivia slapped him on the arm.

Olivia: “Don’t encourage this! You could’ve gotten hurt!”

Nicholas shrugged and Ruby hugged Centurion.

Ruby: “Sorry about this. I know we’re weird.”

Centurion: “Don’t worry. I think it’s cute. Besides, I have the biggest national treasure of them all in my arms right now anyway.”

Ruby: “So sappy. I love it.”

Centurion: “Just beat John Black in Vegas, babe. That booty needs to stay right with us.”