The stories of our lives are still unfolding in every which way.


Drama on the high seas!


After leaving Big P’s apartment they separate to meet back up at the marina where there is a yacht waiting on them. It’s owned by Tadd because what isn’t owned by Tadd.


CUT!


Miss Fury calls out from her director's chair with an old-timey megaphone.


It needs to be a pirate ship, with thrusters on it, to go to space. That's the kind of guy Tadd is. Start from the top!


Bobby, in his Big P costume, looks confused.


You mean you didn't see the set ahead of time? C'mon, let's just use the yacht, it'll be nice, it used to belong to Bob Hope!


I don't fucking care!


The stories of our lives are still unfolding in every which way.


Drama on the high seas!


After leaving Big P’s apartment, they separate to meet back up at the marina. Where there is a pirate ship with thrusters attached that could carry them to space, if they so choose, waiting on them. It’s owned by Tadd because what isn’t owned by Tadd.


There she is! The Arantxa Sanchez Vicario, my pride and joy!


The dinghy used to be Bob Hope's yacht!


Big P seems to really want to point out the luxury yacht being used as a dinghy, but compared to a full-sized frigate with sixty cannons equipped with thrusters that will take it to space and, presumably, some way of making it so the pirate ship doesn't simply rip to shreds while going to space and is somehow useable as a craft in space, well, there is no comparison, is there?


Well, I think we're just taking the yacht out today. What do you say?


Ooh, that sounds fun!


The good clone of Hoggart looks pleased as punch to go for a boat ride on someone he barely knows boat.


I think the yacht sounds fantastic, my dear.


Leena struts onto the yacht, seductively. Hoggart leans over to Tadd.


Your girlfriend stepmom has a great ass.


You bet!


Your currently scheduled program is interrupted by a commercial break.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Are you entitled to compensation?

"I WILL OBLITERATE THE DEBT OWED TO YOU!"

We see an eight foot tall robot shooting lasers out of his hand at a wall, making it explode with the finest special effects 1988 had.

Do you deserve legal counsil because you've been wronged?

"I WILL DESTROY THE OPPOSITION IN COURT!"

The eight foot tall robot blasts a tank to smithereens with a missile fired from his other hand.

Have you been in a car accident, the victim of medical malpractice, or part of a large joint settlement?

"DESTROY! DESTROY! DESTROY!"

The eight-foot-tall robot pulls out a fucking axe and starts chopping up a car.

Then call us today.

We cut to see the eight-foot-tall robot in a nice suit on a sunny day. It's strange, vague sensors where a human face would be blink and emit all the sounds it makes.

Call me, LawyerBot3000. I've been helping the people in communities across America, and I can help you too. Traffic, civil, criminal, child law, divorce, wills, all your legal needs should be handled with care, tact, and courtesy.

My number is my name! Dial LawyerBot3000!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The group has set sail in Tadd's dinghy, Bob Hope's old yacht. Big P is noshing from an open bag of imitation crab meat, dipping it into McDonald's Sweet n' Sour sauce. Hoggart is peeing over the deck, looking way to happy to be peeing into the ocean from a boat. Tadd is at the helm, holding the wheel as Leena is beside him.


Tadd, this is a great day indeed.


I'm glad you think so, Big P. We should have a man hug, between friends, to establish how much we're friends and it won't be weird or awkward at all, or seem forced.


Big P and Tadd embrace with a hug. Dramatically. Soft piano music plays as the two men hold each other for an amount of time that just sets a hair into being inappropriate. The hug ends.


Well, that happened.


Yeah.


I'm going to go...


Yup.


Big P walks off with his pouch of pressed fish meat. Leena dusts the bits that Big P wiped off on Tadd's back during the hug then puts her arm around Tadd's waist since this turns her on.


Oh, Tadd, I feel you're ever so wonderful.


Thanks. The boat's actually on autopilot, I'm going to do your bloodwork, in front of you, on this boat, because I love you!


Oh, darling, that's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me!


Any time, sugar tits, I want you to know I don't just take anyone on my boat and perform an array of scans and tests of their blood in front of them.


Tadd glances behind him and silently tucks away the several used syringes and vials used while testing the blood of strange he picked up in the night. Bittersweet music plays as Leena stands dramatically.


Oh, Tadd, you don't need to do the bloodwork. I have a confession to make!


The music takes a sharp turn to heighten the drama. Hoggart wanders in eating a sandwich.


Whatcha two doing?


Oh, well, Leena was going to tell me a secret.


Oh, shit, I'll get out of here then...


Darling, I'm a lycanthrope.


Before Hoggart can leave and give some privacy to this dramatic moment, Leena comes forward with a real wallop of drama. Woah. Tadd looks emotionally moved by this.


My dear, I had no idea...


It's alright, sweetie. I wasn't actually talking to Petunia about my female secrets...it was really my secret about being a werewolf.


Like a solid stepmom lover would, Leena caresses Tadd and gently and hands him a Capri Sun. Tadd embraces her with one arm, and with the hand of the other sips his Splash Cooler.


Welp, shit, I'm just a clone, pretty sure I don't have a social security number, let alone health insurance, I'll take the free bloodwork doc!


Leena, Tadd, and Hoggart all laugh. Tadd puts on a set of rubber gloves and beckons for Hoggart to sit. He ties a tourniquet onto Hoggart's arm. He haphazardly crams a needle into Hoggart's arm.


You might feel a pinch.

Ouch!


Tadd draws about 100 milliliters as Hoggart looks to be in dramatic pain. Leena looks off dramatically. On the deck, in his solitude, Big P looks off into the horizon dramatically. 197 nautical miles away, on an island, a random guy looks off into the horizon dramatically. Finished, Tadd jerks the needle out and gives Hoggart a wacky leftover Valentine's Day-themed bandage. He then pulls out a children's science kit and opens the flimsy cardboard box. He pulls out a microscope and a rack of test tubes. He starts pouring a little blood into each test tube, doin' phlebotomy.


I should have the results soon.

Make them sooner!


We hear Big P holler from the top deck. Hoggart and Leena come topside and see what Big P was alerted about dramatically. A ninja cyborg is windsurfing towards them! One is hang gliding its way towards them! One is riding on a dolphin on its way to the boat as shit gets really Foot Clanny again.


Oh, fuck!


Tadd runs out onto the deck of the yacht in dramatic fashion in the nick of time. As he does, the cyborg ninja that was hang gliding drops onto the boat! It jumps at Tadd, who stabs it in the face with a syringe covered in Hoggart's blood! He then tosses it overboard to a watery grave!


Tadd, that was amazing! Your son, who is part werewolf, part your brother, would be proud!


Tadd looks off dramatically, thinking of the kid. As he does, the ninja riding the dolphin dismounts with the utmost grace onto the deck of the yacht. As it does, Big P catches it, breaks its cyborg's neck, then tosses it overboard!


I swear, as judge, I will see Justice is served to Charles Store, Bisabuela Martina, and Hoggart!


Me?


No, the evil one.


Okay!


The windsurfing ninja nears up to the yacht and embarks upon it. Big P and Tadd immediately grab it and throw it into the sea! As they do, a passing Shark grabs it dramatically and drags it to the briny depths!


The sick quiltmaking wizard cult needs to be stopped.


Tadd leaves below decks. He returns, looking somber.


Good clone of Hoggart, but the blood results are in. You have cancer!


Big P looks at Hoggart dramatically. Hoggart looks at Tadd dramatically. Tadd looks at Hoggart, then Big P, then Hoggart dramatically. Leena approaches and puts her hand round Tadd's waist. Since the boat has been moving, now some 199 nautical miles away, on the island, the same dude is looking off dramatically.

**PREACH**

Them No Good Bastards are on set and already ready to talk some serious shit.


Talk. That's all these fucking two clown-ass bitches are good at. When it’s fucking time one things for damn sure Them No Good Bastards aren’t going to be talking in the ring. We’re not going into a fucking pillow fight at March Madness, kids, fuck no. We’re coming to take your fucking heads off one goddamn rainbow laser death sequence at a time.

One will talk about being a former Universal Champion.


Thunder Knuckles gives a miniature golf clap.


The other will talk about how he beats up new people.


Thunder Knuckles stops his miniature golf clap and rolls his eyes.


Nothing like fucking battling adversity, right Corey? Hey, Bobby!


Thunder Knuckles gently nudges Bobby Bourbon, getting his attention.


I’ve been thinking about it and I know which belt one of those lames belts I want.

Oh, yeah?

Fuck, yeah! I want Thad’s you can have Corey’s and Doc’s, for that fucking matter. Something about taking everything from Thad makes Ol’ Thunder Knuckles harder than goddamn titanium fucking beam, bro. Take what's fucking mine and I’ll fucking come back for it Thad, one way or fucking another.


Thunder Knuckles smiles and turns his attention back to Bobby Bourbon.


Are you cool with that?

Yeah, works for me.

Actually, I take that back. We’ll take Doc’s and melt it down and make some baller ass fucking matching chains out it, like this one but the new one will say Cuntinuum.


Thunder Knuckles pulls out his huge “MAIN MAN” gold medallion.


You get one of these when you crack open a walnut and watch the nuts fall out of it.


Thunder Knuckles confidently smiles but forces himself to get back on track.


Where was I? Oh, yeah, Corey. The guy who thinks Them No Good Bastards are the fucking type to crack under pressure. Mother fucker, how long is it going to take you to fucking realize that I’ll stand at the gates of fucking Hell with Bobby Bourbon, ready to fucking fight? Know what we’ll see standing at those gates, ya fucking waste of human flesh? We’ll see countless Corey’s and Thad’s in there because Hell is paved with good intentions. Oh, and as of Warfare, with Ned going crazy, bitches like you two are about as “Good” as it comes. Which isn’t saying much. So are you feeling the heat yet, bitches?

I hope not because now I'm turning him loose.


Bobby Bourbon says with a snarl.



We’ll get back to the kid who struggles with his identity, I can't fucking wait to keep trashing that that fucker. God knows his ego isn’t eco-friendly so we have to go after it some more.

Thad I'm going to take some time and help you out man. Call me a fucking benevolent god. We’re going to talk about Chris Page! Your favorite fucking subject! Well, not exactly only him, Nah, we gotta talk about Robert Main too. Crap-o-clysm! See they picked up the belts here at March Madness last year. See that's how tie the connections together, then again, you barely tie your own fucking shoes. Good thing that little shit back home already knew how to tie his shoes before you snatched him up. We…


Thunder Knuckles with a mischievous smile on his face, points at Bobby Bourbon, then back to himself.


We won’t go there but other people might. Any-fucking-way, this little bitch but taller than the other little bitch brings up how I lost my second Television Championship. Still living in the goddamn past aren’t you, fuck boy? Ol’ Thunder Knuckles gave up the singles competition to take out whoever the goddamn tag champions are. It doesn’t fucking matter who has them you, Doc, Corey, CCP, Robert Main, fucking Joey from down the goddamn street, doesn’t fucking matter. We’re here for those straps. You’d know that if you paid as much attention as your tag partner tries to pay for wins. No mask hiding who you are this time Thad, remember that.


Thunder KNuckles gives the middle finger for exactly fifteen seconds, no more no less.


He still continues to harp on fucking Crap-o-clysm, man. Talking about how they didn’t work together, they weren't in the equation. Facts are facts dickhead. Doc was. Doc was there to carry Thad’s dead fucking weight, just like Corey is here to carry it now. Your shit is so goddamn mediocre that you had to watch some No Good Bastards promos to see how it’s done. You belong getting into Twitter beefs with Dean Rose rather than you do standing in a wrestling ring calling yourself a goddamn champion, let alone a fucking professional. Todd play the goddamn clip!





Thad promos have all the flash of mash potatoes.


As soon as Thunder Knuckles says that Todd clips in audio from Corey promo where they took Them No Good Bastards’ approach and worked together.


What kinda fucking professional goddamned rassler comes out and talks about his feelings. If people cared out Thaddeus goddamn Duke’s feeling we’d have seen the end of whatever the fuck we saw at first. Nope. Corey changed all that! Corey pulled Thad aside and said, “Listen you little shit. I'm not going to be made out to be a fool because of you. Well, Corey,


Thunder Knuckles gives a very toothy grin.


Too late, mother fucker. You can change the narrative, you can fucking complain, bitch, and goddamn moan. Still, no one's going to look back at this and think Corey is as good as Doc at carrying Thad. Nope, just another time Doc was better than Corey. Because Doc didn’t have to change the way Duke does business. The only people who could are Ol’ Thunder Knuckles and as his bitch of a tag team partner. Fucking Duke tries so hard to catch Them No Good Bastards flavor and finds out how fucking hard it really is.

Sad.

Very. Who’d have thought it was that goddamn easy to crush Thad’s self-confidence.


Thunder Knuckles puts his hand on his hips cocking one leg up like in a captain morgan commercial and proclaims.


This must be what Page feels like.


Thunder Knuckles exits his captain morgan esque pose.


Happy with your spotlight Thad? Well, we’re not fucking done just yet. Fuck no, the hits just keep on a-comin' for this shape-shifting cry baby.


Thunder Knuckles then give a wink into the camera. This action has Todd roll another clip.

Thaddeus Duke Said:Chris Page and the late, above average, Robert Main tried their damnedest to slam Continuum for… ahem… not working together… and that argument didn’t work for them so it sure as shit won’t work for you.

Damn, mother fucker, how you going to cut that promo after you we’re forced, by Them No Good Bastards mind you, to show up in Corey’s promo to show solidarity? I mean, that shit didn’t even last long either but still! You need to get the fuck outta here cupcake you’re in fucking trouble and you know it. You didn’t fucking realize it, till it was too goddamn late. That’s your fucking problem. You two prima donnas, mother fuckers, aren’t more entertaining than Them No Good Bastards. Your promos are fucking fresh piss-soaked sheets, drying in the wind.


Thunder Knuckles's arrogance is at an all-time high.


I did find it fucking hilarious how little Ol’ Thunder Knuckles. Calling Thad the weak link. Sent his ass into the pissest little triage of, I know you are but what am I, second-grade insults. Christ, man. Pick the weak upper lip up, kiddo, cause when it's all said and done, and we take away the only thing you have left. You can fall back on your name. Everyone fucking knows a rasslers name, is the last thing to go.


Thunder Knuckles winks into the camera.

Duke wants to keep bringing up the Television title. STILL, living in the past. Well, since he likes the past so fucking much. Ol’ Thunder Knuckles had to call up Jimmy to get the scoop. Fuck, I barely remembered that March Madness is where, yours goddamn truly, became a Champion. This is fucking funny because that's exactly what WE’RE going to become this year, fucking champions! Thanks for keeping on that fucking dead horse, Duke. You’re doing great! Keep it up!


Thunder Knuckles waves his hand as if to say "Bring it".


Thad's grasping at straws already. Hitting the high notes of history talking about Salt and Pepper. Salt and Pepper tagged together as many times as Continuum over the last two months. Real powerhouse tag teams those two teams are. I mean, what's Salt without Pepper? What's Duke without being carried by a much more talented rassler in the tag division? I'm glad you built the walls of your kingdom with Corey and Doc, Duke. I really fucking am. You should have paid attention in history class, mother fucker. I mean, I didn't but Jimmy, sure as fuck, did and he says every kingdom falls. Now It’s your kingdom's time to falls at the goddamn hands of Them No Good Bastards.


As Thunder Knuckles finishes what he says, Bobby Bourbon snarls once again.


I’m also really glad he fucking responded to me, Bobby. No shit! It’s definitely not our fault after we take the tag straps and they lose their place in the pecking order. Your over-fucking-confidence is digging you a hole that's going to be hard to climb out of, dip shits.


Thunder Knuckles gives his truly remarkable jerking-off hand gesture


These sorry sons of bitches think that Ol’ Thunder Knuckles personality is just the word fuck.


Thunder Knuckles slyly smirks.


Gotcha. That’s why Duke’s trying his best to be Ol’ Thunder Knuckles, right? I mean we all saw his last promo. Sound effects, movie titles, he's fucking scrambling. Trying to bridge the Corey/Knuckles sweet spot. Maybe if he slips a couple of fucking fucks, Hell, maybe a goddamn or two in. He might be onto having a personality that goes beyond crying and acting like a bitch.

That’s enough about mister fallen from grace, Duke. Let's talk about the heavy hitter. The one whose promos will save them from the end! I can’t get over the fact they switched up so hard. For real! Duke was telling some boring-ass war story while Corey was off saturating markets with dark and ominous drama. You know what Bobby? He’s clearly not worth the fucking time.


Thunder Knuckles steps to the side and lets Bobby help himself to another dish of Continuum.


Oh my fucking Jesus.

Feelings?

You want to talk about feelings now? We didn't acknowledge how you feel?

For starters, let me tell you about feelings, Duke.

I feel that you're sounding like a jilted little daddy's boy who's sad I'm not placating you the way you want.

I do you feel me on that one?

Good.

Next, let's talk about passion. Let's talk about drive, yearning, needing, and desiring. Let's talk about those feelings, Thad, let's talk about how we have the fucking motivation to come and take the XWF Tag Team Championships for a fucking reason. We wake up, every fucking day, and we're just another day closer to getting those lovely gold belts because we're the best tag team in the fucking world today. Not y'all. We're fucking focused, and we feel we're the representation those belts actually fucking deserve.

So, now that we've gotten to talk about our feelings, Thad, I hope you're a little bit happier. Doesn't change the fact you're going to get brutalized again in an XWF ring. Now, to be the men, we gotta beat the men? That's what we've been planning on doing for months, now. We've been waiting to do just that. As for how that line has been used by less talented hacks?

Well, I didn't want to call you a hack, Thad, but if the shoe fits, you're welcome for the uninterrupted Universal Championship reign I never just ended whenever I wanted too.

And yeah, TK and me are booked the night they're doing Tag Team Turmoil. We didn't agree to be booked knowing they were doing that. We just compete as a tag team is all.

Lovely for both of you boys to have singles careers you're doing nothing with at the moment, though. Thanks for the reminder.

Here's a reminder for you, Thad.

You can't handle me on a good day. March Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Twenty-One, Allegiant Stadium, will be a great day for Them No Good Bastards, two men who only make each other better.

Bobby gives a no look fistbump to TK.

So, Corey, good job on corralling the Duke boy and setting him on a path.

Looks like while your work ethic sure isn't what it used to be, you're still doing a job. Sorry I disappointed you by not really talking very much and letting a man with a mouth so mythically vile and mean do a bit of the talking. The people liked it, it drew ratings, you'll get them again some day, I guess, once you put the hustle in. Until then, welp, the vaunted Corey Smith has spent the last two months learning he can hug someone on TV.

TK does his signature jerking-off motion with his hand.

Making the whole Tag Team Division relevant by doing so little but letting us do all the PR work. True enough, Corey, I didn't say much in my first promo.

But so far, I've said more in our promos than you have in Continuum promos.

Yikes. See, where's the work ethic gone, man? People try to call me out for being inconsistent this, wishy washy that, guess that whole thing left the gate though since both of y'all know that Them No Good Bastards are on a fucking warpath to March Madness to come and take what is rightfully ours, the crown of the Tag Team Division in the XWF, because we've worked harder for it. Iron tempers iron, Corey, and you and your buddy who are so focused on your feels haven't been anywhere near the metal together. Sure, you can hug...

Bobby and TK do another no look fistbump.

...but do you know how to sense exactly where your partner is? The bond TK and I share, forged in battle, through hell, and by trial, is a lot stronger than what you boys give us credit for.

The blind eye of the elitist not just choking on words but choking away the Tag Team Championships.

But, at least at the end, you'll have each other and your friendship. After all, over the past two years, you and Thad have been the best of friends! So much so, that, well, you weren't even you the whole of the past two years, and when you were the Engineer, you know, when you had a work ethic and showed up on TV weekly like TNGB does, I don't really remember Thad being around too much. Was he who cured you or something? Was he pals with Lux too?

Oh, hold on, was there a love triangle between the two of you at one point? Because that, well, that sounds like the shit of fantastic soap operas, and at this point, I know fucking soap operas!