NOW, BACK TO JIMSON'S JET!

Demos shuffles into the study aboard Jimson’s blood guzzling jet. His legs are a bit wobbly as Jimson drifts through turbulence, bouncing the masked man around from bookshelf to bookshelf. As Demos tries to steady himself he accidentally knocks a pair of books to the floor. The pilot’s voice blares out through the loudspeakers.

That’s a 360 barrel roll, folks!

Demos rolls his eyes at Jim’s antic as he crouches to the ground. His hands reach out for the two books laying on the ground.

Demos stands up with a book in each hand. Both books had a sizable heft to them. The blue book was well worn, as if it had been picked up and put down hundreds of times over. The red book, however, was in mint condition. Demos set both books down on the table next to a beautiful golden vase before pulling out the chair and planting his bottom in it. The chair’s skinny legs creaked as Demos leaned into them. The oak chair wobbled underneath the pressure but stood tall.

Charlie Nickles never thought much of scholarly pursuits. From his childhood onwards Charlie Nickles always felt out of place in academic settings. His underfunded school and overworked parents tried their best, but Charlie was still one of the millions of Americans who never could earn that prestigious diploma. Charlie never felt shame for dropping out of high school, but still the lifelong consequences were continually felt in Charlie’s life. Charlie could never find value in literature, art, or history. He was convinced that those subjects were formally closed off to him: as such, he came to view them as empty abstractions with nothing to contribute to his life. Charlie had no time to understand and study the world: he was just trying to survive in it.

But Demos was brought into the world only a few short weeks ago. His thirst for meaning and knowledge came to him as naturally as his need for water. Who is he? What are the ways of the world? How exactly does this thing called life work? Demos hoped that these ancient tomes could provide him insight to these existential questions. Jim had told him that this library contained all the secrets of the world. Demos was intent to discover them.

Demos cracked open Kim Jong Il’s magnum opus and devoured every word. His eyes scanned each line of the state propaganda as if it contained the secrets of human life. Time felt as if it were holding still for Demos at this moment. Kim Jong Il’s words created explosions inside of Demos’ brain that rivaled the bombs dropped on millions of Korean by the US military.

Demos had never heard of North Korea until Jimson came to his house yesterday. It hadn’t been a popular subject in the news over these first few weeks of Demos’ life. Demos had never been exposed to the imperialist narrative around North Korea. Concentration camps? Starvation? Demos knew nothing of these things. All he knew about North Korea was what his tag team partner had told him; and, if it was anything like the blue book had said, Demos was sure it must be the most advanced society on the planet.

Jimson’s voice broke through the timeless moment.

We’re getting close! Take your shits and yank your chains now, we’ll need all hands on the poop deck pretty soon for paydirt!

Demos glanced up from the book to check the time. Jeez! It had been so long. He felt as if he had picked up this book only a moment ago, but it seems that the jet had already trekked most of the way to Asia by now! Demos closed the book softly, letting the front cover fall carefully on top of the first page. Demos pushed his chair out from under the desk and was about to stand when a godly voice called out to him.

A self conscious demos is an unstoppable force.

The masked man's head turned on a dime. He sat back in his chair as he laid eyes upon the ghost of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il.

The well aged man wore an oversized business jacket and cute little glasses. He seemed rather comfortable seated in a plush white chair that wasn’t there a moment ago. The supreme leader’s warm smile put Demos at ease.

It warms my heart to see brave men like you standing up to the evils of this world.

Are...you…..

Demos trailed off as the ghost of the supreme leader simply chuckled.

The Supreme Leader? Of course! No need to bow or salute. If we were in public, of course I’d require it. But here? In my final resting place? There’s no need to be formal.

Your...final resting place?

The ghost points to the gold vase on top of the desk. Demos reaches his hand out and clasps it around the fine piece of pottery. He turns the vase around. A small placard on the vase reads ‘RIP Kimmy’.

Jim Jimson was the only man I could trust to keep my ashes safe. The Jim is a powerful being. He has long embraced the Juche ideology. Inside of that bald head of his is an encyclopedia of historical, religious, political, and literary knowledge. He is one of the most impressive beings I have ever had the honor of knowing. You are blessed to be his tag partner.

You’re kidding, right? Jim seems like a nice man. But all anyone ever says about him is that he is weak and ineffectual. A kind heart, but little else.

HA! They love to underestimate us communists! They treat Jim just like they treat North Korea. Constantly overlooking us, mocking us, belittling us with their every breath. But we always have a little something special up our sleeve just for them. They can mock us all they want, but once our nuclear warhead breaches their skies they will flee for cover and beg for forgiveness! Jim Jimson has a nuclear warhead all his own that will shake the earth and leave the critics burnt to a crisp.

JIM HAS A NUCLEAR WEAPON?!

Metaphors, my young ideologue. Jim has his own version of a nuclear weapon. His special attack is even more effective and cunning than launching a warhead, I’d say. Jim has mastered the art of the surprise victory. It’s truly something special to see. It takes a lot out of Jimson, almost everything he has, so he keeps his weapon hidden. I’ve only seen him use his nuclear option once, but when he did…..it was marvelous. Thaddeus and Corey will never see it coming. While the bourgeois bromance chases you around the ring trying to corner you, Jim will simply climb the ladder and pull the championship belts down. It’s so simple…..but it’s so spectacular. When Corey and Thad see him setting up the ladder, they won’t even think twice. Jim couldn’t possibly beat them, so why should they even worry about the fact that he’s only an arms reach away from the belts?

Kim laughs as he wipes a joyful tear from his eye.

Those imperialist fools. I can’t wait to wallow in their misery.

Do you really think Jim and I can beat The Continuum, Supreme Leader? Everyone is saying it’s a lost cause, a losing effort...

With the power of Juche anything is possible! North Korea is a tiny nation with limited resources. North Korea should be easy pickings for colonizers. When the United States stormed our shores, many were sure that our civilization would crumble beneath fighter jets and artillery shells. But with the power of Juche combined with an unshakeable will, the North Korean people were able to repel the invaders from our lands! Our nation has withstood wars, sanctions, embargoes, and international condemnation. Through it all we have only grown stronger and more resilient. The North Korean people are not magical beings. All we have accomplished comes from the power of embracing Juche ideology.

If the juche ideology can lift a tiny and impoverished nation to victory over the world’s largest army, just imagine what it can do for the Dolphin Destruction Squad! Thaddeus and Corey are impressive figures, this much is true. I would literally have killed to have boys like that in my harem.

But they let their imaginations run wild. They have convinced themselves that they can not be beaten. HA! This is the folly of the capitalists. Vietnam, Korea, Afghanistan….all conflicts where defeat was never even a possibility. Until it happened. Now, Demos, it is your turn to join the fight! You and Jim will dethrone the kings of the tag division! Revolution is upon the XWF!

Demos nodded his head excitedly as a wide smile stretched across his face.

Now go! You have a world to win, my champion!

I will! I will fight for you, Supreme Leader! For Juche Communism!

Demos grabbed the two books off of the study before quickly dashing out of the room. The Supreme Leader smiled before slowly dissipating into the air. Demos rushed down the long and confusing halls of the jet, ready to help Jim Jimson conquer the world!