I'm all out of gum.

Now, I have an opponent this week but I really don't need to discuss him/her/it.

Why, you ask?

Well, good question.

Truth is, I'm dick-deep in a pile of goat heads right now. I'm preoccupied in my own very passionate hobbies and fetishes.

I'll take the time to slide my bloody mook covered wang banger out though and slab it across my opponent's face given the opportunity. It would be a joyous night, I believe.

Love via knobslap.

I think it has potential.

It can be like 'flash mobs', 'Gangnam style' and 'Ice, Ice Baby' all rolled into one. A new crazy fad of my own creation.

People will be bloody knobslapped all over the place.

Obama will come out 'straight nigga style' and knobslap Michelle in front of a live audience.

That'll get the ball rolling and set the tone for it all.

Believe in that, playa.

Next, Bill Nye the science guy will roll on out and drag behind him Carl Sagan's rotting corpse.

This will be done ti illustrate the unity within the science field, backing my assertions that three good 'knobslaps' per day, indeed keeps the doctor away...

... as well as most other people.

Behold, much better then a security system, is my very own brand of 'knobslapping.'

Enjoy it fellers - this one's on the house.