Just like the greatest love story even written taught me, I was going to lose my matches to prove my love to Bobbi London! That movie by the way is A Knights Tale, and if you haven’t seen it, you’re really missing out. Stop wasting so much time with XWF and get some fucking culture! Anyway, in that movie the heroic knight who's determined to change his stars and become a real knight falls in love with a beautiful princess. When he declares his love for her and promises to win his joust that day to prove it, she replies, Any fool can win and boost his own ego. God knows mine knows no bounds!

To lose those? To set aside one’s own ego and do the opposite of what their every fiber begs of them? That’s love, true love! And not only did I promise it, but I delivered!

Anarchy - 11/04/2020 Big D - vs - Micheal Graves Winners - Big D AND Micheal Graves!

Fuckin’ Ari! I was TRYING to take a dive, but due to some miscommunication in the BOB locker room, we ended up with no losers, only winners! Sorri Bobbi, I know that it’s not exactly what I promised, but I did take one hell of a beating throughout that match, and I never lifted a finger to defend myself either! Every kick out that night was a painful confirmation of my adorations! Who else would put themselves though that for you? HMMM!?

Saturday Night Savage - 11/14/2020 Jim Jimson - vs - Ash Quinn - vs - Halocen - vs - Micheal Graves Winner - NOT Michael Graves

Not only did I not win, but I went outta this match first! Though I’ll admit, I should’ve, could’ve, wish I would’ve stuck around this match longer than I did. I took the easy way out and only suffered the shame of the loss and not the pain that should have gone along with it. Shameful? Sure, but necessary to prepare for what I KNEW would come next!

Yous know, that was kinda sweet, though I’s expected a bit more blood. That being said (by the great Left Eye), I’s don’t want no scrub! Expecting a great contract signing on Anarchy before yous win me Internet Title! pic.twitter.com/XVVJOOy5tF — Bobbi London 🇦🇺 (@BigBeautBobbi) November 12, 2020

You see that? Not only is this EXACTLY how things played out in A Knight’s Tale, but this fuckin’ beautiful woman telling me to go win her belt seems to remind me of another famous movie scene.


Win!

My baby wants me to WIN!

Specifically, she said win back her Internet title, but Gravy knows how to treat a lady! Ask for a McDouble and I’ll give you the universe!

That’s right! I’m winning that battle royale at High Stakes and taking the Universal Championship home to mama!

Hey production guy, roll the footage of all my friends talking me up for this match!

New footage overtakes your screen as we catch up to Doc D’Ville backstage at a recent event. Production Guy: Doc! Doctor D’Villie! I’m working on a production video for Micheal Graves. Mind giving your thoughts on him? But Doc doesn’t seem interested and ignores Production Guy. Production Guy: C’mon Doc, give me something! Doc turns around and looks the production guy up and down. "How would I describe Michael Graves in one word? Inscrutable."

We cut back to Gravy in the studio.

What the shit was that!?”

Production Guy: It’s all he would give me, I’m so sorry!

Production Guy throws himself before graves feet and begins to plead for forgiveness.

Inscrutable? What does that even mean!?

Production Guy doesn’t look up from his groveling.

Production Guy: I looked it up! He doesn’t understand you!

Is that all!? Well good job Doc! I am inscrutable! Everyone finds me so inscrutable! I pride myself on how inscrutable I am!

Next clip!

A backstage shot of Atticus White fills the screen. Michael Graves has been nothing less than a bitter disappointment since the day I arrived in the XWF. I actually have very prominent evidence that ratings for Savage go down when he makes an appearance as well as collect information on how our wrestlers seem to decline upon joining BOB. He is like a meth addiction to future stars. Graves is a scar on the new face of XWF which is joining modern times with new ideals and he is a large gaping wound that reminds everyone of the disgusting and rancid filth that used to walk these halls. Quite frankly if I could I'd sign him up for lethal injection but he wears a mask and due to wrestling code I can't fire him or have him arrested until his true identity is revealed... Preferably in some kind of ladder match.

[dwg]What the shit! Why the fuck would you air that!

Production Guy is still groveling at Gravys feet.

Production Guy: “I’M SORRY! I HAD SO LITTLE TO WORK WITH! MOST OF THE PEOPLE I ASKED STOPPED RESPONDING TO ME WHEN I MENTIONED YOUR NAME!

Graves is flaber-fucking-gasted! Why would people not want to help him? He’s a legend! At least an alumni! Number 36 in the XWF Top 50! Graves has been in and out of the XWF for over 2 decades! Does he get no respect!?

Who didn’t respond? He asks through gritted teeth and a twitchy eye.

Production Guy: Shawn Warstein, Raven, Atara, Big D, Thadeus Duke, and well, pretty much everyone you asked!

Deep breath. It’s good to know where you stand.

So those are the only two quotes that you were able to secure?

Production Guy: Well, there’s one more…

Do they talk shit about me?

Production Guy: Uh, no?

Then why would you play that bullshit Attacus spouted if you had an alternative! Play the footage!

XWF Headquarters | Theo’s Office Production Guy: Theo I want to get some quotes on Michael Graves… Theo: Who? Production Guy: Michael Graves. Theo: The guy from those shitty Halloween movies? Production Guy: No the guy who started Ax3 and BOB. Theo: What about Bob? Production Guy: He started it. Theo: Billy Murray? Production Guy: No! Michael Graves. Theo: Yeah not ringing a bell

SON OF A BITCH! FUCK YOU THEO! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO I AM!

Graves kicks the shit out of Production Guy, sending him flying across the room like he got Megaman punched!

These fucking dummies in the XWF are more concerned with trolling me than dealing with the fact that I’m about to be Internet and Universal champion!




Real funny! Real Fucking Funny! You idiots think saying mean things about me or completely blowing Production Guy off is going to break my spirit!?

HA!

You dummies bitter remarks and lack thereof just proves my point!

That point?

All this time the tryhards of the XWF have been all over the airwaves, both over exposing themselves and showing us all just how weak and desperate they really are! Has Beens and Never Wases one and all! Whether it’s Page desperately seeking the singles success that has eluded him since his return, or it’s Corey.DoesAnyoneCareAnymore? Or maybe it’s Corey.Ded, because I thought he was!? Shit, wasn’t Corey dead at the beginning of the story where future alien possessed dead junkie? Now after a further infection.EXE, or whatever the story is, Corey’s back and looking to do it on his own, oh yeah! But is he really on his own!?!

DUN DUN DUUUUMB!

Me? I’m lurking in the shadows. Whatching all you fools make big boasts and laughing at the fact that none of you realise just how big of a joke this match is!

Has Beens and Never Wases, each and every one!

Baphomet? Who cares!

Marf? BARF!

Champ Sportman? Bo didn’t know XWF, and Mongo was a straight joke!

Here see for yourself!



Yep, that’s you! Falling flat on your face!

Thad Duke? 50 to 1! And he’s been trying his sweet little ass off! What an embarrassment!

For everyone else when this fucker wins the whole thing and nets me a cool 500,000 Xbox from my wager with that one shady cat that’s been taking PPV bets the last couple of shows.

Shit! I just realized that I CAN’T WIN!

Graves holds his hands out, bouncing them up and down as he weighs his options.

Universal Championship or 500,000 Xbox?

Well the new Xbox is selling for a grand on eBay, so 500,000 of those fuckers would pull in like a million billion dollars!

Looks like I’m helping my good bowling buddy Thadeus Duke win the Universal championship!

Miss Fury interupted! Not so fast!




Do you not check your email!?

Who the fuck uses email in 2020?!

Fury rolls her eyes. She hates this man. Like, really hates him, but she has continued to tolerate his antics for one reason alone.

THE GOLDEN BUTT POTATO! - It grants a wish, but Graves figured out that keeping it in his colon caused him to gain magical powers!

So with that said, Fury continues.

You are not helping Duke win the battle royale, nor are you going to try and steal it for yourself! BOB has decided that we are going to focus our efforts on helping Barney Green capture the highest honor that this company has to offer an active competitor, the Universal Championship!

What!?! That Clown!!? C'mon Fury, you've gotta be joking!

I'm not! Bobby seems to like him, and I wish to keep Bobby happy, so we help Barney win at High Stakes. Understood?

You do realize that he's the reason that I can't brag about being a former XWF World Champion, right? The title lost all respect because of that dummy! Now when I mention it, I'm always asked, "That belt that Barney brags about winning?" And when I admit that they're one and the same, I get laughed at! I'm tired of getting laughed at! But also, If Barney wins the Universal championship he'll do to it what he did to the World Title!

Miss Fury raises an eyebrow as she smirks like, um... point?

That's. You're. Plan. The realization that Fury is looking to not only pacify Bourbon but also strike a death blow to the companies top championship nearly knocks him off his feet.

And with the top championship tarnished in such a way, the XWF will quickly nosedive, talent will abandon ship, and a bigger blow than I ever could have dreamt, will have been struck towards Vita as I kill the thing that she loves the most!

A smug smile covers Fury's face as she turns to leave.

Wait, I don't want the XWF to die! Why don't I get a say in this!

Oh Gravy, this game is so much more than the physical grab and smash that you're so accustomed to. This is a psychological game, and you're far too dense to play.

Rage burned in Graves eyes as she continued towards the exit.

How dare she cut me out of the decision making, he thought!

Graves then dropped trow, squatted, and began digging in his ass!

Hey Fury!

Fury glanced back to see Graves with the poop covered Golden Potato in hand.

Graves smirked Looks like I just won the mind games!

You wouldn't dare give up all that power!

You can't spell psychological without psycho!

No wait! Fury leaped towards Graves!

I wish that I were the leader of BOB!





Graves opens his eyes. White ceiling. He looks around and determines that he's in a hotel room. Graves sits up on the bed. It's a moment before he sees his reflection in the mirror, but when he does.



Damn Gravy, looks like Shane gave you one of those "Wishmaster" potatoes. You've got your wish Mr. Leader of BOB, but at what cost? Your weiner dummy! Oh man, I wonder if Bobbi swings both ways?

Oh Fuck Me!