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Thaddeus Duke · (11-29-2020)

Illuminatus Compound || Old Saybrook, Connecticut || 11:42 PM

The armored limousine is steered through the front gates of the Compound as Thaddeus continues to swing like a pendulum between sleep and consciousness. I’ve been his best friend for a long time and I don’t really recall seeing him like this. Ever. Decisions he made in Berlin against the Ares Project was against the grain, in a manner of speaking. Entirely unlike him, yet sort of understandable. The man takes his role seriously and when something happens that could have been prepared for but wasn’t, and the result of that is the systematic slaughter of his people, he has a tendency to react in kind. Whether it’s right or wrong isn’t important. Thaddeus Duke will protect his people. He will respond to violence with violence. He will respond to death with more death. Spill his blood, so to speak, like a river… he’ll make an ocean of yours.

Even still, he’s haunted by his actions. He’s entirely remorseful for the orders he gave in Germany. The death of Harold Jenkins by his own hand preys upon his conscience still, despite gaining a sort of closure from what he did by personally delivering Harold’s remains home to his mother. Sleeplessness persists. While it might be true that he deserves to have some sleepless nights, it is without question, horrible to witness. As his subordinate, as his chief of staff, as his brother, as his best friend.

We are not godly people. We do not pray or worship at the feet of some fictitious deity. Yet I pray silent prayers for him. Thaddeus Duke is high strung, emotionally, and he’s never hidden that fact. Every decision he’s ever made, every action he’s ever taken, every man he’s ever had to kill, all of it sits on his shoulders like a lead weight. I do not envy his position yet I admire him all the same.

My only wish for him is that one day he finds inner peace. Peace in a way that his mind rests when its time to rest. That he’ll be free of the prison that was chosen for him by his father and grandfather. Whenever that day comes, if it ever does, I will likely not be here to witness it. I’ve been lying to Thaddeus. Not for any other reason but to protect him from worrying about me and stealing his focus from where it ought to be: loving his family and keeping them safe, and winning this godforsaken war. He “fired” me as his chief of staff not long ago in order to force me to see a doctor. The truth is, I should have gone far sooner. I told him it was a lung infection but the honest truth is that I have terminal cancer.

I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be by his side but you needn’t worry about me. There will come a time when I can’t be there and ultimately a time will come when this world is through with me forever. When I’m gone, that’s what worries me. I’ve always been a sort of conscience for him. When he seeks guidance or needs to sort things out in his mind, it’s me that gives him the honest truth about his decisions and ideas. Good, bad, or indifferent. It’s me that deflects his worst impulses whenever possible. Berlin notwithstanding. I hope this war is concluded before I leave this world because if it isn’t, there’s no one to tell him not to unleash his air force on American soil. An act that, would spell the end of the Illuminatus. He’s considered that option numerous times and I’ve always talked him out of it. He knows the consequences of those actions should he pursue it, yet he feels like even though it’d mean his eventual death at the hands of American forces, it would end the Ares Project once and for all. Thaddeus considers that a viable option.

He facetiously mentions what a tragedy for the world it would be if he didn’t exist. Fact is, it really would be a tragedy if he were to succumb to his worst impulses when I’m no longer able to direct him. The death of Thaddeus Duke would be a stain upon the world for this world does not deserve the goodness or the kindness that comes with his very existence.

Earlier, I mentioned wanting Thad to find inner peace. Nothing gives him anything so close as that more than Francis and Elizabeth. Thaddeus Duke the wrestler, the warrior, the air force pilot… whatever else he is, none of it means anything to him more than being Frankie’s foster dad, or Elizabeth’s boyfriend.

Frankie has been bouncing off the walls with anxious impatience waiting for Thad to return home from Germany. Since Frankie’s arrival in our lives as a permanent fixture months ago, they’ve never been apart more than two days and it’s always for wrestling. This was entirely different. Since we entered Thad’s life we were never separated for reasons of war and that’s a different animal altogether knowing he’s putting his life in danger and one misstep, one failure to launch, one good shot means he’s never coming home again. In all honesty, I’ve never been as scared for anything in my life as I was when Thaddeus told me in the situation room that he was going into battle in Germany. Frankie of course, put on a brave face. If something had happened to him, I’m not sure I would’ve ever forgiven him. Frankie just turned ten and his life has been flipped upside down these last six months and he’s just starting to feel normal again. If Thad would have been taken away from him… I really don’t know what would have happened to Frankie. I can only assume nothing good.

The limo slows to a stop outside the front doors just as I open them up. Frankie bolts through the door in a runners sprint right passed me and jumps into the limo just as Thaddeus opens his door. It really is a cute picture. My two beautiful boys in the warmest of embraces and Thad smiling from ear to ear as the interior lighting of the car reflects off of the tears rolling down his face.

Slowly, I make my way toward the car, not wanting to interrupt this heartwarming scene. After exiting the car, Jim passes by me with a smile as he enters the house. I near the car and Frankie has his death grip hug wrapped around Thad and I can’t help but smile. He notices me and reaches out of the car for my hand and pulls me rather vigorously into the car.

”Baby!” I shout playfully as Frankie and I lie on top of him in the car and he repeatedly kisses my forehead and the side of Frankie’s head, alternating back and forth.

”When did you get home?” he asks as he holds us both tight.

”Around seven,” I answer. While he was gone, he had me get a hotel room away from the Compound, just as a precaution.

”Why are you still up? You have school tomorrow,” he says after a kiss to the top of Frankie’s head.

”I knew you were coming home,” Frankie answers him as he curls up in a ball, his head laid on Thad’s shoulder with his eyes closed. ”Anyway, tomorrow is Saturday, stupid.”

His remark causes a hearty chuckle from Thad.

”Thad...” Frankie says, clearly drifting off to sleep. ”Can we… ride bikes tomorrow?”

”Buddy, absolutely we can.”

”C’mon inside, it’s cold,” I offer as I pry myself off of him and out of the car. ”Want me to take him?” I ask him, referring to Frankie who is fast becoming dead weight as he falls asleep. Thad shakes his head.

”Not even a little bit,” he says as he struggles to sit up in the car. He shifts Frankie to his shoulder and the boy is all too happy to wrap his arms around Thad’s neck and lay his head down on his shoulder.

On the way into the house and the entire journey to the residence on the top floor, we say nothing. With Frankie draped onto his shoulder, I just hold his hand and lean my head against his free shoulder. Upstairs and in the residence, he throws open Frankie’s bedroom door and steps inside. Leaning against the door jam watching him lay Francis in his bed and cover him up, it occurs to me that I’m watching Thaddeus Duke slowly morph from a kind of mentor and best buddy to a ten year old child, to a father. And a damn good one.

Any woman should feel honored and proud to be his wife and mother his eventual children. Despite his affection and love for Garrett, which I totally understand no matter how much I struggle with it, I’m entirely convinced more than ever that he’s the one that’s meant for me. In due time, I will marry this man and mother his children.

”Thad?” Frankie says as he sits up in his bed just as Thad reaches me in the doorway.

He turns to look at the boy.

”I was scared,” he says as he sheds a few tears. His voice cracking beneath his emotion. ”I thought you might die and...”

Thaddeus chokes back his emotion and saunters back over to Frankie and sits on the edge of his bed.

”I was scared too,” he freely admits. ”You know what keeps me alive when I have to do dangerous stuff?” he asks of Frankie as I make my way into the room and stand by Thad’s side. He grabs my hand and gives it a kiss without removing his eyes from Frankie.

”What?”

”You,” he answers. ”And Liz,” he says as he turns to look up at me momentarily before returning his gaze to Frankie. ”I love the two of you more than anything in the world and that’s what I think about. How much I love you and don’t ever want to see you in pain.

“That’s what keeps me safe.”

”B.S.,” he says causing us both to laugh. ”That doesn’t matter when rockets and bullets are pointed at you.”

”No but you’ll have to trust me. I’m pretty good at evading those things with my jet.”

”Until you’re not.”

Silence.

He leans forward and kisses Frankie on the side of his head.

”I don’t want you worrying about that okay? Get some sleep, we’ll talk about it all tomorrow.”

”Okay. I love you.”

”I love you too,” he replies as we make our way to the door. Frankie covers himself back up and Thad switches off his light and he and I head to our bedroom. Just outside our room, he sweeps me up into his arms and with a big smile on his beautiful face, he kisses me before laying me on the bed. After a sort of somersault over me, he lands laterally with his feet hanging off the other side, his head in my lap.

He’s such a kid sometimes.

I can’t help but smile at him as he looks up at me while I stroke his hair.

”Do you want to talk about what happened?” I ask him, referring to the young man he shot in the head.

”Nope,” he answers as he closes his eyes.

”Jim said you haven’t been sleeping.”

He shakes his head, not opening his eyes.

”I canceled your usual wake up call, Baby. You’re getting all the sleep you need tonight.”

”Can’t… Frankie… Gotta ride dirtbikes,” he says as he starts to drift off to sleep.

”He can wait until the afternoon.”

”Okay.”

”Do you want babies of your own some day?” I ask him. I tried to stop myself from bringing it up because I want him to sleep, but I just have to know. His eyes jolt open.

”Of course I do.”

”Shut your eyes,” I tell him, my fingers still running through his locks.

”Okay.”

”I love you, Baby,” I tell him in a hushed whisper causing him to shoot me a smile.

”I love you too,” he grumbles under his breath. At long last, this young, beautiful, amazing man that I fell in love with the moment I met him is getting the sleep he desperately needs. As his girlfriend and one day, his wife, it is my duty to bring him peace when he’s in turmoil. It is a duty I take very seriously. It makes me wonder if I can’t, at least in some way, share him just a little with Garrett. I’m not sure anything would make him feel whole again quite like that.

Have you been paying attention? Has anyone, really? It’s the same old shit being thrown at me from competitor A, B, C, so on. They got a hard on for invoking the fact that my father existed before me.

Yeah, no kidding.

He’s in the Hall of Legends and everything.

My main man, Witness! You speak of my father as if you know him, or as if you ever knew him. Pretend for a minute, that it really does come down to myself and Corey at the end of all this. If you think that my dad would in any way be disappointed that Corey eliminates himself and hands me the win and the Universal title then I promise you, you know very little about my father. He was not a very good guy. He was very bad. Notice my condescension? He was... very good at being very bad so if you think that a tainted Universal title win is anything less than still a Universal title win, then you’re in the wrong line of work.

Leave the asterisks to the internet wrestling fan bois.

That said, when it comes right down to it and if Corey and I really are the last two left, I have faith in my friend. His competitive nature will kick in and he’ll try to win the damn match. Suppose I’m wrong. Suppose for a minute that Corey is there, and I am there and there’s no one else. Let’s say Corey does hop his ass over the top. The bell rings and the referee hands me the Universal title. Highly Suspect is blaring over the PA system and the pyro is popping off.

Yes. I’d be upset with him and he already knows that.

If you think I’d feel like I was anything less than the Universal champion, you’re wrong. If you think that I’d somehow feel like I didn’t deserve it because Corey booted himself, again, you’d be wrong.

There’s a common theme here if you hadn’t noticed. You open your mouth, and whatever you say is entirely wrong.

I already feel I deserve it. The outcome of this match, win or lose, won’t change that.

Before I forget… Doc, you may be my partner but let’s not play the coward card okay? You can make whatever excuses you want for your “L” in that match so long ago, but the fact remains that in the XWF history books, there is an L next to your name and a big fat W next to mine. If you want to do it one on one and find out man, I’m not that hard to find.

Alias my bro.

I think you love me. You’ve spent the majority of your airtime talking about me. As it should be, mind you. So, thanks for in a round about way, agreeing that I’m the one you need to get out of this thing. I know you want to hate me. You want for all the useless drivel you’ve been spewing about me to be true.

It’s not if I ever get my hands on the Universal title. It’s when. It’s an inevitability that sooner or later, I will have what I desire and that is my name in the record books as Universal Champion if for no other reason now, than to make guys like you pound your fists on the table and throw up in your mouth because the flawed, human, mostly good guy did a thing and is on top of the world.

Nah, I’m kidding. I don’t actually give a fuck what you or anyone outside my circle thinks about me. You don’t even know me so I kind of enjoy watching dumbasses do dumbass things and think they got me all figured out. Even I don’t have me figured out so I have my doubts as to whether or not you do considering the only way you know me is through the view of a camera lens.

I don’t know what episode of Warfare in your alternate reality you were watching, but Derrick Diamond definitely said that I do in fact deserve to be the number one contender for making the number one pretender my bitch like I always have and always will. Just facts.

By the way, if you’re counting at home, he’s gone from divide and conquer, which didn’t work. To make Thad jealous, which didn’t work. To some sort of divide and conquer hybrid, but this time focusing more on Corey and questioning why I’m not pushing Corey to do the right thing and fight me when it comes down to him and I. It’s not my responsibility to “push” Corey to do the right thing. As I told Witness, I have faith in him to stand up and fight me. If he doesn’t, that’s on him. Not me.

WAAAAMMMMYYYYYYY!

Stick around for awhile man. One day, you’re gonna shake my hand and think what a god damn pleasure it was to be in the ring with this fuckin’ phenom. You’ll learn that while I may have an ego and a bit of a narcissistic side to me, I’m also every bit as good in that ring as I say I am. I don’t just say it, I prove it.

All.

The.

Time.

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