We all have been slighted or looked over or down upon at some point in our lives. We either get over it and let it pass, or plant it like a seed and let it grow and grow like a weed. Letting it consume you like a virus does no good for anyone. Your singular focus becomes shining as bright as you can in any sliver of the spot light you can. Pushing everything and everyone to the wayside until you achieve your ultimate goal, making everyone who is anyone take notice.

The problem with that is once your final glory is achieved no one is there to bask in the bright lights with you. It's just you and only you. It's all-consuming, all-encompassing, it becomes what you are known for. Not the achievement, but the do anything no matter what swath of dead bodies you leave in your wake.

My whole outlook since stepping through the curtain the very first time against Jenny has been showing em what you can do, soak it all in good or bad, but make sure you get your ultimate goal, whether it is respect you that you crave or the belt around Jenny's waist. It twists and bends you to its will. That lust, that drive becomes your singular focus even making things along the way seem trivial.

I can't live like that anymore. I have to focus on what is in front of me no matter what that may be. It just so happens that in this moment in time I am in a tag match with my rival against two of the better wrestlers on the roster to date. Gilmour and his zombie buddy can not be discounted and pushed away to get to that belt. I have to be on my game, all in, as Jenny has beaten into my skull.

Gilmour, though a good all-around ring presence, hides that behind talk of his junk and a demon girlfriend. It's kind of sleight of hand, a magician's trick. Look at me talking about non-existent shit and not wanting to bother with what's in front of me while I really focus and rip you apart. I honestly can respect that modus operandi except for the simple fact it's just a cry for respect. I know pot meet kettle but it's true search your soul you know it. The whole locker room pokes fun at you laughing behind your back at your incessant obsession with your cock and your piss poor record. Heck, sometimes they rip on you right to your face!

The only thing you can do to make this go away is more of the same. You bring up your past with Jenny and something called Chaos Inc. She is a different person than she used to be. Trust me I have faced her in the ring and she is a monster not just a bitch in heat. You have put yourself in a spot hard to get out of, trust me I've tried since I came here. You and Zombie Boy are in her sights and all I have to say is I pray for you both.

As far as your partner I am still trying to understand him. At first glance, he looks like a Twilight reject. After all, it was just werewolves and vampires in that one, no sparkling zombies. As I look deeper I see his faults too Like your partner you feel the need to tell us how great you and your track record are even though you seem to be just a lurker to me. I don't think I have seen much of you in the ring since I arrived a short time ago. Jenny, having been here since God knows when knows more about you than I do. Whose feet or ass you have kissed blah, blah. In this situation, however, going in with a blank slate seems to be a decent place to come from too. You see I have no predispositions to what you have done in the past. Just what's in front of me and I'm not seeing much, to tell the truth.

What I see you in you I see in Gilly too. I've already talked about it, nothing but a cry for acceptance just like me. All your jibbering is just saying look at me I am here too, don't forget me. The thing about you bud, you are forgettable. After this match who is gonna talk about you. Honestly, no one. Hell, I can't even be bothered to remember your name. I just call you Shiny Zombie Boy. You will be known as having your ass handed to ya by the sexiest tag team in the Fed so there is that.

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I sat on the couch in the psychiatrist's office. I have gone to her for quite a while since my family decided I was shit anyway. She hadn't come in yet and when she is late I get antsy. Whenever anyone is quiet or late I always jump to the worst conclusions. I think they are talking about me and my insecurities. You know no family structure, unyielding need for acceptance, all the good stuff.

The doc finally comes in and we go through the pleasantries. How are you, what have you been up to?

Doc, I came back because after starting this new thing my family cut me off totally and I am still needing acceptance and attention in my life. I feel like all the waving and jumping around I do are just in my head and no one pays me any mind.

She sat thoughtfully sitting, thinking about what I said. Honestly, it's like a broken record I'm sure. Doc help me I suck. I know you do Ash try this, Well doc that blew what else. Today she has me lie back and through a few soft words has me in a hypnotic sleep.

It feels all floaty and weird. I am in a long swirly tunnel and things flash by like little movies. The time I went with Dad Christmas shopping, the time when I stood up to a bully in grade school then again later on. Then came the time I turned to sex and drugs to please an ex or two. So not cool. Then flashes of the band. Bad reviews, claiminf=g a woman fronting a band usually doesn't work out. Crumbling those papers and punching walls.

Finally, I land in a little dark dingy room where a little girl sits huddled in the corner sniffing holding back tears,

What's wrong?? Why are you so sad? Where is your family??

So many questions fired at once. I felt so bad. She got up hugging me.

It's ok it will be alright Ash. Even though you don't know it your parents watch you every week and love you even when you don't see it. The fans appreciate you even though you feel like you are dragging your behind from arena to arena for no reason. Know you are loved, appreciated and on your way to much bigger things.

The little girl squeezed me tight and vanished leaving me in the cold, dusty dark room. I banged on the door tears streaming down my face. Begging to be let out, Begging the doctor to help me understand what just happened.

I came to just as I was yelling at the top of my lungs. In a rush of emotion and vocabulary, I explained what I saw and felt. She asked some questions and said things that made me understand my strange trip just a bit more. Now I have to open up for a bit and learn the lessons from a scared little girl. Hopefully it works