I walked into the gym to get some sparring in with the trainer I had lined up. He said that he wanted to work on submission holds and reversals today. He was putting me in the ring with an older guy to simulate my competition. Of course, there was only one guy because well yeah. I put my bag down and took a long swing of water before I stepped in the ring and faced the older guy. He looked Mexican and had a receding greased back hairline and a little potbelly. He was bouncing off the ropes trying to look intimidating. I had to stifle a laugh, he looked totally out of place.

Alright Ash, this is the closest dude I could get to the guy your facing. I did a little research and let,s just call this guy Ring Rust. I want you to practice some reversals and submissions. Armbars, leg locks camel clutch, and hip tosses, and other things...

I nodded my head and the dude came at me like a crippled goat. I felt bad as we went through the moves. It felt like I was gonna break his hip doing the throws and his legs in the figure four. The trainer told me he could take it though so we went through a handful of other moves until he told me to break it off. The old man was wheezing and bent over but I had barely broken a sweat. I felt so bad but when I went to help him he shooed me away mumbling something about Cuervo and Amy Lee.

I jumped out of the ring taking a swig of my water and packing up loose ends from around my bag. The trainer stopped me before I left telling me that I looked ready to go and have nothing to worry about. I chuckled as I walked out the door shaking my head...

Oh my good lord!! I can't believe the Taco Bell dog is still running his mouth. All I hear is growling and yippy barking. Why don't you just friggin shut your yap and walk away? Every time you come near me all I smell is Ben Gay and denture cream. I will concede a little bit that maybe once awhile ago, before the walker, you may have been good. This fed ain't really an old man's game. Just step out of the way and let the youth take their rightful place. The last title you won was old folks home shuffleboard champ, or maybe last guy to piss himself. I really can't hold back from laughing much longer. It's like laughing at those old people that wear their pants really high. You do it, but you may feel bad afterward. I'm gonna give you the last few hours we have left to hop on your jazzy and get the fuck outta town ol man. I would take me up on it.